Fighting Boys

Does anyone have good advice for siblings who fight alot. I have a 9 and a 7 year old boys. They fight for just about everything. My 9 year old acts like he cant stand his little brother.

I'm the oldest of 3 siblings, all girls.  When we were about the same age as your boys, the fighting was constant...My parents tried alot of different tactics, but we were just horribly mean to each other.  I think it has alot to do with them being so close in age.  I'm now 24 and my youngest sister is 20.  We eventually grew out of it and all are very close now.  Good luck! 

Make sure they don't get rewarded for fighting.  That sounds obvious, but many parents reward fighting without realizing it.  Does the one who screams the loudest get what he wants just because you are tired of listening to it?  Do you intervene in the fights and try to be a peacekeeper?  My mother always said, "It takes two to tangle" and punished all involved parties. With my kids, I just sent them both to their rooms if things got too hissy.  If they fought over something, neither of them got it.  That way they both lose and are encouraged to find more peaceble means to work things out.  It will take a while to change behavior after all this time, but you should make them not want to get you involved.

I have 2 boys - 10 and 12yrs old.  Some days they're best friends and some days they start fighting as soon as they wake up.  There's no pattern to it. Things I've learned:

Number 1 - stay out of it! Unless someone's safety is at risk DO NOT get involved.  Your "refereeing" will never satisfy everybody - somebody's always going to be unhappy and you'll be accused of favouritism.  Let them sort things out - it will happen.

Sometimes they fight to get attention.  Leave the area - walk away, close the door,  go outside, whatever - get away from the battleground.  Show them you won't be drawn into their fight. The game quickly loses its appeal without an audience.

Remind them how lucky they are to have each other. Foster love and tolerance between them. They are each other's "in-house playmate" - not everyone has that.  They'll have alot of friends throughout their lives but, no matter where they are in the world, they'll always be brothers - that's special and beautiful.

I have 3 boys 9,7 and 3.  I can relate to each one of your stories.  The tow oldest fight like cats and dogs one day and the next day they love each other.  I don't get involved unless someone is bleeding or someone is at risk of hurting the other.  They like to try wrestling moves on each other which is a big no no in my house but camp taught them all about wrestling.  My husband always intervenes and gets frustrated so I tell him to stay out of it and they will work it out.  Usually they do and things go back to routine after a while.  One thing I do make sure I put in their heads is that they will always be brothers no matter what and as a family we must stick together and stay united.  Let's c what happens sometimes it makes me think that they hate each other or I am doing something wrong. 

i have a sister three and a half years younger, so kind of similar. my mom used to play word games and "i spy" with us for small prizes or just the pride of winning, but i won all of them, so we started fighting. then she let me make up the questions for my sister, and i had fun doing that (plus i knew that was something my sister wasn't old enough to do) and she always won because no one else was competing. i also made treasure hunts for her around the house which gave my mom some free time. my sister liked winning, and i enjoyed coming up with the games and the satisfaction of knowing only i could do it since i was the older (and i thought cleverer). my mom just had to make sure that whenever actual prizes were involved (little candies, extended bedtimes, etc.) we got equal amounts. in addition, it's important to spend one-on-one time with both your kids. that way they won't feel like they need to fight for attention. one more trick is to get them together on something, like a brother clubhouse or something, that the rest of the family and other friends can't get in on. they might enjoy a fort in the backyard with a secret password and code, maybe a handshake, and some toys, chalk, etc. that sort of thing always brought my sister and i together.

I have tried to stay out of it but my older son can be a little rough so I worry and step right in. My youngest want so much to hang with his brother but the older does not want that he wants his friends to himself, also if the other kids are picking on my youngest my oldest will not stick up for his brother he just kind of lets it happen. I constantly tell them they are brothers for life and that they have to protect eachother, just doesnt work, mainly its my 9 year old he wants to be cool and his little brother is a pest. So stressed ah!

My oldest can get in that mood also.  He picks on his brother and makes my youngest gang up on him also. As the middle child he is always saying he gets it from the big on and the little one.  When it happens like that then I jump right in cause that is not fair.  You know sometimes I think that my oldest is the oldest and needs some space and time for himself but then again I think well they are brothers so they should hang out together.  Double standard I know so I let the oldest do his thing for  while but then he has to play with his brothers.  Not necessarily play but do things with them.  The line about the older one wanting to be kool and the young one being a pest.  I have heard that from my 9 yr old as well.  I tell you they are a trip.  One think I am thankful for is that no matter what they look out after another.  Oh and they are very very competitive.. OH boy!! I just talk to them and let them know that they can't treat each other disrespectfully because they are a team and teams stick together.  Now whether or not they understand that is a different story but I am constantly telling them that... Don't worry things will get better..  so I've heard...