Finally Gained

So I am healthy now. I finally don't look sickly any more and don't get questioned about my eating habits as much by my friends and family. My arms are toned and built, my legs are strong, and my face is fuller. I am active so I did this eating about 2800 calories solid everyday for about 2 months now, but now I'm afraid I can't stop. I don't want to keep gaining weight because I am happy with the weight I am right now and I will finally wear a bathing suit without fearing ridicule. I am terrified of gaining weight in my stomach and hate taking days off of the gym. I am scared that I eat too much now and can't change it. I don't want to go back to obsessing about food and dropping the weight again, but then again, I can't handle packing on any more pounds. I know I'm only 15 and have a crazy metabolism so I should be able to eat 2800 calories without worry, but that's what EDs do to you. (Yes, I finally admitted to myself and my friends that I had an ED.)

Please, someone just help me understand that it's ok or offer me some of your advice since you all are way more sane and stronger than I am.

Well done on getting to a healthy weight.  You probably only need to make minor adjustments to maintain that weight.  Try not counting calories any more but instead easing back on the portion-sizes a little.   If you'd normally have 3 slices of toast for breakfast have 2 instead   Put slightly more vegetables on your plate and slightly less pasta or potatoes.  Have a piece of fruit instead of a cereal bar occasionally.   Eat until you're satisfied.  By not calorie-counting you may be able to avoid that obsessive element that can be a slippery slope.

It's a tricky balance for everyone and it takes a little practice.   At 15 you can't expect your current shape to be fixed because your body is still developing.  So don't be upset if you carry on gaining for a while.  In the meantime, try to find other things to focus on rather than food and exercise... hobbies, socialising, activities, work (?)  If something else is top of mind, food will take more of a back seat... which is really where it should be.

First of all, define healthy weight.

If you're on the borederline of underweight, with a BMI of 20.1, then you are not safe yet. Ideally, you should be above 22. However, because your post reveals that you exercise a lot, you may need to consider a higher BMI to allow for the muscle you have built.

You ARE 15, try to stop calorie-counting. I haven't been able to do it cold turkey, but last time I was on a meal plan I guesstimated portion sizes and roughly guessed (as in: 2 sliced of toast, cheese, coffee, apple; hmm, 400? - and I left it at that) You've prob memorised cals and will be able to estimate better than any nutritionist out (i found this to be true for me!)

I don't know at what rate you gained, and not knowing your starting weight, current weight and pre-ED weight makes it hard to judge.

Not being a qualified professional also means that I can only give you an opinion, and it may not be the right one. Ask yourself what it is you know you should do, and answer that question with uttermost honesty.

Good luck!

varsityfrosh, what's been the rate of your weight gain?  bec it's possible that the weight gain will stop after your metabolism resets.  it's definitely possible that 2800 is maintenance calories for a teenager who's really active.  so i'm just suggesting that you hold off on cutting the calories.  if you do keep gaining weight quickly, i know how scary that can be.  maybe cut the calories by 100 calories a day and see if your gain slows down.  i wouldn't suggest anything below 2500 bec you're physically pushing yourself every day.