I had planned to wait until our trip to the states was over, but we had a fight and were making up and it just felt wrong to make up and leave such a huge thing out there.
I told her all about the co-worker, my feelings and unhappiness in the last few years, and although she was relatively understanding on Friday night, her mood has gotten darker as the weekend has worn on. At one point I found her on the kitchen floor staring at a kitchen knife. She's prone to histrionics, so I doubt she'd really do anything, but I have made an appointment with a counselor. Right now, she doesn't want to go, but I'm going to keep pushing her.
Whether we'll continue living together or separate is still totally up in the air, but we're still going to go on the trip. Please wish us all luck.
As you already know, my best wishes are with you, Udo.
I' ve read your other posts regarding all this, and while I havent commented, I do wish you all the best of luck. I hope things work for you both.
i too have not commented before although i have followed several of your posts. please know that my best wishes are going out to your whole family.
Thanks so much. tonight after the kids went to bed, we had a few drinks and basically cried our eyes out together. She kept apologizing that she had been too distant, and I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault. She had too much and threw up several times.
This is day 3 - I wonder how long it's going to take to get past all this...
I hope the both of you can find a place where you will both find the happiness i'm sure you deserve, whether that be together or apart.
LOL Andy Warhol.
Good luck to you in working through this and coming to an amicable agreement... my thoughts are with you, my friend. Question for you: do you feel any relief that it's finally out there, or do you wish it were still just brewing inside you?
-tw
Original Post by trustwomen:
Good luck to you in working through this and coming to an amicable agreement... my thoughts are with you, my friend. Question for you: do you feel any relief that it's finally out there, or do you wish it were still just brewing inside you?
-tw
Trust, I'm so glad we talked. In a way we have bonded over this more than I ever imagined and discovered what a deep connection we've built over the years. I don't know where we'll end up, but I have no regrets about telling her sooner rather than later. I think I would have regretted it much more if I just took off one day out of the blue.
Original Post by udokier:
Original Post by trustwomen:
Good luck to you in working through this and coming to an amicable agreement... my thoughts are with you, my friend. Question for you: do you feel any relief that it's finally out there, or do you wish it were still just brewing inside you?
-tw
Trust, I'm so glad we talked. In a way we have bonded over this more than I ever imagined and discovered what a deep connection we've built over the years. I don't know where we'll end up, but I have no regrets about telling her sooner rather than later. I think I would have regretted it much more if I just took off one day out of the blue.
Very interesting. Something to mull over. (You know why).
Good luck to both of you.
I'm glad to see an update from you. I was starting to worry a bit about you, but it sounds like you're doing just fine.
Original Post by cellulitedelight:
I'm glad to see an update from you. I was starting to worry a bit about you, but it sounds like you're doing just fine.
Thanks CD (and everyone else), last night was the hardest I ever remember crying, but yeah, I'm basically okay. I'm more worried about her. We both drank last night, she had too much and threw up, and has been throwing up all day. She blames herself for being so distant, sexually and otherwise. I have kept telling her it's not her fault, but she's not hearing me.
She has a lot of sexual hangups, she told me today that it might be because when she was about 11 years old, some weird man in the park made her touch him. People in Japan simply don't talk about these things much less seek therapy. I guess all I can do is love her the best I can until she hopefully recovers. I know this is horrible to say, but this has been the pattern of the whole marriage - drama followed by excessive sickness. I'm so tired of it. I know I've put her through a very big shock and need to be supportive, but even part of my crying last night was exasperation with her endless drama (yesterday I found her on the kitchen floor staring at a kitchen knife). (sigh) Maybe that's why I was so attracted to my co-worker - the idea of being with someone that I didn't need to always put back together again and could just be happy with seemed so wonderful...
Best best best of luck with this Udo. It will get much worse before it gets better. Just try and be kind through it all and don't forget to really be there for your kids.
I'm really glad you finally decided to tell her. Now that you've got that behind you, the pair of you can begin to heal. It might seem like she's worse no, but I'm really sure that once she has a chance to come to grips with things, she'll feel much better. She must have been sensing that things are wrong and have been for quite some time, and now at least she knows and she'll figure out she couldn't have done something to fix this. I think the shock will wear off and she will be able to handle this now that she knows the problem. Try to be there for her and help her get to where she can accept this and learn to move on. From what you've said, this may take some time, but it will be worth it. Good luck to both of you!
-hugs- I really hope things work out the best for both of you...I hope the counselor you're going to see is able to be objective and see both sides, and help you both find the right way to live your lives that's going to make both of you happy (not just one or the other).
You both deserve happiness, and from all your posts, that's not romantically with each other. I don't think there's anything wrong with that either :) Good luck! Keep us all in the loop, we're routing for you from half way across the world here in California :D
Original Post by nasuoni:
-hugs- I really hope things work out the best for both of you...I hope the counselor you're going to see is able to be objective and see both sides, and help you both find the right way to live your lives that's going to make both of you happy (not just one or the other).
You both deserve happiness, and from all your posts, that's not romantically with each other. I don't think there's anything wrong with that either :) Good luck! Keep us all in the loop, we're routing for you from half way across the world here in California :D
Thanks nasu, I made the appointment, but she's been balking at going. Hopefully, I can convince her...
Interestingly enough, on Sunday night, we had some drinks and ended up crying in each other's arms for a long time and really bonded over this. In fact I think we both felt closer than we have in years. We do still have a much deeper connection than I realized. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought, but I'm pretty sure we can't work as a traditional marriage anymore.
I guess it'll take quite a while to get things hashed out.
just keep talking...about what you both want...an open marriage? living apart? being divorced but living together? whatever works for you, works...plain and simple. Don't throw out any option until you have talked about it with eachother
just whatever you do...be respectful and be safe...and from all you are saying you are
