How do you find motivation?

Hello everyone

I'm a 35 year old male weighing in at 325 pounds. I'm married with three kids, none of which have the weight issues that I have.

I'm struggling to find motivation. I know what I need to do. I've read tons of books on health and nutrition. I have a gym membership and have done about 10 sessions with a personal trainer. I started out with a good excersise and meal plan, but after a few weeks or so, I fall off the wagon. And getting back on it has been tough.

I don't get a whole lot of support from my family. Since they don't have the weight issue that I do, they aren't very interested in changing the whole family's meal plan, which makes it very hard. Who wants to cook two separate meals and grocery shop for two different lifestyles. This makes it incredibly hard to stay focused on myself.

How do you keep yourself motivated? And what can I do to stay focused?

 

That sounds really hard.  I have six other people in my family, all of whom are skinnies and eat whatever they want, including ice cream and chocolate, my favorites :(, so I know what you're talking about.   I know that my best motivation ever was not to have a 'diet' mentality, but a 'lifestyle change' mentality--that way it's not just something I do for a few weeks, but that it's the way I am for the rest of my life.  Also, do you reward yourself with something other than food for losing weight, like a good book or some personal time?

I know that my best motivator is that whenever I'm about to not exercise, or eat right, I picture myself at my weight loss goal and how skinny I'll be, then compare it with my fattest, and then try to decide, 'is this really worth it?'

Hope that helps!

I got motivated when working with a physical therapist who had to teach me how to use my shoulder again and I found out that I could not put my arm in the right position because there is this "blob" of arm where my arm should be. It's on my body AND on my arm.... so my arm fall either to the back or to the front which is both painful. So I need to get rid of that fat to be pain free.

I don't know how it happened but suddenly I got scared of getting diabetes. I've heard of it for years and doctors have warned me that I would get it if I would go on like this. But nothing really happened. Until I suddenly thought that I might get sick if I didnt'change anything.

What you might think of what the real reason is of quiting your program. Are you afraid of losing your protective fat? Afraid of getting thin? What is the real reason why you gained weight in the first place? There is often an emotional reason behind it. If you find that one and focus on that then you know when you are manipulating yourself. At least that's how it works for me.

I guess that's helping me this time. Hope it will be a good time.

Jolanda

Wow,  thanks for the quick replies!   I'm pretty new to this website but I'm really starting to love it.

 I don't look at it as a diet thing,  I know it has to be a complete lifestyle change.   My mother died at the age of 54 from congestive heart failure.   She lived her entire life not taking care of herself.   If I don't change my ways,  that could be me.

The temptations are always in my house.   Ice cream,  cookies,  junk food.  I would rather none of that be in the house.  The rest of my family just doesn't agree.  I should just be able to avoid it.   Well,  true.   But if you dangle an earthworm in front of a fish eventually he'll bite.   Same with me.   Dangle those donuts and I'm hooked.

Each day I wake up and say "ok,  today is the day everything changes"  That lasts until breakfast time.  And I just say and say I'll start again tomorrow.   Each day the same thing.  

As far as the real reason I keep quitting the program.   I'm not sure.  I would love to have more support from my family.  Someone who is coming to the gym with me.  Someone who is there pushing me every day.   I know that I need to do this for myself.  What I'm struggling with is doing it by myself. 

 

 

I finally just decided I wanted it badly enough, and began to make sustainable changes. Now, even when I go 'off' and indulge, I always go back to normal, which is healthy eating. It's just habit now. Once you get to that point, it's much, much easier.

If you can't get support from your family, why not look outside that circle? Look for friends or co-workers that might like to join you--or perhaps someone on here lives near you, and you can team up. Have you tried talking to your family about how important their support is to you? Have you told them about the health risks that you're trying to avoid, and how your being healthy will benefit everyone? Sometimes people need a little kick in the pants to stop being selfish.

Motivation?

1. Do it for yourself

2. Do it for your wife

3. Do it for your children

Do it because you want to get your life back. Think of all the stuff you'll miss out on with your children if you don't get your weight issue fixed. As a healthy adult you'll be pressed to keep up never mind if your trying to keep up with an extra 100 pounds on you!

Excerise will make you feel better. Talk with your doctor and get started. A daily walk with the wife to just talk could be a good thing in more ways than one. Drink a lot of water, eat in moderation and increase your activity level. Think about the fact you were successful for a few weeks. That means your very capable of making the change you want and need to make.

I was at 406 when I started. I waited longer than I should have. I'd love to be at 325 where you are because right now I'm at 337. I'm a food addicit but rest assured if I can make my mind up to do things and get weight off ANY ONE that really wants to can make their mind up and do it!

I've come to understand beating the weight problem is just about eating too much for me. The REAL QUESTION is am I strong enough to deal with life's pressure without having to woof down 50 chicken wings to calm down and deal with the days stress. After I started excerising and feeling good about me I realized I am a STRONG person that can deal with anything if I make my mind up.

Being around strong people that have over come is The Key motivator for me. That isn't always family. May be you have a friend that dealt with a hard issue in his or her life. Listen to that person if they are willing to talk. I know I found my critical mass of will power to make myself change after listening to a friend talk about her childhood. It was horrific but she faced down dragons that would melt a lesser person. She inspires by example. Success inspires success. The success doesn't have to be with the same problem to inspire.

Step up and slay your dragon one fork full at a time...

Trainwreck said it so good: do it for you. Try not to ask it from your family members because you might be left with expectations that are not filled. That would wreck your relationship with them.

Instead you can post a message on craigs list (I don't know exactly what its called - I'm from Holland) for a workout buddy.

Also a day is not lost after a bad start..... tell yourself: I jusst had a bad 15 minutes and then start over again. Log it all and you will find that your days will have less and less bad moments. Caving is just a bad habit and you have to give yourself time to get rid of the bad moments. But caving probably happens because your blood sugar lvels are not normalized yet. By the time they are (and you'll need a couple of days or walking around the house with your eyes and nose closed you will find that the cravings will become less.

But most of all: find your own buddies and work with them. Families can be a bit of a downer when it comes down to it. Just show them first that you're serious about it.

Jolanda

I think you are already motivated!

You want to lose weight.

You want to get healthier.

You have a wife and children who love you and need you.

You have a gym membership.

You've studied up on nutrition and healthy eating.

I think all you need to do now is START. But perhaps you need to first call a family meeting, and explain that you need the whole family to support and help you... which means that EVERYONE will be eating healthier.  Get your wife on board to stop buying junk food (which can't be good for her or the kids, even if they don't have weight issues), and switch instead to healthier foods. If  necessary, go shoppping as a couple, and do meal planning together. And you may even need to share the cooking tasks.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

=^..^= MOLLY

I am best motivated by results. I measure what I eat and weigh myself almost every day. I write down all calories, or I own that it is my responsibility if I haven't.  I fall off, but I shrug my shoulders and get back on. The victory is in the determination to not give up, to try again and again.

This is a game of inches, deep, or rather ounces. :)

Keep fighting, resist the urge to fall off, if you do, get back on. The key is to not give up. It will happen for you.

Just keep fighting.

I can certainly understand not wanting to cook two meals and not being able to resist certain foods.  I have a house mate who has a ton of junk food in the refrigerator and the freezer...the good stuff, too and she won't mind at all if I help myself. 

What I do is tell myself that anything of hers that I eat I have to replace as soon as possible.  If I want that ice cream, I have to go to the store and buy her a replacement, this usually keeps me out of her stuff.  Can you compromise with your family, find the flavors that you don't like and they do and ask them to only buy those?

As for me, I make sure that I have ice cream in the freezer if I really want it, it's just not the super good kind.  I buy soy ice cream and raspberry sorbet which while I like I don't like so much that I want it everyday or even every week.  When I'm at the store, I already have ice cream at home so I don't buy it.  Every few months I'll buy a 1/2 gallon of the good stuff (Dryer's cookie dough or something similar) and I end up eating it within a week or weekend so I'm just working on not buying it. 

Cooking two meals is harder, but sometimes you can do it by just adding ingredients to make theirs more to their taste.  Hamburgers, you have 1/2 the bun, twice the veggies, skip the mayo and cheese...for the fries, make the oven baked kind and you'll be in better shape.  Pizza, get the frozen kinds and you can make one for everyone, cook a pound of veggies to aid in the nutritional department.

There are a lot of ways to make your dish as only a slight variation of theirs.

Good things to keep on hand are veggie burgers (there's a ton of varieties and they make a great snack), low carb tortillas, non fat yogurt, cereal (fiber one or kashi), protein bars, frozen veggies, frozen seafood, tofu. 

Jcbolt is correct -- if you do happen to made a bad choice at one meal, the entire day is not ruined. You can still eat according to plan the rest of the day.

Also, you don't mention how much you've restricted your calories. I say that only because you want your changes to be ones you can sustain without feeling deprived and like you are living in what a friend of mine calls Blandsville for food. So make sure your calorie budget is adequate for your needs while allowing for a healthy drop in weight.

Find the small versions of the treats you like. I mention it pretty frequently but one of my favorite treats is a Dove miniature ice cream bar. For 59 calories, I get premium ice cream and that famous Dove chocolate. Of course the key is to eat just the one, but seriously you'll be amazed at how satisfying it can be to have that yummy treat.

I once got one of our big dinner platters and when I lost a pound I'd put a pound worth of rocks on this platter.  I'd keep it on the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator.  When the rocks piled up and started falling off.  I'd start again.  Maybe I'll start again since this was a while ago and I could use some extra motivation right now before Xmas. 

Good luck!

I agree that putting expectations on your family is generally not a great idea.... but this is your life on the line... about 30 years of it. I think you need to get your wife on board, and not give your kids a choice. My dad didn't believe in sugary cereals so we didn't  have them. End of story. And I was better off for it then and now. Your kids have half your genes. They'll be dealing with the same issues when they are 35.

Downdeep:

Being of similar age and weight (35 and was 302), I can empathize.  I have now lost 45 pounds and now weigh in at 257.  I still have a long way to go, but I am on the right path.

Back to you though.  Motivation is a complex thing and is different for each person.  My motivation is my wedding picture, my kids pictures and the mirror.  I just did not like the person I was becoming.  I finally decided that today was the day.  Boy was I wrong.  I tried to cut out EVERYTHING that was bad all at once.  That did not work for me.  A few weeks later I tried a new approach.  The first thing I cut out was caffeeine.  This meant no Coke or Pepsi or anything.  That in and of itself made a huge difference.  I told myself that the only liquids to pass my lips would be water (and lots of it) and vegetable juices.

First change done.  The next thing was to cut out fried foods.  Since I work in a restaurant, this was not an easy task.  There are always fried foods around.  I stuck to my guns and got past that.  At this point my motivation changed.  My motivation became alot more about the mirror than anything.  I liked the changs in my body.  I liked when people asked if I was losing weight.  i was proud to say YES, I have lost XX pounds SO FAR!!!!.

The next change I incorporated was probably the toughest.  I decided to cut out sweets.  Like you we typically have sweets and snacks all through the house.  Did I go through and get rid of all of them.  No.  I simply worked with my wife to move things around so they are all in the same cabinet.  I simply stayed away from that cabinet.  I know, easier said than done.  Dont get me wrong I am not saying it was easy, but if i found myself wanting to go into that cabinet, I thought back to the old me.  I would tell myself, you dont need that stuff.  

The last change I made was to really start excercising.  I began walking and now am up to 3.5-4 miles each morning.  I get up early and walk.  By making myself get up each morning, it helps me throughout the day with eating.  If I find myself thinking of eating something bad, I tell myself, what is the point of getting up early and walking if you are going to blow it by eating crap.

Once you get going on this new lifestyle, all the food distractions in your house become much easier ot deal with (at least for me).  My biggest triumph to date was Halloween night.  My 8 year old came home, dumped all of her candy on the floor and started to sort it.  She had the Nestle crunches over there and the Resse's PBC's here.  She then asked me if I wanted some.  The old me woudl have said, yeah throw me a few things.  The new me SOOOOOO wanted to eat all of that candy, but I politly said no and explained to her why.  i said, Daddy is not eating candy so i can lose weight and be healthier.  She said "Thats good" and went about her night.

What i can say is this.  Motivation needs to start from inside.  Anything else you use only helps to reinforce that internal motivation.

Good luck and we are all here for you. 

 

Sounds like we all could learn a lot from you downdeep.  Thanks for sharing your process.  Stay motivated.  :)

downdeep,

That does sound like a difficult situation. Sometimes we just have to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Even if that means making your own meals. I don't know if that's feasable for you or not and might be too hard in your situation. You said it 'You know what you need to do'  and you need to do what that is to take care of yourself. No one can do it for us and no one will ever be as good to your body as you.

I have been in the same boat as far as being on a plan then falling off after a few weeks. I have been to WW many times and done Atkins and so on and so on. Ultimately I have come to realize that this is something I have to do and be consistent with it. I'm not always consistent if you read my prior postings like last night I ate over 2500 calories when my limit is 1700. I kicked myself but i'm back on track today. Some of the things that help is planning the entire days meals and snacks out ahead of time. Then you know if you deviate from it you are going overboard. The other thing that really helps that I use to hear time and time again but didn't pay real attention to is drinking lots of water.

You can bet back on track and calorie count is such a wonderful tool to help with that. I wish you the best!

 

 

Original Post by songchild:

I once got one of our big dinner platters and when I lost a pound I'd put a pound worth of rocks on this platter.  I'd keep it on the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator.  When the rocks piled up and started falling off.  I'd start again.  Maybe I'll start again since this was a while ago and I could use some extra motivation right now before Xmas. 

Good luck!

 

That is such a great suggestion! I just love it! I'm always looking for examples to express the amount I've lost in "real life". Thank you so much!

<hmmmm and now find 10 pounds of rocks....>

I created a mental picture of how I wanted my body to look.  I tried every diet imaginable until I found a plan which actually started showing results.  Every time someone mentioned how good I looked, it made me want it more.  The more I lost, the more dedicated I became.  Think of how happy you/family will be once you reach your goal.  

 

Wow, you guys are really great! Thanks for all the replies.

My wife and I both work. She is a 7th grade teacher. I'm a production supervisor at a manufacturing plant. Each of us have about a 25 mile one way commute to and from work. When we get home, it's homework with the kids, soccer practice and then dinner. By then, we are exhausted and just want some time to sit and rest. I'm sure most of you working parents out there know that feeling. Dinner ends up being something quick on most nights and lets face it, most quick dinners are never really planned out ahead of time so the options for us usually involve junk. Which is never good.

I grew up i a pretty overweight family. And like someone said here, my kids will just be dealing with the same problems when they are my age. My mother died at the age of 54 from congestive heart failure which her doctor attributed to her being so overweight and years of drinking and smoking, so family history does put a bit of a fright into me.

I have tons of reasons to be motivated. I know what I need to do, I know how I need to do it. It would be much easier with some solid support at home, and in some ways I keep thinking that if I wait long enough they'll jump on board and give me that push I need. But I'm starting to see that If I don't take that leap by myself I may be waiting a while.

Thanks for all the support and tips. You guys are excellent!!

 

My motivations come from

1) looking at pictures of myself when I was 12... I was skinny back then and, not gonna lie, had great legs!!

2) anything with fashion, let it be magazines (my fav is ELLE and Lucky), models(Morgane Dubléd!), or clothing (Juicy Couture and Victoria's Secret PINK are my reasons for living), I find that I'm more renewed in my resolution to lose weight after watching VS fashion shows than anything!

I was just wondering.   Have any of you tried to do the national body challenge with your families?

I'm thinking this might be a good way to drag them on board with me.