First real boyfriend and I'm so nervous/paranoid; advice?

When I say real I don't mean all my other boyfriends were make-believe of course, I mean this is my first relationship that I've been mature enough to really work at. At 17, I'm not sure if this means I'm behind everyone else but I guess we all have to start somewhere.

Anyway, part of my problem is the fact that my boyfriend is rather infamous for his lack of organisational skills and I mean he just doesn't think to say "oh, let's do this on such and such day..." those kind of things. I know he doesn't mean any harm by not doing this he's always been like that but I can't help feeling paranoid that maybe he's just not as into the relationship as I am.

When we are together he's really affectionate and although we're both a bit shy and so taking things slow he is really sweet with me.

I don't know if this is normal to feel for the first few weeks of a first relationship? I really wish he'd start putting a bit more thought into things cos I'm a bit tired of always being the one suggesting stuff (I think it makes me look clingy).

Does anyone have similar stories or any advice to help calm me down a bit?

Thank you in advance

Original Post by littleschrei:

I don't know if this is normal to feel for the first few weeks of a new and first serious relationship?

I'm going to be honest here.  if you two have only been dating for a couple of weeks..... how do you classify it as "serious" without letting more time lapse to see how things feel?

I think the first couple of weeks ARE suppose to be the period where you're all nervous and have those tinglys.

I've never considered someone that I dated for a couple of weeks "serious".... erm... otherwise I'd have had TONS of "serious" relationships, especially at 17.  at that age, a couple of weeks feel like MONTHS.  but the reality is, a couple of weeks really isn't long at all

let the couple of weeks ride out.  let him experience his nervousness and butterflies.  it's normal (in my opinion).  you may have gotten passed that stage, but he maybe he hasn't.

I see your point I should have made it more clear.

I meant that it's the first relationship that I've ever wanted to really work out, cos before I wasn't really mature enough to see a relationship last more than a few days.

I'll change it : )

And thank you

ok.  I see what you're saying.  he's the first guy that you're actually "serious" about.... as appose to the 'other' guys you've dated, which you 'liked' but, meh... nothing big.

I think I'm going to stand by what I first said about it being normal for the first couple of weeks for one person to take a little more initiative.   if not... then you guys wouldn't go ANYWHERE, lol.  

way to step it up though  :D   good job.  I think that eventually, after more time passes... he'll gain a little more confidence and start suggesting things.

Haven't you ever dated someone... and just been SO nervous around him that you'd stumble over yourself?  maybe that's how he is with you at the moment.  like i said... I'd just let a little more time go by and see what happens from there.   I wouldn't be paranoid though.  i'm sure it has nothing to do with him not being into you.  I think he's just nervous and probably likes you a lot.  Are you the first person he's "serious" about also?

*****edited to add..................i don't know what happened to the last part of my post, but I just retyped it (bolded part)

**quickly redefines relationship to include a couple of days**

Clearly your interest and this guys interest has lasted beyond a couple of days.  See how you like him and his style and where you might be willing to revise your expectations to match his style.  He should be doing the same.  If you want him to plan more, let him know, men aren't mind readers.  He might be worried that if he tries planning too far in advance he'll run you off.  If he doesn't want to plan farther in advance or come up with ideas you might not want to keep hanging out with him, but you won't know that that's your only option with him unless you talk to him.

It's only been a few weeks and you're already posting to anonymous people on a message board about your concerns?

You're doomed.

I think people are being quite mean here. Being worried about a relationship that you would like to make work for a longer period of time is normal.

My biggest piece of advice would be DON'T WORRY! :) Just be yourself, and if you are a person who wants to do things then ask if you can do them! :)

If you can see the relationship working, maybe voice your concenrsn to him (in a mild way!) in a week or so.

Relationships (good ones) are based on honesty and trust, and if you want to make this relationship work long term, then you should try and introduce these things early on. Just pick an appropriate calm situation to talk things over :) If hes as serious about the relationships potential as you are then he should understand.

As for the comment about voicing your concerns to strangers. I think that was quite a petty and childish comment. It is easier to talk to people who are detatched from your life about things that are potentially embaressing and cringeworthy :)

Also, don't worry about being 17, it is not too late to have this. My first similar relationship was at 14, I tried to grow up too quick and it went horribly wrong. Maturity is important. I met my partner when I was 17 too... so I wish you luck!

Thank you : ) That's made me feel a lot better haha, Yeah I just ignore the petty comments I assumed I'd get a few at least but you're right about asking people detached from your life; i felt a lot more comfortable doing that than speaking to people who knew us both. Thank you again

I agree with Myoelastic, honesty trust , and a bit of give and take .

Talk things over , its the best way!

My Husband and i have been together since he was 17 and i was 20 we were both shy and nervous but we have grown together.

P.s Myoelastic is my daughter!

Original Post by myoelastic:

I think people are being quite mean here. Being worried about a relationship that you would like to make work for a longer period of time is normal.

My biggest piece of advice would be DON'T WORRY! :) Just be yourself, and if you are a person who wants to do things then ask if you can do them! :)

If you can see the relationship working, maybe voice your concenrsn to him (in a mild way!) in a week or so.

Relationships (good ones) are based on honesty and trust, and if you want to make this relationship work long term, then you should try and introduce these things early on. Just pick an appropriate calm situation to talk things over :) If hes as serious about the relationships potential as you are then he should understand.

As for the comment about voicing your concerns to strangers. I think that was quite a petty and childish comment. It is easier to talk to people who are detatched from your life about things that are potentially embaressing and cringeworthy :)

Also, don't worry about being 17, it is not too late to have this. My first similar relationship was at 14, I tried to grow up too quick and it went horribly wrong. Maturity is important. I met my partner when I was 17 too... so I wish you luck!

Absolute ditto :)


I think the ppl's comments here are extremely rude and actually very childish to say the least.
How dare anyone judge another's concerns as big or small.
I'm glad that you reached out to us - - and I know for a fact it is alot easier being brutally honest with ppl you have never met.
Also there is a wider cross-section of ppl on here so hopefully one would expect some decent advice as since obviously all these ppl have had just SO many experiences to pull from!! haha!
man this makes me laugh.

gewd on you for shrugging off the stuff that should be shrugged off :)

I agree absolutely with the positive advice given here.
Communication communication communication.
We can all learn at all times. We just need to be pointed/guided in a better direction sometimes; as long as you do it with the others persons feelings in mind - You will have a sure winner for ALL future relationships!
Best of everything to you!
oxo