Five Ways Dieters Sabotage Themselves
By Diane Petrella, MSW
Weight loss is challenging enough without getting in your own way. Learn to stop self-sabotage and take charge! Here are five common pitfalls and how to overcome them.
Self-Sabotage #1: You disregard the power of your thoughts and think weight loss happens only through physical effort.
We're conditioned to believe that releasing weight is only about diet and exercise. Of course, that's important. But the thoughts in your mind are just as important as the calories you consume.
Solution: Discover what limiting beliefs hold you back. If you're not sure, listen to your self-talk and how you speak to and react to others. Become aware of fears or doubts that hinder your progress. Learn new strategies to empower yourself with encouraging words.
Self-Sabotage #2: Instead of focusing on your goal, you dwell on being overweight.
Until you shift negative attention away from your current weight, and focus on where you're going, you'll remain stuck. Criticizing yourself keeps you attached to what you don't want. It's like trying to drive forward in your car while still in "park." You're not going anywhere.
Solution: To keep the image of your goal in mind, regularly practice visualization. This helps you create the feeling of excited anticipation of having the body you desire. This new mental model of success gently guides you towards your goal.
Self-Sabotage #3. You punish yourself for setbacks instead of moving on.
Every path to dieting success has its ups and downs. What you perceive as a setback stops your progress only when you think it does.
Solution: Be gentle with yourself. You will make huge strides when you simply say "I'll make a different choice next time" and let it go. Practice self-forgiveness. When you release shame and guilt, minor slips become meaningless.
Self-Sabotage #4: You want to change your body, but don't accept it as it is now.
It may seem strange to think of accepting a body you want to change. But, ironically, what we resist, persists. Remaining at war with your body keeps you stuck and keeps weight on. Being at peace isn't about accepting excess weight, it's about accepting yourself.
Solution: Give your body a daily gift. In doing so you're honoring yourself, and your body. Your gift could be a ten-minute walk, a glass of water, or lotion on your hands. By consciously offering your body daily devotion you're creating a pathway to self-acceptance and self-love.
Self-Sabotage #5: You become discouraged when you don't see immediate results.
Permanent weight loss takes time. Patience is necessary to emotionally grow into the new person you're becoming. Allow inner transformation to happen along with the outer change of reducing pounds. One reason yo-yo dieting is so common is that weight is released but self-sabotaging thoughts are not.
Solution: Even when you don't see visible results, have faith. You are making progress. Recognize that your tendency to find evidence of failure is your fear-based mind trying to discourage you. Hold faith in your heart. Just because you haven't reached your goal yet doesn't mean you won't. You will.
Your thoughts...
How will you stop sabotaging yourself and move forward?
Diane Petrella, MSW is a psychotherapist and life coach. She offers her clients a spiritual approach to weight loss and helps them develop a loving, respectful relationship with their bodies. Receive a free copy of Diane’s Seven Easy & Effortless Weight Loss Secrets by signing up for her free monthly e-newsletter, Living Lightly, for spiritual insights and tips to release weight with confidence and love. To contact Diane directly visit: www.dianepetrella.com
Comments
My self sabotage comes from my reaction to others. I do really well calorie count, exercise regularly, moderate my alcoholic intake and feel good about myself. Then something happens outwith my control that belittles my self worth and I take control of my weight unfortunately by the quickest means possible and that is to take in extra calories and to try and counter the feeling of low esteem I spend longer hours in the office or sitting doing something sedanteary with my sleepy child. I know exercise gives me endorphins but so does cuddles, chocolate and clearing my in tray. So I pick my self up and start again. my weight constantly fluctuates within a stone which is 2 stone too much! There is no feeling of Yo in yoyo dieting.
I've only been dieting/exercising for almost two weeks now but CC always has great tools to keep me from wanting to just stop. These articles are great btw.
I like this article too- it offers a positive way of looking at the process of trying to lose pounds. I agree that we have to love ourselves as we are & be thankful for healthy vibrant bodies that allow us to move freely in this world. Seeing friends with debilitating physical conditions has made me appreciative of my fully functioning body that takes me where I want to go & mostly does what I ask of it. The rest is ribbons on the package. And to Lindsay, congrats on the good things you are doing for yourself! Sounds like you are a loving mother who cares for herself as well. Sounds also like the main helpful change you could make would be interupting those long hours at your desk with some physical activity. Don't know what your office is like, but I have a friend who keeps small hand weights under her desk & does a little 5 min set when she takes a work break. Good luck!
My form of self sabotages are the desire to need someone's approval. Like if my Husband doesnt immediatly notice that I have lost 5 pounds I eat like the world is running out of food tomorrow. With the though process of if he doesnt notice who else would. And then if I eat something off, then instead of just getting over it I would eat an entire pizza or something and just be filled with so much self loathing that I would give up all together.
Great article! I think I do all of these. I can do great watching what I eat, exercising, etc and not lose any weight for days. If I eat one small piece of wedding cake, I'll gain 3 pounds. Of course I get discouraged.
I wish there would have been expanded information about overcoming the self-sabotage. A couple sentences on the solution isn't enough for me.
Great advice.... You've got to love yourself as you are....focus on where you want to be and move toward it.
My self-sabotage is "what I don't acknowledge doesn't count" -- looking in the mirror, standing on the scale, keeping a food log...
To get past that thinking, I re-frame my approach to "I need accurate data to make the best choices. "
That gets me to keep food and weight logs, and as long as I do that, I don't binge.
I'm all about the being empowered to make good choices, and I heartily agree with the positive approach of this article!
BTW it is not just about losing. I'm maintaining now, but working just as diligently as when I was in weight-loss mode. The difference is that once you make the mindset change the author speaks of, the process is one of a life-discipline that feels "right" -- a positive and comfortable process, not a burden.
I am a "wierd" self sabotager, when people give me compliments I start thinking things like "well I must be skinnier than I think" or "I must look pretty darn good at this weight, why not stay here" but I never do, I start eating cookies and drinking like 3-5 sodas a day plus my meals healthy or not that all adds up and I put on the pounds...
But my biggest problem is accepting my new body, I have never been below 150, until now. I would always self sabotage whenever I would get close to being under 150 I would go under...I never understood why, until now. I was scared of being beautiful, I was scared of being skinny. But now I weigh in at 138 and I can't wait to get to my goal weight of 120 ;)
Original Post by: bkmp66Great article! I think I do all of these. I can do great watching what I eat, exercising, etc and not lose any weight for days. If I eat one small piece of wedding cake, I'll gain 3 pounds. Of course I get discouraged.
I wish there would have been expanded information about overcoming the self-sabotage. A couple sentences on the solution isn't enough for me.
Thanks everyone for your comments!
Dear bkmp66 - I agree with you and understand that expanded information about overcoming self-sabotage would be helpful. For articles like this, however, space needs to be limited and that is why I linked to other articles that expand on some of the concepts I mention. The intention of this article is to highlight these five common themes to help point readers in a direction for further personal exploration.
Warmly,
Diane
Love the article but have a hard time putting the good advice into practice. Here's an example:
My first husband was abusive both physically and mentally, at the end of this month our daughter graduates and I will have to see him in a social environment for the first time in 18 years. I have been doing well up until I learned he would be there as well and has just split with his second wife for behaving in exactly the same way to her as he did to me (I always thought it was me that caused him to behave the way he did)
I have moved on I have a fantastic new husband, he is also my best friend, he will be with me when we see the ex so I don't have to face him alone; my reaction is not to continue with the diet and look my best but to eat like there's no tomorrow, because I am scared, angry and apprehensive about what will happen when we meet in public again. His favourite term of endearment to me was 'You stupid fat cow' so why am I eating more to fulfill his label? I don't understand I wish I did.
This kind of stuff has never made any sense to me. You're worried about being overweight so you... eat more? That should make you eat less.
Original Post by: roslLove the article but have a hard time putting the good advice into practice. Here's an example:
My first husband was abusive both physically and mentally, at the end of this month our daughter graduates and I will have to see him in a social environment for the first time in 18 years. I have been doing well up until I learned he would be there as well and has just split with his second wife for behaving in exactly the same way to her as he did to me (I always thought it was me that caused him to behave the way he did)
I have moved on I have a fantastic new husband, he is also my best friend, he will be with me when we see the ex so I don't have to face him alone; my reaction is not to continue with the diet and look my best but to eat like there's no tomorrow, because I am scared, angry and apprehensive about what will happen when we meet in public again. His favourite term of endearment to me was 'You stupid fat cow' so why am I eating more to fulfill his label? I don't understand I wish I did.
Dear rosi,
What you describe is not unusual. Certain situations will continue to be triggers for us until we've overcome the underlying core issues.
I have a suggestion for you. Practice a visualization technique called Mental Rehearsal. Every day, or as often as is reasonable for you, imagine yourself at this social occasion seeing your ex-husband. Visualize yourself confidently saying hello, feeling self-assured, happy and at ease, comfortable with your body, pleased with yourself and for your daughter that everyone can be together in harmony, etc.
The mind doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. So when you visualize in this way you're actually creating a "mental pattern" that will help you recreate this scene in reality. Mental rehearsal will also help you feel inspired to take good care of yourself and stay on track.
Let me know if you have any questions!
Best wishes to you~
Diane
I love the picture that accompanies this article. The woman looks so happy with herself!
I think I need to read this article every single day. If I do, then maybe in 6 months or so, some of these ideas will finally take root...
And yes, it's all so much easier said than done, <b>but still important to say.</b>
Some of the best advice has been given in post #3, i will continue to persue my goals even if a setback occurs...after all we all make mistakes 
Thanks Diane for responding to some of the comments. This is probably the only blog I've posted to where the author actually responded. Thanks for pointing out the links to expanded articles and for your feedback to Rosi. I found it very helpful.
Yes! I love these positive articles. Full of great advice, and so much better than 'Do you have CELLULITE? How to get bikini ready in 2 weeks!' type trash.
Original Post by: speedy52My form of self sabotages are the desire to need someone's approval. Like if my Husband doesnt immediatly notice that I have lost 5 pounds I eat like the world is running out of food tomorrow. With the though process of if he doesnt notice who else would. And then if I eat something off, then instead of just getting over it I would eat an entire pizza or something and just be filled with so much self loathing that I would give up all together.
Ironically, those who are closest to us often notice last, since they see us through all the gradual changes. I lost 15 pounds before my mother noticed, and you know how moms can be about your weight, right?
AMEN... This article made me feel like I just went to service hahaha..
I've recently learned these things for myself and practice them daily. If I didn't I would get nowhere fast.
Thanks for a wonderful article!
my self sabotages are realizing that its okay to have some things that i like but are considered bad food. i exercise, watch what i eat, and basically maintain a healthy weight, but as soon as i over eat a bit im so mean to myself. the guilt always gets to me even though i know eating out once in a while isnt going to kill me and having some fav treats here and there wont hurt me either but i always feel guilty. <--- dont know why lol
Looking for more ways to combat self-sabotage? I've found The Dieter's Prayer Book by Heather Harpham Kopp helpful.
@Diane - Thank you so much for your reply I'm going to try it and hopefully I will be able to meet with this spectre from my past with no fear of the out come.
@deggdegg - Yep you would think it would be a huge motivator wouldn't you? But the way I see it I think the mind is a powerful tool and who knows the logic behind my subconscious, I quite clearly don't!
Great article. Lately, I've been choosing to think of eating the right proportions and exercising as a gift to myself, instead of thinking of them as sacrifice and discomfort so that I can lose the extra fat that I won't experience until some far off date. It helps me to appreciate being "in the moment" instead of hating it and feeling deprived. It becomes the comfort, when I want comfort, in a sense. It sure makes a big difference, and many of the little sabotaging thoughts have fled.
Hi I really value these tips. At my best these are things I consider and at my worst I am being gluttonous...and almost abusive to myself. Seeking pleasurethrough foods that do not nourish me is not the best path to my true happiness. Thank you for reminding me to honor the power of my own mind.
I learned sometime ago that dieting as typically thought of is almost never successfull over the long haul. When my doctor told me I needed to do something about my health, I knew it was time to change the way I thought of eating. I needed to rethink my concepts on eating and make a life-style change. I no longer eat emotionally, but follow a five day plan that puts some easy to live with boundaries. It all becomes a matter of portions, especially when it comes to processed sugar ("think cola's and soda pop") and excess fat in the diet. On the other two days, the boundaries are expanded. In the end, I can still enjoy things I used to enjoy, just in moderation. This has taken time and patience since the weight didn't get there all at once, and it was not all going to disappear at once. Over about 18 months, I average about half-a-pound a week loss. More in the beginning, less now that I have steadied out at a healthy weight. I was not looking appear like I did 30 years ago, as that is an unrealistic concept, no matter what hollywood or the media attempt to portray. It can be done, but only if you want to use the discipline to do it. There are no quick loss schemes (either dieting or by exercise alone) that are healthy or successfull.
I think 4 of the 5 points the author makes are good, but I disagree strongly with #4 Accept your body as it is now. No way.
If you don't like the way you look and want to change it, I think you need the motivation to dislike the way you look strongly enough to actually do something about it. For me, the disgust I had for my body spurred me on when things got difficult, such as putting in the workouts, restricting the food when everybody else got to eat more, and dealing with the slow pace of fat loss at times. I think self-acceptance can lead to complacency in this specific situation. You always gotta be pushing if you want a real change.
Very interesting article and fits perfectry with what I'm learning about myself.
My self-sabotage is quite "weird" too. When people around me start noticing my weight loss, I get scared and start eating until I reach the same weight or a few pounds more. And than I get upset for gaining the weight and eat more. I realized that I'm feeling vulnerable when I'm a few pounds lighter as if I'm standing naked and defenseless in front of others. Lately, I recognize the fear and try to calm myself but it's not 100% working. I'll try Diane's visualization technique and see if it helps.
Another good book on this topic is "The Beck Diet Solution....Train your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person." Its by Judith Beck, Ph.D - with the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy." Its NOT a DIET BOOK. There is also a work book with it, and it lists:
*counteract sabataging thoughts
*overcome weight loss obstacles
*succeed on any nutritious diet
Again, its about this topic - the "mind" stuff that gets in our way.
Original Post by: reneemichellesteinGreat article. Lately, I've been choosing to think of eating the right proportions and exercising as a gift to myself, instead of thinking of them as sacrifice and discomfort so that I can lose the extra fat that I won't experience until some far off date. It helps me to appreciate being "in the moment" instead of hating it and feeling deprived. It becomes the comfort, when I want comfort, in a sense. It sure makes a big difference, and many of the little sabotaging thoughts have fled.
A gift to yourself. What a great outlook!
Original Post by: proverbs31womanintrainingI am a "wierd" self sabotager, when people give me compliments I start thinking things like "well I must be skinnier than I think" or "I must look pretty darn good at this weight, why not stay here" but I never do, I start eating cookies and drinking like 3-5 sodas a day plus my meals healthy or not that all adds up and I put on the pounds...
But my biggest problem is accepting my new body, I have never been below 150, until now. I would always self sabotage whenever I would get close to being under 150 I would go under...I never understood why, until now. I was scared of being beautiful, I was scared of being skinny. But now I weigh in at 138 and I can't wait to get to my goal weight of 120 ;)
Proverbs31womanintraining,
This is exactly what I do! As soon as I receive a compliment I start slipping! I even wrote a post about it because I could not understand what causes that. When I also get close to the goal I set I revert back to old habits! That made me wonder if I'd ever reach my goals!
Could I be affriad of being beutiful too? Your post really made me think!
Original Post by: fridgelightMy self-sabotage is "what I don't acknowledge doesn't count" -- looking in the mirror, standing on the scale, keeping a food log...
To get past that thinking, I re-frame my approach to "I need accurate data to make the best choices. "
That gets me to keep food and weight logs, and as long as I do that, I don't binge.
I'm all about the being empowered to make good choices, and I heartily agree with the positive approach of this article!
BTW it is not just about losing. I'm maintaining now, but working just as diligently as when I was in weight-loss mode. The difference is that once you make the mindset change the author speaks of, the process is one of a life-discipline that feels "right" -- a positive and comfortable process, not a burden.
Fridgelight - wow - you hit the nail right on the head.... I can easily slip into the "what I don't acknowledge doesn't count" mode. Thanks for giving it a name... For me, naming the problem begins to take away its power.
I love the tips on this website! They're always so helpful and I like how they're not critical or judgey.
Original Post by: jennyah19Original Post by: proverbs31womanintrainingI am a "wierd" self sabotager, when people give me compliments I start thinking things like "well I must be skinnier than I think" or "I must look pretty darn good at this weight, why not stay here" but I never do, I start eating cookies and drinking like 3-5 sodas a day plus my meals healthy or not that all adds up and I put on the pounds...
But my biggest problem is accepting my new body, I have never been below 150, until now. I would always self sabotage whenever I would get close to being under 150 I would go under...I never understood why, until now. I was scared of being beautiful, I was scared of being skinny. But now I weigh in at 138 and I can't wait to get to my goal weight of 120 ;)
Proverbs31womanintraining,
This is exactly what I do! As soon as I receive a compliment I start slipping! I even wrote a post about it because I could not understand what causes that. When I also get close to the goal I set I revert back to old habits! That made me wonder if I'd ever reach my goals!
Could I be affriad of being beutiful too? Your post really made me think!
Thank you everyone for your comments! I'm so glad my article was helpful.
To proverbs31womanintraining, jennyah19 and others who may have underlying fears with accepting a thinner or more "beautiful" body:
It does seem hard to understand, doesn't it? You want to lose weight but fear it at the same time.
This is a very real and common issue for many people. For some, this stems from fears of unwanted sexual attention, often due to earlier experiences of sexual abuse. For others it means to entirely shift one's identity from being a "fat" person to a "thin" person and the sense of loss that often comes with letting go of an old, familiar way of being. Feeling "scared" of being beautiful may also relate to fears of embracing one's power and the responsibility that comes with that.
Limiting beliefs don't have to stop you from releasing weight once you identify them, make peace with them and release them. The important thing is to know that you really can do this once you discover the underlying beliefs that get in your way.
To your health and happiness!
Warmly,
Diane
My weight tends to go up and down five pounds or so for no reason at all. If I am being extra careful with my diet for a week or two and I see the scale remain the same or even go up a pound or two, I get very angry and discouraged and tell myself that all my efforts are for nothing. At that point, I always ending up falling off the wagon and gaining a pound or two and starting the whole process over again. It's a vicious cycle and I should honestly just throw away my scale and stop weighing myself unless my clothes start getting tight. The scale is my enemy these days.
This is such a great article, and expecially the first one. It is also a successful idea to look at it and embrace it as a new way of living, lifestyle change and a journey. Rather than say, "I can't have that" tell yourself it - whatever tempation it is that would hold you back-is not what you really want- believe me, pretty soon it will resinate and that is how you will feel!
Original Post by: deggdeggThis kind of stuff has never made any sense to me. You're worried about being overweight so you... eat more? That should make you eat less.
"This kind of stuff has never made any sense to me. You're worried about being overweight so you... eat more? That should make you eat less."
I am sorry for your experience. That sounds horrible, I am glad you are happy now.
Also:
"This kind of stuff has never made any sense to me. You're worried about being overweight so you... eat more? That should make you eat less."
Not necessarily. The psychological benefit of eating while depressed or saddened, or even stressed, is great. Great as in emotionally satisfying at the time -- not so much afterwards. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours and therefore weight gain. This is part of the reasons we overeat - to soothe emotional wounds, because for a time it provides comfort. But it is not the right kind of comfort, nor the kind of comfort we seek.
i love this article!!! and the last one is me! and that reassured me today ive been working out for 3 days and I was beating myself up because i still look "fat"!!! now i need to tell myself time will show results THANK YOU!!! 
I self sabotage by "rewarding" myself after a hectic week at work. I find myself quite disciplined during the weekdays. I am less tempted to over eat or indulge into my temptations. But when the weekend arrives.... uh oh. It's like, thank God the week is over, I just wanna lay back, relax.... and eat a whole tub of ice cream. Or an entire block of chocolate. *hangs head in shame* So much for rewarding myself!
I try to divert this "self rewarding" by distracting myself and doing something. Like watching a movie at a local cineplex. Without popcorn!
#1 hits me right square in the mind. I've remained active in my life (walking dog, playing basketball, cycling) so I felt exercising more would reshape my body and drop those 20 extra pounds. A calorie-counting tool helped me start measuring my intake, an addition coupled with my already active lifestyle that helped me hit my target weight (one I'd had since the mid-80's). I've lost almost 25 pounds and hit my target. Less weight has made me even more active. But I had to change my thinking before it happened.
proverbs31womanintraining and jennyah19,
I have the same problem. I stay just above 148-150 where I'm "invisible." When I get much below that I'm often told I'm beautiful, which makes me happy but freaks me out, so I gain the weight back. I stay skinny if I have a boyfriend I'm attracted to -- it's like that provides both incentive and protection. But I want to be thin and healthy for myself!
Diane's comments are helpful and I'm going to think about them.
But Proverbs31womanintraining -- It sounds like you've gotten past this block -- how did you do it?
CalorieCount has helped me a lot - I love the daily counts and analysis as I make entries into my food log - I can be pleased and feel I'm on track when I meet my nutritional and calorie goals, regardless of where my weight might be at any given moment. Progress is being made!
I agree with everyone. This is a great article! I find that my biggest setback is when i talk to friends about losing weight they always say that Im not that overweight. I am 250 pounds and 5'10" so I do in fact know I am. I know they are trying to be nice but I think it hurts me by convincing myself that I dont have a problem.
I was suprised the first time I did the "what type of eater are you" quiz. It nailed me to the wall. Sucks!! This article is spot on. I can use every tip offered but have no will power let alone self esteem to implement. I set small goals for myself every week and it usually consists of what I "won't" eat, or how much I will exercise to counteract that binge on dounut last week. Time to start with "I will say something nice to myself, I will proud of my progress, I will shave my legs this week and treat myself kindly". The only problem, I hate sounding like a self-help book. I don't read them and the fact that I know that is what they say kills me. Anyways, I liked this article and I am doing something nice for myself today, I am going to take a bath and then a nap. Time to recharge.
Its not often i agree with all points in articles i read on the net but this is one i definitely do agree with all of it. And i have only read the headlines! But when i see you are a psychotherapist, I am not surprised that you have hit so many nails on the head.
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Just to say that it's always so nice to read Calorie Counts articles. We live in such sarcastic gloomy times, and CC always gives a hopeful and empowering message, but most importantly the advice and information is based on no-nonsense science and common sense and not on any form of quackery. I find this so healthy. Thankyou.