Fixing My Metabolism

I know I've been eating far too few calories for too long, so about a month ago, I tried to up my calorie intake. That lasted about a week, and then I went back to my normal 1000ish calories per day simply because I wasn't hungry. I workout almost daily, so I know this isn't healthy, but I've gained even more weight since then and I'm terrified of gaining more. At 18, 130 and 5'4, I'm at a healthy weight, but I would like to lose 10 pounds- I have a very small frame and I'm on the high end of the BMI chart. I just don't really know how to up my calories (and not too much) or really what to do. Plus, I feel miserable and fat eating a "normal" amount for my BMR. Help, please?

you are not giving your body enough nutrition to sustain a healthy metabolism. or any metabolism at all, for that matter. your body is running on a constant deficit, meaning it's eating itself and storing everything you give it. not a good combo. you'll need to significantly increase you calories, especially if you are exercising. 

1800 calories is absolute minimum baseline, adding to that any calories burnt through physical exertion.  you may gain a bit at first, but only because your body has probably become quite efficient in surviving on less than minimal calories.  

your brain may be telling you you're not hungry, but i guarantee your body is crying for that peanut butter/banana sandwich on whole grain bread with a glass of milk that will very easily add 650 calories to your bottom line. 

you're not even a little bit fat and you deserve to be healthy. please dont hurt yourself

But how do I start eating more without gaining weight? I'm going back into running, and I can't do this anymore- I can't deal with the extra weight.

you may (or may not) need to accept a small short-term gain in order to restore your metabolism to full function. i know it's entirely counter-intuitive but you really do have to eat more to get your body working again. on such minimal calories you are risking a lot of damage from exercising at all. when i was going through something similar, people used to tell me this, too, and i didn't believe them.  your body really is storing everything you give it. the longer you drive yourself into the ground, the harder it will be to get things going again in the future.  trust me on that one. you have got got got to get your intake up to a healthy level consistently.  is it an option for you to see a therapist who might be able to help you with some of the psychological components that make you feel like you don't deserve to eat normally? because you really are worth more than this. <3

Ag. Logically, I know this is unhealthy and that I shouldn't be doing this. I started running with the cross country team yesterday (my coach is letting me do so until I head off to college), and I was literally having to force protein bars down to eat anything afterward since I just wasn't hungry. It's not that I feel I don't deserve to eat normally- I just have an irrationally large fear of weight gain and getting fatter. And frankly, most of the "calorie-dense" foods I could eat I'm either allergic to do or just don't like. How on earth am I supposed to get to 1800 calories a day, if that's even how much I should be eating? It sounds like waay too much.

i know it sounds like a whole lot when you've been at much lower levels for so long, but in reality, 1800 isnt that much at all. there are a lot of calorie-dense foods that are full of nutrients and make it easy to get enough without feeling too full.  are you allergic to nuts and nut butters? avocado, hard-boiled eggs, cheese, oatmeal (made with whole milk, with some pb mixed in, raisins, maple syrup - BAM mucho calorifico), granola, 4% greek yogurt. . . .when i am having a particularly difficult time i, too, like pre-packaged bars, like luna bars.  drink a big glass of 100% juice or milk with every meal and you'll nearly double your caloric intake right there.  

if you force yourself to get your intake up to that point, your metabolism will increase to a healthier level and you will find it's not enough to keep you satisfied.

you really, really, really should NOT be running at this point. you are risking serious damage to your body.  source: personal experience.

you know all this already. the hard part is convincing yourself that you have to make a very important change in order to take charge of your health.

i understand it's not easy, but you've got to do it. your metabolic problems are really an indication of the serious damage you are doing in so many ways. years of overexercising and undereating have left me with so many issues, and i'm discovering more every day.  

<3