a former binge eater rants about how food always has to be an issue

i hate that my calorie counting always becomes an issue in my life. when i was really overweight and just starting to lose three years ago people understood, and made allocations, but six or nine months in, when i'd lost the majority of my weight, they just started calling me the 'food nazi'.

i understand how my ridiculously memorized knowledge of how many calories are in the sourdough turkey sandwich at panera vs. the grilled panini can make people uncomfortable and can be extremely unwelcome. not everyone wants to know they're chowing down 900 calories for lunch. i stopped sharing that information.

over the past two years, my weight has fluctuated by about 10 pounds (145 to 155, i'm 5'4") up and down the scales. i'm always counting and trying to lose weight, whether i'm 145 or 155. most days i can hide the fact that i'm calorie counting from my colleagues and friends. they know i'm doing it when they order a cheeseburger and i get a salad with the dressing on the side. but i don't say anything and they pretend not to notice.

it feels like i'm constantly battling food. it seems like every other week there's some work thing that's like, "free food". i understand this is supposed to be a perk, but it's torment for me. i don't *WANT* to eat pizza today. i brought lunch. it's a healthy lunch. it's got yogurt and cherries, cottage cheese, peanut butter, a south beach protein bar... but if i don't take a piece, it has to be a thing. all attention has to be on me, and me 'dieting' and then the 'you don't need to diet' starts and the other people who are eating complain about how i make them feel bad because i'm dieting. i'm sorry, i just don't have room in my 1500 calorie day for a 400 calorie slice of pizza. i don't want it!

i have to hide the fact that i'm not eating-- like i'm anorexic. i took a slice of pizza, put it on my plate, sat around talking for a little while, drank my water, and then discreetly crumpled a napkin and put it over the slice so it looked like i had eaten some.

my bf is no help, either. when he wants to do something to make me happy, it's usually 'take me to lunch' or 'take me to dinner'. he knows that there are only certain restaurants i want to go to, which helps, but he says he's worried because i have such an antagonistic relationship with food. i love it; and i hate it.

i don't know how to not have food be an issue in my life. i recognized when i started counting calories that i was a binge eater and that i ate when i was angry or frustrated. i have tried to deal with this emotional issue by channeling my anger and frustration into my exercise and self-control, but it doesn't always work.
my bf has been with me through it all and he laments that i'm so much angrier now and less happy than i used to be.

god, it's enough to make me want to just get fat again. because although i'll hate myself more than i already do, at least food will no longer control my life!

i just needed to get this all out. i know other people on here know what i'm talking about. is there any hope for those of us who are lifelong calorie counters?

**Hugs*** I know how you feel. I am a SAHM so I don't have to worry too much with pressure in the work place.  However I get the "oh you are on a diet" BS from people when we go out to eat. I AM NOT ON A DIET!!! I am just not eating a half pound of cheese and a 2 liter of soda any more. 

It wouldn't be so bad at office parties or any gathering where food is involved if things weren't so junky.  I mean does everything warrant Pizza, or Burgers. 

As for happiness, yes it is frustrating to think that food is hanging over your head all of the time.  I recently tried to go a day without counting but I couldn't help myself. I had to know just how many calories I had consumed.  I was more relaxed about what I ate after I had counted the calories, even though I was still within my daily limit.

 

Wow, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all that b.s. from people at work.  :(  As far as they are concerned, even though I know it's hard sometimes, the way I look at it?  To heck with them.  Seriously.  They don't know you, they don't know what's best for you, and it's not their body, it's yours.  I had someone say something similar to me one time, about how I was "so damn picky" about food, and my answer shut them up: "Yep," I said, "and I wouldn't have lost 100 pounds if I hadn't been so picky."  I never had a problem with them again.

Be proud of yourself and what you've accomplished!  The ones who give you a hard time like that are just jealous.  If they feel bad because YOU are on a diet, then THEY are the ones with the problem, not you.  And as you have learned, just because the food is there and it's "Free" does not mean you have to eat it.  Don't feel bad about that, just march in there with your yummy, nutritious lunch, and enjoy everyone's company.  If anyone has something to say about it, then just smile, say "Yep!" and change the subject.

As far as your BF, I know that's a little harder, because his opinion does matter to you.  I hate making generalizations, but guys can often be clueless about this stuff.  I imagine that once upon a time, you loved it when he took you out to eat, and therefore that's what stuck in his mind as a way to make you happy and treat you well.  Sit down with him and explain that you still want to spend time with him, but not by sitting in a restaurant and stuffing your face. 

Is there an activity that the two of you could do together?  Rollerblading, biking, hiking, etc?  Something where you can spend time together doing something other than eating?  Does he like to cook?  Maybe you can go cookbook shopping together and find one with lots of healthy recipes that he can prepare for you rather than taking you out.

Sorry this is such a long response, but I really identified with what you said.  I, too, was a lifelong emotional eater and I've had to put up with some of the same stuff you described.

Final word: You've lost weight and gotten healthy.  That is your badge of honor!  Embrace it and be proud of it!  Nobody can take that success away from you, except for you! :)  Changing to a healthy lifestyle is one of the few times in life when it's okay to be selfish - you are doing this for YOU and for nobody else, and that's totally okay!

thanks for the kind words, folks. i love this site because it lets me know i'm not the only one who's struggling with these kinds of things.

i used to be on the work "party" committee, and i would constantly be championing for healthier foods! everyone would always complain about how much more work it would be to get healthy foods, so eventually i started telling people we needed to accomodate the vegetarians! one time i spent the entire night before one of our parties making up tomatoes stuffed with pineapple and garnished with sunflower seeds and a little olive oil (this is really really good, despite how weird it sounds).  it was a lot of work, but i ate three of those suckers, didn't go over my calorie count for the day, and they were awesome!

i can't even stop counting on days when i purposefully say i'm not going to (like my birthday). in the back of my mind, i'm guestimating at how much i'm eating and how many calories are in them (except when i drink, then i tend to forget about a lot.... lol)

bf has gotten better about the taking me out to eat. when i was really heavy, he used to buy me a pint of ben and jerry's when i felt down. and you know i wasn't just going to eat a 1/4 of a cup (!!!) luckily, those days are over. i hadn't thought about telling him that going hiking together would make me happy. that's a really good idea,t hank you

i know there's a lot of us out there striving to be healthier, who've made this a lifestyle. we must stand strong!

Original Post by zoraj:

i hate that my calorie counting always becomes an issue in my life. when i was really overweight and just starting to lose three years ago people understood, and made allocations, but six or nine months in, when i'd lost the majority of my weight, they just started calling me the 'food nazi'.

i understand how my ridiculously memorized knowledge of how many calories are in the sourdough turkey sandwich at panera vs. the grilled panini can make people uncomfortable and can be extremely unwelcome. not everyone wants to know they're chowing down 900 calories for lunch. i stopped sharing that information.

over the past two years, my weight has fluctuated by about 10 pounds (145 to 155, i'm 5'4") up and down the scales. i'm always counting and trying to lose weight, whether i'm 145 or 155. most days i can hide the fact that i'm calorie counting from my colleagues and friends. they know i'm doing it when they order a cheeseburger and i get a salad with the dressing on the side. but i don't say anything and they pretend not to notice.

it feels like i'm constantly battling food. it seems like every other week there's some work thing that's like, "free food". i understand this is supposed to be a perk, but it's torment for me. i don't *WANT* to eat pizza today. i brought lunch. it's a healthy lunch. it's got yogurt and cherries, cottage cheese, peanut butter, a south beach protein bar... but if i don't take a piece, it has to be a thing. all attention has to be on me, and me 'dieting' and then the 'you don't need to diet' starts and the other people who are eating complain about how i make them feel bad because i'm dieting. i'm sorry, i just don't have room in my 1500 calorie day for a 400 calorie slice of pizza. i don't want it!

i have to hide the fact that i'm not eating-- like i'm anorexic. i took a slice of pizza, put it on my plate, sat around talking for a little while, drank my water, and then discreetly crumpled a napkin and put it over the slice so it looked like i had eaten some.

my bf is no help, either. when he wants to do something to make me happy, it's usually 'take me to lunch' or 'take me to dinner'. he knows that there are only certain restaurants i want to go to, which helps, but he says he's worried because i have such an antagonistic relationship with food. i love it; and i hate it.

i don't know how to not have food be an issue in my life. i recognized when i started counting calories that i was a binge eater and that i ate when i was angry or frustrated. i have tried to deal with this emotional issue by channeling my anger and frustration into my exercise and self-control, but it doesn't always work.
my bf has been with me through it all and he laments that i'm so much angrier now and less happy than i used to be.

god, it's enough to make me want to just get fat again. because although i'll hate myself more than i already do, at least food will no longer control my life!

i just needed to get this all out. i know other people on here know what i'm talking about. is there any hope for those of us who are lifelong calorie counters?

 

 

omg! i know exactly how you feel!! i feel like i have this stupid obsession now with food that it pretty much has almost ruined one of my relationships. I became obsessed w/ what i ate to the point where i hated going to family parties, events, out to eat with friends... because i would have to eat something that was out of my "diet norm". I come from a big italian family so this usually means heaps of pasta, meatballs, and everything drowned in grease. My mother ended up getting upset b/c i would not go to easter dinner this year because of it, which i realize was crappy on my part, all because i didn't want to eat my grandma's food... At one point my bf got frustrated w/ me bc i never wanted to go out to eat anymore.. i preferred take out chinese.. this way i could get the steamed veggies w/ chicken and brown rice and not feel so guilty.. but then i realized this was starting to deteriorate my relationship.. ugh.. but i hate having this whole battle w/ food and this cycle of my weight going up/down and me feeling guilty after having something "normal" thats not in my diet..

And then i totally understand your co-worker thing, at my last job we always had networking parties and so i would not drink (i have not drank in a year or so, i find i don't need those extra empty calories) and get teased by my coworkers for it... and even now we get free pizza fridays at my new job once a month and i'm asked "why aren't you eating pizza" ..its really annoying!!

 

sorry just had to vent lol...

while we're all in a ranting mood:

i'm in college right now, a few hundred miles away from my family. i grew up like a fatty and i think most of it has to do with the food selection at home: cheetoes, oreos, pizza rolls, instant ramen, etc. my parents would work a lot, so my brothers and i had to rely on the microwave for the majority of our meals.

once i got up to college, i became exposed to the concept of ORGANIC FOOD. my acknowledgment was inevitable: "to hell with that," i had thought initially. "i'd like me some of them doriiiiiitooos." it wasn't until i moved into a house with 40 women that i had decided to change my dieting ways.

long story short, i'm now a freaking vegan. when i go back home, family members and friends always comment about how much weight i've lost. "are you eating up there? do you have enough food up there?" yeah dude, you don't see me all shriveled up and dead, do you? they always think i'm an anorexic or something.

when i go to family gatherings, my uncles and aunts react the same way. they always tell me that i've become "too skinny" (i'm not - i'm about 5'4" @ 145, still trying to lose weight) and that i should eat more. they see the food i decide to eat and announce that i'm "STILL dieting." it's not a freaking diet, dudes. it's the way i eat now.

This is definately a subject for ranting.  Refusing food, it seems, is a social crime.  Whenever i refuse some food that everyone else is apparently enjoying it implies that either I think their nutrition judgement is poor, or I'm just too damn picky all the time.  If there are some overweight people present, they feel their resolve or strength of will is challenged.

I get really tired of telling people why I can't eat this or don't want that.  I don't feel my food choices are a topic for discussion, nor is whether I need to lose any more weight.  So, at big dinners, I just take small portions and eat really slowly.  When everyone else is taking seconds, I'm still eating and can politely refuse more because I'm not finished yet.  I usually refuse desserts on the pretext of being stuffed, and if the hostess is adamant, just ask to take some home.  I also pawn things off onto other people ("You seem to really like this, want mine?")

Social occasions are awash in food and debating its value is never going to win you any friends.  You don't have to eat what you don't want, and you don't have to explain it either.  And accepting a teat now and then, in limitation, is not going to turn anyone into a blimp either.

Refusing food, it seems, is a social crime.

You could not be more right! My friends and coworkers constantly bug me about what I eat and ask me questions about why I don't eat this or that.. its annoying. I don't like to get into it since I don't want to offend anyone who does not share my healthy lifestyle. Its weird explaining why I don't eat fast food in front of a group of people who are chowing it down... awkward!

I think the worst critic is my mother... she is unhappy with her weight right now so she says she wants to eat healthier. I tired helping her at first but it didn't work out because she did not want to stop eating sweets and fried foods. So now when I go home to see her, eating together has its challenges. She judges what I eat and she'll make comments about what she is eating.. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable when I chose to eat a salad and she gets a meal of french fries and greasy chicken.

Its tough for people to accept how I've changed my life.. but ultimately it will benefit me in the long run. I feel healthier and happier now and hopefully other people will understand that. Maybe someday they'll want to make the change as well.

Ah, You pretty much just described my life. Social life seems to revolve around food! It's horrible! I realized this a long time ago as well.

Just this week someone brought cake into the office, and I didn't want to eat it, but every single other person was standing in a circle munching away in silence, so I took a small slice. I felt like I couldn't just stand there and watch them.

I think your plan is a good one, and usually I try to do the same. I take a small bit and just eat at it very slowly, so it still looks like I'm eating. And plus, I realized I don't even need to finish it. Most people don't really pay attention to what you are eating as long as you appear to have something on your plate. Anyway, I take pizza, cake, etc. treats to make other people feel more comfortable. If I don't eat while every single other person is, they feel awkward. But if you really don't want it, don't feel bad about politely saying no. If you don't want to get into a big discussion about it, just say that you're full or just don't feel like eating it now. Very few people will try to argue with that. 

I have a new solution. I now tell people I am watching my blood sugar so that means no refined carbs or sugars. (This is partly true because my family has a history of diabetes.) Also I am vegan, so the 2 combined pretty much eliminate all reallt fattening things like cake, pizza, cookies, etc.

Hello,

i understand the pressure thing very well, i have it too, and most people do not even know i am counting calories. There are several things that have helped me during the past 6 months when i have been counting calories. Not sure they are much of a use to you, but still:

• concentrate on the outcome rather than on the moment. sure, people can be annoying, but in the end, you will have the advantage of not gaining weight and not feeling crappy
• know that many people are annoying because they are insecure themselved and they know they are eating too much
• remember the nice moments, like when you realised how good you are feeling about yourself and about your progress, or when yomeone said something nice to you
• do not think you can change people or their behaviours regarding food, their eating is their responsibility and i find it not very useless to tell others they do something wrong
  

Original Post by jenny8484:

 I became obsessed w/ what i ate to the point where i hated going to family parties, events, out to eat with friends... because i would have to eat something that was out of my "diet norm". I come from a big italian family so this usually means heaps of pasta, meatballs, and everything drowned in grease. My mother ended up getting upset b/c i would not go to easter dinner this year because of it

oh i know this so well.

a few weeks after i started dieting there was a string of birthdays and other celebrations in my family. plus, my mother (who is obese) started baking cookies and frying various things for me when i came over, even if i told her i did not want them.

what has ALMOST stopped her was seeing she would not persuade me (not even for the second, third or eleventh time) and that i would not eat it (it was so hard, she baked/fried my favourite things and even arranged them very nicely, although she never ever bothered with how the food looked! she has some issues i guess). she still does thing slike trying to persiade me to eat something because "there is almost no butter in it" or something (sorry. i know how ma family ooks, and know how much fat etc. is in there).

plus, what also helped, was that i have my family tons of clothes when they were too big for me (they fit them and they are good quality so they are happy for the free clothes).

and also i think they ultimately mean good, so seeing their daughter becoming healthier is something they actually want.

as for restaurants, i just have saldas everywhere. i am a vegetarian, so i cannot have thing slike "grilled chicken" and the vegetarian options typically include 1) pasta with very greasy sauce, 2) pizza with greasy toppings, 3) salads. i go for the salads then, and the others have gotten used to it.