How My former ED has effected my body today

I've been reading from a lot of people on here who are trying to use this site to hurt their bodies. I thought I would share a little about myself.

I struggled with anorexia and bulimia all through my pre-teen and teen years (I'm almost 24 now). I was in and out of eating disorder units, and at my lowest weight I was 103 lbs which is extremely low for my height (5'9"). At that point my heart started beating at such a low rate that I passed out several times a day. I had a thin layer of hair growing all over my body and I was terribly moody from so few calories. I exercised all the time until my bones started breaking because they were so brittle from lack of nutrition.

Well obviously I survived and I am certainly not underweight anymore (quite the oposite). It took years of therapy and a lot of hard work. I threw away my scale and put all of my trust into my nutritionist. I ate exactly what I was supposed to because I didn't want to die of a heart attack at age 18.

Because of what I did to my body I severely messed up my metabolism and my heart. It is still not normal and even though I am obese my body still wants to hold onto absolutely everything that goes in it. I put on most of this weight eating a level of calories that shouldn't of had me gaining. My body was so starved that it just gained and gained. I also haven't felt well enough in my head until recently to be able to start dieting in a healthy manor. I still have it in me to starve myself to nothing and I have to be really careful. I am doing this more for my health than to be thin. Luckily, my metabolism is starting to recover from the behavior that I stopped 3 years ago, but it will never fully recover. my resting heart rate is still much lower than it should be, and I will have to see a cardiologist probably for the rest of my life.

So to all you girls out there trying to starve yourself please get help now! You may not have damaged your body too badly yet. You don't want to die and you don't want to mess with your body and your heart. This is not something to play with. This is serious!! The longer you do this the more damage you do and the harder it will be for you to keep a healthy weight further in life. Please get yourselves some help. It is worth it! You are worth it!

Thank you Geminmd for posting this and sharing, personal experience certainly does put it into perspective. I am glad you are working on continuing to be healthy. You are so right about this being serious. I also know that permanent kidney disease is another risk if a person consumes too much protein or too little fat. Kidney analysis is not only very expensive, but also a major hurdle to doing things a person might want to do in life.  

thank you for posting, that was very brave and so true. i too dealt with the death of my metabolism when recovering...

when all was said and done, i recovered from the eating disorder 30 lbs heavier than when i started. should have just been happy where i was...

Doing it for your health is the best reason of all!

geminimd, thank you for a really caring, important post! 

I know how hard it is to overcome one eating disorder (I was anorexic in my teens/early 20s and had muscle/tendon damage, hair loss, metabolism issues, and other things), gained 30lbs in and after being in the hospital, and went on to become obese in my late 20s.  You are 100% correct--starving yourself, or eating too few calories will not only make you miserable and eventually feel bad, but it makes the weight jump on and cling later on because of metabolism issues. 

You're brave for posting, and I'm so glad you did!  Your perspective is one that should be heard.  Hopefully, you'll reach some of the folks going through the same issues you did.  You're a great role model!

If you don't mind, I'm going to add you to my friend list . . .

Thank you... I want this post to stay at the top of the list!

tears came to my eyes as I read your touching story.  I am so glad that you are alive today.  Halleluyah!  thank you for sharing.

There is not a one of us here who can boast that they dont have issues to deal with.  Some are just more socially acceptable.  Most have health consequences.  Some are reversable, and some are not.

May God go with you and guide you as you continue on your road to recovery.

love, karen

I am bumping this to the top cuz I want every one to see this

bumped

Thank you all for reading. This probably won?t make much of an impact on the people who need to hear it, but if it helps anyone it was well worth it.

Writestuff: I will add you as a friend too. You will be my first friend on my list. :)

Getting better was not an easy thing to do. It took a lot of hard work, and I had to learn to totally change my views of food. When I was sick I would look at a banana (just an example) and I wouldn?t see the banana I would see 121 calories and ½ a gram of fat. It was like this for every piece of food I looked at. I would calculate calories in my head all day long for items that I knew I wouldn?t eat. I had to rewire my brain to see the banana and not the calories in it.

I also had a really poor body image. I thought I was fat when I looked like a skeleton. I know now that I look better overweight than severely underweight. This took a lot of work in therapy. I still go to therapy even now.

I remember when the poor body image started. When I was young I was a figure skater and a ballet dancer. I started both of those activities when I learned to walk. When I was 10, my dance instructor told me that I could be a great dancer if I weren?t so chubby. I know now from looking at pictures that I was perfectly normal probably even on the thin side. Well, that comment is what started me spiraling downward. Food became a major control issue for me, and I am also a very competitive person. I felt like I was in perfect control when in reality I was a mess.

The ED units didn?t help me because they were full of girls with the same mindset as me. We would compete with each other. Some of the things that did help me were quitting dancing and skating. This wasn?t really a choice I had to because of osteoporosis. My ankle broke when I tried to come down from a skating jump. Moving out of my parent?s house also helped me though it doesn?t help some people. I was also admitted to the regular hospital for my heart and that really made an impact on me. I realized that I would die if I didn?t stop.

In therapy I learned to be competitive in other things. I put all my effort into school and now my job. I had to give up my control over food. It was hard and I relapsed a few times but I kept trying. I would put all of my meals together at the beginning of the day and I would set a clock and I would force those meals down when the alarm went off. I would cry after every meal, but I was quite determined to keep myself alive. Therapy also helped me deal with the problems in my life that caused me to have the ED in the first place.

Okay, I?m probably kind of rambling now. Thank you all again for reading this and I am happy that this touched some of you. :)

bumped again :) you're a brave person. thank you for sharing.

You have come through an amazing journey.  Thank you for sharing as it will be an eye opener for some that truly want the help.  You are a great example that wanting to live is possible even when you have been to the edge.  

Your story is incredible, and I couldn't have read it at a better time. I'm in recovery too, and just yesterday I was ready to give up and stop-I never realized that even though being in the depths of the disorder is so hard, trying to get better is a million times harder. I was sick over what I had eaten yesterday...I kind of had an epiphany moment this morning where I realized I really had to do it this time...reading your post just solidified it for me. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet (wasn't sure if I was going to) but I just went and had a Luna Bar and an apple before coming back to write to you! Thank you so much!!!!!!

Great post, I know completely what you went through / are going through.

28 - screwed up metabolism, overweight, still have food issues... still have to force feed myself some days.

Hey, I just read your post. You are so brave and talking about it here is incredibly selfless and giving - thankyou.

This site has been a big help to me, mainly realising that I wasn't eating enough and excersising too much (obsessively) to be able to lose weight, who'd have though it?

My attitude to food is better now than it ever has been - and my weight is lower than it has been in years, from following the advice and taking on encouragement and support that is given from this online community.

I hope that you are very proud of yourself - you should be.

Lots of support x

*bump*

'nother bump

Thanks you so much for the post; it really helped! A few years ago I almost was a bit too obsessed with weight, but I looked at things logically instead and got out before I started. Thanks for sharing, though; if I ever get too worried about weight, I'll look here! : )

geminimd--I glad you're here and honored to be your first CC "friend"!!!  :D  Drop me a line in my journal any time!  You're a terrific inspiration, and I know what you mean about the banana. . .

I have had you on my mind and keep thinking about you, Nicole.

MY daughter's name is Nicole too.

Be all that you can be!

love, Karen