It's not you, it's me...REALLY!

I have been dating this guy for a little over a month. Things are going pretty good. He's absolutely incredible! He is everything I've ever wanted in a guy. However, there is one major problem. He is very open with his emotions and I am absolutely not! It's usually the other way around in relationships, but not in this one. I really think it's hurting our relationship. He writes me notes all the time telling me how he feels, he wrote me a poem, he's doing everything most girls wish their man did. Last night when he was taking me home, he was pouring his heart out to me and I just sat there. I would have loved to say something, but the words just didn't come! I have written him notes telling him how I feel, but I always throw them away before I give them to him. This is horrible! I have never felt this way about someone before in my life, and I can't even tell him! Please help me!

Oh honey, its okay to feel like that.

My situations the opposite tho. I just started dating  my first love from when we were 16. After we saw each other the first time he was all like, I've always loved you, I want to continue loving you blah blah blah... At the time I felt I couldn't commit, as I had just come out of a relationship. But we carried on seeing each other for a couple of months (its long distance and we're both very busy so it's not been easy) and as soon as I said 'I'm falling for you' that was it. He stopped with the mushy stuff lol I dunno why, when we're together he acts as tho he's in love with me, but just won't say it. Its absolutely infuriating because I don't understand why it all just stopped. Its driving me nuts all this wondering lol But I'm holding on to the fact he still wants to see me again, and that he told me that being with me was fantastic. Maybe just maybe he'll actually tell me... I'd def be happy with I miss you for now.

You know what I would do? Write down everything you just wrote here and give it to him. In person. I know I'm much better at writing than speaking. I tend to blurt out anything stupid lol If he's as good as you say, he'll understand. And I'm certain he will.

Good luck!

Slowly, but surely, I am starting to open up a little bit. It's not been anything earth-shattering yet, but baby steps. He'll say "You look beautiful today" and I'll say "So do you" and then I'll laugh and say "No, but really. You look nice." It may not sound like much, but it is to me. Just little things like that. That's where, in my opinion, the real romance is. When we're sitting on the couch watching TV together, or when we go for a walk, or when we just glance at each other, smile, and don't say anything. That's where the real romance is. It probably wouldn't hurt to say something when he's being all sentimental, though. Baby steps. = )

When my b/f and I first got together, it was the same, and even is still a little.  I've never been huge on sharing my emotions and he seems to do it with ease.  He doesn't pour his heart out or write me poetry, but he has his own ways of getting his message across.  It may be that although you feel like you are emotionaly more closed off, that your guy still picks up subtle things you do or the way you act that tells him that you feel the same way. I would say the fact that you accept his gushiness is a huge sign of that.  The first time I told my boyfriend that I loved him, my exact words were "you know this is more than just sex, right?" but he knew what I was trying to say, he bugged me relentlessly until I said it, but that's what helps me.  Also, whenever I feel the need to share my emotions with him, I make him really corny pop-up cards.  I find the corniness of it helps off set the intense emotions I've written and makes it easier for me to share with him.  You'll get there.

i can definitely relate, my boyfriend is the more emotional one and he always tells me how he feels about everything as well as texts me and writes me poetry and leaves like 5 min messages about how he feels. at first i felt like he may have been doing too much but then i had to think about if i was dating a guy that gave me mixed messages. at least i KNOW my man wants me and cares about me and i'm not confused with how he feels. i may not be as emotional or sappy as he is, lol but one thing that i will do is write him messages. sometimes it's easier for me to get what i feel out on paper rather than saying it to his face and i also won't say something unless it is truly from the heart vs responding just because he said something first. alot of times he will say things and i'm like i don't know what to say to that and he's like it's okay, you don't have to say anything and that makes me feel better. but regardless if i do it right away or later on, i make sure to let him know the feelings are reciprocated whether it be a letter, an email, a text or in person...you just have to find what feels the most comfortable for you

What I want to know is where the hell are you all finding these guys?  I can't even get a guy to ask me out, let alone gush about their feelings for me!  Take it in and bathe in it. 

You are very lucky :)

online, lol

Original Post by sngbrdchls77:

What I want to know is where the hell are you all finding these guys?  I can't even get a guy to ask me out, let alone gush about their feelings for me!  Take it in and bathe in it. 

You are very lucky :)

true that!  it seems that there is a plethora of emotionally unavailable men where i live who suffer from commitment phobia...  y'all are lucky!

I guess I lucked out. I found myself a faithful, devoted military man, comes with the prk of having a uniform.  I think "White Christmas" (movie) had it right when they said "gee I wish I was back in the army, a hundred thousand guys, with longing in their eyes, all you got to do its pick the height, the age, the size".

It odd, all the men I've found that couldn't wait to express their undying love for me...I just didn't like like that. I loved them, they were the best, treated me absolutely amazing....but I just couldn't find that 'spark' for them. I'd eventually hurt them and leave....

LOL and vise versa!

I think if you truly are into him, write the letter like suggested. I've done that for a few diff reasons. Sometimes we can't ever get out what we want cuz the situation doesn't allow it. But a letter you can write, re-read and know you said what you really needed to say. I've done this when angry, too, so that fights don't get heated and emotional, and they have time to think before reacting!

Original Post by sngbrdchls77:

What I want to know is where the hell are you all finding these guys?  I can't even get a guy to ask me out, let alone gush about their feelings for me!  Take it in and bathe in it. 

You are very lucky :)

It literally kind of fell in my lap. Mine was new at our school last year and I thought he was gross and weird, but he really liked me and was determined to make me like him and followed me around for the whole year and some of this year. After I finally got to know him, he grew on me and now we're attached at the hip : ) You'll come across one when you are least expecting it or have decided to stop looking. Lol