How to get out of this

I'm a recovering bulimic -  on the waiting list to start a 20 week therapy course. However with support of my boyfriend and close friends, I've started to make a go at it myself.

Its been almost a week since I last burged - but I keep binging stilll! I think to myself okay I'll binge and purge this once..so binge..then just when I go to binge like my sense of reason comes back and I remind myselfg no, I don't want to do this. So then I curl up and go to sleep instead - seems the only thing to do then.

But in this week I've gained about 12 pounds already, I've gained 4 inches round my middle and my clothes feel tighter.

I won't even let my boyfriend touch my stomach because its so much fatter than it was. I'm not particularaly overweight but TERRIFIED of getting it. Also I'm going to a party on the 15th April and my dress only JUST fit (before I put on so much weight) so I'm terrified.

:( I don't want to start being sick again but I can't seem to stop this, help me!

Wow, let me say that I am so sorry you're going through this disease, but you can beat it.

I don't know if we can help you, you really need to see a nutritionist and find out why you're binging. It's not boredom...you would just be an overeater than.  Are you unhappy? really, ask yourself? If so, why?

I don't know how to help, because I know this is a mental thing more than anything, but maybe if you tried eating different things for the mean time...

Are you obessessed with your weight? Are you over-ristricting yourself when you're not binging???

Try calorie counting to maintain your weight, just for now to get you steady. 

When you're hitting a max cal intake for a meal or snack, try to stop and leave the house for a little bit. I think your issues are not food related, but being hard on yourself or ignoring something that is really bothering you.

Good luck, but I would also suggest asking in Wellness or Health disscussions. Maybe someone has been going through this before.  I don't know if you should be focusing on weight loss right now. Right now you should be focusing on health and not binging and purging.

The weight will be easier to lose when you're healthy.

Good luck!

Thanks I'll copy and paste this into the other section too...I am getting help (or waiting for it anyway) just hoping I can do something meanwhile..

I'm not /too/ fussed about losing weight - when I was the weight I was last week, that was my comfortable weight, not really overweight technically [feels it to me but I'm slowly accepting I have slightly distorted body image going on], and if I could get back to that I'd happily stay there.

Definatly obsessed with weight...and when I'm not calorie counting, I tend to over-restrict because I don't feel "safe" eating normally. Or I binge and purge.

I've been trying to avoid calorie counting as then I obsess even more but I guess I could start it up again, might help me start eating normally again.

Thanks :), I really really need the support right now so thanks very much

I'm so glad that you're seeking help to beat this disease; you'll be so much better for it.

Maybe it would be useful to take a look at the foods you're binging on?  Chances are, your body is starved for nutrients and at the same time, you've become used to the concept of binging.  It may be difficult to do, but it's important to slow down with your eating; part of this entire process will be remembering that food is meant to nourish your body, to help you function and flourish. 

It might help, in fact, to mentally plan your meals ahead of time - even write them on paper and make sure that it's balanced.  Lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains and healthy carbs - after binging and purging for so long, you may have even lost sight of what foods you really enjoy, so this would be a good time to really concentrate on the foods you're eating and taste them.  Make sure you're sitting down to eat, and do your best to take your time with it - it could make a difference, because then you might be able to start recognizing when you're satisfied.

Most of all, don't be hard on yourself; this is going to be a learning experience for you, and the fact you're striving to make yourself better is phenomenal.

Hey,

I'm currently in recovery for anorexia, and through my recovery I went through a phase of of binging and purging. The one thing that helped me the most was seeing a nutritionist. I've only been to her three times, but those three times did wonders on keeping my binging (and therefore, purging) at bay. I would recommend seeing one, it really isn't as scary as you might think and most nutritionists will work with you, at your own pace, so the process doesn't become overwhelming. It's really important to understand your eating habits; why you binge, when you binge, what you binge on, etc., because knowing this will allow you to make the changes you need to avoid the binge all together. Therapy, as I am in as well, has also helped me tap into these things and has made recovery less frightening than when I tried doing it alone.  

Part of recovery is learning how to eat again. Sounds silly, but before, you would binge with the knowledge that purging was your way out, therefore making the binge ok. Not allowing yourself to purge is a HUGE step in recovery, so you should be very proud of yourself for making as far as you have with this. Gaining the weight sucks, sitting through those uncomfortable periods after a binge is one of the worst feelings in the world, but you're getting through it. Try not to beat yourself up over the changes your body is making because right now your body is trying to heal and get use to the fact that you're eating and not getting rid of it. Seriously, I applaud you for kicking the purging for the time you have. 

Also, real quick, a great motivator for me has been what eating is doing for your metabolism. Every time you purge, your metabolism stops, and forces your body to store what it is fed as a survival tactic. In turn, your digestive system slows down. When you eat, your metabolism kicks up a little bit, but because it was shut down before, you experience the bloating, water retention, being "backed up"....all the nasty side effects that are difficult to deal with. If you continue eating however, and not purge, your metabolism will eventually recover. But every time you purge, the cycle has to start over again. So when you have that urge to get rid of your food, or starve yourself, remember that it pretty much guarantees a period of feeling crappy.

Whew! I'm sorry this was so long, I've just been on this road for awhile and understand that it is FAR from easy. Hang in there and I'm really glad you've decided to tackle this; don't turn back, you won't regret it! If I can offer any more advice or you just want to chat you can message me or something.

Good luck and take care!