Why would you say that?

This is, I think, something a lot of people have had to deal with....

I have this friend who just recently got married, isn't very happy and has started to put on weight pretty quickly.  I used to love hanging out with her but ever since I've started to get healthier and happier she's been finding some ways to make snide little comments that may seem harmless on the surface, but really hit me hard.  Some examples-

When we were going to go bathing suit shopping- "Maybe we should look at Penningtons (a plus size store) for you."  I'm a size 14.  I started at a 20.  I worked HARD to be able to shop at stores in the mall, and she knows it.

"It must be hard to have so much further to go"- when I told her I had lost almost 60 pounds and had just over 40 to go.

When I put on a wetsuit to go surfing - "That thing really highlights your belly."

It hurts, mostly because she's been there from the beginning and she is 100% aware of how hard it's been for me to get this far.  I work out at least 5 days a week.  I stick to between 1400-1700 calories a day and really space out my cheat days.  I DESERVE to be losing the weight that I am.  I am SO angry that she's attempting to cut me down. 

Has anyone else got stories about dealing with this? What did you do?  Should I talk to her about it?  Or do you think I need to resign myself to losing a friend? 

i think shes a little jelous by the sounds of it. my sisters been acting funny with me since i lost weight because my mum andgrandma keep pointing it out infrount of her n she just pulls a face and is saying my clothes are too tight when it's obvious they're too baggy :/ i've never been as big as her but i think she's getting a little jelous of me too.

i think you should talk to your friend about how you feel and hopfully you'll get somewhere. good luck xxx

People have a hard time with change and can be very mean when changes start to happen to people they thought would always be "the chubby girl".  I have a good friend who has had the same thing happen to her and when we talked about it, I told her to get rid of people that bring you down and I will tell you the same thing.  Life is too short to have hurt feelings and have a "friend" put you down.  I say if she were really your friend, she'd be a happy for you.

Misery loves company and always will. If she is unhappy in her marriage and is gaining weight why would she want you to be happy and losing weight. I know she is your friend, but you have to be honest and open about it. Next time she makes a comment just ask her, is something wrong? Or straight out why would you say that? She might even just come and say thats she's depressed and taking it out on you. This happens to people all the time. Especially if you had been heavy a long time, then they arent use to seeing you so thin. People get jeolous of their friends all the time. You could also ask her to go workout with you so she would start to feel better about herself. However if she doenst get the message then you might have to start spending less and less time with her so that she doesnt bring you down. You just have to realize that you have worked hard for your success and dont let anyone put a damper on that. The friend I use to have a long time ago that was like that. Unfourtantely we are not friends anymore.

I think this situation come up when people move to a change in their lifestyle.  When we make changes we are saying...." this isn't right i'm gonna fix it".  This makes people in our peer group not only look at the choices that we are making but also the choices that they are making.  They can sometimes feel that by our choices we are judging them also. 

It is easier in this case for you friend to project onto you how she is feeling (maybe Jealousy) instead of being supportive of your efforts.  There seems to be a what i call the sabotager everywhere. 

When i quit smoking i had a friend that would constantly ask me if i had a cigarrette that day and if not don't i want one....she would give me one if i really need it ..... ecetra.  It drove me batty.  Weight lose is the same way. 

In the end i slowly started to draw away from her and no longer have any contact.  It made me sad in the end but my choices where more important to me then constantly being slapped in the face. You can talk to her about it and see what happens from there.  I don't think suffering in silence is going to make you happy in the long run.

Keep it up!  I am still shopping in Penningtons but i can't wait to eventually go back to the mall.  I made it into the plus size clothing at wallmart so i am not that far off to making it.

I have a friend who is a "Debby Downer" too. I used to be super super unhealthy thin and then put on some weight in my early twenties (about 40 pounds) I am working toward losing 20 of that and it seems every time I hit a goal, whether it be a workout goal or a weight goal, she always is knocking me down. If she is a true friend I would talk to her about it. I spoke with my friend and I don't even think she realized she was doing it at all. I put it in a nice way but explained to her "I have worked really hard to get this far and a little support would help me out during this battle." Sometimes the ones closest, including my mother, are trying to be encouraging but don't realize the things they are saying are hitting you to the core. Don't lose focus and if she is a real friend you should be able to talk to her about it. In the end, your happiness and health are most important. Don't let it slide if it is affecting you.

I hear ya. In my case, my friends and I were all fat together, and when I became the smallest one in our group, they would give me hell for drinking water and making vegetarian choices when we went out to eat (when I started to lose weight, one of them would literally laugh out loud when she heard me order water in a restaurant. She's say "You honestly believe that drinking water is going to make you skinny?" Yes. Yes I do...because I stopped drinking sodas and sweet drinks and drank only water, and I lost double-digit numbers of pounds.). Another friend who was bigger than I started to diet after I did, and as she lost her weight she'd offer me her "fat clothes" (which were six sizes too big for me, and she knew it), and continued to do so even after I asked her to stop. As I continued to I lose weight, my friends would say things like "J___ thinks she's hot" (which I did, but I didn't flagrantly flaunt myself. I just stood with confidence and when people would smile I would smile back), and "J___ is anorexic." I wasn't anorexic by any means--I was still about 200 pounds and ate ice cream and ribs--I just no longer weighed over 300 pounds and they were jealous. If your friends are being rude to you for helping yourself, its because they are insecure with themselves. Don't let it stop you or make you feel like you need to be overweight to fit in with them. Be yourself and if you need to, your new confidence will make it easy for you to find new people to hang out with.

All I am going to say is YOU ROCK! You lost 60 pounds?!!! Thats awesome! i lost alot of weight after i got out of high school and lost basically every friend I had becasue of it... I was sick of being the fat one, chubby one, the shoulder to cry on, the excuse when you wanted to go out, the one who would always be single. When i finally lost 45 pounds I became ME! My shell of fat fell away and I stood up for myself. It is sad but sometimes friends grow apart, but make sure she's okay, she might be picking on you because she's sad, she sounds like it. Losing weight gives you lost of confidence and most people don't like that.... Be yourself, be proud and don't ever let someone bash your hard work!

Is this a very close friend? If she's someone who has been a good friend to you in the past I'd talk to her about it right away and ask why she's cutting you down. Is she upset about her weight gain? Gently ask her to join you for walks or in getting healthy. Is she jealous because you're not married and with your new body you have a world of opportunities ahead of you, romantically or otherwise? Try to help her see the good in her marriage.

She's most likely upset because she's starting a new life that she doesn't seem sure that she even wants, while you're getting a new lease on life, which you've worked hard for and earned. If I were you, I would try not to let the comments get to you, because they're untrue and said out of spite. If she reacts positively to talking with her, i.e. gets that she's been kind of a bitch and needs to support you, then maybe you can try to be extra supportive of her situation til she figures it out for herself. If she reacts negatively, then I guess she's too jealous to be your friend. Keep away from her and see if she comes around, and decide for yourself if you want to forgive her or not.

Good luck and great job! :)

you should  have told her that she is the one who's going to need to shop plus size pretty soon...lol.don't get sad when u hear things like that,it happens all the time .just play along..maybe u could have sad ' i know this wetsuit make me look huge") and move on ,keep doing what u doing.sometimes people that Love's u the most are the ones that hurt us the most...

Oh and PS, I was complaining to my (at the time) morbidly obese mother that my calves never fit into regular boots because I have cankles (from her, btw). I'm a size 12-14 and 5'6", and what does she tell me, but, half-awake and slurring on painkillers, "You know, you should get lipo for that." I wanted to slap her, because a) she had no right talking to me about my legs when she weighed as much as she did and was stoned off of vicodin, b) she gave them to me genetically, and c) I'm in college, paying for my own classes, working as a private tutor and a barista - as if I have the freaking money for my bills, let alone lipo, and my mom certainly wouldn't be giving it to me.

So that's the comment that made me upset from someone close to me. My mom is now getting much healthier and lost a bunch of weight, is normally much more supportive and now off the pain meds, so things are better now, but at the time, it totally sucked. I still remind her of her insensitivity on occasion, lol.

my mom does that to me.  we're both over weight. i'm a little heavier than she is, but at least i'm trying to lose weight and be healthy!

last week she made a comment to me that i need to exercise and do crunches to get rid of my belly.  i walk 4 miles a day!  what does she do?  go up and down the stairs twice and call that her daily exercise.  i tried to get her to count calories.  apparently to her, a meatloaf sandwich with a side of beef stroganoff and a glass of buttermilk is only 220 calories.  sadly i'm not kidding.

then she yells at me for having a bite of a cookie... while she's scarfing down cake.  don't even get me started on the belly poking and the "you need to lose some weight, chicky babe."  UGH.  i despise being called "chicky babe" by her, which makes it worse.  she tries to put me down all the time because she just won't try to lose weight if it takes more than 2 weeks.  i've completely given up on helping her lose weight because she won't listen.

she complains about her fat friends too.  she has no room to talk.

now when she starts putting me down, i start bragging about my weight loss.  she shuts up real quick.

No offense, but she sounds like a b!tch.

You go Gurl! You have every right to be proud of your success. Weight loss is haaaaaard! Your friend knows that and may feel a little jealous because you've accomplished so much. Also, misery does love company and it's hard for her to embrace your success. During this journey, you need a support system to keep you encouraged. Tell her how her comments make you feel and if she can't understand then you may have to cut her loose until she can handle it.

First of all: Congrats! You worked very hard and deserve to celebrate your victory. As for your friend, be firm and straight forward without being rude. She has to understand that you care for her, but do not care for her critisms and put-downs. If she apologizes and stops the behavior then you have a true friend. If not, then you may want to consider other options. Remember this about you and what is best for you. Stick with the process and everything else will fall into place. Whether or not she wants to be there in the end is up to her.

okay number one you are doing a great job...losing 40lbs..is FREAKEN HARD!! so good job! anyway about your friend it sounds like she really is jealous of you sorry to say...maybe she isnt truly happy in her marriage like u mentioned and shes seeing you HAPPY and looking really pretty she is basically hating on you for no reason.  I think you should approach her if she is your true friend shed appologize but if she says "well what r you talking about?" then let her know what shes saying is really bothering you..and if she cant admit shes wrong then maybe you shouldnt talk to her for a while...this is why i dont like girls AT all..lol

my friend who is 5'7 like 140 big chest...basically a perfect body she eats whatever SHE wants like Mcdonalds pizza hut and she eats a lot...

she found out i was going to the gym and shes like okay ill come with u.shes been doing all these cardio classes..she doesnt need to do it but shes been there for me because she wants to support what im doing..she is a true friend because she never has anything rude to say about me not fitting into those jeans or looking bad in a bathing suit..obviously shed say to me "uh i dont think u should pick out that string bikini" (not that i would anyway) but shed suggest sometihing else in a NICE way...

and thats what you need...you need a friend thats not going to put you down and make u feel like crap but support you and encourage you.. trust me I dont have much girl friends shes actually my only girl friend..and its very hard to come around good friends..

i really hope you do comfront her and tell her how you feel and screw it you dont need people like that in your life...so let the haters hate its only proving that they envy you!

let us know what happens!!

wait YOU LOST 60??!!! omg lol and only have 40 to go...wow..

well if your firend isnt happy for you ... I am!!

Your friend is lucky as if she was my friend I would say (word for word) - what is your issue, are these snarky remarks coming from your own discomfort with your weight or do you genuinely not realise how sarcastic and nasty your constant put downs are"

Confront her in a way you are comfortable with but she isn't a real friend if she keeps putting you down and maybe she needs to be reminded of that.

You can't afford to let her get to you as otherwise you could end up relapsing so to speak so if she can't stop then you might be better off to find someone who loves and supports you verbally.

Congrats to you on achieving such an awesome goal! That is amazing! You should be proud of yourself for all your hard work.

It is so interesting how we all seem to have these sorts of toxic vs. supportive people in our lives. Like dmili55, I have a friend who used to be a college runner, also a tall girl like me, but much much thinner. She's just built that way, you know? But she is the most supportive person! We go to group exercise classes together (even though she runs miles everyday) and we commisserate on people's insane comments. It's especially hard for tall girls because the weight gain is dispersed more evenly. For me, people give me a hard time about even being on a diet - "Omg you're so thin, why do you even need to be on a diet?! DO YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!?" For my friend, who is not dieting, it's, "Omg you're so thin, YOU MUST BE ON A DIET. DO YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!?" We get the same stupid comments from people for totally different reasons.

You just have to ignore these comments, or gently tell the person you don't appreciate what they are saying to you. When I lost a good 15 pounds at school and returned home for the holidays, my mom hugged me and then suddenly gasped, "You're too thin! I can feel your bones!!!!!!" Um, not appreciated. I was at a totally healthy BMI. So later on in the day, I just repeated the very same words she said, and told her they hurt my feelings. She was shocked! Didn't even intend to be mean. Sometimes people just say stuff without thinking. If you repeat their words, they realize from another perspective how differently words can come across. Ever since that talk, my mom has been totally supportive.

So bottom line, try sitting your friend down and repeating her words to her, just like you have done to us. Maybe that will wake her up about her negative attitude. And try to find a supportive buddy who will be there with you on your journey, no matter what!