What do i do?

Hey.... i need some advice and i wasn't sure where to turn really. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and i have never been so happy. But curiosity got the better of me the other day and i looked at some of his chat logs on his computer and discovered that he'd commented to a colleague about how he'd had an amazing day at work because he'd been paired up with a ''very fit'' girl.

i know this doesn't sound like alot - its just a comment afterall. i know he loves me and i know that he wouldnt cheat, but this comment still cut like a knife. and yes im aware that im very much in the wrong for looking in the first place so noone needs to tell me that! the point is that i don't know what to do with it. i want to ignore it because i know what we have is good and that im kind of being silly, but at the same time its killing me because he always goes on about how he never looks at anyone else as im everything to him. and stupidly i had started to believe him and now i cant trust him as that was an outright lie.

i want to talk to him and clear it up because its how we normally deal with things and i love that. i also want to trust him and have him know how i feel and i dont want to resent him. but i dont want to ruin what we have and i dont want him to not trust me anymore because its not somehting i would ever normally do :S i dont really know what got into me!

what do i do? im seeing him tonight!? help! x

If all he said is that he was paired up with a "fit girl" then I wouldn't say anything. All it's going to do is bring up a fight, and if it is nothing (which it probably is) then he's going to throw the fact that you were snooping in your face every chance he can. On the other hand, if you have some other reason to be that he may be unfaithful, just keep your eyes and ears open until you have some more concrete evidence before approaching.

I wouldn't worry too much about the comment. It seems completely innocenet to me.

Wouldn't you be a little happy if you were paired up with a hot guy at work?  But would it mean that you loved your bf any less or would even think about cheating on him?

And, maybe the colleague he was talking to is one of the isn't she hot type of guys and your bf knew this and responded accordingly.

So, basically I wouldn't mention anything and just try to do something fun with him to remember how much you love him and he loves you.

I guess you're right guys...its nice to hear it from someone else though y'know? shaded - the guy he was talking to is TOTALY that kind of guy, but i didnt think my bf was like that and he normally doesn't comply just to "fit in" so ithink thats why it hurt more...

i def thought the same as you when i first read it but now i just can't get it out of my head so its driving me a little nuts :S I also think i find it hard to deal with because im not happy with me and it just makes me feel threatened...which is daft as like i said i do trust him. meh its so hard to explain :( thank you for taking the time to reply though! x

I totally understand where you're coming from. I once had a bf i couldn't trust and would snoop all the time because i felt i had to. I found out some pretty bad things that once i confronted him, he would lie about or find some way to get around it. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last very long.

Now I am with a great guy whom i trust very much. Just last week something did come up that i found and i asked him about it and he explained and everything is now fine. If you do talk to your bf you have to be careful in your wording - how talk to him. Tell him your sorry for snooping but you saw something and it bothered you a little. Don't make too big a deal about it or don't get angry/mad at him because then he'll get defensive. I am just like you and wouldn't be able to let it go until i asked. Maybe wait a week and see if it's still bothering you. Then if it is, ask him about it. It is probably nothing. Guys are guys. By the things you said, he sounds like a good guy and if you trust him then he's probably not the kind of guy that would cheat on you. Good luck :)

What was he paired up for?  If it was something physical then someone fit would be great.  If it was just a shift where you end up chit chatting, then again someone that he could actually talk about something in common with or where they're not making leading remarks again would be a perfectly innocent relief.

I'd spend more time in the gym, to clear my head AND get my own fitness to knock hers out. (of the picture)

don't snoop.  if there's something that you should find out about; it will get to you at some point.  Would you like it if he went through your chats?  it's natural and normal for people who are in relationships to socialize w/ people who are of opposite sex AND attractive.  You'll throw yourself into countless nights of worry - AND during the day you're going to find yourself thinking "is he having lunch w/ that fit girl today?"

like i said-  if he does something bad; it will come back to him or you'll find out some way.  but you gotta give a man space and privacy so he just enjoys "perusing" the menu but never actually "orders" if you know what i mean.

whenever i get the urge to snoop; I just think about how i would feel if he snooped.  And i'm sure there's more in my corner than his that could get misconstrued!!

The whole matter of it is this wouldn't bother you if you were confident with yourself. The fact that you are insecure is what is really taking its tole on you. I know how you feel I've been there and done that.

If anything I would take it as a motivation. Motivation to get the way you desire to look so you aren't insecure and happy with yourself. That might take a long time (the mental aspect of it.), but it can be done.

You can tell your b/f what happened and tell him it will never happen again, but just discuss your concerns. I have a feeling this will be on your mind until you say something. So that is the only reason I am telling you to discuss it with him. Just be careful with your words. Relationships strongest parts, in my opinion, are communication and trust. Without either, you're screwed.

I think we are all best off not looking for something we don't want to find. At least in my experience. :P

Good Luck with everything. Love can be a really confusing thing, but if it's strong you work through your differences.

Girls are way too insecure.

I know I am insecure, but I am getting better. I used to get offended when my boyfriend would say some woman on tv was hot. But then I thought to myself, "Just because I know Will Smith is hot, does that make me love my boyfriend any less or think my boyfriend is less hot?" No. So why do I think it works differently with him?

Now, I'll ask my boyfriend, "Do you think she's hot? I love her hair, but her nose is weird," etc. It sounds silly, but it has made things less akward. I feel more comfortable around him. He feels more comfortable around me.

I understand how you feel. But I hope that you can push past this, (unless of course you hear/see your boyfriend say something that crosses the line) and feel more confident in yourself and more comfortable around your boyfriend.

hi guys! thank you all so so much for your replies and advice! it really helped!

Update: i've just got back from his from dinner. When i got there i hadn't fully decided what i was going to do but i ended up talking to him. *sigh* im an idiot and true to form he was awesome. he wasnt in the slightest bit angry (he knows why im insecure - ive been out with some mean boys!) and said that he understands im under stress and that hes glad he said something.

He said it was a response to his male colleagues comment to shut him up and i believe him. To be fair it was my first instinct anyway and we were friends for a long time before we started going out so i know hes not the kind of boy to be like " phwoaar look at her". We had a long chat and everythings fine.

Ex-boyfriends always have alot to apologise to current boyfriends for me thinks!

I cant stress enough how grateful i am for the responses - my flatmate is in mexico (eek) and i didnt know who else to talk to because i always talk to my fella when i have a problem lol! silly eh!

xx

Original Post by smwhipple:

What was he paired up for?  If it was something physical then someone fit would be great.  

I think being called "fit" in the UK is the equivalent of being called hot. At least that's how my Brit friends here use it. 

edit: OP... you're a lovely girl. Be more confident! :)

Ahh sorry my bad! i always forget that the majority of users of this site are from the US! yep fit = hot!

Thank you for the compliment *blush*