Why?

I only ask this question because I cannot think of any more reasons WHY... So here it goes;

My sisters and I are all roughly the same height, and yet I find that although they are physically LARGER than I am (fat content wise), I still seem to weigh more than they do. All they do is eat and sit (quite literally all day long) and here I am (for almost a year now) seriously careful with what and how much I eat, and strict on getting enough exercise every single day.

But still... after all this time, I find that I am the heaviest! I've heard before that muscle mass is heavier than fat, but I can't be too sure. It just kills me to know that they don't put any effort into themselves, and here I am quite literally working my ass off every single day... and I seem to be getting nowhere!!

WHY?

I don't know the answer, but I do know this.  I have two daughters. One is skinny as a rail, eats what she wants, weighs the same as she did as a freshman in college.  The other (2 years older) watches what she eats, exercises with pilates, kick boxing, and road-racing, yet if she even remotely takes a few days "off,"  she gains weight.  Genetics plays tricks on us, and there is little we can do about it.  So I firmly believe that genetics is an important factor.  Each sibling does not necessarily inherit the same genes.

Frankly, the postives for you are that you are health-conscious, you exercise, and you have great self-discipline. 

Are you trying to lose weight?  If so, are you tracking your calorie intake and burn to ensure that you have a deficit?

No matter what your perception of what you and others eat, the very simple weight loss formula is calories in< calories out = weight loss.  People who maintain a steady weight eat on average no more than the required amount of calories for their weight / height.  People who lose weight eat less than the required amount of calories, and people who gain weight eat more than their required calories.  You (and they) may perceive that differently, but the science confirms this.

For years I felt that it was very unjust that I was overweight although I ran 5 days a week, ate healthily and avoided junk food most of the time... but when I did the maths the reason  was obvious.

As long as your weight is in the right range and you're getting a good diet and some regular exercise you're in the best shape for long-term health.  By contrast, people who are technically a healthy weight but who have a poor diet and do no exercise often find their long-term health suffers eventually.  So don't envy these people...

In terms of appearance, if you're well-toned and a healthy weight you're going to look slimmer than someone the same weight as you but with a more wobbly body.   So again, your weight is something only you and your doctor know.... to everyone else, you're just 'slim'.

All of this makes a lot more sense to me now! I'm aware that genetics doesn't exactly play the same tricks on people as it does on others, hence I'm aware that I (personally) always have to work harder to get to the same place as others do who work less.

I am considerably better toned, leaner and stronger than my sisters. Health-wise I'm also stronger. Nevertheless, however much you try, there is always enough space for frustration and disappointment. It's not like my sisters are a whole load bigger than I am; like I said before, we all are pretty much alike. One is slightly taller, with longer, slightly thinner legs. The other is slightly shorter and has a thicker more 'wobbly' body. Then there's me and I stand somewhere in the middle: rigid as a board (to an extent), lean and toned, slim but still unsatisfied. I always find things that I'm not happy with. When I achieve something and maintain it to keep up the level of satisfaction and content that I feel towards myself, there is always something else that I find I have to work on to aid in my satisfaction. I call them my 'trouble spots'.

And I'm well aware of the amount you take in, etc. I wouldn't have posted this topic without knowing what I consume and how much others consume. You see, I'm always watching my intake and compare that with other people's intake. My sisters are constantly eating, always snacking and they generally eat a lot more than me at the dinner table (taking notice of the fact that I strictly never snack and ensure that I constantly consume a healthy dose of water.) On top of this, when I do eat, I ensure that I eat HEALTHY, and yet they snack around, eat whatever they feel like eating, and although I feel horribly envious that they can go about doing this without feeling a slight hint of guilt or worry, in the end I know that I can say I know I'm generally healthier... So I'd like to hope.

It's just that feeling of failure after eating or at the end of the day when you realise you're still not where you want to be, that really drives me off the edge. It's not like I starve myself, I eat less and very strictly, but I eat healthy. I drink well and I exercise as much as possible. I know I could do better, but who doesn't? What matters is that I try, and I really really try hard, but it still not making me happy.

Your lack of happiness will not be solved by achieving a particular weight. That's clear...  Your lack of happiness stems from some kind of feeling of inferiority, your own lack of self-esteem, confidence issues, disappointments elsewhere..... those are what come out of your post.

Your challenge is not to lose weight or become a particular shape, therefore.  Your challenge has to be to find ways to become more independent, plough your own furrow in life and find things that give you that feeling of self-esteem and boost your confidence.   There must be a lot of things you're capable of that you aren't developing because you've got side-tracked on your appearance.

I have a rather short, fat, plain-looking friend (she won't mind me saying that) who has two very glamorous younger, taller, slimmer sisters.   (It's like Cinderella in reverse!) She could - like you - get upset every day that she's not the perfect shape.  However, instead she's perfectly happy because she knows she's a lot smarter than they are, she's forged an amazing career, is incredibly popular with her many friends and has men tripping over her like you wouldn't believe!!  Her beautiful sisters have often told me how they envy her. LOL!

I really feel that you need to somehow find a way to put an end to this unhealthy negative obsession you have with the apearance and eating patterns of others.  It is clearly making you unhappy.  Why should what somebody else eats have such a destructive impact on your mental health?

Furthermore, you appear to have set some unachievable high standards for yourself in terms of diet and exercise.  So when you fail to be perfect  - you beat yourself up even more....

You have to find a way of focusing that considerable energy you are using up on these self-destructive behaviours into making yourself happy.  And trust me on this one - getting to a particular weight / size will NOT make you happy.  You will still be exactly the same person. 

Perhaps speaking to your GP, or trusted adult about how you feel about yourself, and others is a first step. 

That is why I greatly admire people who find that they can be comfortable with how they look and instead concentrate on larger things to guide them in their success. Your friend sounds happy regardless of the way she looks. I've been said before that confidence makes a tremendous difference on an idividual. Seeing a 'rather short, fat, plain-looking' person who is confident, independent and happy already sounds more attractive than someone who looks exactly the same but clings to walls and hides in toilet cubicles or something.

It's not that I'm not independent or that I don't take care of myself and plough my own furrow in life, because honestly, I'm one of the only ones in my family who does! It's not like I don't have any self-esteem either, because I am a considerably open, confident and determined individual. But, even the strongest fall. It is this that really gets me down. Maybe I'm not confident in that area, but I feel like it's more of a challange that I'm facing, that I'm trying to tackle... like it's something I'm doing to prove others and myself that I too can. That ANYONE can.

It's still a hassle though. And it doesn't help feeling miserable and morbid at the end of another long day.

You're not much of a 'count your blessings' type are you?     If there's so much that's good in your life, why not think about those things and derive pleasure from them rather than obsess about the one or two things that elude you?  Could it be a misplaced sense of competitition that's causing this misey?     You don't have to be the winner at everything...

Hiya

It sound to me like you have a deep desire to be the best at everything, to be top of everythin, to be admired for everything.

'But, even the strongest fall'

Are you saying that you expect to never ever fail...'fall' at anything?  Can you not accept that no matter what you achieve there will always be somebody out there who is slightly better at something than you?  :0)  There are so many people on thisn planet that it just isnt humanely possible and by comparing yourself to so many do you not hink you are setting yourself up for failure before you even start? 

I think that you should stop giving yourself such a hard time.  You get one life, one chance to be what you are on this earth.  For you to use it by constantly comparing yourself to others and always wanting to be the best are you not wasting your chances of happiness? Just accept what youve got you've mentioned some positives that some people can only dream of having....

because I am a considerably open, confident and determined individual.

If i was you i would turn my determination to making yourself happy and steer it away from your appearance and stop mithering over other individuals behaviours.  You are what you are, you will never be anything other. 

YOu say once you achieve your goal for one part of your body you then move onto something else....what happens when you prove to yourself and others that you've tackled this.....will you not move onto something else?

I think you should right down a list of what you like about your personality, your body and your life and remind yourself of what you have not what you could have

Good luck.........here to talk anytime  xx

I hate to sound great-auntish (but, I am, in fact, a great-aunt), but here goes:

Take all that considerable will-power and effort and find a way to make the world (not your body) a better place.  The more time you spend in the world helping others, the more grateful you will feel about what is great in your own life.

We do owe it to ourselves to make time for ourselves to eat right, exercise well, and present our best selves to the world.  But it shouldn't become an obsession, and it shouldn't be the primary focus of our entire lives.

I suggest you focus on your own words:

"I am considerably better toned, leaner and stronger than my sisters. Health-wise I'm also stronger."

Don't be concerned with the number on the scale; pay attention to how healthy you feel.  In the long run, your health is going to be the greatest benefit of your attention to healthful eating and exercise.

You're type "A" personality all the way. How do I know? Because I struggle with the same thing at times. You want everything you do to be PERFECT. Your only gauge of perfection is comparing yourself to others and being BETTER than they are. Someone else's success is a perceived failure for you. No matter how successful you are at something, it is never enough....The Cure? Stop looking at everything as Pass or Fail. Life doesn't work that way. Everyone of us on this Earth was born with specific talents and the ability to develp certain skills. If this were a perfect world in which everyone was perfect at everything, we would not need each other! Whether you want to admit it or not, you are equating being loved with being perfect. You are trying to fix every flaw, because, God forbid anyone should see them and point them out. Some might tell you to love yourself -that is important.  But Loving others for who they are in spite of their flaws, and allowing yourself to be loved in spite of your own flaws...that is just as important

A great slogan I read on another site:

Progress...not Perfection!

I have a skinny sister..she is way skinnier than me..and she eats all the time and she eats whatever she likes..and she does not gain weight..she is like 43 kilos..lol..

But I am not jealous of her..although I am the type that if I eat more than I should one day..I gain weight instantly..

But I love my sister..and I think she is beautiful..

I even joke about how she is hotter than me..

Like chill..

My sister is two years older than me, and a little taller. She's 5'2", and I'm almost 5'0" (I'm only like a quarter inch away!), she eats whatever she wants, all kinds of junk food, and never exercises. I eat right, NEVER eat junk food or fast food, watch my calories, and exercise 4-6 days a week.

Yet my sister is thin as a rail, and is a size 0, while I'm squeezing into the first pair of 6's I've had for quite some time.

It's really annoying sometimes that she doesn't have to worry about calories or exercise, whereas if take it easy for a while or eat too many calories I gain weight right away. It's worst when we go out to eat together and she just doesn't understand why I don't want to get a huge entree, with both an appetizer and dessert.

I admit I'm just a teeny bit jealous sometimes, but we just have different genes I suppose, and I still love her annoying pain-in-the-butt self. ;)

For the first time ever she's worried about her weight, she just started college so the infamous "freshman fifteen" is looming over her. lol

Believe me, I do understand what all of you are trying to say, what you're all trying to get at. I know for a fact that I have been worse. It used to be worse. But only after I started witht the obesession and really got down to work and finally had something to feel better about, did my feelings start to settle down. It's not like the obsession is gone and it's not like I don't still look at others with a incredible amount of envy searing through me, but it's gotten better.

Nevertheless, although there might be days when I will feel good about myself and feel like there is nothing I ought to change because I've taken enough steps to get where I should be, there are enough days in the week to overshadow the 'feel good' days. And sometimes my mood spins out of control; one minute I will simply just nod at my reflection and walk on, and the next I'll suddenly be standing in front of the mirror and find that there's really nothing satisfying about what I see.

I don't exactly know what it is that brings me down like this, but it does make me considerably upset. I know life isn't perfect, I know life isn't fair... and I know that no matter how hard we try... WE will NEVER be perfect.. but it doesn't stop me from trying. In a sense, I'm glad I do try, because it gives me something to work on... it gives me (although rarely) something to feel proud of and satisfied with.. and those rare days... are worth every bad, tearfilled and fury dripping day... So I think.

I do push to hard. Sometimes I feel like I do... but the fact that nobody acknowledges it... makes it feel like I'm not trying hard enough. Or even the fact that I don't feel or look any different to yesterday, makes it seem like I haven't tried hard enough, although I am well aware that changes don't happen overnight... But my mind doesn't fail in playing tricks with me.

As for sacrificing my image for my mental health? Seeing as there has been improvement with my physike, and hence made me happier, made me think better of myself... must show that with this... achievement... I might be able to think less... obsessively. But I can't be too sure. Yet again.

Sometimes (maybe too often) I just scare myself.

so now you're starting to get at what's really going on. Who's approval are you seeking? It sounds like there are some people close to you whom you need to hear say that they are proud of you. Have you told THEM how you feel? You're bottling it all up. There is a BIG difference between doing YOUR best and being perfect, and you are confusing the two. You work really hard and it gives you something to do, but you are NEVER satisfied.  Everything can be improved upon to some degree, but constantly picking at yourself will destroy you. I really think that you need to speak with someone close to you whom you  trust, or a mental health provider about this. Obsession often leads to depression. So you should be concerned. It sounds like you can really use the loving support of your family and friends right now. BTW- Don't try to rationalize the way you are feeling. That doesn't help. It's ok to state your feelings without judgement, but trying to rationalize detrimental feelings compounds the problem. It is basically causing you to ignore all of the useful advice you are getting

I understand what you're getting at, but I can't help but feel that speaking will make any difference. You see, I've won't lie, but I've been Depressed before. I've had a serious Depressive problems. And yet, although I know that it is all still there... exercising has improved my lifestyle imensely.

How can I not obsess when it makes me feel better? I know it's not healthy... mentally, but it still has improved my outlook on life and myself, etc.

I can't go to anyone and speak to them about it, because they don't understand. The only thing I will get is them telling me to stop being an idiot and take it easy. Yes, most of you are probably thinking the same thing, but it's not that I can't... it's that I DON'T want to. I like exercising, I like the challange, I like feeling the strain of doing something and at the end of the feeling that I've really done well...

I guess I'm not quite sure what exercise has to do with your obsession? You've gone from speaking about an obsession over not being the best at everything to obsessing about exercise? My Dear, please seek professional help. You seem very confused. I can't imagine that a professional will tell you that you are an idiot. There are lots of free services that you can take advantage of. Please do. Take care of yourself.

-.-

-sighs-

well wat i would say and trying not to sound harsh but maybe u overestimate your exercise levels, and underestimate wat u eat.

another thing is if its only weight i.e. kgs your comparing the reason may be that muscle weighs twice as much as fat, so the muscle u put on from exercising might make up the difference, hope that helps and plz ask anything if ur still upset,

unouno