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wow, I really dont know what to say, through um...... she call herself fat & all and she doesnt have the motivation to lose weight.

I would either encourage her more, or leave her be, I mean if she call herself fat she should do something about it.

she might be one of pple who weigh heaps but love junkfood too much to llse weight & eat healthy.

well I think you are trying to lose weight, so maybe when you have lost weight she might see that she should too.

 

sorry about that I really ramble too much. lol I didnt know how to answer

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I have to say...I was probably like her for quite a while.  It takes a lot of energy to change your lifestyle.  And just like any other energy draining activity, it takes a lot more energy the heavier you are.  I would feel bad about myself being so overweight...but at the same time 100 lbs seemed like sooooo much work to lose, and how can I NOT eat 5 servings of ranch dressing everyday?  And I can't JOG, and so on and so on.

Maybe she just hasn't had that wake-up call yet.  She hasn't been pushed that extra inch.  I broke a chair in the middle of a crowded room and that's what got me REALLY motivated.  (I still say that the chair was broken before I sat down, but lord knows no normal person would ever think that first when they see a fat girl fall to her arse).

Just like everyone else on the verge...you need to have patience with her.  Keep inviting her, ask her what veggies/fruits she does like (maybe try to bring some a couple times)...

my friend is like that, she says she is going on a diet and as soon as she says that      !!!BAM! theres a cookie in her mouth.

she is 4'11 and weighs 59kgs too much.

thats really her problem I really try to get her to stop, and tell her its affecting her health but by the way she's acting she does not care.

Unfortunately you cannot force someone to change.  They have to want to make a change and do it for themselves.  I say to just keep being her friend, keep inviting her, one day she might just say yes.

You are not being selfish trying to protect your own sanity by no longer offering her advice.  My suggestion is, the next time she comes to you for advice, say something like this:

I know you say you want to lose weight, but I'm at a loss as to how to help you.  You've come to me for advice so many times before.  We both know that you know what you need to do - but you're the only one that can do it.  Can you think of one small thing you can start doing RIGHT NOW to be healthier?  We can keep it between the two of us if you'd like.  Once you feel comfortable with that change, I'll be happy to help you think of the next one.  But until you're willing to actually DO something, I can't help you anymore.

When you're so extremely overweight (I know,  I'm 5'2" and at my largest weighed 230 pounds), it's easy to get caught up in an all-or-nothing approach.  The problem seems so huge that there's no solution.  But I lost 12 pounds just by giving up candy (I still have at least 1 daily sweet, but it's usually a granola bar or some trail mix).  You can share that story with her if you like.  Remind her, slow and steady wins the race!

True, you can't force anyone to change.  Hard telling what her personal life, issues or her background is, which keeps her from trying.  But I'd just ignore her or  quietly say; "well, I wouldn't like the risk of being diabetic"  and turn away, who knows maybe someday it will sink in.

And I wouldn't give her the attention by even making suggestions, but would say nicely, "when you're serious come see me".

I honestly don't think that this woman really wants to better herself. There are two reasons for this in my opinion:

1. She is too self-consciencous to do anything with you guys because she's afraid to be embarassed that is where her I'm too fat to do this or that is coming from.
2. She is mentally still in the I should do this way of thinking rather than I want to this attitude. Catch my drift? She keeps whining but hasn't really figured out she actually needs to get off her bum and do something about it.

I've come across a lot of these kind of people in my local weight loss group and it's really starting to drive me nuts, hence I'll be closing the group soon. I understand you want to be nice to her and help her but ultimately I think you're already doing the most you can (offering her some healthy snacks, offering her to join you at yoga and so forth).

This woman is not your responsibilty and the bottom line is, it's started to frustrate/upset/bother you that she is the way she is. Don't let that happen, it's not your problem at all. I say distance yourself from her and as was suggested by ohio tell her nicely if she really wants to start tackling her weight seriously she should talk to you.

I also echo dornroschen's post, she hasn't reached that point where she really wants to loose weight yet. It may take a wakeup call of some sort or it may never come but again that really is not your problem.

I was that person...not too long ago in fact.  I referred to myself (and still do) as the fat chick, the big girl, chubby, etc.  It does have to start with her.  If it frustrates you nicely tell her it frustrates you.  I would probably advise this not be done unless you're already in the middle of a conversation that is already on this subject though. 

For me, some of it was the old....what if I try to diet, lose a little and then can't anymore.  People will know I am weak, see my failure and then I'll feel even worse about myself than I do now.  This has happened to me so many times in the past that I had given up on myself and trying to lose weight and was just plain disgusted with myself.  I'm sure others were disgusted with me too. 

It had to click in me before I went full force.  No real external forces pushed me here, it was all me and my attitude and my wants.  It's got to be her.

I cheerfully and politely ignored all health and diet-related advice (unsolicited, mind you) from others UNTIL I was ready to make a lifestyle change.

Now I will take all the advice, help and free veggies that I can get.

Your best bet may be to remain available to her, and pray for her during your bible study time. Sometimes, you just have to love people as they are, while prayerfully hoping that they change.

I think she is fortunate to have a coworker/friend who cares enough about her to rant about it ... it says a lot of wonderful things about YOU.

((( hug))))

=^..^= MOLLY

Honestly I've seen it a thousand times. I just recently had a similiar issue with a potential client however every time I called her to ensure our appointment was still set she would come up with some excuse as to why she wanted me to re-schedule. After the 3rd time I gave up. This person has 4 chronic ailments that are ALL diet related not to mention her sons are all candidates for Type 2 Diabetes and she still makes the excuses. It's a real bummer when you have a chance to help someone but they choose not to meet you half way. Very frustrating it just shows that you can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. :(

show her calorie-count.com! seriously! it will be something she can come to when she feels comfortable, and she'll see there are a bunch of other people like her trying to lose weight.

exhibit patience. either give up, or continue to gently prod her despite her defeatist attitude. she'll come around or she won't. but don't lose your sanity over it. it's not worth it.

also, maybe just tell her tiny steps she can take. cutting out soda for example. i'm sure she would see results with that small change alone. likewise, using skim milk and splenda in the coffee instead of cream and sugar, cutting out butter, cutting out fried foods...any ONE of these lifestyle changes is small enough to handle and significant enough to have some benefit...even the smallest benefit can motivate people to taking the next step.

but really -- show her calorie-count.com and all the many ways it has helped you!

OR, if you would rather not show her calorie-count.com,  you should give someone her e-mail address who she doesn't know.....ya never know, it just might work. I came by the website quite by accident, and believe me, if anyone had suggested it, I probably wouldn't have even bothered! You have friends here who would help you with that I'm sure! Some people just can't accept outside ideas even if they say they want it!

Keep inviting her to eat with you though, just don't push it on her!

Good luck............

Ooh I hate people like that. But people aren't going to be forced to change, you can't change anybody, they can only change themselves. You can offer her healthier foods, but other than that there really is nothing you can do. Next time she complains about how fat she is, say, "You're right" or nod. She will probably be offended but this technique can sometimes motivate people.

I suspect that the frustrating part is her constantly saying she's "too fat" for things, and/or the constant complaining about her weight.

People who just happen to be overweight, and have terrible eating habits, and either don't mention it or seem fine with it, don't usually grate. It's the disconnect that is frustrating to watch.

I say call her on it. Next time she says she's too fat to do whatever (who's too fat to meditate? or go to bible study? geez) just say, good-naturedly, "now, you know that's not an excuse. there's no such thing as being too fat to meditate!" And yoga is all about doing only what you are able to do - pushing yourself, but not to the point of pain. (And it's non-competitive: a good teacher will remind you not to compare yourself with anyone else!)

Also, she'll have to work on that self-esteem before she has any chance of actually changing. It feels like I've said this a million times, but self-love is essential for this process to work. Honestly, she might say she doesn't like your fruit/veggie because she doesn't want to impose, or feel like she's taking food out of your mouth (the fat girl taking food from the thin girl, how terrible would that feel). Try bringing an extra apple (or whatever) just for her one day, see if the response is different - clarify that you brought the extra one for her, that you don't want it yourself. When she refuses to join an activity, make it clear that you invited her because you actually would like her to come along, not just "to be polite". (People with low self-esteem often need these kinds of extra reassurances before they start acting like normal people, socially). I also agree with the advice to recommend CC to her - I've done that myself, to family members and friends.

Good luck, and I agree with Molly - she is lucky to have such a caring and concerned coworker!!

Horse to water

Have you ever tried talking to her about her weight? I wonder if she just uses humour to cover the pain, you know?

I have a dear friend who is like this- she's very smart and well-educated, knows what she needs to do, whines about being fat and admires my weight loss but the last time we got together, you know what she ate? Linguini with ALFREDO sauce!  Alfredo! And the last time we were on the phone she was slurping down a moo-latte from Dairy queen (seriously, if it has the word "moo" in it, don't eat it!) which I looked up and found to be something like 600 calories or more.  AND she hs a toddler and is going to start working on her 2nd pregnancy, her genius plan is to "not gain any weight".  If she could avoid gaining weight she wouldn't be >100lbs overweight in the first place.

I NEVER offer advice, if she really wants help, she'll ask. When she asks what I'm doing there's always some excuse why it won't work for her.

Because I'm a mean sort of person, if someone I knew was complaining about being fat while eating a cookie, I'd probably eyeball the cookie and say something on the order of "gee, you think maybe that might be why?".  But then, I'm mean. And if she turned down my veggies I'd look all surprised and say "oh, I thougt you were interested in eating healthy. Sorry!".  None of these are helpful suggestions, I'm just sayin'.....

 

 PS before I was ready to lose weight, I NEVER moaned about "I can't lose weight! or Why am I so fat?", instead if I was eating the cookie I'd say "At least I come by my figure honestly" or "at least I'm not left wondering WHY I'm fat" which allowed me to do the fat-girl "I'll make fun of myself before you can" thing without coming across as totally clueless about my situation...