What do I do??!

I am currently frstrated and baffled right now.  My mother is about 5' 3" and weighs close to 300 pounds.  She doesn't eat healthy and regular and never exercises except for a walk here and there.  She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I am afraid that if she beats the breast cancer that obesity will hurt her instead.

I love my mother deeply.  However, she is not the easiest person to talk to about a problem that you have concerning her.  She gets very defensive and angry.  I can't imagine mustering up the balls to tell her "Mom, I am worried about your health.  I think you should take your weight more seriously."!  Oh, heads would roll!!!!!

Part of me thinks I should risk my mom never talking to me again if it means that she loses weight and gets healthier.  But, how do you do something that will hurt her that much ON PURPOSE!!!? 

She won't go anywhere with me & my family.  There is always an excuse.  My sister tries to get her to do walks but that onoly happens once a week if that.  And, with her poor diet (she either eats too much or too little) I don't see her getting healthier any time soon.

HELP!  Any suggestions?  Anyone else have to go through a situation like mine?

actually I have been going through the same thing with my mom for the past few years. My mother is 5'6" and about 300lbs too...and she is a diabetic...she lives by herself, works full time and watches my neices and nephew while their parent work in the evenings...she eats crappy food and in excessive amounts...I have made many comments and I get "I am not trying to impress anyone"...no matter how much I express my concern with her health, she always has some sort of an excuse or comeback for me...of course, my Mom is a quiet person, shy and doesnt like confrontations...I dont know how I would react if she were to get angry with me.  It's hard but I think she would rather hear it from you than from someone else...no matter how much it hurts. Try a nice calm talk...express your concerns and tell her you would love to help her...you are already a good example : )

Awww, thanks!  I am not sure even a calm talk would help.  I tried to "slyly" tell her that she should lose weight.  We were talking about it because she was denied a surgery for her breast cancer because she is to heavy.  She seemed to take it fone but then told my sister that I said she was fat.  I never even said anything about her.  I used myself as the example!

Maybe it's a matter of courage for me.  Thank you for the advice!  Good luck with your mom as well.  Maybe she'll see your success and want to do the same!

The best way you can help your mother is to lover her for who she is and not try to change her.  She will not loose weight unless SHE wants to for herself and you cannot shame her into that. 

I am a fat grandma - 5-6 and about 120  to loose so I speak from experience.  When you feel bad about yourself you don't want to do things to help yourself.

Just live your life as an example, don't buy into  her bad stuff (if you go to her house don't eat crap food but don't say negative things, take something good and enjoy it) - maybe go to the mall with her- that is easy walking, lots of places to sit down and she can get excercise without even realizing it is that.

Hi,

I am one of those mom's you are talking about.  It is hard to hear from your kids that you need to lose weight.  I was almost 270 lbs and have high blood pressure and 2 years ago was diagnosed with type II diabetes and had major problems with sugar and keeping my levels normal.  My youngest daughter started eating healthier and became vegetarian, but I still would not pay any attention.  I was happy for her, but not ready to change myself.  At christmas time she came home with a book called ""Eat to live" for herself, but told me to read the back of it.  I borrowed the book and read it in 3 days flat.  After that I was ready to get started.  The book talks about eathing healthy and the things eating healthy can change in your health problems.  After just 3 months I have lost 25 lbs and I no longer have to check my blood sugar several times a day.  I am hoping in the next several months to get rid of blood pressure pills as well.

It has really helped having her in the home and eating so well.  I love the way I feel now, healthy, even light if that's possible just yet.  Both of my girls recently told me that they used to worry about when I died because I was unhealthy.  That was the hardest to hear.  Tell your mom how much you love her but that you do worry about her and her eating healthy will definately help her fight the breast cancer.  Be honest with her.  We do need to hear it.  Even if it hurts.

Good luck to you and your mom.  Keep me updated on your progress.

Sue 

I agree. I have been overweight all my life - I am sure your mom knows everything you are going to tell her. She knows all about the health risks and what she should be doing. Like many of us  she is probably just afraid of failing another diet, yet again.

So what would I like my daughter to do? Don't preach (it would make me angry too). Write her a long heartfelt letter telling her how much she means to you. Tell her that you want her to live to see you married and have children but that you also understand this is her struggle, not yours. Just let her know that you are there for her and if there is anything you can do for her -like go with her to a WW meeting, take a walk with her or just talk, you are there for her. Tell her if she doesn't want to respond to you note that that is ok as well. This way you let her keep control of this part of her life. Don't make her feel guilty about what she eats, don't judge her.

Hope this helps

hi all! i used to be just like your mums. i was 230 lbs. about two years ago, and even after i hit that weight, i didn't pay attention. i was forever annoyed at my own mum for nagging me to lose some weight. even after every one of my siblings lost weight, i still refused to listen to any of them about my weight. then i was diagnosed with type ii. you know how all that goes... and i was 25 when they diagnosed me. still it didn't stop the bingeing and the chocolate raids. i was in law school during that time and was going through a very rough time in my life, having broken up with someone i thought was my world. anyway, to cut the long story short, i was in depression at that time and it seems, the eating buoyed my spirits up. it helped me not deal with the issues. still working through those issues until now, even after losing 45lbs. :)

oh, and my story doesn't end there. i had a stroke about two months ago. a stroke at 27... im just thankful no permanent damage resulted from the stroke and i am almost back to my normal routine, but it did serve as a wake up call. i knew i didnt want to die just because i couldnt stop reaching for those double fudge choco-chip cookies... so i stopped... an uphill battle with the constant obsession with what i feed myself but i find it worthwhile knowing that i am at least trying to live longer :)

Just another opinion here!  If you read my bio, you will see that I am also a woman with an obese mother over 300.  All my life I have watched my mom struggle.  Now she is diabetic, insulin dependent.  There have been many concerns stressed to my mom about her weight.  No matter how you do it, it is hurtful.  Your mother knows she's overweight and if she doesn't want to fix it herself, there is nothing that you can do, other than setting a good example and living a healthy life for you.  I realized this a long time ago.  Someone would say something to my mom, so she would retaliate and go eat a piece of cake.  It's like telling a teenager they can't do something, they're going to do it twice as much just because you told them not to.  It can be very sad to watch a loved one, let alone your mother, go through obesity.  Just cheer her up when she does do something healthy and set a good example for her! 

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!  You all have me in tears realizing how much I care about this situation.  Before I was hiding my hurt by acting angry at her.  I realize now, after reading all of these posts, that I am scared!  I don't want my mom to get anymore sick than she is. 

My sister lives with her and I live with my husband and children.  My sister has started to adopt my new eating habits and I hope that it will rub off on my mom.  I think I am going to have to just tell my mom how scared I am.  Breast cancer, obesity....maybe diabetes next (it runs in the family).  I don't want to wait for the heart attack or stroke.

I am so scared to tell her or talk to her about how I feel...but I am also scared to lose her too soon.

Thanks again!