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Anorexia/ Binge Eating Disorder


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Hi,

I've been diagnosed with anorexia / BED lately.

While I was anerexic, I wasn't severly underweight, but had all kinds of 'food fears', and didn't realize I had an eating disorder. Eventually, I started bingeing occassionally, and would starve for a day after that. Later on, the binges became a daily affair for two months. It was so scary that I came down for depression...

Ever since, things have been better. In fact, I stopped bingeing for two weeks and was relived. However, I went back to my 'healthy' eating and wasn't eating enough (but not completely starving). Then the binges came back, and I've binged about 4 times in the past week and it's scaring me (avoiding it today! :) )

 I guess, my eating disorder has two sides - I either avoid all kinds of food, or eat all of them when I begin bingeing. It's hard to change... but I'm trying, slowly.

I'm just writing to ask if anyone has similar experiences and advice?

Anyway, I know I should try to avoid focusing on my weight, but I really need to get this out. After the past few days of non-stop bingeing, the scales have gone up a couple of pounds and my stomach's completely bloated. It makes me feel miserable... and I'd just like to know is it real weight gain or water /food mass? Will the weight/stomach bloating stabalize itself after a period of normal, regular eating? I wonder if anyone knows the answer..

Cheers.

Edited Apr 07 2013 16:37 by coach_k
Reason: Locked to prevent further zombie bumps. OP last logged in in 2009
61 Replies (last)
hey ya i know how you feel. i had somewhat the same problem probally just not as severe. to answer the questions at the bottom first is that in time your body can heal from most anything thats not life threatning so give it a month or 2 and thatll be gone. and what is your goal right now? gain weight? loose it? if your trying to loose it but have a problem with binging its becaue u are reacting to too much increases or drops in cals. sometimes drastic increases or drops will effect your insulin level to go way up. then go way down which gives u that un controlable urge to eat. so it has nothing to do with that you being untrue to your dieting it is a chemical urge which is almost impossible to ignore. what irecamend if your dieting is that you start off with a small call deficit. say 200. then every 2 days add another 100 to it till you hit your desired goal for your deficit (500 is best for a nice slow steady pace) then ever sunday what u should do is called a "refeed" and eat your maitnence cals for the day. this will help keep your metabolism,hormones,and insulin at a normal level and help fight your binges. hope this helped

Chris
#2  
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Hey,

Thanks for your response. I'm really not sure what's my goal weight now... or whether I want to gain or lose it.

Just last week, I was about 52kg (I'm about 1.75m tall)... and my dietician wanted me to try put on some weight by eating properly... but it's a bit hard to eat properly, though I tried. After one week of bingeing, I think I'm about 54-55kg now. I know I'm still somewhat underweight, but it makes me miserable feeling so bloated and all (I really hope my stomach's just bloated and it'll go away! It's awful!)

I'm honestly at lost as to whether I'm trying to gain/lose weight. I guess I just want to feel better about myself and all while working towards recovery and learning to eat properly without going to the extremes, sigh. And well, hoping the 'bloated' stomach feeling goes away eventually because it makes me feel terribly fat!

I know I sound terribly crazy... but I guess that's the silly eating disorder speaking...

I'm really having problems getting over guilt and all when I'm not bingeing... so I guess, I'm trying to promise myself to eat at least 300 kcals/meal for now, with some snacks in between... to ward off binges. Sigh.
Hi Summer :) 
#4  
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I had the same problem and Im still dealing with it. Its hard, really hard.I feel bloated all the time and hungry. I dont binge as much as before but I still have bad days. Im not underweight anymore but I dont feel good with myself. All this has led me to a depression state. I dont want to see people often and feeling always like doing nothing and tired.

Last saturday I fainted while I was out w friends, I feel like I have no control over my life. I cant give you any advice because Im in the same or maybe even worse situation but Im happy to share my feelings and understand you. Let me know how it goes and if you find any solution.

Wish you the best!!!
#5  
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Sigh. I just binged today. After staying off it yesterday... well, admittedly I didn't eat properly yesterday, but it's hard not to want to 'compensate', or hard not to fell nauseuas when I see food on my non-bingeing days. I know it's a cycle I'm trapped in, and it sucks.

I've told myself countless times that when I'm about to binge, I need to CALL SOMEONE. My mum even gave me her ring to wear, so that I'll remember to RING up someone. But it doesn't work sometimes. It's like being taken over by a separate personality... while one part of me is consciously saying, 'you're bingeing. so stop NOW and call', and the other part preventing me from doing so.

I know it sounds crazy. I'm at a lost. We have a family dinner today and I can't skip it, though I'm going to feel like throwing up if I see any food.

I've decided not to step onto the scale today. It'll probably just make me feel miserable.
I know this -- my therapist calls it 'all or nothing disorder' (we both have a sense of humor).

For me the feeling of a binge was/is having anything I wanted, and also feeling really full and safe.  Calling someone you're close to is a good idea, because it gives the same kind of full and safe feeling you're craving.

The other thing to do is remember not to starve yourself either to make up for a previous binge or a future one.  I inderstand the impulse--you feel like you've eaten enough calories for the week!  But it's only going to lead to more bingeing.  The hungrier you are, the more sway the 'binge' personality has over you.  Eat normally and healthily, even if you binged the previous day or are afraid you will binge later.  I know that the bingeing isn't all about hunger, but being hungry makes a binge way more likely.

Try not to hate food.  We need it to live.  Hate your attitude toward food.  That way, eventually you can build a healthier relationship with it.

Hope some of this helps.
Hi Summer,

When I read your post, I felt like I was reading my life story.  How old are you by the way - I'm guessing like 16/17?  Don't hate me if I'm way off.  However, I have been dealing with this for 10 years - started with anorexia when I was 14/15 and progressed to binge/diet cycles.  I finally owned up and started therapy - I was in denial before.

Some things I learned, its NOT about the food.  Its not about eating or not eating or dieting etc.  For me, and you might be different, but it was about control.  I felt and still do to a lesser extent, that I had no control over my life.  I felt like I had to do what society, my mother, my boss etc, wanted me to do.  Go to college, get a job, go to the job, try my darnest to please my mother.  I'm realizing now that I can control my life, I can quit tomorrow and do whatever I want.  I don't  have to listen to my mother and her ideas - I can ask her for advice, but I don't have to take it and I don't have to believe that what she says is right (or right for me anyway).  I don't have to let my mother force her opinions and ideas on me.  I can say NO to her - this was a foreign concept a few months ago lol. 

They say that anorexia develops because as a teenager we are unable to control our lives, so we control our food and bodies.  However, I feel that the anoreixa changes to BED when our brains/bodies get sick of the dieting and the deprivation and rebel.  Its a hard cycle to break, because it is just that a cycle (circle) no beginning and no end. 

I think you should look at your life, and find what you are unhappy about.  BED causes depression and it snowballs like crazy!!!  Maybe you don't have friends, or you don't think you are smart enough, or something else is wrong.  Maybe you can focus on doing things like volunteering and keeping busy.  Knowing that you are doing something good and helping someone is a great ego boost.  Binges commonly occur out of boredom and when you are alone.  I try to distract myself, even if its a drive to fill up my car.  It takes like 20 mins and takes my mind off of eating.  For me the hardest is at work - but I notice that the binges occur when I'm frustrated or bored - so I try to deal with that by talking to a coworker, going for a walk at lunch etc. 

Finally, I have realized, that you need to own up, admit that you have a problem, not be embarassed or ashamed about it and start working on it.  At first I thought that going to the therapist would just magically solve my problems.  But NO, you have to do the work - reflect on what you talk about with your therapist, read helpful websites/books, take a shower when the urge comes on (that always does it for me), or call someone - maybe have someone from this site - you can also come on this site and just make a post or chat with someone on IM.  Just remember, you are better than this thing and you are worth it.  Also, knowing that there are a few of us in the same boat also helps. 

Sorry this is SO long.  Let me know if you would like to chat.  I have AOL, my ID is RichDA24.

-Kate
#8  
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Hey Kate,

I'm 21. I don't even know when this started... when I was about 20 I guess (so it's not all that long). When I was anorexic, I didn't even realize it, because I felt like I was eating whenever I'm hungry (but only 'safe foods').

And I am under therapy now. I've also come to realized what you said about not being ashamed and facing up to it. I KNOW I have a problem, I share it with my mum and friends and stuff... but sometimes it's not good enough.

I guess for the control part...I'm slightly different in a way. I realized I liked exerting control over every aspect of my life, eating, exercsing... even how many hours I slept a day! Until I lost control. I'm trying to regain control (and I'm glad it's somewhat coming back), but I guess not too much because I know it's my downfall.

At first, I would binge out of depression (due to the daily binges, I got SO DEPRESSED), and depression bred depresson, and more binges. Then things go slightly better, and I usually binged when I was trying hard to avoid something. But lately, things seem to have taken a turn again... I feel like I'm not trying to avoid anything, but and up wanting to avoid if after bingeing... I guess, I'm still avoiding stuff subconsciously. So I've been literally forcing myself to do stuff even after bingeing, e.g. just that day, I wanted to avoid going out for dinner with my friends because I felt 'fat', but went anyway, or go to school and get stuff done. But sometimes, it's hard because... you just feel sleepy after a binge!

Anyway, it's 4:14am now and I came down to eat something. I guess I got hungry from not being able to eat much for dinner after a massive binge (and subsequently, forcing myself trough lunch because it was my grandpa's birthday lunch). But I daresay, I'm eating mindfully and I'm not about to overeat.

Kate, I don't use AOL. But do let me know your e-mail address, I'll drop you an e-mail and send you a blog invite if you wish. :)

Summer
Binging is incredibly common among people who try and starve themselves to lose weight, it's a psychological urge to eat as much as possible, to take in the most amount of calories possible and store fat for the next famine period. That's what your body will be going through when you waver between the starving/binging cycle.
Hey...

I think bingeing has two parts - (1) due to starvation (2) eat to avoid something (this is subconscious for me at times)

I binged again this morning. I didn't binge until I was uncomfortably full, but still felt pretty shitty and proceeded to have a normal lunch, which I can't decide if is a binge. And I went about to do stuff for the afternoon to get off the depression, got home, and had yet another mini-bingge (stopped myself below 100 calories).

It's ridiculous. School's starting and I guess subconsciously, I'm worried about what would happen when I move back to the dorm and all. It feels horrible because I always end up calling my mum AFTER bingeing, and crying... it's like wanting attention sometimes. My mum's great, but I feel like I'm relying too much on her despite being 21. And I guess, I'm unknowingly afraid of being in the dorm alone, even though I keep telling myself it'd be easier there, coz I don't stock up on my binge food. (which is a little hard at home, since I'd affect the REST of the family)

It's so hard to get out of the cycle after almost a week of consecuritve bingeing :( I know it's possible, because I've done it before, but I'm feeling increasingly lost over all these...

Thanks so much for all your kind responses. Anyone willing to exchange e-mails and support each other?

ps. I honestly don't know whether I should eat my dinner since I feel like I've eaten way too much for the day. I guess I shall, the last thing I need right now is to wake up in the middle of the night and binge... and just go for a long run after that... sigh.

Sorry, I'm ranting. It's just frustrating sometimes!

Buttlessbabe- I kow what you mean. I've tried throwing up too, but I've given up. It's not healthy, I can't throw up for nuts (seriously, I didn't even throw up when I overdosed on medication one), and all I'd end up with is a sore throat the next day. I hope things work out for you, for us..
#12  
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hi im 19 and have suffered from anorexia till about two years ago when i began a vicous binge eating cycle.

i have never really recovered from my anorexia, and so when i started eating again instead of the thought of myself gaining weight eating healthly i binged on chocolate and crap. i still dont eat in front of my family. i will wait until everyones out or upstairs then raid the cupboards and fill my pockets up with food. its so embarassing i cant belive i do it. its like anothere person takes over me.

the post saying about insulin giving us incontrollable urges makes sense and i can relate to that. even when i scream at myself to stop eating i still do it. its crazy.

iv put on 4 stone in the past year up from 6 1/2 at my lowest. i hated my self then and i still do now but ive realsised i will never be content with how i look. instead now i am focusing on being heathy.

i joined the gym with a friend a few months back and had my body fat measured. mine was 32% which is obese in terms of a womans average percentage. even the instructor was shocked but i knew it was cos of the high fat things i eat.

binging can cause as much stress on our bodies as starving.

i hate doing it but i either starve or binge. im still looking for the meduim where i eat three meals a day.

looking back now i wish i lost weight the healthy way with good food and exercise, instead my body and metabolism are messed up and in a worst state than when i started.

i wish everyone strength and luck in overcoming these disorders. we must be honest with our sleves and tell the truth. what is teh reason behind our binges.

im going to start with a meal plan for each day, its difficult for me to eat in front of people but i need to do this for myself now, for my own health. we have to be strong.

Good things come to those that wait.. we wont lose weight or overcome these vicous circles in a day. aparently it takes two weeks to learn a habit so in theory if i can stick to a healthy diet for 2 weeks i can do it forever...

Just change on thing at a time,im learning the hard way that you cant rush things..

all sounds so convincing doesnt it, the hardest bit is actually doing it.. 

We can all do anything when we put our minds to it.. Just think postive!!
#13  
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I can totally relate. I didn't start binging until I attempted to recover but then i would starve again... so it wasn't really recovery. it's really hard to try to find a balance and whenever i think i 'm on the right track something goes wrong again. you just have to keep at it i guess.
#14  
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I can totally relate to what you say. I think its pretty common to have the cykle of anorexia- bulimi- BED. 

I just want to eat like I want to eat. I know exactly how I should eat, but in my mind Im thinking "good girl, you have only eaten 700 calories today". And maybe two days later I eat 4000.

having a crappy day...

I've been looking for someone with my problem for such a long time! I'm 15/16 and I ran cross country for my high school for the first time this fall and I found I was pretty good. Everyone was really excited to have someone so good at running, I really felt the pressure to win every single varsity race for the girls' team. I found that when I lost a little bit of weight my times were always faster than if I stayed at a certain weight so I restricted my calories and continued my long-distance running, eventually becoming anorexic for about 4 months. It continued until my body started breaking down and I couldn't even run because I had stress fractures in my feet, hip problems, and I felt so cold all the time I hated running outside. Starting around the holidays I just wanted to be pretty again and not disgusting and bony and "alien looking" as my mother put it. I first binged the week of thanksgiving and then I starved myself two days after thanksgiving and this pattern of binge and starve went on for about a month and I still looked hideous. So on december 21 I started completely binge eating with no starving and I haven't stopped since. I went from 87 to 105 in less than a month (was this too much too fast?), but now binge eating everyday has become a habit. I'm always okay until I get home and then I eat ridiculous amounts of food. Except my foods arent exactly unhealthy When I do binge I eat uncanny amounts of beans, rice cakes, skim milk, and kellogs cornflakes, plain bagels, orange juice, fat free cream, and strawberries. Today's binge was seperated into two that came to a total of 3 cans of black beans (1890 calories), 10 bagels with cream cheese, 12 bowls of kellogs cereal (each with a cup of skim milk), an apple, a banana, 3 glasses of orange juice, 20 oz of strawberries, 6 rice cakes, 2 bowls of honey nut cheerios, and a tsp of chocolate rice krispies. I don't know how to control myself, but i really want to just eat 3 meals and not care about whether I eat 2000 calories a day or not. I just don't know what to do. I'm never hungry when I binge just really tired.

This sounds exactly like the situation I'm dealing with right now. I started off anorexic, my lowest weight was 96 lbs, then when I realized how boney I looked, I decided to start eating a lot more. My weight started to rise slowly, to 102, in the first month, then 106 two weeks later. That's when I started to have full-out binges. Another two weeks had passed and I was up to 111, and I was horrified and really depressed, so I went home and did the thing I was trying to avoid; binge. I started purging afterwards, either by fasting the next day, excersizing a lot, and sometimes by vomiting. Over another couple weeks I got up to about 115. The purging wasn't working as well as I'd wanted it to. So, again, I became depressed. And binged. Another 2 lbs came on almost instantly. I would fast for a few days to try to make up for it, but the second I let my self have anything to eat, it triggered a binge. It was so weird. If I woke up and only had coffee and water, I could go 2 or 3 days without anything. But when I broke the fast, my mind would just want more and more food. Another 3lbs came on, and I was at 120lbs. I told myself I was done gaining weight, but it's hard. Today, I'm about 125lbs because I binged earlier. But tomorrow, I'll probably be back down to 121. I'm trying to lose some of the weight I've gained.

I have no advise unfortunately, I'm just another person to relate to.

Hello, I'm new to this site and can relate to all your experiences.

I am a 5'10" 115lb 23yr old male.

I have suffered from an eating disorder for about 3 years now. My weight was lowest around Dec. 2008 at about 110lb. Previously I was only anorexic, but since I decided to begin recovery, I have gained 5lbs the last 2 months from binging. I have been locked in this terrible 9-10 day cycle of binge, restrict for 2-3 days, eating healthy for a week, then binging again. I can't seem to stop and it's ruining my life. I have had to put off finishing university for now because recovery was affecting my school work and school was hurting my recovery. All the weight I have gained has been fat around my stomach, thighs, and hips. I just want to be normal, but I don't know how. I am always depressed and I can't regulate my eating habits. Once I receive medical clearance (to assure them my health is stable), I will be entering a eating disorder treatment program. This will likely start in about 3 weeks, but I feel I can't wait that long. 

I am tired of these 5000+ calorie days and just want to be normal. Please help! Any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks. 

Hi, sorry this isn't advice but I feel the same way as all you guys. Its so fustrating that I can't control what I eat! it seems so simple and its like everyone has an easy time with it, i wish i could be like them!

I was diagnosed anorexic over xmas at 85lbs(i'm 5ft5) and at first eating was so difficult, but now its like i can;t stop eating! I start the healthy way-yogurt and fruit for breakfast then a healthy lunch but then its like theres a trigger inside me that says eat now and don't stop. I know what my body still needs the food as i still need to put on 7lbs but i want to do it the healthy way.

So yet again, as anyone got any advice?

Hey,

I'm new to this site. I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm only slightly underweight and I've been eating under 1000 calories for about 3 months now. At first, I had no trouble. But, now my body is in starvation mode and I've binged about 4 times, all at night. And then I starve the next day because I feel so bad about myself. Any advice to stop the binging. I used to be so healthy and never had a problem overeating until I started to drastically cut calories. Advice is appreciated.

Also, I'm really glad I found this site. I don't feel so alone anymore knowing that there are others out there going through this :)

Original Post by runner1289:

Hey,

I'm new to this site. I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm only slightly underweight and I've been eating under 1000 calories for about 3 months now. At first, I had no trouble. But, now my body is in starvation mode and I've binged about 4 times, all at night. And then I starve the next day because I feel so bad about myself. Any advice to stop the binging. I used to be so healthy and never had a problem overeating until I started to drastically cut calories. Advice is appreciated.

Also, I'm really glad I found this site. I don't feel so alone anymore knowing that there are others out there going through this :)

 Please see your bolded statement.  THIS is why you are bingeing in the first place.  You can't repace a binge with a restrict the next day.  It just makes your body want to binge again.  If you binge, you have to make sure you eat normally the next day..and the day after that...and the day after that.  I don't care if you binge for 2 weeks straight.  You still can't restrict yourself after it happens.  That's not how it works.   This is the most simple advice I can give you. 

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