My name is Jada and I am anorexic. I'm worried that I have gone to far, and I can't turn back. So instead of asking for help I've been lying more to my parents. Making excuses why I passed out "oh i just forgot to drink some water." or "I already ate." I've run out of things to say.
Reason: Moved to H&S; locked because as much help as we CAN provide on this site has been provided.
It's NEVER too late to turn things around, I promise. How old are you? You look so young (and are obviously in the 'Young Calorie Counters' forum), too young to be fighting this. When I was a teenager I was in the same boat as you, but I realized being healthy is more valuable than that. I've been through physical/medical, emotional, and mental hell over this, but it is possible to come out on the other side. It's hard, but completely attainable.
Please, please try to reach out to someone in real life for help, especially if you feel like you can't deal with it by yourself. EDs may just seem like a harmless obsession or control at first, but they can eat you alive and make you miserable, and I don't want that for you, and I know you don't want that for yourself.
You can ABSOLUTELY turn back, and it's better late than never. Sure it's scary, but is it as scary as finding out you can't have children someday? Or passing out and nobody finding you until it's too late? Or your parents having to bury their beautiful daughter because her organs failed? I hate to sound so scare-tacticy, but I've been in your position and ED still haunts my head. It's something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. Also, about a month ago, another CC user who was only 18 died due to complications from her eating disorder. Heartbreaking. It's not a fun life to live, and it's no way for a beautiful young girl like yourself to be living.
It's good that you recognize the problem, but now the next step is taking action. I hope I didn't sound too much like a lecturing mom.
The fact that you are speaking out about it is a good start. The next is to try and seek professional help. It is important for you to have your family's support (as well as a few friends if you feel comfortable telling them).
I had anorexia over 8 years ago(I was around your age), I was admitted to IP when they told me according to my vitals I might be dead in a month if I continue to treat my body the way I was treating it. I learned everything from how to eat healthy again to how to get rid of thoughts like the ones you are having.
What helped me and hopefully it can help you too, is that if your parents suspect something, let it out. It is best to get it out to them instead of trying to hide it to them, it sounds easier said then done but the ending consequences is that you will be on the road to recovery and a happier life. I wish you the best of luck, ED is not easy to get over as some people think.
Original Post by Somebody2011:
The ED isn't my only problem. I would hurt myself by cutting. Because I would give in to my cravings. I would purge until I saw blood. Or I would just throw up blood. All I can think about Ate calories working out and purging. No matter how many times I pass out I always get back up and run.
So...what happens when you don't get back up? I mean, its gonna happen, if you don't get help. Eventually your body will fail, and then you'll be forced into treatment (if you're still alive) and then all those terrible secrets you've been hiding (starving, purging, self harm) will come to light.
Wouldn't you rather start recovery now, openly and honestly, with the help of family and friends? Rather than have it forced on you after you pass out from hunger, discovered by horrified family/friends, admitted to a hospital where the nurses will see your scars, then involuntarily sectioned into a psychiatric hospital (5150'd if the medical staff think you're a danger to yourself; and yes, evidence of self injury counts as 'danger to oneself') where you get to spend a lovely 1-2 weeks with general population mental patients (violent schizos, suicidal heroin addicts going through withdrawal, and mute depressives).
See, what I described above is exactly what happened to me. And I started out much like yourself; starving, purging, self harm-it was all a badly kept 'secret' that finally came to light when I passed out for the nth time but didn't wake up.
Tell your parents, avoid what I went though. The trauma of being forcibly hospitalized pales in comparison to the discomfort of telling your parents you have a problem. And in any case, they WILL find out, whether its from you, a concerned friend, or the ER doctor, there is no hiding it from them. Wouldn't it be better to just...get it off your chest now so you can start on the path to health and happiness?
I know it's hard. I never told mine directly. I told a teacher at school who I trusted. She helped me through it, but eventually called my parents, and I felt SO betrayed. At first it feels like the whole world is against you, but then you'll realize they're just trying to work with you to help save your life (but you have to want it too).
This is a good start, telling us here. If you don't feel ready to tell your parents yet, tell ANYONE. Someone you trust, most likely an adult. Are there any guidance counselors or teachers you feel comfortable enough talking about it to? Sometimes it's easier to tell someone out of your family because it doesn't feel nearly as scary, since you don't have to live with them day after day.
Hurting yourself- whether through cutting or ED or something else- can have long and painful consequences. The ED/self-harming thoughts are the hardest to shut off, but if you start with the physical (ie- eating, cutting down on exercise, not purging) eventually the 'voices' telling you to do it won't be so loud.
a couple of resources you might try to help you with the purging and the anorexia --
somethingfishy.org -- a website dedicated to eating disorder recovery, and
NEDIC -- the national eating disorders information center. It's Canadian, but they also have a toll-free number. You could at least find someone to talk to.
