So, I know you guys are probably tired of these by now, but I just don't feel like I can get answers anywhere else. My "ed" (never been diagnosed professionally because I'm too chicken to confess to my parents, I'm working on it) feels almost invalid because I flip flop all over it. Somedays I starve myself to the extend of fainting, other times I eat almost normally. What the hell is wrong with me?
And now, drumroll please, my stats! I'm twelve years old (oh, hush), 4 feet 9 inches, and my weight fluctuates between 76-79 pounds. My BMI's around 16.7, I believe. On days when I feel like absolute crap, I eat around 800 calories, look at thinpso, and do generally horrible things. But the next day, I could be eating almost normally, convinced I'm recovering from an ED I question daily, and then the next day I'm back to living on cucumbers and gum. This has been going on since mid-summer.
Does this happen to anyone else? I feel so useless, like I can't have an eating disorder, but I also can't not have one. What are your opinions on, y'know, everything? Also, do you think it's serious enough for me to have to consult my parents and/or a doctor?
Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Do they eat healthy foods? If so, just say something like, "Mom, I need your help with something. Could you please make sure I'm eating the right things every day?" You don't have to scare her by telling her that you think you might have a problem. Just ask for her guidance in eating the right things. It's her job to help you with that. Then stop weighing yourself, forget about BMI and calories, stop looking at thinspo. All those things are irrelevant to you at 12 years old. Please don't be insulted by that. All of the charts you will find on the internet are for adults and teens, not for people your age.
Eat your meals with your family. Eat what they eat. And ask your mom to pack you a lunch to eat at school.
Good luck, Lady Luna the Great!
TricotTreat Although you're right, these things are totally irrelevant to a 12 year old, the OP is engaging in eating disordered behaviours. Just trying to ignore it and hoping it goes away might work for some people, but at least for me, it didn't work at all. It seems pretty obvious that the suffers from disordered eating which is a serious mental health problem that she should talk to her parents about and may need more help than trying to ignore it - though I may well be wrong, I just know I did.
adyluna Hello! For your age and height, you are a low, but technically healthy weight, so that's a good thing. However, your exhibiting very serious eating disordered behaviours. To be honest, it sounds exactly like the early stages of my ED. Seriously. If you continue down this road it'll only get harder to break. If I was in your position, I wouldn't wait. I'd talk to your parents and explain your eating patterns and concerns to them and ask for help. At your age you need to be eating a lot more than 800 calories a day, it's a starvation diet- seriously. At least 2000kcals. Try to get a meal plan in place so you are eating regularly - breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack - that way you won't get too full which may trigger ED thoughts. It's hard because at a healthy weight, often people feel that they cannot possibly have an ED, but eating disorders occur at any weight. You don't suddenly have anorexia when your wake up underweight, you have to get there first.
I do agree with TricotTreat in saying try not to engage in these behaviours. The longer you engage in them the harder they are to break. Stop weighing yourself - if it's complusive get your parents to hide the scales. It is not a good habbit and will only further your preoccupations on food and weight. As for thinspo - IMO, it can just bugger off but I know that isn't helpful to you - you need to stay away from triggering material, but it is hard. You can get a more techno-savvy person than me to block the sites for you or alert your parents to it.
I know in the UK, the NHS can be pretty awful when you are clearly ill but aren't at a low enough weight. However, do try and get help. Counselling or therapy would be useful in working out why you're at this point when you are on the lower range of healthy weight wise. You don't need to worry about your weight at all - if anything you could gain and be fine. TricotTreat is right in saying that these things are irrelvant and you should just try and stop. It isn't always that simple but the more you can do now to challenge them, the happier and healthier you'll be in the long term.
Hope this helps. PM me if you want a bit more support.