I looked if anybody had the same problem but i could not find anything on this topic. It would be nice if someone else had a similar situation.. msiery loves company :) My husband thinks im fat. Im 32 yo, 5' 3" and 56 kgs (~125lbs).. so not the skinniest one but not overweight either. I was thinner when we married 2.5 years ago (maybe 53 kgs).
I do exercise a lot, mostly running, i have run 3 half marathons in last 2 years (with all respective training) and im running one this sunday, and i must say i quite enjoy racing. He thinks running makes me actually gain weight, which its hard to argue, i do feel hungrier when i run and the truth is that this has not realy helped me loosing any weight (i have been going up and down 2-3 kgs while trying to get back to 53); and also he has seen other long distance runner that are not real "fit" (in the sense of skinnny).
He is really not big in exercising, he goes to the gym to lift some weigths 2-3 times per week. He has suggested that we should do some exercise together, like hiking that we both like, which I had agree because ...he is right, we dont have much free time (both work) rather do something together. He (and his parents) are this naturally skinny people. He eats fairly ok, some junk here and there, but generally ok.
Me, on the other hand, i have entered in this loop of eating real good stuff for 3-4 days, then eating like a pig for a couple of days, feeling horrible, repeat. The only thing I have hold on is to my running, mostly because it makes me feel good and i have this goal of running a HM in less than 2 hours (i know, a bit arbitrary). I know loosing 5 pounds will help me with my goal, and i will feel and look better, but i try, and then i fall into the loop, and i am pretty much stuck there.
it just sucks because besides that we have such a good relationship...
First of all, your husband sounds like an asshat. Or he's at least he's acting like one.
Nobody is fat at 5'3" and 125 pounds. I'm an inch shorter and weight the same and am most definitely not "fat."
You feel hungrier when you run because you burn more calories and therefore need to eat more calories. Running won't make you gain weight.
Is he suggesting you do a physical activity together to motivate you to lose weight or to lead a healthier lifestyle in general?
Are the days that you say you "eat like a pig" following long runs? I could see why your body needs the extra calories, especially if you're not eating enough in the 3-4 days before it.
Is he looking for a trophy wife or is he concerned about your health?
Edit: you run half marathons for goodness sake. He works out 2-3 times a week? Sounds like he needs to work on his own habits instead of worrying about yours.
If he continues telling you you're fat (which you definitely are not, dear lord) then maybe you should try commenting on some of his body 'failings'? That'll make him shut up. :/
This is not a "silly" issue. Your husband, the person who should support you most in this world, is undermining your body image. To the point that you binge-eat out of guilt. Counseling would be a better investment of your limited time together than going for a hike.
Comparison is sometimes unhelpful, but I am the same height as you and 20 POUNDS heavier. I run, lift weights, eat well and am active. Echoing Bierorama, I would also not consider myself "fat" in the slightest, and my husband agrees.
Reading this made me very angry… YOU need to get angry! You are not even close to
being over weight at 125lbs. I’m assuming if you’re active and run often that your percent body fat is most likely under where it should be for your build.
Also… your husband sounds like a real Asshat… He obviously has low confidence and is afraid of losing you. He must think that he can lower your confidence to keep you from realizing you’re better looking than him….and that is a childish thing to do. You
need to woman up and tell him to go _______ himself.
Your husband is a bast@rd!
I feel so sorry that you are married to such an ogre.
You are nowhere near fat! You are at an ideal weight, you sound fit and healthy- that's what matters. You're eating well then binging- classic sign that youare under-eating when trying to eat healthily.
Does he want you to end up with eating disorder?
You poor girl xx
Thanks all for your replies. I guess I knew this was the case, because I have not dared to mention this to any of my girlfriends, I thought they would get mad too (actually my best friend had a lapband surgery so i thought it was pretty obvious what she was going to tell me).
The thing is that he had been telling me this, and i had pretty much thinking he is being silly or an a&$$, and kind of telling him that. This morning i told him he should stop saying i fat/chubby/need to loose weight or i will tell him parents when they visit (they coming up in a few weeks), hoping he would feel embarassed of being so mean to me. He told me "you have seen them, you know how skinny they are, you will not get support there" . I just left to work being so mad; but i finally hit me that he truly thinks he has a fair point.
You know when you are married, you have to pick your battles, and I know I need to pick this one. But a second i thought, maybe I am wrong (since he is sure he parent would agree) and I am not being tough enough with myself.
Re: His body flaws.. I do know know, he is pretty good looking, but I guess I am biased. You see! that is the hurtful part! I can not even see his flaws.. (Love does suck!)
Re: running, i run usually 20-35 miles per week, 5-6 days/week, always take at lest one rest day, depending on how far from a race I am. I do my long on sunday morning, when im with him most of the day so (to be honest) i am a bit more self concious of what I eat. I think he does not like me running because it takes so much time away from him; but i have a desk job, and work in the Bay area where weather is great most of the year and running, the music, and myself are sometimes the only thing that makes sense.
Binging comes usually when I am stressed in the week.... or when im alone at home. Then guilt, sadness, putting myself together, lets try again, repeat. You know this sounds so sick, if i was reading this i would say "poor woman" or thinking this is happening to a young teenager or some uneducated people (not to discriminate, just to say people that the only intellectual feed its from tv). But we are not!
I would like to believe they are people who has wonderful marriages out there, and i hope they are...; but for most relationships, there is a lot of work involved; it happens one always have to place where the boundaries are. It is hard, i probably should have seen that coming before marrying, but those things are soemtimes so sutile... Thanks again!
yes, hiking is pretty nice, we have a dog too, so she comes along... no complains there; but it is definitely something we can do once per week, at most, having full time jobs.. one good thing about running is that you can squeeze a nice run in the evening or early in the morning
You are not fat at all :(
A husband/boyfriend is supposed to care about your feelings and be supportive, not be cruel. Showing concern about a partners weight is one thing, if they're overweight.
You are perfectly healthy, he is SO in the wrong.
I would be so angry, I don't think I'd be able to control myself from telling him off!
If you want to loose more weight, loose the husband! ... after having your self esteem blown up, you probably don't get enough calories and running burns a whole hell of a lot! i still have 40-50 lbs to loose and i'm trying to create a balance in my life with eating clean foods (no processed foods, no sugar, mostly fruits/veg?egg whites/wraps/lean meats..) and daily exercise. so in 8 weeks of eating this way i have lost 16 lbs!
I have actually worked at a weight loss center before (i was much thinner and in shape at the time) and it was hard to see that lots of women in there had an emotional issues that contributed to their over eating. but there really is a way to create a healthy balance in your life, but first you just may have to look deeper into your life and what causes you to get to the point where you let all the emotions take control of what you put into your body. Treat your self right and love your body enough to not abuse it (with the wrong food choices especially) ...because you deserve better!
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