Asexuals and asexuality

I just want to know how people reacted when you "came out", or did you ever come out as such?

Well, Im a sexually confused 15-year-old and I think I could be asexual (the non-masturbating type). I mean, I know I was heterosexual at one stage but now that my bulimia has gotten really bad, I dont have any sexual desires anymore. Im not sure if I ever will.

I am sexually active, in case you're wondering, as I have a heterosexual boyfriend. But I do not have sex with him for my own pleasure, it's just for him.

firstly, you are underage and i hope you are making him use a condom every SINGLE time. 

secondly, that is not asexuality by and of itself. its not True asexuality. Eating disorders interfere with hormones and energy, thats why there is always no interest. bulimia and depression go hand in hand- depression very much reduces sex drive. please go see your doctor.

Firstly, you're so funny.

Secondly, I never knew there were elitists amongst asexuality.

If you're not enjoying sex, you're probably either not ready for it and/or not with the right person. Having sex you don't want would also make you more confused about your body and your sexuality. Your boyfriend should be interested in your pleasure and should wait until you want sex - not go ahead regardless! You need to understand your body is more than just a tool for someone else's pleasure, and you have the right to say no.

Eating disorders do often affect libido, as ktjo pointed out. If you were heterosexual before your eating disorder, it is likely you will be when you recover - though you're still young, so plenty of time to decide yet.

As an aside - if you post on the forums, expect to get advice. It kinda works like that.

It's more likely that your eating disorder has caused you to lose interest in sex. It's a very common side effect of malnourishment - your body is more interested in preserving itself than procreating. I know I'm heterosexual but I have no interest in sex because I'm underweight - but I know from past experience that when I become healthier and my period returns, my sex drive comes back.

Miaow! (couldn't resist.)

Original Post by wormyeyelid:

Firstly, you're so funny.

Secondly, I never knew there were elitists amongst asexuality.

People here are trying to kindly advise you and help you understand better what you are dealing with.  You don't seem to have a true understanding of what asexuality is and if you aren't enjoying sex, what's the purpose?  You're putting yourself at risk for pregnancy at a very young age not to mention any STDs if you and/or your boyfriend have  had previous partners.  You might want to rethink the decisions you're making as they seem to be based on immaturity and insecurity.

I totally agree with Kthompson! 

Again, your eating disorder may have your desires for sex turned off.  Plus if you are on any medication for eating disorder, the side effedt could be lose of sexual desire.  I suffer from an emtional problem.  I was very attracted to sex, until this.  I lost all desire for sex.  I got know pleasure from it or desire for it.  So this dosen't mean you are asexual.  You are just 15, please consult a doctor about your eating disorder and find a doctor that you can feel comfortable to talk about your problem with both on the eating and the sexual disire.  Also having sex to just satisfy someone elses need is not fair to you.  Not accounting problems that come with be sexual active, pregnacy and or std's.   Also in time my sexual desires has came back.  As above you may want to rethink your sexual activity.  You have plenty of time to figure your sexual needs or desires.

An asexual individual never ever has any sexual desires. Or at least that's what I was lead to believe.

Having a low sex drive or no sex drive because of outside means and/or health reasons can certainly make you feel like you're asexual. But if you had it before, it's usually safe to say you will have it again (when you get better).

Malnutrition can cause your libido to dimish, so can birth control (are you on any? I hope so in this case). Bad nutrition can cause a low or no sex drive. Your emotional state does the same.

As some have said in this thread, those with EDs and those in recovery from an ED, have said their sex drives went poof.

You also shouldn't be having sex if you don't really want it just because your boyfriend wants it. You are not a tool. Talk to your boyfriend about what's going on.

And I know you hate these words, but I'm gonna say it anyway! Please see a doctor/counsellor/therapist... I promise you can/will get better. So many girls and guys on this website have. =)

Original Post by k192:

Also in time my sexual desires has came back.  As above you may want to rethink your sexual activity.  You have plenty of time to figure your sexual needs or desires.

Yes!  While I didn't add this, I agree completely with this sentiment as well.  Due to hormonal changes (not to mention your added difficulties due to bulimia) teens go through, it can take some time to fully understand who you are sexually.  Many young people experiment sexually until they fully figure out who they are and what their true sexual nature/feelings are.  Relax, take your time, and be patient with yourself and your body.

I don't know if you're really asexual, but wouldn't it be kind of weird to come out to people and say "hey, I don't have any sexual desires?" That kind of made me chuckle.

Edited to add: I hope nobody takes that offensively, I'm just pulling the OP's leg.

here is a link to a deffinition of asexual. the OP had the right idea. just because she is feeling asexual due to an eating disorder does not mean she isn't really asexual.

whatever the reason, she is technically asexual.

Thank you.

And can I just add, I was laughing at ktjo because I've never heard a randomer on the internet express so much concern for my well-being.

And I have amenorrhea, so technically, I can't get pregnant. I haven't had my period in quite some time now. Should I be concerned? I haven't told anyone yet.

I am not a 'tool' for my boyfriend. I know that plenty of asexuals do engage in sex just to please their partner. I don't really care, maybe I sound easy, but I love him and I just want to please him.

you are a randomer seeking advice on the internet, yet you are fuming at having received advice/opinions from people who bother to respond?

you dont concern me at all, really. youre a bundle of issues.

I'm not angry, I just find it comical, that's all.

It perplexes me how people on the internet express more concern for me than real people in my life.

ok listen, im 19 not much older than you.

F all the people in your life who dont care about you, there are people out there who WILL make you feel great but NOT UNTIL you learn to care for yourself.

please dont get antagonised by this but look at the FACTS : and dont see this as comical, it is not.

1) You are having sex when you dont want it to 'please' your boyfriend...a)he shudnt make you if u dont want to and b) wtf ? is this 1958 where women have to submiss to their men? come on, you know better.

2) your bulimia (/low weight?) has damaged you to the point of non-existent periods, which is the most basic function of a woman's body-the ability to produce a gamete each month.

i would urge you to a) start using comdoms, b) tell your parents about your ED

it is not big, clever, or ok to risk infertility-- either through your ED or through unprotected sex (chlamydia has no symptoms),

... or risking a heart attack, which could happen after just ONE single purge (electrolyte imbalances cause fatal heart attacks in bulimics)

start looking after yourself; life is short and EDs waste so many lives.

15! Geez I must have been a late bloomer or something!

Seriously, the OP should not be attacked for her sexual activity. That is a very personal decision and though she may be young she has every right!

wormyeyelid, please see a doctor. Tell her exactly what is going on with your bulimia and sexual activity. Get on STD test and use protection from now on. Just because you are experiencing amenorrhea does not mean you can't get pregnant. You could start ovulating at any time. Secondly, you do not want an STD. Some of them can cause infertility and though it may not sound that scary now when you are older it will cause a lot of problems. You can get cervical cancer, uterine cancer, and all kind of other terrible things because you were not careful when you were younger. You need to take care of yourself. That is more important than your boyfriends pleasure. You want to act like an adult then start acting like one. Your situation is much more serious than you think now get your **** together!

Original Post by mtobweddingdiet:

15! Geez I must have been a late bloomer or something!

Seriously, the OP should not be attacked for her sexual activity. That is a very personal decision and though she may be young she has every right!

  the issue was and is not that she is underage.

i'm all for sex in a loving relationship whether your underage or not---if one is mature and takes precautions and exhibits some intelligence in regards to it.

its her ED, its effects on her body, and the risk of STDs, that are the issues. 

otherwise, i agree with your point to the letter  

Original Post by ktjo:

Original Post by mtobweddingdiet:

15! Geez I must have been a late bloomer or something!

Seriously, the OP should not be attacked for her sexual activity. That is a very personal decision and though she may be young she has every right!

  the issue was and is not that she is underage.

i'm all for sex in a loving relationship whether your underage or not---if one is mature and takes precautions and exhibits some intelligence in regards to it.

its her ED, its effects on her body, and the risk of STDs, that are the issues. 

otherwise, i agree with your point to the letter  

 I wasn't specifically talking to you. I agree with your points too :)

Wow, incredibly rude OP. I guess soliciting advice to her means only listening to what she wants to hear.

Hey, I'm sorry if I was rude, I guess I should have warned you that I have no real regard for my health and I'm not too bothered about living for very long.

But thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Although I'm not going to tell my parents about my ED because I'm not quite ready to get better yet. I can't wait for the day I will be ready though.