ED has taken over my life for the past half a year... I am currently at a BMI of 15.8. After meeting with my psychologist for the first time today, I feel a new wave of hope and determination to battle this stupid voice in my head that tells me I'm not good/pretty/lean enough whenever I don't exercise or restrict.
I did a lot of research online before I finally got the professional help that I now know I need. Caloriecount's forums always came up in Google search, and the support some thread topics got were so helpful for me to finally take the step into recovery. However, there are still some questions that remain unanswered, and since I can't talk to my psychologist forever and ever, I thought maybe I'd make my own account and try it out.
I used to run compulsively to burn calories, until I once ran two 10 milers in two days and severely injured my groin. After that, not being able to stand resting, I went to the gym and did a lot of abs and elliptical work, which probably slowed down my groin's recovery a lot. (I still can't run after 4 months from when I first injured it). I then discovered bikram yoga, which at first was invigorating and nice! But then it turned into this thing that I HAD to do everyday. Missing a day was like a sin, I would beat myself to the ground for it. It seemed like missing a day of yoga would cause me to turn into a huge glob of fat. I am not so underweight that I can't bring myself to exercise/am tired all the time. I believe I can handle daily bikram yoga. But my doctor is telling me that I should try a week without doing any type of exercise, for recovery both physically and psychologically. I know the guilt that comes with it will be hard, but I am willing to give it a try. However, I'm scared that all the weight gained will be turned into unattractive fat... If I'm not toning while gaining weight, won't it be unaesthetic weight gained?
This haunting thought is the only thing keeping me from eating the amount I should be right now on my road to recovery. It would be great if someone could explain to me how the weight gained is distributed, and why I am not allowed to do any exercise, even if it's not aerobic and just toning. Thank you in advance!