Went on a binge today..

I was so good this week.. until today :(

I realized what my problem is. EVERYTIME after a photoshoot, I feel like I have the right to binge out because I've been restricting myself for soo long. How do I get rid of this nasty habit!? How do I force myself not to binge, and how can I understand that it's NEVER ok to overeat!!?

Basically here's my schedule

-Breakfast: 3 strawberries

-Casting call

-2 oranges & 1 apple

-Photoshoot

-BINGE: 26 triscuits

12 big sweet crackers

2 bananas

HUGE plate of shrimp salad with black beans

2 BIG BIG BIG burritos

17 cookies that are 4 inches in diameter. they were big ones! I just couldn't stop myself !!!

Then I went out to party with my sorority sisters, and when we came back they all pigged out on carbs (cereal and bagels with cream cheese).. BUT I forced myself NOT to eat anything! I'm so proud of myself

At least that's ONE thing I did right today.

Maybe because you're starving yourself.

"WAH WAH I ATE A NORMAL PERSON'S AMOUNT OF FOOD FOR ONE DAY NOW I'M TOO FAT TO GO TO MY PHOTOSHOOT BECAUSE MY 00 PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT!"

That's exactly what you sound like.

Being 115 at 5'9" you are classified as underweight.

Please seek help.

edit; Just because you get paid for it does NOT mean it's okay. Did you hear about the runway model who DIED? Collapsed, heart attack, and that was it. Put some things in perspective for god's sakes.

Feanor, I don't think you understand what I'm going through right now.

There is NO way I ate a normal person's amount of food.

I calculated my calorie intake today, and it was over 8,000 calories

 

That CAN'T be good!

& I'm not seeking help, I'm seeking advice. Please please PLEASE don't lecture me. PLEASE don't tell me that I don't know ANYTHING about how to lose weight in a "healthy manner." Because I have heard it all before, trust me.

I joined CC because I needed an online support group that won't judge me for what I do. I understand that a lot of people do not support modeling, but it's my JOB to stay at a certain weight. You will never understand what it feels like to be a model, so please don't tell me that I need "professional help"

 

I just want someone to tell me how I can get through the day without eating 8,000 calories.

 

Fidget, It's my dream to model. I think about it everyday. I want to end up in Vogue.

Do you realize the competition I have to put up with? Girls who are 5'10" and 108lb.

Right now, I am in a horrible cycle where I would binge out (like today) and then "redeem" myself by fasting or eating 300-400 calories for the next couple of days.

This is VERY unhealthy, and I realize that.

I joined CC because I want to put an end to my terrible eating patterns.

My ultimate goal is to lose some of the weight that I gained this past semester in college (not all, just some), and start eating 1200 calories a day and NEVER EVER binge AGAIN.

 

I read posts from a few women on CC and find myself wishing that they would get beyond their weight/food obsessions.  At times it appears that they are short changing themselves from looking at all the rest that their lives can be and already are.  It?s disturbing that so much emphasis is placed on appearance; there are so many other things to do.  Yes, I do realize that this is a support site for this very issue, however, some obsessions are obvious. 

Having had my rant? I would find it very difficult to have my career tied to my appearance or vice versa.  I spend a fair amount of time thinking about work when I am not there, which would really cause obsessive behaviours. I do however know how if feels to eat compulsively and feel out of control.  I wish I had the answer to why that switch goes on and I throw caution to the wind.  I've learned to get a better handle on it, but I don't know that it will ever be effortless. 

Hi,

I just wanted to say, I'm surprised at the replies you got. I think people get upset when they think people who are already underweight (like yourself) are actually trying to lose weight. But from what I can understand, that is not really your case! You realize something is wrong, and you would like to eat healthy and maintain your weight. Just because you are underweight right now doesn't make binge eating RIGHT. Bingeing is bad at any weight. And any food too! People don't get this. Suppose I binge on 3 pounds of celery. Ok, that's not very bad for me, but the bingeing part still is! That kind of bingeing shows how much I've lost control over my eating.

I understand what you're going through. I only want to lose 5 to 10 pounds, even though I am at a supposedly "healthy" weight right now, but that still gets me thrown into the same category of the stares I might get if I told people I wanted to lose weight. I went through the whole binging cycle in college too, and it was so frustrating for me, because like you, food was never a huge deal to me until college. I finally started understanding the severity of eating disorders. It was so scary for me to find myself stuffing my face and unable to stop. I think it's important to plan out your meals/snacks, and also to not let yourself give up hope when you overeat by a little. What I mean by that is that if you eat one cookie, don't immediately say, "oh man, I screwed up today!" and think that now you might as well eat the other 16, because you already screwed up. Going over by 300 or 400 is SO much better than 3000 or 4000. Someone on CC once posted something about bingeing that I thought was very useful for me. They said, before you start bingeing, just take a moment to imagine the future ten minutes or so of stuffing your face and then the horrible guilt that follows. Just imagine it, and then you will probably decide it's not worth it.

Also a few tips:

Make sure to eat enough protein to feel full.

Drinking enough water and sleeping enough is very important too. If you don't drink enough water, your brain gets confused and thinks you are hungry when you are in fact thirsty. Also, not sleeping enough also seriously confuses your body and makes it very easy for you to gain weight.

When you want to eat something, get busy first. Do something, and more than likely you will forget about the food. For example, I wanted to eat something just now, but then I got on CC, and now that I'm occupied the cravings went away. Especially when I get busy on CC and read people's posts, I remind myself that I am trying to lose weight.

I hope you feel better. Remember, tomorrow is another day!

Thank you Purple. There should be more people like you on here =)

i think people are being a little harsh here. yes i agree that jsand is underweight- at 5'9" and 115 (not sure if those are your exact numbers) that puts you at a bmi of 17 which is definitely too low.

 

but i think what she listed as her consumption for the day could be classified as a binge. eating 17 large cookies is a binge in my book.

just because you are skinny doesnt mean you cant have an unhealthy relationship with food. in fact, i would think that many underweight people/models DO have an unhealthy relationship with food and need help!!

it sounds like you have a form of bulimia- bulimia is defined by binging and purging, and purging can be done by vomiting/laxatives/excessive exercise OR fasting (which seems to apply to you)

i am not a professional so i cant offer any advice on how to deal with this but i do think you have an eating disorder and seeing a professional will definitely help you. its not to sound judgemental or anything like that. but it seems like food has taken over your life and you have a very unhealthy relationship with food. i dont think anyone will be able to fix your problem on these forums and it would do you worlds of good to talk to a professional.

 

by the way, what youre going through is EXTREMELY common. especially in college. i was told that approximately 1 in 3 girls will experience some form of "disordered eating" in college

 

you are taking the right steps in identifying that you have a problem. now the next step is to try to fix it!

 

good luck jsand!

sorry...i was out.

i wasn sure if i sounded harsh or not...obviously i did.  when you know your caught in a cycle then you know that ther's a prob somewhere.....the question is are u prepard to put somethin of lesser priority on hold in order to attend to this. you need to put a realistic figure on your intake depending on your out put. the reason you...or most of us binge is coz we've restrictd our selves more than the body is happy to do.....

10lbs in a month isn that much when you consider about 2/3's thing is water.

i dont think any of us are going to offer you expert advice and thats why we said go seek prof help. you are underweight for your height.....and "for your career" you wish to sustain that.....but as long as you do you will find yourself struggling greatly with the binge fast cycle.

so thats why i said get prof help. coz im not sure which one your prepared to work harder for....and sorry but your comment "You will never understand what it feels like to be a model, so please don't tell me that I need "professional help" sounded like you were pretty up your own arse.

I don't think we should have to tell you this ... you KNOW you are not eating enough before the shoots. Eat MORE healthy food in the morning before your shoots. Eating low carb, high protein foods, perhaps with high fiber such as almonds and maybe a bowl of high fiber cereal (Fiber One is low cal) will fill you up so you won't go binge after the shoot. Two strawberries and a few pieces of fruit is not enough to sustain a young woman like yourself so you are in this restrict binge cycle.

It will only get worse unless you figure out why you are binging (restricting and a very low body weight probably). And I am sure you know but as a moderator I have to let you know that Calorie Count cannot support you as you want unless you seek help and change your eating habits. You say you do not want help just support, but we cannot give that to you here without you helping yourself.

I think you have enough posts telling you that your way of eating is wrong and will only repeat itself, so I'll just say 'ditto' to what's been said.

A reason why you binged (on top of earlier restricting) was the lack of protein in your diet. You ate only fruits early in the day, and included protein later. It should be the other way around. Eat your largest meal in the morning and make sure you get plenty of protein. Fruit in the morning is fine, but make sure you couple it with protein, such as apples and peanut butter, fruit and cottage cheese, fruit and cheese, etc.

My advice would be to forget ANY eating patterns in the past (binging or restricting) and start out completely fresh, with a balanced diet goal. Plan out tomorrow's menu tonight, starting with a big breakfast and making sure to work in at the very least 1200 calories. Good luck!

You may think I was harsh. But you know what? The realities of life are harsh too.

A girl in my school DIED recently because of her eating disorder.

Do you have anorexia? Maybe not. But you are treating your body as if you did. It's time to wake up.

i agree with feanor.
We all have seen WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY TOO many posts about people starving themselves and saying they eat "x" amount of calories (usually a number at or under 1200) and are wondering why they binge.
And when people keep asking the same question, or proposing the same problem, over and over, it gets EXTREMELY annoying.
if you have another problem, or want to talk about your binging, or perhaps want to talk about how to get your calories up to a normal, healthy level, then fine. But if you're going to post something that a thousand people have already posted and we're gone over this a million times, and you're not willing to listen, and learn to be healthy, then thats ridiculous.
Its not harsh. it needs to be said

well thank goodness for that. i was really wondering if i was out of line. clearly not. jus 1 thing. you said how do you make yourself uderstand that it is never ok to over eat.............ever hear of the law of reaction......every action has a consequent and subsequent reaction. make yourself understand that it is never ok to undereat and see if it works in your favour..............

your body is far more powerful than your mind...................and thats the way your body likes to keep it! you'll see.......................................... ............. i did

I'm surprised at myself for writing this, but I don't feel any sympathy for you. You're telling me that you're 5'9" 114 lb model living in some elite college sorority house where you have a professional pastry chef cooking for you. That doesn't sound so bad to me. The expectations of most people on this site are much more realistic - most of us are of average height and are over our recommended weight, and are struggling with realistic and/or modest goals. How should an avg woman like me respond to a woman whose obsession is over a few pounds?

It's important for me to be healthy, and it really sucks when my jeans don't always fit exactly as I like, but I know that my self-worth is NOT decided by my weight. I know that I am beautiful no matter what. I know that my body will be worshiped by a wonderful man no matter what the scale says. This kind of knowing makes a difference.

I hope that you find this sense of self-worth within yourself, and you get that kind of love from outside of yourself.

beautiful...beautiful...

God my eyes are stinging with tears. i am so so so so happy that ther are normal women out ther. its suffocating when i hear all this competition from ppl who are already so much more of an ideal than me....makes it seem like il never even hit the base line let alon match the bar.....so thank you thank you eat better......im smiling, thank u x

*hiss* *spit* MeorrrWWwwwww* 

uhm... WoW

Okay. Reality check. I've never been thin, or a model... I imagine your life has many challenges, but it's your dream, and you are following it. 'Nuff said there.

 However, if you want a very long dream, and not the short kind, or a very kewl young life and a very sickly messed up older life (everything you aren't getting now will add up), you have to make changes that help you.

  I am not an expert. I had my own bouts with an ED. I can connect with that part. Here's some con-structive ideas, I think the de-structive have been covered before I got here.

  How about, listening to your body, figuring out what it is you are craving. Find the low-cal alternatives, and carry these things with you, maybe baggie a bunch. Avoid the things that will destroy your dream, do not give them the power to wreck your life. Eat what will nourish, keep you full longer, and taste good. New day, start over.

  Modeling is a job, a career. You can do it, but along with the job, schedule the food because if you neglect that part you'll just make up for it later. To be beautiful... eat beautiful :)

 

Original Post by j_sand:

Feanor, I don't think you understand what I'm going through right now.

There is NO way I ate a normal person's amount of food.

I calculated my calorie intake today, and it was over 8,000 calories

 

That CAN'T be good!

& I'm not seeking help, I'm seeking advice. Please please PLEASE don't lecture me. PLEASE don't tell me that I don't know ANYTHING about how to lose weight in a "healthy manner." Because I have heard it all before, trust me.

I joined CC because I needed an online support group that won't judge me for what I do. I understand that a lot of people do not support modeling, but it's my JOB to stay at a certain weight. You will never understand what it feels like to be a model, so please don't tell me that I need "professional help"

 

I just want someone to tell me how I can get through the day without eating 8,000 calories.

 

 Actually I do. So keep comments like that to yourself.

Models, in my opinion, are essentially slaves that are paid to starve themselves to unhealthily low body weights. The designers that hire them couldn't care less about their welfare and would be perfectly pleased if they had robots to take their place.

Perhaps you should consider getting yourself out of this situation. You wouldn't binge on 8000 calories worth of garbage if you weren't starving yourself on a regular basis as part of your job.

I'm sick of the skinny is beautiful bull.

I rather see curves than bones..

Tsk tsk to you, so not cool.

BTW, Only you can help yourself.
You've already addressed that you know you have a problem but fail to do something about it,
instead encourage it ?


That's idiotic,
I don't feel sorry for you.


Eat healthy and you won't binge.. simple as that.

Original Post by j_sand :

I was so good this week.. until today :(

I realized what my problem is. EVERYTIME after a photoshoot, I feel like I have the right to binge out because I've been restricting myself for soo long. How do I get rid of this nasty habit!? How do I force myself not to binge, and how can I understand that it's NEVER ok to overeat!!?

Basically here's my schedule

-Breakfast: 3 strawberries

-Casting call

-2 oranges & 1 apple

-Photoshoot

-BINGE: 26 triscuits

12 big sweet crackers

2 bananas

HUGE plate of shrimp salad with black beans

2 BIG BIG BIG burritos

17 cookies that are 4 inches in diameter. they were big ones! I just couldn't stop myself !!!

 

Then I went out to party with my sorority sisters, and when we came back they all pigged out on carbs (cereal and bagels with cream cheese).. BUT I forced myself NOT to eat anything! I'm so proud of myself

At least that's ONE thing I did right today.

 

You are in the starve-binge cycle. Because you are eating so little, and because your body is already underweight, your body literally forced you to eat. It is survival instinct kicking in. The only way to break the cycle is to start eating regular meals and a regular number of calories per day. At LEAST maintain weight.

Only you can help yourself. If you want to help yourself, fine. But if you are going to post threads like this asking for ways to starve yourself, you might as well just leave, because you are only going to get flamed. No one cares "what it feels like to be a model."

 

Original Post by j_sand:

Fidget, It's my dream to model. I think about it everyday. I want to end up in Vogue.

Do you realize the competition I have to put up with? Girls who are 5'10" and 108lb.

Personally, I think the problem lies in what you say there. How will you be able to feel better about yourself if you are comparing yourself to other people? You will be 5'9 weighing probably less than 108 (or whatever weight you are hoping for) but you have to realise NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU LOOK, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE LOOKING BETTER THAN YOU. And, today, it may be your weight but tomorrow, it will be something else. You have to love yourself well enough to take care of yourself and putting your needs first. It may be your dream but what good will a dream be to you when you are 6ft under?

I don't want to be hard on you and I hope you don't take this the wrong way... but you do have a lot of thinking to do. Real acceptance begins on the inside, not on the cover of the magazine or whatever definition of beauty the world sets for us.

You have to count the cost...