Bingeing so much, anxious...need some support!

Hi all, 

I've posted here before with actually a similar story, but now I just feel so much worse. I'm 5'6 and my lowest weight was 103 lbs when i was anorexic. i maintained that weight for about 2 years, then started bingeing and purging with laxatives and restricting. that was when i decided to get a therapist and start recovery, about 6 months ago. of course, the first thing my therapist told me was that I need to stop restricting or purging in any way after a binge, in order for the binge-urge to go down. so i stopped purging, but the binges wouldn't stop! now i weigh 125 lbs and i'm freaking out. i feel like i've gained pure fat, because all the weight came from junk food binges. i'm flabby and my stomach is huge, and all around me i see the tiniest girls, especially at school. so then i'll start restricting again, and within a few days i'll binge (again). i feel so ugly and out of shape, and i cry all the time when i look at my body. sometimes i can't even look at my body, and i want to scream when i realize that none of my jeans fit anymore. the longest i ever went without a binge or restricting was 3 weeks, and to be honest, those 3 weeks felt fantastic. but that was when i was 10 lbs lighter, and i can't bring myself to do it again. i really feel like i want to lose weight. i guess i'm just looking for some tips on how to accept my new body (which i know is technically at a healthy weight), or if anyone else has experienced this? also, wondering when people got their periods back...i had mine at 110, then lost it when i lost more weight...now it won't come back and i weight more than i ever have!

ahhhhhh i'm so anxious and frustrated :/

Im in exactly the same situation and know just how u feel! I found an amazing website lastnite called gwynetholwn.com which has forums n blogs n scientific journals to help explain the recovery process. Its really put my mind at rest and although i hate myself for the further recent 6kg ive put on throuhh gorging on 5000 calories of junk nearly everyday, i now understand better why i am still doing it. Its kinda nice to know im not the only person experiencing this and that its to be expected. I just hope it settle own soon coz its making me so sad. Keep in touch xx

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/9/14/wh y-is-bingeing-not-bingeing-when-you-are-recov ering-from-re.html

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/10/4/we ight-recovered-and-still-bingeing-updated.htm l

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/9/17/is -it-too-late-for-me-to-recover-from-restricte d-eating-beha.html

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/9/14/do -i-need-2500-calories.html

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/9/13/ph ases-of-recovery-from-restricted-eating.html

http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2012/5/22/ex treme-hunger-what-is-it.html

thanks so much, that website looks great! and no, you're definitely not alone on this one. i'e gone back to 3 meals and 2 snacks a day and am feeling much better now. i've just got to remember to trust my body- if i keep eating healthy and taking care of myself, everything will settle to where its meant to be! now if only i could remember that before a binge or restrict haha.