~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

Wow, I am sooo glad I found this post.  I read back as much as I could cram in.  I feel you!  All of you!  I know these feelings!  It's so rare to find other people who are honest about this problem. 

I haven't met many people who can relate to the sudden, crazed need to fill up on anything you can get your hands on.  My thing is a variety too... I want ten different things, but I don't want just a little bit of each, I want as much as I can get of everything.  It's like some deep-seeded fear that it won't be there - like I need to stock up. 

It's been quite a while since I've eaten so much that I wanted to throw up.  I feel great.  I've lost a couple of pounds.  However, that urge is there.  Luckily (kinda) my husband is unemployed right now so he makes dinner at night and he makes just enough.  I drink water or eat a banana and read a book to distract myself from the urge.  It's better after dinner when I'm not hungry anymore but BEFOREHAND!  omg I get home from work and it's like I haven't eaten in days, although I've had plenty at work.  I just don't go into the kitchen. 

I'm doing okay with eating at work - I work pretty isolated in my cubicle so I could binge away with no one noticing if I wanted to - but I just stick with eating what I've brought from home.  Plus, I'll bring a lot - like, three pieces of fruit and a yogurt and a sandwich cut in half - so I sort of just eat it all day, instead of all at once.  It helps me think I'm constantly eating, almost tricking myself into thinking I've eaten a ton.  It doesn't help that the cafeteria makes the whole building smell like bacon every morning, and I see people walking by with trays of fries, mashed or au gratin potatoes (potatoes are my biggest downfall)... I can just imagine going up after I've had my yogurt and loading up a plate with home fries, eggs and sausage... but somehow, I resist... mostly by not letting myself have any cash at work... they don't take the debit card.

Anyway, thank you all for being so honest and I'm really looking forward to reading your journeys.

so I binged yesterday - dammit.

but then I didn't eat today. Nothing at all.

I know you're all going to yell at me for it, I don't think I've ever gone a day without eating, but I felt like I had to to "cancel out" my binge. Anyway, I'm just being honest...

arghhh.... i wanna be skinny again.

I binged two days ago.

My gym is having a bakesale today so I made a cheesecake on Tuesday night. A super decadent one at that: white chocolate and amaretto, with apples and pecans. And dulce de leche on top. With chocolate chips. (I love baking!)

My mother wanted me to make an extra tiny cake for her, but I actually made a little too much so I was left with enough mixture left to make a slice of cake. So I ate it raw. With leftover raw crust. Then as the cake was cooking I started craving potato candy, which I hadn't eaten in maybe 10 years, so I made some. I messed up the recipe but still ate some, with a few spoonfulls of peanut butter. Then since I felt bad for messing it up, I made DIY Clodhoppers. And munched on a ton of Golden Grahams.

With all that, I still managed to stay under 1500 cals, but I felt awful anyway. I'm trying to make up for that binge by eating well and exercising, but I'm so ashamed!

I'm afraid I would binge too if I was making a cheesecake with white chocolate, amaretto, apples, pecans AND DULCE DE LECHE!!!!!!

That sounds like sweet heaven.  Make me one and mail it to me.  I'll pay you, I swear! Name your price!!! :)

Binging has really taken its toll. 2 or 3 weeks ago I weighed just under 8 stone. I weighed myself yesterday and I was just over 9 stone. Considering that in that time I've probably only eaten about 4 actual meals (breakfast not counting) that is really shocking. It isn't as if I've gained 16lbs or so through social events and having a great time or anything. It's all come from sitting alone eating, for example, a whole jar of peanut butter with a teaspoon and a whole pack of dry pitta breads followed by handful after handful of raisins - not enjoying it at allllllllll, hating myself for it, then going to bed feeling ill and waking up feeling bloated and depressed. Weighing myself has been a wake-up call, I can tell you! This cannot continue. I'm not so bothered about the weight because I'm still well within the healthy range, but I care about my health and happiness ... not to mention my finances!

Dreamer88, I sympathize, trust me. Last night, I binged like crazy, not because I was really hungry, but because I was freaked out by things that had happened during the day and depressed to be home alone. The funny part? It isn't like I didn't know what I was doing. A friend invited me to come over and drink wine with her and her boyfriend, which I could have done. I could have left my apartment, gone to a friend's house, and had a good time with people whose company I enjoy. I could have really lived, but what did I do? I sat at home and ate 2 granola bars, a pita with PB and J, a packet of cheese and PB crackers, 2 cups of cereal, a cup of oatmeal, pretzels, a chocolate pudding, tea, and PB on a spoon. All because I was depressed over other things and didn't want to actually deal with the underlying issues. But no more. Now that I have come to this realization, that I'm eating as an emotional and not hunger response, I'm going to actually deal with it! Write in my journal, watch a good movie, read a book, study (ha, my grades should be stellar by the end of this!), or paint my nails. . . anything to stay out of the kitchen. I know I can beat this, because I'm stronger than my ED demons, whatever form they take. So can you! Stay strong everyone! 

the baby shower killed me, i honestly wished it literally did.
i had:
4 reeses peanut butter cups
3 snack size kit kats
2 minis snicker
1 whole banana dipped in chocolate
apple crumb pound cake
fried rice
fried noodle
grapes
pineapples
2 handfuls of cheddar party mix

i've been crying my eyes out, and i can never get away from junk food or any food in general.  kill me.

So it was my uncle's 60th birthday.
Went to the restaurant, was the only one not to take the table d'hôte. Was the only one not to finish my plate and not to eat dessert.
Afterwards, I was the only one who didn't take a digestive and refused the chips, cookies, candies and birthday cake.
Then I went home and ate the cake my mother brought back from the restaurant. And the remaining graham crumbs from the package I bought for the cheesecake. And emptied the PB jar that I had home (which fortunately wasn't full at all).

I get you guys. The worst part is doing it, eating all this crap and hating it, hating yourself for doing it and not being able to stop.

We all need to find some way to keep us all from binging. I think the next time i feel like binging i'm going to come on this site and read all these post on binging to change my mind. maybe it will work or maybe i'll find a picture of someone obese so then i can look at it and say to myself, "don't binge unless you want to look like that."

3rd day binge-free. I hope its for good now. I feel so much more FREE without a past binge weighing me down (literally & figuratively!) Without binging, I can focus on everything else, anything else, other than food! When I'm binging, of course the only thing I can think about is the food I'm eating or about to eat, and after I've binged, all I can think about is starving mmyself to make up for it. Not binging/starving allows me to eat and then move on with my life, its so much easier.... alo working-out becomes more fun, because I'm not doing it to cancel out any "bad-eating" but instead to get in shape. I've been working on my abs like crazy, I have so much muscle under those few inches of fat that I really want the fat to disappear so I can show off my six-pack! Lol

I'm typing this before driving home for the week for Thanksgiving... I know it will be a tough week, but I'm at least going to try to make every day BUT Thanksgiving a perfect diet day... and if I slip up a little bit on thursday, so be it. I WILL NOT USE THANKSGIVING AS AN EXCUSE TO BINGE. I will enjoy the good food but I will enoy being with my family even more.

Okay, I love you guys and know how hard it is.... just try to clear your minds a little bit and get things into perspective. Keep yourselves busy with other, more satisfying activities. We can do it!

Hi guys and girls

I am Blah (because i feel blah) and I am a binger. I am 5'5'' and i weigh 130 lbs on a good day and 132 on a bad day if you know what i mean. I have been a binger for not that long( about three months) so i am very hopeful at recovery.  All of this started with a very stressful period in my life which I am starting to get under control. My binging has been lessening lately but it is still happening at least three times a week. Today I found my trigger. Chocolate and bread. My beloved chocolate and bread. It's totally a bummer actually. But it's a blessing that I found my trigger. So please wish me luck on avoiding anything chocolatey and carby. how do you guys deal with your triggers? do you just avoid it all together? or do you try to learn to control yourself with it? thanks!

*sorry this is so long.

Ok, it's time that I join this thread. It's getting bad.

Hi, my name is marijoie and I am a binger. I'm in college, and the kind of life I have to lead here definitely contributes to feeling anxious and unsatisfied when it comes to meals. I have to eat in a dining hall, and I am a huge cooking fan at home. Not being able to make what I want really, really sucks. The dining hall isn't that bad, but I don't know the calories in the prepared dishes, nor what is in them. I stick to grilled chicken, steamed veggies, salads, and vegan bean soups. This gets really boring. I keep some food in my room: canned soup, turkey, nuts, yogurt, milk, fruit, sweet potatoes, and veggies like baby carrots and grape tomatoes but there's no feasible way of making actual meals. I've tried using the dorm kitchen, but its poorly stocked and gross. And I don't even drink, so I can't blame being smashed for my eating problems. This week I can blame on having a huge paper due Tuesday that I've been stressing over. It's almost done now, though. What's next week's excuse?

I binge on carbs, even complex ones. It's gotten bad: I just threw away and took out to the dumpster two boxes of cereal and a huge container of rolled oats because I just finished a mini binge on them, and I know that I'll continue to make cups and cups of oatmeal if its in the room. Desserts are my weakness. It goes without saying that I can never have desserts in my room. But the breakfast foods thing has only gotten bad this semester (and I'm now considering cereal and oatmeal, along with peanut butter, to be dessert food that I eat rarely). I'm now binging 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I think all day about food, even though I plan out my meals. It's disturbing.

The guilt from my binges, now that I know the calories in them since I feel that I HAVE to log everything on CC, is causing me to go to the gym for 1-2 hours after a binge to burn it off and create a deficit. Sometimes I'll go twice in a day (like yesterday, when I exercised normally in the morning and then from 10:30 to midnight after a binge). This is a bulimic tendency, I guess. I feel better physically and mentally afterwards, but man, I'm sore today. This week I did six hours of high-intensity cardio alone, not including weights or normal walking. My legs are looking killer, I must say, but its quite unpleasant to work out because you feel you have to.

I'm trying to lose 15-20 pounds and the binging is seriously ruining my life. Despite my exercise efforts I'm worried that the huge fluctuations in calories (one day eating normally (1750), the next day eating 2700) is messing up my metabolism/body/internal rhythms, or even making me gain weight. I spent the summer losing twenty pounds and WILL NOT gain them back. I'm going home for Thanksgiving on Tuesday, and hopefully can quickly "re-learn" normal eating habits with my family around to keep me accountable. Home can be a blessing or a curse, since my mom buys some foods that I binge on like mad (Stacy's Baked Pita Chips, ooomg) but if people are around during the day I'm not going to do anything crazy.

I've also gotten into the terrible habit of driving to the store to buy food that I know I'll binge on. Not only is this a huge waste of money since I end up throwing half the stuff away in disgust, but it's an insult to being human. It is so unnatural and disturbing to stuff oneself. The sad thing is, as tofufish said, that you hate yourself for what you're doing and yet you can't stop. (I was watching Planet Earth last night and thinking how nice it would be to be in Rousseau's state of nature and not have any desires and just eat when you're hungry. Animals are never overweight without a reason - like storing up fat for winter because they're not going to eat for four months. Can you imagine if life was that simple for us?! Boring, maybe, but hella easy.)

I have a calendar on which I put a sticker for each day that (1) I eat according to my food plan that I made the night before AND (2) stay within my calorie limit. This week there are only four stickers. This coming week (includes today which unfortunately doesn't get a sticker), I want to have six.

This is my food plan tomorrow:

B: scrambled egg + 2 egg whites (120), chicken breast (120), cheddar cheese (80), 1/2 bell pepper (15, spinach (2), coffee with 4 oz. skim milk (50) = 400

L: tortilla (140), 3 oz. turkey (75), cucumber, tomatoes, lettuce (30), apple (100) = 350

S: ½ can tuna (75), ¾ cup baked beans (150), grape tomatoes (40), 1 oz. nuts (200) = 450

D: sweet potato (200), chicken (120), grilled veggies (200) = 520

Total: 1750.

Sorry this is so long. I just need to talk to people who understand.

<b>marijoie<b/>
I relate to you so much! (kind of) in regards to feeling like having to go to the gym for 2 hrs of cardio and 1 hr of pilates to burn off around 1400 after a binge. Excercise for me is like an obligation and punishment, instead of a part of a tool for healthy weightloss. I hope we can work through this to achieve a healthier mind and body. I wish you best of luck and I give you all my love and support.

oops haha i don't know how to bold stuff... haha

It's a new week. Always encouraging! Everyone seems so sad. I hope you guys have a good day/week with regards to binging.

Yesterday I didn't binge at all and the day before I had 800kcal of chocolate spread, which is a lot of calories in one go ... but not exactly a binge. My intake was only 2000 (only! LOL. How things shift!) so I'm quite pleased.

I'm sort of confused because I had a period, which makes me think that gaining weight hasn't necessarily been a bad thing. But ... mm ... I dunno!

Anyway, I'm feeling motivated!

marijoie, I tried that calander/sticker thing once before (based on the "star chart" things I had when I was little ;-)) and it worked for ... well, a day or so! I might try it again. Thanks for the tip. And good luck!!!

I like the calendar sticker idea too, maybe I'll give that a shot! I was really bad last week, but this week (Thanksgiving being the natural exception) WILL be better. Yesterday I went to a dinner party, where there were bowls of nuts on the coffee table before and after dinner. I love cashews, so I was eating them by the HANDFUL which I know is a lot of calories. I didn't feel too bad about it though, because I had been pretty good the rest of the day. THen when I got home, I really wanted to go to the dining hall and get a late-night snack (one of my many weakness/triggers) but instead I went to the gym and worked out for awhile. Success! I've decided that when I get the urge to binge I'm just going to distract myself as much as possible, because I DO NOT want to let this run my life! 

Chocolate Cream Pie ;o(

Hello all - i'm new to this post. I am SOOOO glad it's here! I have been struggling with body issues for the past 2 years. But it got really bad almost a year ago. I have the dreaded binge/restrict eating disorder. I absolutely hate it. I just want to cry right now. I'm 5'5, around 130. I'm trying to get down to 125, or basically just eat right, exercise, and tone up!

I do really well for about a week or two, and then something comes up where there's food i just can't resist. Then i end up eating WAY too much of it! For example, i made my dad cookies this weekend for his birthday and i ended up eating about 16 over a 2 day period! Now... i can't stop eating sweets! Tomorrow i plan on really restricting my calories to about 700. NO SWEETS!

HOWEVER.... Thursday is thanksgiving!! Plus, I'm going back home and my mom cooks the best food ever... but it's also very fattening. So i'll have to eat that wednesday, friday, saturday, and sunday! I already feel overwhelmed. Why can't i just be normal? Why can't i eat really healthy and when a sweet/dessert comes along, just have a reasonable portion of it? Why do i have to stuff my face?!

I have tried to throw up a few times in the past few months, but haven't gone through with it. I can always hear someone in the next room and it makes me paranoid that they'll hear me. I HATE feeling this way!

On the plus side, i've been exercising regularly for the past 2 weeks - i hope to keep it up!

Please just help me stay motivated to change my eating habits once and for all. I'd really like to go to counseling, but i currently dont have health insurance.

Right now i feel like i want to crawl in a whole and die because of all the crap i've eaten lately :(

I binged tonight...horribly. One of the worst in a while. Only had 300 calories until 6pm than i've had at least 2000 since. ick. i feel so gross...and tired. i want to make myself throw up so bad. why do i do this? starve and binge, starve and binge. it never ends :( this is so depressing. i do not want to live like this anymore...i really don't.

Today I stuck to my food plan AND I stayed within my calorie limits to get a 500 cal deficit, plus had a good workout this morning so I'm feeling really good!

I kind of want to eat something, but since I got rid of all carbs in my room there's nothing that is appealing at 9pm at night. This is soo good since if I still had oats I would be eating a bowl of oatmeal right now. I try not to eat after 7 or 8, and I also am perfect calorie-wise so if I eat anything it'll bump up my number and I'll be sad. There's basically NO good reason to eat, other than to satisfy a temporary feeling that isn't a "real" one anyway. Sooo I'm just going to drink water, do my homework and feel good that today was a success!

Good luck all of you. You can do it. And I'm sorry my original post was so depressing - it marked the end of a long, bad week and I think I just needed to write it all out to see how far down I was. Hopefully now, especially since my weight loss has been stalled for weeks, I'll feel the incentives every day, even at times like now, to not give in to this terrible behavior.