~~Bingers Anonymous~~

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

For me, it isn't so much the amount of food or the calories I consume during a binge, but the mentality of it all. I could binge on celery or I could binge on chocolate cake, but if I feel that helpless, robotic, mindless desperation that bingeing brings. When I binge, it's like I'm not even human. I just eat and eat and while I'm eating one thing, all I can think about is what's going to come next, and I feel like I can't stop. Then I'm so bloated and disgusting that I can hardly breathe and even though it's the worst feeling in the world, I always seem to do it again. The worst part? I'm so afraid to eat certain things because I know they'll trigger a binge. That may not seem like such a bad thing, but the list continues to grow. Stuff like peanut butter, whipped cream, carbs of any kind, and sweets are all triggers for me. But I'm a pseudo-vegetarian and don't really like a lot of the options at the dining hall (since I'm also a college student) so that basically leaves me with salad, which isn't really enough in itself. I'm just so scared of my own eating habits right now. I feel like it's a monster I'm fighting all the time, and even though I've been really good about not bingeing for about a week, but I'm so afraid to fall back into starvation mode because the list of foods I feel "safe" eating is shrinking every day. . . 

Deleted double post.

torpidire, I'm the same. I can have a day where I consume 3000 calories and it honestly doesn't bother me because it isn't through binging. Or I can binge on fruit. It's all about the control thing.

If all you can eat in the canteen is salad you could at least bring some seeds (pumpkin and sunflower are the best) and nuts (pine nuts are my favourites) to add ... just so you're getting some fat and protein ... and calories. Mind you, seeds and nuts definitely aren't "safe foods" for me ... and you might be the same!

I really binged last night after I had been soooooo good and happy. Then again today. But I'm still feeling quite positive. I really want to enjoy Christmas.

boy, am I glad I found this forum! I am definitely a binger. There are times when I can't stop thinking about a certain food (usually whatever I happen to have in my dorm), and I can't calm down until I eat it. And I often have that "Well, I already screwed up, why not eat more?". That usually gets me.

Once, I went to the store here on campus, and apparently lost my mind buying every unhealthy thing there. In the middle of one of the candy bars, I stopped and thought "Why am I eating this? I'm not hungry, and it doesn't even taste good!" But, that didn't even stop me! I just kept eating everything, and I don't know why!

Thankfully, no binge today!! And now, I'm off to the rec. Good luck to everyone in staying clean!

omg, that sounds exactly like me..... i do the same thing!!  it's so frustrating because the urge doesn't go away even when i know it doesn't even taste good and i'm full!!!  anyway i haven't binged in two days so far, thank god, but i know i gained a lot of weight  and i am getting weighed by my nutritionist tomorrow... i hate getting weighed, even though i'm supposed to be gaining it gets me soooo upset. 

I binged so bad last night and again (but only a little) at dinner tonight. It's probably because of the stress of finals and the end of the year and everything, but I hate it. Just when I think I've beaten this thing, it creeps up on me again. But baby steps, baby steps is key. I make little goals for myself. Example: last night instead of sitting down with the entire box of my binge food, I made myself portion it out into TINY portions. So even though I ate a lot (for me) over the course of the evening, I didn't eat nearly as much as I otherwise would have, had I not made a conscious effort to at least slow down the process. I've found that if I put a little extra thought into it, I can, if not stop the binge entirely, at least slow it way down. And that's important to me, in helping stop this vicious cycle. And I've finally written down a menu for myself for the week that I'm GOING to stick to. Weekends are always my worst times, but I'm confident that, with a little extra effort and consciousness, I can do this. And so can you! 

finals are coming up, so i guess i  am stressful, therefore, i had just binged on 2 really big sweet red bean paste filling buns/breads.  i don't normally touch that stuff, but i stuffed it down my throat and finished it until there was no more.  i'm so ashamed and sad right now.  so depress, i just want to hide and cry.  bad way to start off my finals' week.  night time is always the most vicious, vulnerable, and worst time of the day.

I am the same way right now...i am a sophomore in college, and i have been bingeing every day lately and just staying in my room as much as possible because i don't want anyone to see me like this! I've gained 10 lbs in a few weeks, and my clothes aren't fitting anymore. but i completely understand what you mean about night time. it's tough. for me, i've found that drinking a cup of tea helps, and just laying down and trying to meditate and relax, or taking a walk.

i'm so glad i found this group! i felt like i was the only one and everyone would think i was disgusting.

ya college is a stressor,. i binge and have been for about a year now. i am in therapy for a few months now and have come pretty far in terms of my understanding of this disorder. but the contorl is thee one thing that i have problems with. the minute i get back to my apartment i run to the food when i am not biologically hungry. Its like being alone is this HUGE trigger to eat. anyone feel the same? and any learn how to stop?

ya college is a stressor,. i binge and have been for about a year now. i am in therapy for a few months now and have come pretty far in terms of my understanding of this disorder. but the contorl is thee one thing that i have problems with. the minute i get back to my apartment i run to the food when i am not biologically hungry. Its like being alone is this HUGE trigger to eat. anyone feel the same? and any learn how to stop?

I've been pretty well lately ... and then I just drank a litre of chocolate oat milk??? Eurgh. I know it isn't really a binge ... but ****. Then I puked it up into the **** bin ... even knowing that it was only 550 cals and knowing that my flatmate can probably hear me. How disgusting can you get?? Waste of **** £1.38. I don't even know why I bought the damn stuff.

Anyway, I hope this thread's been quiet because people are doing good rather than otherwise! Stay strong over the festive season, people.

What the hell am i doing with myself. I was ana from 7th grade til 9th with tendencies to restrict to this day, I am a freshman in college. now....i restrict, restrict, restrict, eat UBER healthy all the time (no refined sugar etc, etc etc) and work out a lot and lately, ive been binging. Like the last 2 monthes maybe, it has been happening. Sometimes it's things I love to eat, like chocolate cake (oops tonight) and other times its WEIRD things like peanut butter and kjelly on crackers then just jelly, ew like that is discusting.

 

Anyway....I am finding it becoming more uncontrollable. Why am i so prone to EDs. I think id rather be ana than mia but ednos is absolutely the worst. I have the worst of both I feel like. Ugh. help. 

What the hell am i doing with myself. I was ana from 7th grade til 9th with tendencies to restrict to this day, I am a freshman in college. now....i restrict, restrict, restrict, eat UBER healthy all the time (no refined sugar etc, etc etc) and work out a lot and lately, ive been binging. Like the last 2 monthes maybe, it has been happening. Sometimes it's things I love to eat, like chocolate cake (oops tonight) and other times its WEIRD things like peanut butter and kjelly on crackers then just jelly, ew like that is discusting.

 

Anyway....I am finding it becoming more uncontrollable. Why am i so prone to EDs. I think id rather be ana than mia but ednos is absolutely the worst. I have the worst of both I feel like. Ugh. help. 

oink420, that's me to a T! I feel like I have no control in either direction: I either restrict or binge, it's like there's no natural happy medium. Like this week I've been overeating like crazy. Wouldn't call it a binge, because for me a binge is more mental, and I've been eating with AWARENESS but who am I kidding? It's still overeating, regardless of motivation. I agree, ednos sucks. It's like because we don't fit perfectly into either category we're doomed to fit in nowhere. Stay strong girl, we can beat BOTH and ALL of these stupid disorders! 

The thing that pisses me off is, I will be perfectly normal for like a whole week (this week actually I have binged twice which freaks me out a lot). My days are super consistent, lots of fruits and veggies, and then I will randomly have this UNCONTROLLABLE mental state. Nothing can change my mind. Nothing. The minute I decide I am going to binge, i eat twice as much because I know I'm going to get it all out of me. 

 Does anyone know how many calories stay in your stomach? I try to purge like within 5 minutes of eating, and thus, eat pretty fast. Ugh I hate this. I gotta stop, I really really really do. I get more mad at myself binging and purging than I did about being ana back in the day.

Please someone give me words of wisdom. I read some great ones the other day, but then I had this day. And it makes me want to give up, that maybe I can't make it over the top of the mountain i'm just doomed to keep falling back down the same side until I completely fall off the mountain, yanno? 

i had to check the name of the person who posted this because I thought it was me. SO weird. I am also a psuedo veg in college, whipped cream (well cool whip) and peanut butter and omg...CEREAL are my absolute worse...cannot have in my dorm.

 

you def are me, crazy. i want to stop this. 

WHY are whipped cream and peanut butter such triggers? It's the same for me. So weird, because I didn't even like either one until shortly before this ED started. . . ugh. This weekend has been wonderful/awful. My roommates threw me a party complete with a chocolate fountain and um, bingers dream/worst nightmare. Delicious, but I felt like I just couldn't stop, and with chocolate flowing in the corner of the room with pretzels and stuff right there to dip in it, what's to stop me? Nothing, apparently, because I was binging all. night. long. I haven't been able to stop eating today either. I know the stress of finals has a lot to do with it, but I just wish it would end. I don't want to binge and purge anymore. I just want to be free of this, all of this. I'm so sick of food running my life. And even sicker of the obsession with it ruining it. Ugh, sometimes I wish I had never let myself fall into this cycle. I know I can break out of it, that I'm better/stronger/worthy of recovery but boy, it's tough sometimes, especially late at night when I'm alone. Good luck on finals all of you college students, and good luck with the holidays everyone. It's hard right now, trust me I know, but we can all beat this! 

I joined some challenges in the Games forum and lost 13 pounds this summer.  I was so proud because I lost the weight steadily through healthy eating and daily exercise.  I looked and felt great. But now I've gained it all back through binging.  I feel very embarrassed about this so I wanted to make a public confession.

I had a binge-free day today -- mostly because the pouring rain thwarted my plan to go to Walgreen's and buy a box of chocolates on sale.  However, I did manage to work out tonight to an exercise video and I think I'm poised to have a good, binge-free week.  Good luck and best wishes to everyone.

Ooooh. Don't talk to me about peanut butter! (A whole jar, along with almost a whole loaf of bread over the course of a night - not even a binge because I could quite easily have stopped!)

What really saddens me is that I've always loved peanut butter, but I used to be one of those people who had a jar on the shelf for months. The same with chocolate spread. The same with tubs of ice cream. The same with nuts and raisins. When it came to snacks and stuff, I just ate what I felt like and what I felt like was always a sensible serving (I got chubby through double helpings of meals, I think ... but I can even look back wistfully at that because it seems sooooooo long since I've actually had a proper meal!). Now I'm just not satisfied no matter how much I eat, it seems. I know it's the same for about 90% of people who have ever been on a diet, but that doesn't make me feel much better.

I go home on Friday and I honestly feel that there I have a far greater chance of getting out of this ridiculous cycle of 4000 calories one day and 300 the next.

agimwinba, grats on your binge-free day (whatever the reasons behind it!) and it's good you're feeling positive!

Good luck with this fresh week, everyone.

Hi All!

Started trying to live Binge free onthe first day of my 31st year, last Wednesday. Made it almost a week and then blew it last night. Triggered by a hapless bag of puffed corn...led to stuffing down half a loaf of Hawaiian Sweet Bread with the dreaded margarine. Figured I'd blown it good and had some vanilla ice-cream with my roomie. Fully planned on further binging with choco and cookies, but was so full I couldn't do it (silver lining, right)!

I feel okay, like I know I can "get back on the horse" and make today positive, etc, but I can already tell I am falling into my "binge one day, starve the next" routine as it is lunchtime and I have yet to eat a thing and am obsessing about how many calories are in my coffee...I am desperately scared that if I eat anything today it will lead to another binge. And I just found out that there are a zillion of my roommates crazy family members at our home, so I will undoubtedly delay going home tonight, which means dinner out.

How can I manage this today? I will be ultra-starving by the time I leave work. I will figure that I can just have fast food since I haven't eaten, and fast food for me equals a MAJOR binge.