Body image distortion-

So I am going through recovery and I always thought that during the worst of ED I was sooo amazing looking. I was looking through the pictures of myself then (they are in my profile) and I was like OMG...I look like a freaking freakish alien, with bones everywhere. I think this just goes to show that body image is really distorted. I mean the way that we view ourselves is not how others view us at all. Does this make sense? Anyway, I wanted to start a thread about body image distortion, in hopes that some of you would share your experiences with this!

Hockeygirl, I completely agree that not only people with eating disorders have body distortion, I just think that the people who do have ED's actually act on what they see more than the average person. Like for instance my roommate is always complaining about how she has huge thighs and a big waist and she wears a size 4, this is distorted, but she isn't going to go starve herself because she is at the end of the day okay with herself. Unlike me, since I have been gaining the more I look in the mirror the more I feel like I am blowing up...and then last night when I took pictures of me and my bf and friends on a night out I looked so much better...and it was weird because my face had light and life!!! Does that make since?? Before I just looked so dead...I guess I kinda was right?

Udokier, thanks for the compliment...I guess I will just have to push myself one day at a time! And it is great to hear your story also...it is funny how since I have an ED I never really thought of the distortion from the opposite spectrum, but that makes perfect sense!

Original Post by positivelinny:

Udokier, thanks for the compliment...I guess I will just have to push myself one day at a time! And it is great to hear your story also...it is funny how since I have an ED I never really thought of the distortion from the opposite spectrum, but that makes perfect sense!

 Well, my wife is Japanese, she's about 105 lb. and she's not fat, very nicely proportioned, but she's only 5'1".  Trying to imagine her the same weight, but 6" taller, it just seems like she'd be very very thin.  In fact, the BMI calculator already has her at the low end of healthy - if she lost more than 5 lbs she'd be underweight.

 As for me, my wife thinks my obliviousness to my weight was the product of a "positive outlook".  I think it was more  a case of loving food and beer too much, being too inactive, and being complacent.  Somehow passing 36 and seeing that video finally made me realize that I was digging myself a premature grave, so in a way there is a similarity, although the risk with an overeater may not be as immediate as with anorexia and bulimia.

I do hope you have a full recovery, and that you can stand in a bathing suit and feel proud of a healthy ROBUST body, including a few curves.  You have a beautiful smile and I'm sure that the people who know and love you are so grateful to have you in their lives.  Take care. 

I definitely don't see myself as others do. I've always considered myself to be the "fat friend" out of my friends, and I felt myself always comparing how beautiful and skinny they were to how I looked. Everyone got boyfriends, and I was the girl who everyone could be friends with.. But not the girl that guys would date. That was like a given. 

So I moved away from home for college, and it was one of the best things I've done for myself. I was able to reinvent myself because no one there knew me as the "fat and 'cute' girl." I could become the young adult that I strived to be. So I ate much more healthy and began to exercise, which caused me to lose 40 pounds in one year and also to begin to look at myself in a much more positive light.

Slowly my self body image is improving.. Thankfully! But I've gained a few of the pounds back, which is hard to adjust to. When I look in the mirror, I still look straight at what I consider to be my "flaws," instead of appreciating my improving health and my positive attributes. It's a shame. But I just joined this site and hopefully I'll stay on track with eating healthy and exercising appropriately!

Oh, d-d-d-dear... I must be a boy!

I had the same image of myself as the men posting on here -- I was always just naturally thin.  Didn't do anything for it, it's just the way it was.  Ate like a starving pig with a metabolism that ran like a finely tuned engine.  I was the party girl... out 'til all hours drinking, eating, and most importantly *dancing*.  ALL the time.  Or working.  Constantly moving one way or another.

No one told me about aging, post-baby, stay-at-home, sneak-up weight!  Somehow over about 5 years I put on 40 pounds AFTER having my 2nd child.  I weighed more at one time than I did when I was preggers with her.  But I thought I was HOT.  In my mirror was that same ol' naturally thin party girl... with just an extra curve or two (which I ignored because I was a mature woman... I was SUPPOSED to have curves!).

Yeah, well, reality check. 

Pictures and visions of someone else's back in your mirror can snap you back in short order. 

Now, looking at me front-ways I still see no difference from 30 pounds ago.  But I do see a difference standing sideways, and the back view is getting MUCH better.  I just make sure to not look back there very often so I can see definite differences from time to time of looking.  Obviously I finally embraced that I was overweight -- and now am trying to find that happy medium between realizing I was and thinking I still am.  The new me is in there somewhere.  I'll let you know when she shows up.  Hopefully she can see the same me in the mirror that everyone else sees :-P

Linny, I just love reading your posts and am so happy that you're in recovery.  You're a beautiful woman that is (hopefully) quite an inspiration to many of the younger girls on here.  (and my fave is the green bikini too -- daaaayam!  You go on with yer bad self!)

 I can totally agree with the poor self image. It's pathetic: I've always had a screwed-up body image, even as a little kid. I remember one incident in particular, when I was in daycare, I must've been seven or eight years old. I was playing dress-up by myself, and there was a full-length mirror. I stared in it at my skinny little kid legs and thought, "your ankles are thick. Your thighs are chunky. Why aren't you pretty?" I would sit in class in second and third grade (????WTF????) and compare myself with the other kids, girls and boys. We wore uniforms, so there was no hiding for us: everyone's uniform was cut the same, so it either fit your figure or flaunted your flaws. I guess my self-perception has been off from the start. I wonder how these things start? My parents were never anything but supportive, and rarely commented on my weight or shape, at least not at a young age, so I wonder where those thoughts even came from? Something to think about. But the mall mirror trick is definitely something I employ; everywhere, not just the mall! I also find that wearing clothes that flatter my body helps a lot too. It may be a crotch-shot to see the jeans that used to be baggy fitting tightly through the thighs, hips, and butt now, but daaaayyyyyaaammmm does it make 'em look sexy! It's all about beating your mind at its own tricks, or at the very least, trying to stay in the game. 

Couldn't pass up this thread.. I have a huge body image distortion. I don't have any EDs thankfully. I love eating and can't starve myself.

But everytime I see mirror, all I see is flabs and flabs and flabs. When I'm walking down the street, I check out girls (waaaay too much) and usually their legs because that's where my physical insecurities lie. My legs are stout and chubby and knobby and [       &nb sp; ]. But recently, I tried telling myself that there are many people without legs to complain about and should be thankful that I have legs.

Some days I feel absolutely pretty and some days horrendous. But whenever I look at pictures of myself, I can't help but think how I look fat(and ugly) - even fatter than how I look at myself in the mirror...

I can't believe I wrote such negative post about myself.. =\

-Lemon Jello

Eringilbert, thanks so much for you compliment. You completely made my freaking day! I feel amazing right now just from reading that!

I love this thread because it really gets down to the whole viualization topic of our bodies. I think that when it comes down too it everyone has issues about their body image. No one can be 120% confident. But I think that the imperfections are what make us who we are. I guess we also have to put things in perspective like there is no such thing as perfect. And even if there was, who would want to be perfect all the time. I mean I love the days where I can just roll out of bed with sweats and not care. And then there are the nights where I feel spectacular. I think mirrors are just wrong!!! HAAA....The way that I view myself is definitely different than the way others view me but I am working on becoming more rational. I am finally letting go of being self-absorbed and I am realizing in this process that I have been so much happier!!

You guys are great!!! I hope that you can look at yourself today and tell yourself how much you love yourself and how much you cherish your body. Even if you are just tricking your mind!! I know this helps me....I hope it will help some of you!

 (big sloppy kisses)  I meant every word dahling.

 

I certainly hope mirrors are wrong -- lately they've been showing me looking old!  Damned things.

You're doing great chickie... just keep up the good work :-)

Original Post by positivelinny:

I love this thread because it really gets down to the whole viualization topic of our bodies. I think that when it comes down too it everyone has issues about their body image. 

 The funny thing is, I'm more grossed out by my body now than when I was 80 lbs heavier.  Back then, I was fat, but everything was more smooth and big but firm looking and to me looked better.  now there are remaining bits of flab on my gut, legs and butt that kind of hangs down.  In clothes, I think I look like a normal average, maybe almost thin person, but with them off, I have these droopy flab things hanging off and they're really annoying, so I can actually kind of understand how anorexics must think, and how they don't notice the bones protruding everywhere and instead focus on these little pockets of tiny remaining fat.  It doesn't make sense, but I can understand it.

I have abut 25 lbs to go to my goal weight, and I'm hoping that these pockets will shrink enough to no longer bug me 

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com /2007/12/funny-pictures-self-image-cat.jpg

Yeah, I have quite bad preception about how I really look and what is healthy/good-looking, but I am getting better.    

Haa voodoolily that is a great link. I actually have one of those model cats in my bathroom. Maybe I will toss it now. I never thought of the whole body image thing like that before. It makes sense though!

And udokier I can completely relate to being more grossed out about your body at a lighter weight. Like when I was 132 I felt big, but that was all distored, and at my lightest which was like 94 I felt so frail and had like skin hanging. It is so weird how the distortion of anorexia makes you think that skin rolls are fat rolls. My dad also lost 80 pounds and he had like skin on his back and sides hanging. He always jokes about plastic sugery, but he is so healthy now at a healthy weight. But congrats on your successes so far!

So many people suffer from body image issues, it's so hard to see ourselves the way we really are.  I find pictures can aide me more than a quick check in the mirror.

..but I suffer as well from distorted glasses.  I was 160, and am now 115 and only 5'2".  I just tried on these jeans this weekend, size 1/2 Aeropostale so I know they run big, but in my head the entire time...I was thinking...wow, okay, if I lose the 10 I want and then maybe 5-10 more maybe I could get in to 0's.

Now...rationally thinking....who wants to be in a zero?!?!?!?  (the back of my head is saying, oh, me  me me..me pick me!)...the rational part of me thinks that 105 is the perfect weight, the person that sees me in the mirror wants to be thin.  See, I initially typed "thinner"...but then I thought wow, you're not thin...you can't type thinner because that would imply that you are currently thin and want to be more thin.  

I just hope, when I do see the scale at 105, I CAN look in the mirror and be happy.  I don't want to weigh under 100 pounds, but I have a sneaky suspicion my mind will tell me to.

It's so confusing....me vs. me.  It's a never ending battle.  Sorry...don't know why I posted.  I rarely talk about my views on my body.  I guess, when I started typing..it all just kind of fell out.  ...thanks for listening. 

Original Post by positivelinny:
And udokier I can completely relate to being more grossed out about your body at a lighter weight. Like when I was 132 I felt big, but that was all distored, and at my lightest which was like 94 I felt so frail and had like skin hanging. It is so weird how the distortion of anorexia makes you think that skin rolls are fat rolls. My dad also lost 80 pounds and he had like skin on his back and sides hanging. He always jokes about plastic sugery, but he is so healthy now at a healthy weight. But congrats on your successes so far!

 Yeah, It does seem that gravity punishes us for our excesses in the past.  What I can't figure is how these champions on "Biggest Loser" get their weight down and all tone, but don't seem to have a bit of hanging skin or flab.  I was no bigger than Matt, for example.  Then again, I have no Idea if he's still kept the weight off.

 

Sorry, went off-topic. 

tatjanaturle: I love that boarded up building in your gallery! I love visiting modern ruins. They've got some great ones here in Japan.

 

Here's a website with some cool ones:

 

http://home.f01.itscom.net/spiral/research.ht ml

Sorry, it's Japanese-language.

If you want to see it crudely translated, you can go here:

http://honyaku.yahoo.co.jp/url

Paste the FIRST URL into the window

Click the FOURTH radio button UNDER the window that says "日→英"

Then click the second of the 2 radio buttons underneath that.

Then click the rectangular button to the right of the window.

It will take you to a crudely translated version of the page.

 

Again, sorry to go off-topic.

tatjanaturtle, I have to say, I was thinking exactly the same thing!! I held up 1/2 because that was the biggest size left and thought to myself, wow, I guess girls have to be really skinny to wear that. But since that was the only one left, I decided to try it anyway and it actually fit!! Then I got greedy thinking if I could fit into a 0. In fact, I tried a 0 size. It actually fit me except the button because my pelvis is just large. But I just came to conclusion that if I did have narrower pelvis, I'd fit in but since I can't shrink my bones, ... well, w/e, it doesn't matter.  I bought the 1/2 and I was very very happy.

Sometimes my brain works well and lets me make such rational conclusions. But everytime I look at mirrors, or even at pictures, I don't feel skinny. I mean, if you are wearing 1/2 (granted they run big but still, you get my point), you are probably thin. But I don't look it or feel it... At 5'4'' and 110, People say I lost weight and that I shouldn't lose any more weight. I agree that I did lose weight but I can't believe that they can't see the flabs that I can see!! The thighs, the arms, the calves, the tummy...  That's when I realize I probably have (very) distorted body image. Sometimes I even wonder if I'll drive myself to have an ED which scares me.  Well, at least I'm not trying to lose weight anymore...

It feels so good to rant!! Thanks guys.. I can't talk about stuffs like this to anybody in real life..

-Lemon Jello

Lemon jello, I know what you mean about pant sizes. I can barely wear anything right now, but I am working on that, so went I went shopping the other day I bought a bigger size just to let myself know that I am going to recover and I am going to be healthier and happier in those jeans!!!

How do you get over the jean thing? I know that I am talking positively to myself and saying it is healthy to not fit in a size 00, but how to I think about changing sizes without freaking out? Do I just wear sweats until I can handle it?

ESPECIALLY at your height that is not healthy. I'm not telling you anything new, I know. For you to wear that size means you are Skeletor!

Can you turn off your brain when you shop? Much like shoe size (which I'm assuming you are fine with, no matter what it is), can you turn the clothing size into something truly neutral?

Edited to add: I just double checked your profile and yes, you are as tall as I recalled. At 5'7" you are two--TWO--inches taller than I am. I have a small frame as demonstrated by my wrist measurement (5 inches), and even *I* don't wear a double zero.

Got nothing but love for you, you know that. So please don't think I'm scolding you at all, because I'm not.

Oh I definitely would not think that by any means contrary! You are such a great support system for me here on this site. I just happened to get a little discouraged about the whole shopping and clothes thing. I mean I have been buying a bigger size, but it still freaks me out. And believe me at 5'7 I know a 00 is way to skeletor!! Thanks for making me snap into reality again!! It is so weird how powerful the mind is.....