How did you challenge your ED today?
Thought we could all post something... I used to always shout at my mum 'i AM trying! i'm EATING SOMETHING.' But i now realise that wasn't trying, that was just eating enough to lose weight. So i thought it might be nice for us all to post one or two things we did today to challenge ourselves in our road to recovery.
i shall go first :)
today i challenged my ED by increasing my AM snack by 100 calories, having a raw food bar instead of oat cakes and apple.
Reason: Moved from Weight Gain to Health and Support.
allielivesandlaughs - LOVE YOUR SCREEN NAME! i think it will perfectly describe your new life now that you are leaving ED behind. i joined the site for the same reason. i use to google ed questions and kept on finding myself redirected here. its been really great. congrats on the easter egg. i think thats a well deserved pat on the back - not substituting it or anything!! your defs in the right frame of mind. good luck babe xx
even though i had work (and work is lame) i made sure i was happy the entire time :) employee of the month, me thinks. i worked with a new person i hadnt met yet and made a new friend, so im pleased. how do you like that ed? didnt allow working an not allowed food on shift get in the way of my snacking. dont tell my boss :P
Im eating everyday on my own (bc Im on holidays we´re all eating at diff times and diff things) Im looking after me and ignoring what the rest are doing!!
This was a couple of days ago but I had a whole bag of sweet popcorn at the cinema! Unknown calories and probs a lot of them...yummy :P
Just posted a bit of an essay in the weight gainers thread, buuuuuut....
I went out to a hens night and it was every bit as fun and loose as they look!!! Only, we off course classed it up a notch compared to the trashy party bus/male stripper type hens nights you see.
Also I took a compliment/comparison about my slimness from someone whose figure I've always marvelled at, as a compliment rather than panicking. It means I'm not a whale, but I'm healthy looking enough that people are comfortable to say something!
Original Post by cchanelover:
Went to the mall with my friends, and I didn't use the stairs when we were going upstairs, but the escalator along with my friends. I was debating about which one I should choose for a few seconds, and I decided to just go with flow, up with the escalator! Normally I would never ever use anything else but stairs, unless there's no other options. So stupid...
Well, little steps, little steps ;-)
And well done everyone! This thread is growing, and it's sooooo amazing! One of my fav threads to read. We are all so strong!
That's a good'un!!!
Oh gaaaawd. My morning just got totally ruined and I'm in the most distraught mood and its so friggin' STUPID.
Mum went shopping and I told her I need yoghurt, peanut butter and tahini... We even had a whole conversation about the merits of hulled vs unhulled tahini.
What I forgot to mention was that the peanut butters had moved opposite to where they normally sit.
So. She comes home with Greek yoghurt instead of my usual biodynamic full fat, fine I can handle that, I like Greek yoghurt just fine.
Hulled tahini instead of unhulled, cool, I've been wanting to try it anyway.
But sent me into a huge panic mode and totally mystified my parents was the peanut butter. The second I saw the packaging my heart stopped and then I instinctively went to look at the cals on the back and they were about 35 more for the same amount than my usual and yeah... you guys know how it is. Totally lost it. I feel sooooo bad for my mother. I mean, she went and dutifully did the shopping, she got everything I requested, and this is the thank you she gets??? Urgh. I got so upset, not just with the PB but with myself.
My parents have no idea I know anything about calories and numbers, they just know I didn't eat, and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed to say the word 'calories'...
Here I was thinking I was just about ED free but the thing's reared its head. So my challenge is instead of exchanging the PB like I told my poor parents I would, I'm going to keep it and I'm damn well going to eat it. I have to learn to face these things. PB is PB. Yes my other jar is a more comforting sight sitting there in my cupboard, but I'm pretty sure this newcomer won't kill me or make me obese overnight. It'll be finished within 2-3 weeks anyway and I can go back to my old brand. Or who knows, maybe I'LL (not ED) LIKE (not think i like) this one more??
Okay. Gonna take aaaaall my will power to not exchange it on the way to work.
i had 2 bananas in one day! yes ED, i ate two deliciously sweet "calorific" fruits today because i WANTED THEM
llamapow: That frequently happens to me.. and I sometimes find that I like the "mistake" one better! Kudos to you for pushing yourself to try something DIFFERENT. Isn't it annoying when you get brand specific? Like what happens when you can't find "your" cereal, or "your" yoghurt? You don;'t have any at all? NO! People adapt and change and enjoy a variety of different brands/types of the same product. So, I say keep the pb. You can do this! Rip off the label of your old one and stick it on this jar, if you'd like ;)
Today I compared myself with my parents. A lot. BUT instead of restricting like I would have previously, I kept up with my mp. Actually, I even added on a granola bar at the end of the day, which is a HUGE no-no because it was late, and because it was an extra carb. Who gives a ****? Geez!
annaattack - shell yeah!!! I'm just gonna pretend you had one on my behalf.... I'm soooooo sick of bananas costing a fortune over here! I want my 'nana a day habit back. But yeah that's ace... and they really are so packed full of goodness, you're doing yourself a huge favour and shooting down ED with it!
singingintherain - thanks darl. that's so true, people substitute and experiment all the time and they've no clue of the numbers! at the end of the day its a measly 30cal, which i need, and its all the same stuff. 'Adapt' is a very good word. Evolution was my favorite topic in biology... I should evolve to be more resilient!
Hahahahahahaha ripping off the label... That is GENIUS!!! I laughed so much... SO doing that!!
And nicely done going the extra granola and out-eating your parentals. That's right, you GET angry at ED!!! Show it what's what!!
Just told my mum WHY I flipped and apologized for my deplorable behaviour. Got no sympathy but I didn't really deserve it. It was a **** way to react, I'm just glad she knows why now. I hurt her heaps bad.
Llamapow; well do for both getting over the pb, and apologising. It's important to see how our actions can effect other people, and accepting that they may not immediately forgive is huge. Really, really well done. (awesome job on the night out too!)
llama pow - sounds like i rocking night out which you should do again. im gonna go to a party in a few weekends im a bit nervous because i dont have anything to wear because nothing fits any more!! ill have to go to the kids section i swear. also its winter here so ill have to some how work out a way to rug up but then i guess i wont look as skinny. im sorta terrified cos im still fairly close to my low weight. ugh
i also totally get the whole PB disaster but i dont know where you fid 90 cal pb. mine is all 125 cal per tbs. so im a little scared of it too. what brand is yours? is it like a low fat one?
sibella- haha yeah exactly... all the PB's are 120ish cal... and this one is 35 more!! You do the math ;)
Yeah outfits are a bit stressful aren't they? At least you have a few weeks. I'm nearly at my goal but I still can't bring myself to splurge out and buy any new clothes because I've no idea what my ideal size is, how things should fit. But things like skirts and dresses and flowing tops are always a safe bet and can make you look stunning effortlessly! I love that its winter now though, means we can bulk up under layers of clothes, then once summer comes around be happy and healthy in our new bods.
thebiggerpicture- you'd make a ridiculously good teacher y'know. Your words just remind me of those ultra intelligent, insightful teachers I had in school. Thanks so much. And congratulations on YOUR partying too!! Its awesome you decided to be in control and recognize your limits!
Sooooo I did it! Its midnight, just come home from work and I ate the new PB on 2 slices toast. It was...... really disappointing. I can't wait 'til I've finished this jar. Worst. PB. Ever.
Especially stoked 'coz I had it after a day of; chocolate mousse, mystery Himalayan bakery bread (really thick and sweet so got suss), mashed potatoes, white rice sushi AND surprise large chocolate truffle and mini cookies'n'cream shake I got for free from the cafe inside my bookstore. Good day in the end :)
I was helping my two friends with community service at a local elementary school. During the break from our little 'Fishing Well' station, I played in the cake walk and won a vanilla-strawberry cake. Without thinking about it...
My friends and I devoured the whole thing with sporks. :)
llamapow just to ease your mind---companies are notorious for having misleading nutritional data on their labels...calories can be off by a certain % so i wouldn't worry that this new jar lists a tbsp of pb at a higher cal. amount. Is there anything else in the pb besides peanuts? I mean just think of it..1 tbsp of ground peanuts contains a set number of calories..no matter what company sticks it in a jar. 1 tbsp of pb is 1 tbsp of pb..ya know what i mean? Now if they add things like sugar and cornstarch to one brand--then they could have a different cal amount than another brand. But if not...as i said 1tbsp of pb is 1tbsp of pb..regardless of the name on the label.
AND don't feel bad for freaking...this thing didn't develop in you overnight..and it will take time, patience and a crap load of determination to conquer it. WEll done on your efforts so far.
I was trying on a dress at the mall, and my mother said she didn't like it. When I asked why, because it was an elegant classic simple black dress, she said it was "too tight....I mean short". I looked kinda intrigued by what she said... it developed into a conversation... and well, it's what I thought. She thinks my body doesn't look good anymore. Too big. And I'm a size 4. With her own large bone structure. Oh yea, my own mother. What a bummer.
Instead of wanting to relapse again, no, this time my thoughts were crystal clear.
I'm getting as far away as possible from her, ASAP.
She's awful influence. She's a control freak, she's helped make me extremely self-conscious, she cares about appearances way too much, she brings me down and makes me feel like I can't achieve a thing (LOOOONG STORY!) She's a hypocrite. She constantly critics her weight in front of me, weighs herself several times a day, tries to restrict her intake, abuses laxatives, refuses to stop taking them, takes diet pills, etc. And I'm just getting started.
My pattern of thoughts is changing. The ED is fading away. I've only got clear thoughts now, and I'm not letting anyone mess with me.
Ugh, controlling mothers and eating disorders.
llamapow- wow our pb in the US is always 90 cals pb tbsp. yours sounds good thoo! im glad you challenged yourself and ate it :) yummmyy sounds milkshake btw
suspenduelahaut- im sorry your mom makes this so hard for you, but thats amazing that you have clear thoughts now :)
since my dr allowed me to start exercise on monday, ive been so dependent on it and feel like i have to do it everyday. so to not become obsessed with it again, i am forcing myself to lay in bed all day :)
Original Post by suspendue_lahaut:
I was trying on a dress at the mall, and my mother said she didn't like it. When I asked why, because it was an elegant classic simple black dress, she said it was "too tight....I mean short". I looked kinda intrigued by what she said... it developed into a conversation... and well, it's what I thought. She thinks my body doesn't look good anymore. Too big. And I'm a size 4. With her own large bone structure. Oh yea, my own mother. What a bummer.
Instead of wanting to relapse again, no, this time my thoughts were crystal clear.
I'm getting as far away as possible from her, ASAP.
She's awful influence. She's a control freak, she's helped make me extremely self-conscious, she cares about appearances way too much, she brings me down and makes me feel like I can't achieve a thing (LOOOONG STORY!) She's a hypocrite. She constantly critics her weight in front of me, weighs herself several times a day, tries to restrict her intake, abuses laxatives, refuses to stop taking them, takes diet pills, etc. And I'm just getting started.
My pattern of thoughts is changing. The ED is fading away. I've only got clear thoughts now, and I'm not letting anyone mess with me.
Ugh, controlling mothers and eating disorders.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! And I greatly admire you for not relapsing or restricting because of it. You are definitely NOT too big; your mother just has an extremely distorted and unhealthy body image. That sounds so triggering though!
Hearing things like this makes me really grateful that my parents are supportive of my recovery and just want me to be healthy and happy. I can't imagine what it would be like not having a supportive family; ED recovery is hard enough as is! It's probably a good idea to remove yourself from your mother--she sounds like a terrible influence.
Best of luck in continued recovery!
llamapow- i totally understand your freak out. I get like that too. I also know what you mean about not talking about calories with the parents and stuff. I dont think mine even know Im trying to gain weight. i heard them talking about me in private, and about how concerned they were and where to send me, so i just quickly took action myself and hoped they would start to realise I was getting better. your mum will understand in time, you've done a brave thing by eating the pb anyway.
suspenduelahaut- sorry to hear your mum is giving you such a hard time. you should be proud that you could ignore her comments. I think size 4 is like a 8 in the uk, and thats still so tiny!
yesterday I ate bbq food with the family. chicken legs + even had some coleslaw.
Yesterday I went to one of my favourite restaurants- Zizzi with my dad. I ALWAYS order the same dish, and on the occasions when I went out for meals during ED I always chose this dish and have done ever since- seeing as I know the nutritional info etc... anyway not only did I choose something different- I chose a PIZZA and ate ALL of it!!!
I had planned dinner tonight; wholewheat spaghetti, tonnes of chicken and putanessca sauce. So when I had lunch I didn't worry about getting much protein. I kinda went for what I wanted /:-O Revoloutionary.... Anyway, I was then invited to go for pizza, Cava and a film instead. Instead of freaking out, or saying no, or eating my own food, I said Yes. I was planning on drinking tonight, but I will if I want, and I'll enjoy. Biggest success though; knowing I am gaining and need protein, I just ate what I'd planned on having at dinner time as an impromptue snack! I'm so happy that putting my needs first doesn't gave to get in the way if what I want to do ;-) Happy Times!
