Ive been at uni for just over a week now, i was enjoying but found i forgot to eat and when i did i didn't want to eat too much as i felt good about not eating too much :( now something awfuls happened my dads in hospital and this really could be it the doctors havent even given him a chance of survival, as you can imagine i have totally lost my appetite and feel lost ive managed a bit of granola slice and 6 breadsticks in thousand island dressing but the though of eating more turns my stomach, i don't know how to come other than restrict my eating and get rid of the food i do eat :( i'm so lost im miles away from my family unable to get home!! i'm sorry if this doesnt make sense i just don't know where or who i am :(
I am very sorry for you. I can't imagine the emotions that you are feeling.
When I was a freshman at uni, my second semester, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was able to see him on my mid-semester break, which is also when my brother was married, but was unable to be with my mom when he passed. It is so very difficult, and there are some people who just can't possibly understand what you are going through, but trust me. Restricting is not going to help you. Bingeing and purging is not going to help help you either. It will only temporarily deaden the pain of the emotions that you are actively trying to not deal with. It is important that instead of stuffing your emotions, you find someone in whom you can confide them.
Most universities have on-campus counselors. Go and speak with one. It will help you more than you can imagine. The counselors will also have the ability, through the university to let your professors know what is going on which will be of help should you need to leave temporarily.
Additionally, as you are only in week 1, given the situation, it may be possible to put this semester on hold.
Try not to stress about these things. You will get through and it does get better.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
((hugs))
Sarah
thank you for this post !!! i just don't know what to do with myself its my 1st real week this week and theres so much to take in and i cant even begin to think about it !! i don't know whos here to help at my uni i have friends from my foundtion degree here and they are being so helpful but nothings taking this pain away i don't know where to turn too :(
Have you been assigned an adviser? Most universities assign students to an adviser who would certainly be concerned for you and would be able to point you in the right direction.
It really is important that you speak with someone. It could be a counselor, or a priest, but as difficult as it may be for you, they've all dealt with this many times before (especially a minister or priest). They can give you advice, or if you need just listen to you and give you a quiet place to sit for a while. I've always found that even if I'm not praying a church is a great place to sit to kind of get away from it all.
Do consider, though, notifying your professors and perhaps taking the train home, if at all possible.
It really is important that you begin to deal with this. Grieving is a process and it takes time. I know I started grieving for my father before he had passed. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty. There's nothing different you could do in the situation that you are in. If you'd like someone to message, I'll gladly be here for you.
((hugs)) Sarah
maryjane, i just want you to know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
i agree with sarah-its very important to ge coundeling. grief can be like a moving river, or it can sneak up on you unexpectedly. geting help with coping tips will ease some of your terrible burden.
please take care of yourself. love, kelly
I don't feel i could go to a priest i'm so anti god especially when things like this happen i have no belief whats so ever :( i feel safe talking on here because no one can see me cry but to speak to a person face to face and them see me cry would kill me! i just don't know........ive still not eaten anymore ands its almost 7pm i feel like i shouldnt ;( xx
The place I'd turn to first (being a Christian) is the University Chaplain - they're always a good place to go to talk about those issues where the normal methods just don't hack it. They're usually very supportive even if you are not a regular/occasional/ever churchgoer.
I'm assuming there are similar groups or help available for people of other belief backgrounds.
However, there should also be secular groups to help - try the student union noticeboard to see if there is a grief counselling service listed.
Your dad would want you to take care of yourself and not to fall to bits over this. I know it's difficult to believe, but even in whatever state he is in at this point in time, he would never want you to self-harm the way that you are. He would, as any father would, want you to eat and to stay strong for not only yourself, but for your family.
Perhaps the place you find it most difficult to go is the place you should go.
I'm one of them people that tend to fall to pieces i guess its what i do! i find change hard! :( my flat mates at uni made me some food so ive had a bit of garlic bread a few mouthfuls of rice and a mini roll i know this isnt enough but the thought of eating is making me feel ill! i'm trying to keep busy so im trying to be around others this helps but i know i can't be with people all the time :( i just don't want to go to sleep, i hate waking up and realising and remebering whats happening :( x
I'm one of them people that tend to fall to pieces i guess its what i do! i find change hard! :( my flat mates at uni made me some food so ive had a bit of garlic bread a few mouthfuls of rice and a mini roll i know this isnt enough but the thought of eating is making me feel ill! i'm trying to keep busy so im trying to be around others this helps but i know i can't be with people all the time :( i just don't want to go to sleep, i hate waking up and realising and remebering whats happening :( x
Despite how "ill" it makes you feel, you must continue to eat. That ill feeling that you're talking about is actually sorrow. You feel it in your gut, right between your ribs, right?
I hope that today finds you in better spirits and that you are continuing, if at least, to muddle through.
((elissa))
i have managed some more today eaten better and joined in more, when im busy i almost forget and i know that seems so heartless but to hurt constantly would kill me :( its harder at night time i think more and struggle very much so! he is still with us and i'm not sure how much longer he has, i have been told by my mum its not okay to visit as she doesnt want me and my younger sister to remember him this way, i feel she is right and i know seeing him like this would make the situation worse but at the same time i feel so bad for not being there, i feel like i'm being a coward fr not going home and i know part of me isnt going home because i couldnt bare to see my mum and sister in this state....i know this sounds selfish and i should be there.... i can't decide what would be the right thing to do :(
