I am recovering from an ED and accidentally lost some wt over the past few weeks. I'm eating a lot and it seems like no matter how much more I eat, it's not enough to help me gain the weight back. I can't actually eat anymore food. I'm already drinking Boost several times a day. I don't think I can fit anymore food inside me. It's so uncomfortable already as it is.
I do wonder if maybe I had gained "over" my personal ideal weight in recovery and now my body has found its set point. My BMI is 18.5 exactly, right at the border of normal.
My doctor insists that I gain weight. It sounds terrible, and I am not trying to be pro-ED, but is there any way I can "fake" weight that works? My failure to gain wt is not related to eating habits. They think I'm lying and restricting but I'm NOT. when I tell them they don't believe me. They want to send me to an ED clinic again and I don't want to do that when I'm already trying so hard!
My biggest issue with that is just that my BMI is now "normal" and I have to eat SO much to maintain. It's more a frustration with my body right now. I used to be mad that it was so hard to lose weight but now it's hard to GAIN any more weight! I have gained about 15 pounds since starting recovery already so I wish I could just stay this weight.
Have you shown your doctor your calorie counter food logs and journal logs (if you keep one, that is). He/she has to take into account stress--which can have a huge effect on a body--weight loss and gain specifically. It does sound like you're stressing out. Stress is good: we just have to apply the stress to positive things.
Light yoga may really help you. It won't burn many calories, but it's good for the mind, body, and soul and gives me a lot of mental clarity. Communication is key. Work with your doctor, and most importantly, don't give up. I've struggled with an ED for many years and I know it's tough. But you can do this!
If your doctor wants you to gain, and you are having problems with people believing you, then deliberate dedception will make everything worse - it will make them SURE you've been lying/restricting, whether you have been or not.
For some of us, (very, very few) BMI 18.5-19 is normal, but you can only say that that is your 'set-point' if you eat far more than other people (we are talking 3,000+ calories a day here), NEVER restrict, and only exercise moderately.
How much do you eat? What exercise do you do? Are there certain foods you still won't eat? I'm asking these things because there was a point in my recovery when I swore black and blue that I was 'naturally thin' yet I was (I now realise) still restricting to 2,000 calories, claiming to be allergic to any fattening foods (in my mind I actually thought this was true!) and walking miles and miles to stay at the weight I was then, all whilst claiming 'I'm fine -why won't everyone believe me?'.
Your doctors must have a reason for insisting you gain. In my experience, as soon as you are unlikely to starve to death any day soon they lose interest, so they are doing this for a good reason, with your best interets at heart.
Really, trying to deceive people over your weight is a bad, bad idea. Total honesty is the only way to get people to trust you - particularly where EDs are concerned. Good luck!
If you "accidentally" lost weight, are now at the bare minimum BMI, and struggle to eat enough to maintain, why would you think you aren't going to become underweight again soon?
You need to gain, as your doctor is telling you to, and faking weight would only be hurting yourself.
I am really grateful for 4p4c's response. I haven't been on this site in quite a while and hadn't re-read my other posts. I'm noticing that I only post when I'm desperate and need ED validation or comfort.
My ED is just so strong right now. I need to take recovery more seriously, and commit long-term. I have been seeing recovery as a short-term thing. Even though it's not logical, I figured once I was weight recovered I could lose weight again and it wouldn't be as big of a deal. Again, it's not logical at all and I KNOW it. Maybe recovery will make more sense when I stop trying to hold onto my ED. I still want it for the comfort of it. But I know it's dangerous.