Done Gaining and Scared

Hi guys! I am in recovery from anorexia. I am 5'4-5'5 and the last time I weighed myself I was about 110 -- but my doctor said today that my weight is "perfect" and that I do not need to worry about gaining anymore. I do not know what I weigh, but I assume that I have gained probably about 8 pounds. I am very scared. I am debating whether I should ask my nutritionist my weight over the phone, or, rather, my BMI, or if I should just weigh myself in the morning at the gym scale.

I was eating 2,500-2,600 to gain, and I am thinking that I will probably maintain on 2,000. I am 19, I walk 5 days a week and do 60 mins of strength training 5 days a week.

Help!

Why does the number matter? It really, really shouldn't. If you feel better, are eating normally, have the energy to go on walks and do strength training, etc, isn't that what really matters? Don't worry about your weight! That will do you no good whatsoever. If anything it would just lead you to want to lose weight (why else would you be scared of it?). So please, don't step on a scale. Don't call your nutritionist. Don't worry about your weight. Be thankful that you are improving from your anorexia and don't let yourself slide back into its deadly throws.

Edit: Also, just because your doctor said you don't need to worry about gaining more doesn't mean you shouldn't actually gain more. It could mean you are out of the greatest danger but not that you are to where is best for your body. Don't let that stop you from fully recovering if you aren't yet to your optimal weight. Everyone is different.

Thank you so, so much. I called my boyfriend and talking to him really helped. I look exactly the same as I have for a very long time. I am healthier. I am just trying to figure out what to do with the numerous supplements that I depend on; my Ensure Plus. I e-mailed my nutritionist and I will find out tomorrow.

I'm just so scared that I will continue to gain on this amount of food.

Your doctor is obviously an idiot then for telling an anorexic that she could maintain at a weight that is still too low for your body. Now you have this idea planted in your head that you're a failure because you couldn't maintain this unrealistic weight. 

You should be at at least around 120lbs, or a BMI of 21. Around this point is when the ED thoughts begin to silence. It's much easier to relapse if you're trying to recover or maintain at a weigth that's unrealistic for your body. 

i have to agree with carmenxox. I'm 5'5, too, and have gained to 125. I feel great. I was sickly and unhappy at 110. You need a good 10 to 15 pounds on you....trust me you'll look great.

At your age and activity level, I think 2,000 is too low to maintain without harming your metabolism. Just to give you an idea, i am 42, walk 2 miles 5 days a week, and eat 2,250-2,500 a day to maintain my post ED weight. If I ate 2,000 and did all that strength training I'd start losing again...

BTW, if you ARE 118, then your BMI is 19.9 which sounds just about ok... 110 is too low though. As others have said, BMI 20-21 is advised.