Eating disorder, I need help :((

Ok, I don't really know where to start, so I guess I'll tell you everything.

I am a 23 yo female, 5'4".

I used to be about 9 and a half stone, and through always having colds and flu, I decided to start eating better. I found that not only have I completely stopped getting ill, the weight dropped off, and I went down to about 6 stone 13 at my lowest (96lbs?)

This was about a year and a half ago, and this is when I became scared of food.

I obviously didn't want to put any weight back on, so I religiously started counting calories, usually only eating about 800. Sometimes I would also make myself sick. However, when I felt a bit chubby one day (ridiculous I know), I decided to join a gym. I started working out religiously, aswell as still limiting. I probably eat about 700 calls per day now, and burn about 500.

Despite this, I am putting ON weight, and it is not just slowly, but very, very rapidly. I think I have put on about a stone in the past 3 weeks (I'm scared to weigh myself so I don't know for sure).

I don't know where to turn. I would love to eat normally but if I am putting on weight when eating like this, what is going to happen when I try and eat normally?

Here is my usual intake -

Lots of fruit for lunch (maybe 250 cals)
Salad for dinner (usually boiled egg white, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, gherkins, sweetcorn, beetroot, lots of other veggies)
Maybe some chocolate or a slice of cake for after. 

Putting on weight however, is just leading me to relapse (I hadn't been sick for a good few months, however I have since binged and purged twice) 

I am depressed, my clothes are tight. I am a smart person, and I know that I shouldn't be doing this. I have a docs appointment tomorrow and I'm going to tell them everything, but I just don't know what to do. I have researched every last little piece of information about ED, I know all about it. So what is the doctor going to tell me that I don't already know?

Is there a medical reason I could be putting on weight?

I had my thyroid tested about 4 or 5 months ago.

It sounds SO shallow I know, but I am going on holiday in 2 months, and the last thing I want is to look horrible and fat. I am terrified. I have nowhere to turn. I am so sad.

:(

Thankyou so much for taking your time to read this, and reply.

im so sorry and you should definitely tell your dr everything! but youve screwed up your metabolism. if you want to maintain after losing you have to start eating more. you have to reset your metabolism and your dr should help you do that. but your cc family is always here for you!

I've really struggled with disordered eating too.  I put on a lot of weight and suffered from binge eating after I was over-restricting, so that is not unheard of.  But know that it is okay and that you can get it under control.  My best advice is to find a counselor that will help.  That was probably the best thing I ever did.  Don't think about your vacation, think about your LIFE and your body.  You only get one and you need to take care of it.  I hope things start to improve.  But sometimes things get worse before they get better... be prepared for that and keep trying, because eventually, you will get there!!

I do think you need to talk to your doctor and get some outside help. I do know that your weight should be more than 96lbs. I'm 5'1" and my ideal weight is supposed to be about 118. Your body is telling you that it needs more food.I would find out excactly where you're supposed to be weight wise and go from there.If you starve yourself than eat it's going to seem that you have a big weight gain but in realitity you're where your supposed to be.Please don't be afraid to talk to your doctor that's what they are there for and I'm sure there's a reason for your dieting habits and you really need to talk to your doctor and a nutritionist.I wish you the best of luck.This might sound alittle corny but you have to love yourself on the inside first and than fix the outside.

Hi there I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I just have one question have you actually weighed yourself to know that you have put on weight? I say this because eating disorders make you believe that you have gained when in fact you haven't. I don't know how it could be possibly to gain weight with eating so little. The only other explanation is the possibility of muscle gain? Or I have heard that PCOS can cause weight gain? But I don't know and I am no professional but I offer you my support if you want to PM me :) Take care x

Hey, there - the previous poster is right about your metabolism.  By eating so few calories, your body is convinced it's starving (which is is, really), and so now every calorie is going to be stored.  So the answer, counter-intuitively, is to eat more good food - not necessarily cake (), but the fruits, etc. are good - and protein.  Egg whites are a healthy choice, but you need more protein than that, especially if you're hitting the gym.  If you're building muscle and not feeding your body, your body will start to cannibalize other parts of yourself.  This is not good.

It's hard - if you can hit reset on your mental image of what healthy is - a good balance between calories in and calories out, and the quality of those calories - then you have a great opportunity to be healthy and naturally slim (not skinny, not a bone rack!), but still strong, for your whole life. You can do it - you're young and you're not so into this you can't see it's hurting you.  You can do it...and we're behind you to prop you up. :)

Please do keep everyone posted.

Donna

Hey...

So im also new...

I lost myself last August, I was never any larger than a size 8 (UK) but for some unknown reason I went on a diet. Well I just plain stopped eating or ate very little to get me through the day. I didn't get to enjoy Christmas because I was so anxious, my relationship began to suffer and I couldn't focus on UNI. Recently I decided that I WANT TO LIVE. I want to be the girl I once was and enjoyed being.

I am trying to recover, two weeks ago I went to the Dr and got weighed officially and have to go back every 4 weeks,  I thought this was something that would keep me motivated to gain, if someone was watching me. I was 42kg at 5ft 4.5in...so underweight.

Basically I am trying to eat more but i just don't know what to eat. I used to eat what I liked...whenever I liked and stay the same! WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? I want to get to 105lbs and maintain there as long as my period returns.

I want to be active and to eat like I used to and not worry about everything all the time. Is it OK to indulge? and what about exercise? My head is so messed and I almost freak out when I eat but then I remind myself that I WANT TO GAIN.

Advice and support please. I don't want my family to know my diagnosis...I blame the loss on stress.

 

Hope.x

There is another thread of a recovering ED person, and he posted what he's eating. You could try emulating that. And they also mentioned nutritional supplements, which sounds reasonable. Sometimes when food is not appealing, you can still get a drink down.

Sample breakfast: wheatabix, milk, banana, yogurt, juice, snack: fruit, toast with jam; lunch: sandwich on whole grain bread, salad, 2 cookies; tea: whatever you guys have that's tasty (I'm not a Brit); supper: 4-6 ounces of meat, starch (rice, potato, pasta), fresh/frozen veg; snack: cuppa and dessert. :)

Hope that helps to get you started-

Donna

Hiya. Yes I have weighed myself and I went up to about 7 and a half stone. And then I have had further weight gain. I went to the doctors and they told me I have depression and have also referred me to an eating disorder clinic, which is great news.

Good!!:) In- or outpatient? Hope you'll keep in touch and tell us how you're progressing? good luck!

Having an eating disorder is so hard. I weigh 84 lbs. and all I do is count my calories and weigh myself all the time. It's a struggle. I'm always cold, dizzy, nauseated, and have headaches. Getting help is the biggiest step...I seen a therapist for the first time next week. Good luck ashleyluka! I never wish this on anyone.