ED Recovery Club II (the REAL one)
OK on acount of how the first "ED Recovery Club" was not helping most of us, I have decided to start a new one... The rules are simple: this is for advice and help only! Absolutely NO complaining about:
"oh no, I ate over 100 calories today!"
"I weigh 56lbs soaking wet, I am so fat!"
"I tried to binge/purge 3 jars of peanut butter!"
NO NO NO!!
This is for people who actually WANT to recover. All you are doing when you post these comments is hindering your recovery progress and the progress of others.
Lets focus on how to regain a healthy body and mind, whether you suffer from anorexia, bulemia, BED, bigorexia, orthorexia or any other ED-NOS.. we are here to help
Please girls (and guys), we all have the potential to be happy and beautiful, don't let food control and ruin your life.
I look forward to hearing back from everyone.
Take care. x0x
wow, welcome all new members :) its great to hear new stories and more positive perspectives... I just got back from being away at the lake for a week, and I gotta tell ya it was rather frusterating. First of all I couldn't eat enough, I still can not push past 1000cal, and I couldnt keep my 'challenge' to eat what everyone else was eating. [With the exception that I did eat some pancakes one day(which is HUGE to me.. ie: pancakes=empty carbs="bad")] and then I kept getting sarcastic comments from my mom "oh she wont let herself starve" (my mom knows i am ED and she doesn't seem to like/respect me very much now) and my brother kept razzing me because I am always cold (it was like 23 out) I dont like always being cold :( I want to eat at least 1200cal and hopefully up my intake from there, but it is so hard! I pretty much just eat lean protein, fruits and vegetables, and I cannot bring myself to eating empty carbs, bread, sugar, or any packaged/overly processed foods. I am just NOT comfortable gaining on empty calories, and I avoid eating more than 50grams of protein a day because I have heard that too much protein is bad for your liver. My mom mainly just wants me to eat more bread/pasta, but I will only eat grain products if they are whole wheat, but my family rarely buys those!! And I dislike eating carbs at night... Sorry for my rant, but I would rather gain on foods that I enjoy eating, but so far its not seeming to be going so well... any advice?
So this is my second post here. I go to see my nutritionist tomorrow. It is sooo hard to not keep track of calories. She did not want me to count. She also told me that I need a minimum of 2200 to maintain when very inactive. I have the HARDEST time believing her and I've only reached like 2000 calories one day this week. Most have been around 1800. I just can't believe it! I feel like she is lying to me. Ha... I guess I have some paranoia!
Do you have to be significantly underweight to get that "always cold" feeling? I wonder sometimes... I'm pretty much always cold, and I keep my apartment at 80-82 degrees because that's where it feels comfortable to me. But then again, even when I weighed a lot more I liked it 78-ish (this is in the heat of summer), so the difference is minimal...
I'm still terrified of gaining even half a pound - especially now. But maintenance seems like a somewhat more comfortable idea; I could stay where I am and not get too upset about it. But I'd still like a pound or two of safe space for daily fluctuations. Mine are always tiny - my weight almost never changes more than a pound over the course of a day, not counting immediately after drinking a lot of water. But it's still enough that I worry about it and have been watching sodium and "bulk" intake like a hawk lately so that I don't go over accidentally. If I had a little more space then I wouldn't have to do that, but then again, I should have that space in a couple of weeks, so if I can just hold out until then and not freak out about the increased calorie count (which is still not near enough to make me gain, but it feels like it), then it'll all be all right. Does it really matter? 2 pounds down won't change my BMI classification, and I think I could maintain X-2 a lot more easily than X, because then up or down a tad won't change anything.
I went to bible study this morning but not the service itself. That would be too much too soon; it took a lot of courage to even go out this little bit, and I need to start opening up a social circle in very small steps or I'll feel overwhelmed and stop. I think it's going to be critical that I do SOMETHING, though, because left to my own devices I will probably self-destruct but if I have people to be around then it's less likely to happen.
I'm still terrified of gaining even half a pound - especially now. But maintenance seems like a somewhat more comfortable idea; I could stay where I am and not get too upset about it. But I'd still like a pound or two of safe space for daily fluctuations. Mine are always tiny - my weight almost never changes more than a pound over the course of a day, not counting immediately after drinking a lot of water. But it's still enough that I worry about it and have been watching sodium and "bulk" intake like a hawk lately so that I don't go over accidentally. If I had a little more space then I wouldn't have to do that, but then again, I should have that space in a couple of weeks, so if I can just hold out until then and not freak out about the increased calorie count (which is still not near enough to make me gain, but it feels like it), then it'll all be all right. Does it really matter? 2 pounds down won't change my BMI classification, and I think I could maintain X-2 a lot more easily than X, because then up or down a tad won't change anything.
I went to bible study this morning but not the service itself. That would be too much too soon; it took a lot of courage to even go out this little bit, and I need to start opening up a social circle in very small steps or I'll feel overwhelmed and stop. I think it's going to be critical that I do SOMETHING, though, because left to my own devices I will probably self-destruct but if I have people to be around then it's less likely to happen.
J.S., those "2 lbs". really do matter, and I think you know that. What seems to be simply a safety margin will become your new goal. You're convincing yourself that you can lose more weight, but you mustn't!
Best wishes to you and everyone.
Best wishes to you and everyone.
jainasolo--no, I don't believe you have to be severely underweight to be cold all the time. when I started restricting to under 800 I was 120 pounds and ALWAYS cold. now it's kinda been reversed; I eat 1000-1200 net and am a few pounds underweight and still cold all the time when others aren't.
Phew, I'm not the only one who has experienced this "always cold" feeling! I'm almost always FREEZING my butt off! I've been this way for years, but it got so much worse when I was underweight. Now that I'm getting closer to a normal weight, I'm not AS cold all the time. But then again, that could be because it's summer and we're in the middle of a heat wave here. Oh well, I guess I'll see what happens when winter comes along.
So, I've been counting calories again, JUST to avoid binging, and it seems to have helped. I've managed to eat 2,000 calories or more every day. I hate hate HATE looking at myself in the mirror, though, so I try not to. I've started wearing baggy clothes again, too, to cover up my stomach. I'm not very comfortable with myself right now. I really hope I get over this soon, and I hope the weight redistributes itself from all on my stomach to my arms and legs and fingers and face, because I still look too thin in those places. I can still see my veins really clearly.
xxpoisonedheart, trust your nutritionist. She obviously knows what she's talking about, as it is her profession. Once your metabolism returns, it WILL take more and more calories just to maintain your weight, trust me. I know how hard it is not to count calories, but just try it for a few days and see how it feels. Personally, I felt a relieving sense of freedom, and I realized how much time I was wasting keeping track of everything I put into my mouth.
So, I've been counting calories again, JUST to avoid binging, and it seems to have helped. I've managed to eat 2,000 calories or more every day. I hate hate HATE looking at myself in the mirror, though, so I try not to. I've started wearing baggy clothes again, too, to cover up my stomach. I'm not very comfortable with myself right now. I really hope I get over this soon, and I hope the weight redistributes itself from all on my stomach to my arms and legs and fingers and face, because I still look too thin in those places. I can still see my veins really clearly.
xxpoisonedheart, trust your nutritionist. She obviously knows what she's talking about, as it is her profession. Once your metabolism returns, it WILL take more and more calories just to maintain your weight, trust me. I know how hard it is not to count calories, but just try it for a few days and see how it feels. Personally, I felt a relieving sense of freedom, and I realized how much time I was wasting keeping track of everything I put into my mouth.
I'm a mess right now. My mom decided on Friday that she didn't want to pay for or bring me to therapy anymore. I really freaked out. Friday I binged and purged like crazy while Saturday and Sunday I restricted a lot on top of purging almost everything. It's funny how I already feel like crap from doing all of these things when I know they solve nothing. You can tell in my face already- my eyes are sunken in (mostly from purging so much, I guess.) I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, I will find the strength to not do any of these things instead of running to the store at 8am to buy foods to binge on. I hope that I can also convince my mom that I need to keep seeing my therapist. I had made a lot of progress but there was so much more I needed to talk about.
Alright.. today is my second nutritionist appointment. Let me tell you all... I am going to question her like no other. I know I did not gain any weight. Might have possibly lost but I more than likely maintained at least. Been hitting 1900 to 2000 most days I believe. So it's okay. All in healthy foods. I'm just nervous. Something about me won't let go of the calorie counting.
tuffghost... try as hard as you can to talk with your mother about seeing your therapist more. For recovery... i believe it's vital. I know I would not be able to recover without any sort of guidance. Until then, just try to be strong. You're worth more than this binging/purging cycle! Just keep your mind on a better tomorrow! :)
tuffghost... try as hard as you can to talk with your mother about seeing your therapist more. For recovery... i believe it's vital. I know I would not be able to recover without any sort of guidance. Until then, just try to be strong. You're worth more than this binging/purging cycle! Just keep your mind on a better tomorrow! :)
I think I'm going to sit this thread out for awhile. To be honest - I thought I was ready, but I'm clearly not. Best of luck to all of you.
So...
I've been on this website for a long time, on and off, and have been fighting with bulimia for nearly 2 years. I've studied it and tried to battle it, but it's not as simple as just deciding to quit. It's not even simply a physical addiction like nicotine or drugs...it's a mental and emotional addiction---and i do believe that its completely psychological...once it gets lodged in your brain its nearly impossible to shake...i know...i've tried so hard.
I thought I quit for about 3 months last year and was on my way to full recovery but for SOME reason, one day, I don't even remember...I had a terrible relapse, and have been fighting with it ever since. I've had times when my throat bleeds, and I can't bring myself to stop purging. I'm nearly positive there are some serious abrasions to my esophagus and I've broken open the scars from my tonsillectomy numerous times (the source, I believe, of the blood). And it doesn't help me lose any weight whatsoever, and I know it, and I know it does nothing but hurt me. It's caused me to give in to bouts of depression and I have cried myself to sleep many times because I know I'm killing my body...and yet I can't stop.
I want to be healthy, and be able to eat a normal amount of food in a day and not feel like a hog being fattened for market. I want to be able to eat a normal meal and not have to fight the urge to purge it all, or feel bad about myself for eating said meal...but I'm afraid that now its lodged in my brain, and I'll have to fight the disease the rest of my life--not necessarily binging and purging, but fight the impulses to return to them. Of course, I'm saying this directly after a bad episode...but I want to stop...I WANT to get better, I know I'm better than this disease, and I just want it to end. I hope having others to discuss it with will give me that last little push I need to get over this hill. Good luck to everyone else.
;_;
I've been on this website for a long time, on and off, and have been fighting with bulimia for nearly 2 years. I've studied it and tried to battle it, but it's not as simple as just deciding to quit. It's not even simply a physical addiction like nicotine or drugs...it's a mental and emotional addiction---and i do believe that its completely psychological...once it gets lodged in your brain its nearly impossible to shake...i know...i've tried so hard.
I thought I quit for about 3 months last year and was on my way to full recovery but for SOME reason, one day, I don't even remember...I had a terrible relapse, and have been fighting with it ever since. I've had times when my throat bleeds, and I can't bring myself to stop purging. I'm nearly positive there are some serious abrasions to my esophagus and I've broken open the scars from my tonsillectomy numerous times (the source, I believe, of the blood). And it doesn't help me lose any weight whatsoever, and I know it, and I know it does nothing but hurt me. It's caused me to give in to bouts of depression and I have cried myself to sleep many times because I know I'm killing my body...and yet I can't stop.
I want to be healthy, and be able to eat a normal amount of food in a day and not feel like a hog being fattened for market. I want to be able to eat a normal meal and not have to fight the urge to purge it all, or feel bad about myself for eating said meal...but I'm afraid that now its lodged in my brain, and I'll have to fight the disease the rest of my life--not necessarily binging and purging, but fight the impulses to return to them. Of course, I'm saying this directly after a bad episode...but I want to stop...I WANT to get better, I know I'm better than this disease, and I just want it to end. I hope having others to discuss it with will give me that last little push I need to get over this hill. Good luck to everyone else.
;_;
allc2007 - I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was on my way to recovery 3-4 months ago ... then I completely lost it. Have been battling ever since. I'm slowly getting there though, at least I haven't given up hope, but I can hardly go more than 2 days without returning to my disorder. I hope we both get out of this alive... *hug*
*hugs back* Its hard...and it's even harder knowing I was SO close...I went nearly three months without a problem, eating normally and maintaining, even LOSING weight and getting back in shape...but then...you know. I hope we do too, good luck ^_^
Hey everyone. I've been an ED girl for the past three years, all through high school, and between fasting, exercise, laxative abuse, binging, health-food obsessions, and yo-yo weight patterns, have been through the symptoms of just about every ED out there. I plan on getting professional help in a year when I move out and start college; until then, I'm trying to lose the weight I gained as a food addict (20 lbs or so), to get back to the body I had before I dragged myself into this nightmare, and to do it slowly and safely. I'm so fed up with the binge-fast cycle, and I'm determined to spend my last year of high school stable--not swearing every night that things will be different and crashing and burning again within 24 hours. It's not worth it just to take the weight off faster.
I hope to study nutrition/dietetics in college, possibly in conjunction with kinesiology and/or psychology to become a nutrition consultant or to work for an ED treatment center as a nutritionist/therapist. I've already taken a number of my friends on as their personal dietician, and the ones who really listened to me had a lot of success. Woots! ^.^ Bottom line is, I know what a hell EDs are and I love being able to help others out of it. I'm always around for support-giving (all my contacts are in my profile), and it wouldn't hurt either to have someone around to virtually punch me in the face if I ever again consider raiding a few thousand calories out of the fridge. Overeating is a great way to motivate yourself back into anorexia, which doesn't do anything but perpetuate binge-fast the cycle.
Good luck, everyone, we can do this!
--Nutrition Junkie
I hope to study nutrition/dietetics in college, possibly in conjunction with kinesiology and/or psychology to become a nutrition consultant or to work for an ED treatment center as a nutritionist/therapist. I've already taken a number of my friends on as their personal dietician, and the ones who really listened to me had a lot of success. Woots! ^.^ Bottom line is, I know what a hell EDs are and I love being able to help others out of it. I'm always around for support-giving (all my contacts are in my profile), and it wouldn't hurt either to have someone around to virtually punch me in the face if I ever again consider raiding a few thousand calories out of the fridge. Overeating is a great way to motivate yourself back into anorexia, which doesn't do anything but perpetuate binge-fast the cycle.
Good luck, everyone, we can do this!
--Nutrition Junkie
Hi all,
Ive been reading for a while, im recovering from anorexia. I have gained 5lbs so far. i just have one question, do people find they gain most of their weight on their stomach? and does it feel like a constant bloat? even after a small meal? because that seems where all mine is going.. and it seems this is the hardest part, and the most fustrating as well. I can't seem to get my head around the bloating.. after i have a juicebox or a small sandwich it seems my stomach has blown up? any suggestions and/or explainations?
Ive been reading for a while, im recovering from anorexia. I have gained 5lbs so far. i just have one question, do people find they gain most of their weight on their stomach? and does it feel like a constant bloat? even after a small meal? because that seems where all mine is going.. and it seems this is the hardest part, and the most fustrating as well. I can't seem to get my head around the bloating.. after i have a juicebox or a small sandwich it seems my stomach has blown up? any suggestions and/or explainations?
enia28 - this has happened to me too! my arms and legs stay stick thin but my middle section bloats! anyone able to help us? 
Well...so much for day one of my personal challenge. :(
I know I can do this...tomorrow is a new day--wait, no, right NOW is a new start. I've been through the "this is the last time, it won't happen again" thing a million times over...sometimes its lasted as much as a week, other times little more than a few hours. But I need to kick this.
Nutrition Junkie -- I'm proud of you! You sound much like what I went through (still going through)...periods of fasting/anorexic behavior, binge/purge cycles...everything you can think of, yet you're turning it to your advantage...that's got something to say about how well you're fighting this. I would be glad of any contacts, because I know I can't do this alone anymore, its too hard for one person.
Enia and Coldthindream -- I experience the same thing! Even eating just a small meal or a drink makes me feel bloated beyond belief--I feel like I've gained three inches around my waist every time I have food...and I don't understand. I don't know which ED you suffer from, but I think its a result of all the binging making my stomach stretch to compensate for all the food, and the purging makes it shrink due to rejecting the food...and so whenever it gets any amount of food, no matter how small, it stretches in preparation for a binge...kind of like muscle memory. That's my theory anyway. :( Good luck everyone, hope you did better than me today.
I know I can do this...tomorrow is a new day--wait, no, right NOW is a new start. I've been through the "this is the last time, it won't happen again" thing a million times over...sometimes its lasted as much as a week, other times little more than a few hours. But I need to kick this.
Nutrition Junkie -- I'm proud of you! You sound much like what I went through (still going through)...periods of fasting/anorexic behavior, binge/purge cycles...everything you can think of, yet you're turning it to your advantage...that's got something to say about how well you're fighting this. I would be glad of any contacts, because I know I can't do this alone anymore, its too hard for one person.
Enia and Coldthindream -- I experience the same thing! Even eating just a small meal or a drink makes me feel bloated beyond belief--I feel like I've gained three inches around my waist every time I have food...and I don't understand. I don't know which ED you suffer from, but I think its a result of all the binging making my stomach stretch to compensate for all the food, and the purging makes it shrink due to rejecting the food...and so whenever it gets any amount of food, no matter how small, it stretches in preparation for a binge...kind of like muscle memory. That's my theory anyway. :( Good luck everyone, hope you did better than me today.
Same here. ALL the weight I've gained has gone to my stomach. My rings are still too big for my fingers, but my pants are too small now! It's really frustrating. But we just have to remember that it's all for the better; we'll be healthier in the end, and the weight will most likely redistribute itself with time. Summer's almost over, so we have plenty of time before the next bikini season.
I'm excited for school to start...it will force me to pack my lunches and plan out my meals for the day and I'll hardly ever be home and be tempted by all the food to binge/purge on. Also, with the beginning of school my b/f and I have agreed to go to the gym before school on the weekdays since we have free access to the griz center (rec center). Next Monday, it all changes!!!
THANKS! i'm happy to know that i am not the only one. i totally agree with crystal187, it seems my rings and braclets and still too big, and my pants well.. lets just say i might need some TNA or lulu lemon pants from now on. haha its good that summer is over, as much as i love it. winter is the time of big sweaters and comfy clothes!
it helps to know that eventaully the weight will find a way to other areas!
it helps to know that eventaully the weight will find a way to other areas!
ally, I'm the opposite about wanting to start school. I'm worried about sinking back into my old routine for school year. Summer was kind of frantic and I had no real pattern to the binging and purging so I did it less. I was doing a lot worse during school because I would go hungry most of the day which gave me more reason to binge after school. Hopefully I will just keep focused.
I was doing pretty bad a couple days ago but I've been choosing to not b/p for these past couple days. I don't think I want to tomorrow either, just to have a streak going. I still have that really empty feeling right now but I think I'll journal instead.
I was doing pretty bad a couple days ago but I've been choosing to not b/p for these past couple days. I don't think I want to tomorrow either, just to have a streak going. I still have that really empty feeling right now but I think I'll journal instead.
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