OK on acount of how the first "ED Recovery Club" was not helping most of us, I have decided to start a new one... The rules are simple: this is for advice and help only! Absolutely NO complaining about:
"oh no, I ate over 100 calories today!"
"I weigh 56lbs soaking wet, I am so fat!"
"I tried to binge/purge 3 jars of peanut butter!"
NO NO NO!!
This is for people who actually WANT to recover. All you are doing when you post these comments is hindering your recovery progress and the progress of others.
Lets focus on how to regain a healthy body and mind, whether you suffer from anorexia, bulemia, BED, bigorexia, orthorexia or any other ED-NOS.. we are here to help
Please girls (and guys), we all have the potential to be happy and beautiful, don't let food control and ruin your life.
I look forward to hearing back from everyone.
Take care. x0x
I'm still terrified of gaining even half a pound - especially now. But maintenance seems like a somewhat more comfortable idea; I could stay where I am and not get too upset about it. But I'd still like a pound or two of safe space for daily fluctuations. Mine are always tiny - my weight almost never changes more than a pound over the course of a day, not counting immediately after drinking a lot of water. But it's still enough that I worry about it and have been watching sodium and "bulk" intake like a hawk lately so that I don't go over accidentally. If I had a little more space then I wouldn't have to do that, but then again, I should have that space in a couple of weeks, so if I can just hold out until then and not freak out about the increased calorie count (which is still not near enough to make me gain, but it feels like it), then it'll all be all right. Does it really matter? 2 pounds down won't change my BMI classification, and I think I could maintain X-2 a lot more easily than X, because then up or down a tad won't change anything.
I went to bible study this morning but not the service itself. That would be too much too soon; it took a lot of courage to even go out this little bit, and I need to start opening up a social circle in very small steps or I'll feel overwhelmed and stop. I think it's going to be critical that I do SOMETHING, though, because left to my own devices I will probably self-destruct but if I have people to be around then it's less likely to happen.
Best wishes to you and everyone.
So, I've been counting calories again, JUST to avoid binging, and it seems to have helped. I've managed to eat 2,000 calories or more every day. I hate hate HATE looking at myself in the mirror, though, so I try not to. I've started wearing baggy clothes again, too, to cover up my stomach. I'm not very comfortable with myself right now. I really hope I get over this soon, and I hope the weight redistributes itself from all on my stomach to my arms and legs and fingers and face, because I still look too thin in those places. I can still see my veins really clearly.
xxpoisonedheart, trust your nutritionist. She obviously knows what she's talking about, as it is her profession. Once your metabolism returns, it WILL take more and more calories just to maintain your weight, trust me. I know how hard it is not to count calories, but just try it for a few days and see how it feels. Personally, I felt a relieving sense of freedom, and I realized how much time I was wasting keeping track of everything I put into my mouth.
tuffghost... try as hard as you can to talk with your mother about seeing your therapist more. For recovery... i believe it's vital. I know I would not be able to recover without any sort of guidance. Until then, just try to be strong. You're worth more than this binging/purging cycle! Just keep your mind on a better tomorrow! :)
I've been on this website for a long time, on and off, and have been fighting with bulimia for nearly 2 years. I've studied it and tried to battle it, but it's not as simple as just deciding to quit. It's not even simply a physical addiction like nicotine or drugs...it's a mental and emotional addiction---and i do believe that its completely psychological...once it gets lodged in your brain its nearly impossible to shake...i know...i've tried so hard.
I thought I quit for about 3 months last year and was on my way to full recovery but for SOME reason, one day, I don't even remember...I had a terrible relapse, and have been fighting with it ever since. I've had times when my throat bleeds, and I can't bring myself to stop purging. I'm nearly positive there are some serious abrasions to my esophagus and I've broken open the scars from my tonsillectomy numerous times (the source, I believe, of the blood). And it doesn't help me lose any weight whatsoever, and I know it, and I know it does nothing but hurt me. It's caused me to give in to bouts of depression and I have cried myself to sleep many times because I know I'm killing my body...and yet I can't stop.
I want to be healthy, and be able to eat a normal amount of food in a day and not feel like a hog being fattened for market. I want to be able to eat a normal meal and not have to fight the urge to purge it all, or feel bad about myself for eating said meal...but I'm afraid that now its lodged in my brain, and I'll have to fight the disease the rest of my life--not necessarily binging and purging, but fight the impulses to return to them. Of course, I'm saying this directly after a bad episode...but I want to stop...I WANT to get better, I know I'm better than this disease, and I just want it to end. I hope having others to discuss it with will give me that last little push I need to get over this hill. Good luck to everyone else.
I hope to study nutrition/dietetics in college, possibly in conjunction with kinesiology and/or psychology to become a nutrition consultant or to work for an ED treatment center as a nutritionist/therapist. I've already taken a number of my friends on as their personal dietician, and the ones who really listened to me had a lot of success. Woots! ^.^ Bottom line is, I know what a hell EDs are and I love being able to help others out of it. I'm always around for support-giving (all my contacts are in my profile), and it wouldn't hurt either to have someone around to virtually punch me in the face if I ever again consider raiding a few thousand calories out of the fridge. Overeating is a great way to motivate yourself back into anorexia, which doesn't do anything but perpetuate binge-fast the cycle.
Good luck, everyone, we can do this!
Ive been reading for a while, im recovering from anorexia. I have gained 5lbs so far. i just have one question, do people find they gain most of their weight on their stomach? and does it feel like a constant bloat? even after a small meal? because that seems where all mine is going.. and it seems this is the hardest part, and the most fustrating as well. I can't seem to get my head around the bloating.. after i have a juicebox or a small sandwich it seems my stomach has blown up? any suggestions and/or explainations?
I know I can do this...tomorrow is a new day--wait, no, right NOW is a new start. I've been through the "this is the last time, it won't happen again" thing a million times over...sometimes its lasted as much as a week, other times little more than a few hours. But I need to kick this.
Nutrition Junkie -- I'm proud of you! You sound much like what I went through (still going through)...periods of fasting/anorexic behavior, binge/purge cycles...everything you can think of, yet you're turning it to your advantage...that's got something to say about how well you're fighting this. I would be glad of any contacts, because I know I can't do this alone anymore, its too hard for one person.
Enia and Coldthindream -- I experience the same thing! Even eating just a small meal or a drink makes me feel bloated beyond belief--I feel like I've gained three inches around my waist every time I have food...and I don't understand. I don't know which ED you suffer from, but I think its a result of all the binging making my stomach stretch to compensate for all the food, and the purging makes it shrink due to rejecting the food...and so whenever it gets any amount of food, no matter how small, it stretches in preparation for a binge...kind of like muscle memory. That's my theory anyway. :( Good luck everyone, hope you did better than me today.
it helps to know that eventaully the weight will find a way to other areas!
I was doing pretty bad a couple days ago but I've been choosing to not b/p for these past couple days. I don't think I want to tomorrow either, just to have a streak going. I still have that really empty feeling right now but I think I'll journal instead.