Below is a letter my mother wrote to me almost two years ago when I was seriously sliding down a slippery slope.. I use it as a reminder to myself how far I have come, how close I was and simply how much I am loved. Remember no matter how much or how low you get, there are so many people out there who care so deeply for us, so never give up. I warn ye all out there, its quite sad.
I'm sitting here at 5.30am in the kitchen listening to the birds singing and I am just thinking we live in such a wonderful world. By the time it gets bright and I switch on the news, families out there will have lost a loved one, one way or another. "But not us" But thats not true is it?
I see you fading away from us and there is nothing in the world I can do about it! If only you could see it! I often think about young people who aren't with us anymore, like Declan for instance (my cousin who died of leukemia 6 years ago) who loved life and would have given anything for a second chance to life.
I worry a lot about you and so does dad and I have these dreams where we are told you are in hospital and in a coma and that your condition is irreversible... and that really frightens us.
Please Orlaith, Life is too precious. You know when Rory (my nephew) was born we thought this is it, nothing can possibly spoil anything anymore. We are ALL so happy. Please Orlaith, sit down and think what am I doing? Is it worth it? What am I doing to my system? I assure you that if this doesnt stop your system will shut down and you will collapse. So from now on I will tell you 'I love you everyday.' There are too many lives being lost, treasure yours! Don't waste it. Act now before it is too late.
Its getting bright now, so what does today bring!?
Mom and Dad
Don't throw this away
So whenever I feel like returning to that awful world of pain and misery I read this letter. I hope others can take something from it also.
That made me cry. It is beautiful that your family loves you so much.
EDs make you think you're isolated. But you're not. There are tons of people who love you and care dearly about you. When you suffer, they suffer too!
That's one of my biggest motivations not to return to starving myself--I know it kills my family to see me slowly wasting away! Thank you for the reminder.
I bawled crying this morning as I typed and read it. Its mothers day here in Ireland and I am meeting my mother for dinner. I wanted to back out so bad but simply finding that letter this morning changed my mind in seconds. I think its the best present i can give her today!! :) That and a big bunch of flowers! ED makes one think that everyone is out to get them but we do forget how they suffer in silence also. I hope it motivates you and many others showing us how much we are NOT loved for our weight, We are simply LOVED!!
OOOH I agree!! Just when I thought all my friends had given up on me; they saw I was able to put a genuine smile on my face again, they were all surrounding me, fighting over who gets to talk to me first, tell me all their stories. They gave me hope. Orlaith, it's beautiful that you have such loving parents. Do cherish them as much as you can, they sound like amazing people. :)
That letter is beautiful, thank you for sharing it.
What a stunning letter :-) and thank you for sharing something so incredibly intimate.
I sincerely wish you well!
And how true is this not? This can be said for anyone at any weight :-)
I just met my mother for Mother's day, we went to a very expensive restaurant in a posh area and we had a beautiful meal... think it was the best mothers day gift she's ever gotten from me. Both my parents are incredibly supportive and I am only realising how much they love me and how much they care since I have begun to recover, things seem clearer and I see beyond the walls and barriers of ed.
suspendue_lahaut: I agree about the friends thing too... simply in the last hour I have had 2 friends call me for stories about the weekend and telling me their gossip too... the world seems like a brighter place today.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MAMMY'S OUT THERE!!
Orlaith....this was so needed. Wow...powerful. Please hug your mum every second you can.
I was 15 when I lost my mother...she had cancer, and I know if she were alive still...she would have suffered more than her suffering from cancer to see how I was wasting my life and torturing myself. How I long for the days that she cooked and made us awesome stuff. My mom was a homemaker....EXCELLENT woman, and just imagine the ITALIAN SPREAD that we found every meal, every day at a moments whim. I miss her, not just for her cooking, for everything.
If I could, I wish I could ring up my mother ( and father...lost him during university 22) and say; " hey lets meet for coffee'' and I swear I would eat ANYTHING just to have them in front of me for those few moments.
Wow, look at what I am justifying, WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE FOOD.....it is the bonding, sharing, company that is important and that CREEP wants us to be ISOLATED because he is unable to fight us when we are in the company of loved ones. Surround yourselfs with positive people, it is easier to fight him this way.....and that's what LIFE is about...relationships....but mostly the RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF
Love yourselves....I'm starting
thankyou for sharing this, it is beautiful :) and so powerful!