Ok I know this is going to be offensive to most people, but I just wanted to state my opinion. I am pretty much recovered from my eating disorder. Until I came to this website I never referred to it as "ED". There were no "voices" in my head. I just naturally stopped eating. But I also made a conscious choice to keep on doing it even though it was destructive. I know some psychologists refer to it as a separate entity, but I kind of disagree on this. Drug addicts don't refer to their addiction as "The heroin addict" I kind of feel like it is an excuse for people to not get better. Like "Oh my ED was yelling at me so I skipped lunch." I understand our brain chemistry changes during starvation making us not think clearly. But voices?? Are we schizophrenic now?? What is your opinion? Did you actually hear "a voice yelling at you?"
The "voice" yelling at them to skip lunch is the "voice" of addiction. It is the same "voice" as in the example you used of a heroin addict feeling the need to shoot up again, or the same "voice" of the alcoholic needing another shot.
The "voice" many referred to is the SAME EXACT voice you listened to when you "naturally stopped eating".
I do agree that alot of people use it as an excuse when they don't really want to get better.
However it can be used usefully to disassociate (though I do tend to think it comes off unhealthily if you describe it as a totally separate entity, though it may make it easier to cope depending on what stage of recovery you are in and until ou are ready to accept waht really caused it, etc) in a way if you TRULY want to get better. I never describe it as a totally different person, but more as one side of myself that is intertwined.
But to that I may add- at one point I did in fact have a real..um..well, "imaginary friend" that basically told me what to do at some point when I became anorexic. Not in the beginning (as I had lots of imaginary friends) but this one appeared at some point as my behavior got worse. At some point when I was too frusturated with it and begged it to go away, it eventually did, but not my anorexic behaviors. The "imaginary friend" became internalized and was not something I could really distinguish from myself as a separate "Visible" or audible entity; no dialogue back and forth as if to another person. It was easier when it was "another person" telling me to do it, but once I accepted responsibility it was alot harder to resist getting better/ guilt for what I was doing to myself and others. Now however I do have to differentiate my own thoughts. MY rational thoughts versus my eating disordered/ OCD/ anxiety fueled thoughts. I really think people need to accept that it is a part of THEM not something that has infiltrated them externally like a virus, but that can be overcome.
I think it's a matter of semantics. I never described it as a "voice" because that makes it seem like a hallucination of sorts, which it isn't. For me, it's an anxiety, a fear. It's very much linked to my OCD, so it permeates other aspects of my life as well, not just my eating disorder.
I did, but I can see why you would think this way. I don't consider "ED" as something I had absolutely no control over. Its mental, but I've always taken responsibility for what I did. Yes, I went through hard times, but I don't place any blame on anyone but myself. I did hear voices, but not really like schizophrenia. It wasn't actual voices, more like thoughts. Its just like, it would be the end of the world for me to ignore the thoughts. I remember having a plate of food in front of me and sobbing uncontrollably because I just couldn't eat it. Addiction is strong. It was sort of like another person inside me or another side of myself. I just couldn't get my brain to think rationally and I just wanted to lose weight so bad no matter how much I lost. Nothing could stop me. This voice and the disease was what I lived for and without it I felt like there was no reason to live.
Original Post by _adrienne_:
I think it's a matter of semantics. I never described it as a "voice" because that makes it seem like a hallucination of sorts, which it isn't. For me, it's an anxiety, a fear. It's very much linked to my OCD, so it permeates other aspects of my life as well, not just my eating disorder.
Yea, it was like OCD for me too. Like if I ate too much, something terrible would happen.
Original Post by soxgurl87:
Original Post by _adrienne_:
I think it's a matter of semantics. I never described it as a "voice" because that makes it seem like a hallucination of sorts, which it isn't. For me, it's an anxiety, a fear. It's very much linked to my OCD, so it permeates other aspects of my life as well, not just my eating disorder.
Yea, it was like OCD for me too. Like if I ate too much, something terrible would happen.
I agree on this for sure. It is an anxiety like something bad is going to happen. I had the same experience. I guess I understand what people mean by voice. But I think some people DO use it as an excuse.
I totally agree some people use the term to excuse themselves,but it also has helped me personally to not see myself as THE disorder. It gives me something to fight;something to overcome instead of just thinking "this is just how I am,I'm a screwed up person" I see the eating disorder(ED) as something I can seperate myself from. With negative thinking I do often times remind myself "Ok, these are YOUR thoughts and you CAN replace them with positive ones." Everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves and the things they tell themselves wether it's OCD or ED or whatever. Anyway, idk if I got off track there but those are my thoughts :)
Original Post by caccoon2butterfly:
I totally agree some people use the term to excuse themselves,but it also has helped me personally to not see myself as THE disorder. It gives me something to fight;something to overcome instead of just thinking "this is just how I am,I'm a screwed up person" I see the eating disorder(ED) as something I can seperate myself from. With negative thinking I do often times remind myself "Ok, these are YOUR thoughts and you CAN replace them with positive ones." Everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves and the things they tell themselves wether it's OCD or ED or whatever. Anyway, idk if I got off track there but those are my thoughts :)
This is also a good point. For so long, I saw my eating disorder as a part of my identity. It's hard to build up self-esteem if you're trying to get rid of a part of yourself and telling yourself that you're stupid or wrong all the time. It has helped me in my recovery to think of it as not being a part of myself.
I can kind of get why some people use the whole "voice" thing, but I have never really done that. I mean imo it seems a bit like the whole "ana" or "mia" thing some people go with which both irritates and weirds me out. I think more along the lines of antecedent>behavior>consequence, for instance if I have to reposition my car in a parking lot I will start feeling anxious and stupid because I think I'm incompetent for doing so and I'm worried that I'm going to piss off another driver. Then it just snowballs into other stuff and the only thing that eases my anxieties is when I restrict or over exercise.
I have intermittant ED and there is definately a difference in the fundamental structure of my thinking when I'm ill and when I'm well.
When I'm well I just have the one internal thinking pattern, I feel like one person and in harmony if that makes sense.
When I'm ill it is like there are two me's. One is the me that I always am, I want to strive to do well in the long term, so I want to be healthy and I want to be at peace and happy, I'm quite rational and I understand that the disorder will not actually bring me happiness. The other me is just as much me but is an addict, is scheming and manipulative (which is very unlike me in general), makes up rules that I have to live by in order to stave off anxiety and is extremely self-destructive.
When I'm ill there is a constant inner turmoil where one side of me always wants to get better and reach out for help and be honest whereas the other side of me wants to self-destruct, wants isolation and just wants to feel high, numb and superior to everyone.
I don't know if that makes any sense.
I have to agree...I never really understood the whole " my ED told me to do it" concept. Yes, I have an eating disorder. Yes, I act upon it. Yes it is very strong. But to me the "Eating disorder" is just a part of me. Its an emotional problem, or distress. I feel this way for a reason. I don't have someone or something else living inside of me telling me what to do. I am unhappy for some reason. I hate myself for some reason. Not because I have voices in my head, but because of the way I grew up....I do understand the point of wanting to separate oneself from it, but in my opinion we just need to learn to separate ourselves from our horrible feelings and replace them with new happy thoughts, we need to feel better about ourselves as a whole, not just cut out "voices". I totally understand the sitting over food crying and unable to eat thing. I've done it over and over, I've panicked. But its not because someone or something is telling me not to eat. Its because I've associated food as a bad thing for almost 7 years now. I've made it the enemy. No one is telling me food is bad. I've just psychologically convinced myself that food is evil. The only way to change that is to change MY thought processes, sure, give me an exorcism if you want, but thats not going to help, because that is not the problem. I understand the anxiety and fear thing too. I really do, but again, I think that I am scared of other things, not food, but I've made myself scared of food because it was something easy and physical to be scared of. I think its all about changing our patterns of thinking. I understand all of your points, but I still have to say, having an eating disorder is just like having any other problem. You can have depression, or have ADD, or even have pneumonia, but you aren't depression, there isn't two of you, there isn't someone telling you to have ADD, and there definately isn't a voice called pneumonia. It is a part of you that you need to let go of...Idk, I could be wrong, but thats my thoughts...:)
Just a side note, when I first came to this site, I saw all the postings about ED and wondered why dieters were having sex troubles!
I agree with you. I know sometimes it was a conflict in my head "Im tired i want to go home" vs "walk round the block once more" and i never knew which side would win... or "another 50 calorie weight watchers yoghurt wont hurt" vs "the less you have the better" but it was all me.. just an ongoing battle with what i wanted.
There wasnt a voice.. just my thoughts.. my ramblings - in my head. Or even my body going back and fourth.. grabbing an apple putting it back so on.
I dont like how people say "ED made me do it" like it is a complete other entity bullying you.. allthough yes, it does sometimes feel like that because somewhere deep down there is the real you knowing that what you are doing is wrong.
I dont know.. i guess i just dislike the phrase rather than the principle. Something about it just feels like an excuse.
I prefer to think that i acted irrationally because i had an eating disorder and i struggled to do what was best for me due to fears and scr***d up transmittor thingies.. i guess that is the same thing.. i dont know.
It is still you doing it though... you just dont always know why or how to stop it or you are just too scared to stop it.
Original Post by mizkay:
Just a side note, when I first came to this site, I saw all the postings about ED and wondered why dieters were having sex troubles!
I apologize in advance for my possible stupidity, but what is your point and how it relates to this thread? thank you for helping my confusion.
I'm glad that someone finally said this. I've always been rather confused and annoyed by the people who seem to blame "Ed" for what they do. I've never blamed some entity in my head for my disordered behaviors.
Yes, I do refer to the disordered thinking as "ED" because it is like a voice in your head. It's a facet of your brain that is self destructive. There are so many different "voices" in everyone's head. The rational voice, the spiritual voice, there's OCD that tells me I need to take 50 steps back and forth, there's ED that tells me that I can't have a radish.
But it's all the same brain. It's all the same person. You can't just lie the blame on some brat inside of your head.
When someone asks you why you haven't eaten that day, you can't whine and say "Nooo....I didn't do it....Ed did it!!!"
It doesn't work like that.
Original Post by mizkay:
Just a side note, when I first came to this site, I saw all the postings about ED and wondered why dieters were having sex troubles!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
My first thought when I see ED is erectile dysfunction. It might be an age thing. I'm in my fifties. If people my age are talking about ED, it is usually NOT an eating disorder.
It's like rehab. When I talk about rehab to people my age, they know I mean cardiac rehab. For younger people, another kind of rehab probably comes to mind.
Original Post by mizkay:
My first thought when I see ED is erectile dysfunction. It might be an age thing. I'm in my fifties. If people my age are talking about ED, it is usually NOT an eating disorder.
It's like rehab. When I talk about rehab to people my age, they know I mean cardiac rehab. For younger people, another kind of rehab probably comes to mind.
Haha, this reminds me of a joke I read in a little local "funny paper"- you know you're old when an "all nighter" means going all night without getting up to go to the bathroom. ;)
Ok so it seems like a lot of people agree! Phew, I am glad I am not the only one. :)
Yes, but how come we haven't heard from the opposition side? >.>
