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I feel empty..


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I wanna share my life story with you cause I can't tell it to anyone else..

Today when I came home I cried and was thinking about how sad my life is. I can't love myself and take care of myself because I feel not attractive at all and I have weight problems since along time. And because I can't love myself and I feel the sadness each time I leave the house I'm a bit of a quiet person cause I can't be myself. I haven't got many friends cause people don't really approach me (some people in my college even hate me) (they think I'm boring, and you know what sometimes I agree with them but I feel that I just can't be myself and laugh and make jokes) and the friends I do have I barely go out with. So I don't go out much and I feel that I live for college and work only. If i hear from anyone they had a great weekend I really wanna cry cause my life is nothing at all. To make things worse, my family isn't so close with each other and we have alot of problems. We never visit our other family (aunts/uncles) cause my parents are in a fight with them so I don't know anyone really of my family.

The summer holiday is coming and I can't look forward to anything. I wanna lose weight desperately and hopefully feel better, but I feel so empty that maybe sometimes I just eat to get away from this feeling. My summer will probably be working all day and night so I won't feel lonely.. I do go out sometimes (1 time a month maybe) with a friend but I really don't know how to enjoy and have a great time.  Actually I hate the summer :( I just don't know what to do these free months and it just makes me feel worse. Sometimes I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Yesterday I tried to look pretty and dressed up a little with some make up, but I looked so ugly and I feel that my destiny is just be ugly..and I also never take pictures of myself cause I don't like the way I look. When I see other girls who are pretty and even sometimes my weight, they still have a cute face :S

And this has been going on for some years now.. I wish to wake up one morning with alot of friends calling me to go out and stuff, but this never happens.. Yes, I feel empty cause I may only have 2 friends and 2 or 3 in college :S and they all have their own life and I don't. I think that if I lost these friends I don't know where I will end :S and I'm so afraid to lose them :S

I'm so lost and sometimes I think that if I died suddenly I don't care and it won't matter.. Yes I'm completely lost, and I just wanna be happy :(

I don't know if anyone will read this, but you will probably tell me to go see a therapist? I don't know if I need one, the problem is myself. My only hope is that if I lose weight I will be happier with myself at least a bit more.. I'm around 150 lbs with 5'6, and yes I do look fat especially my face.

Can someone cheer me up maybe? =( I just don't know what to do......

Edited Apr 18 2011 23:28 by coach_k
Reason: Moved to Health and Support as a more appropriate forum
34 Replies (last)

Wow.  I'm very sorry that you are feeling so lonely.  You read my mind-yes, I do think you need to see a therapist to help with your self esteem.  Since you really are not that overweight (I'm also around 150, 5'6 and my BMI is just under normal), I don't think losing weight will magically make you love yourself, feel confident, make new friends, ect.  You need a really good therapist to help with that.  Check your college for student counseling services.  Good luck to you, Jill

Here's the deal. I battled with depression and anxiety for my entire life. I hated myself, cut myself and attempted suicide. I never felt like anyone loved me or cared about me. 2009 was my first year of university and I absolutely hated it. I was isolated and sad and developed an eating disorder because I thought if I lost weight I would be happy. I was wrong.

Do you want to know how I became happy? I decided to be happy. It's that simple. I stopped thinking negatively. Instead of thinking of how few friends I had I started thinking about how interesting and fun my friends were. I stopped being afraid of what other people thought of me, and I met a whole bunch of new people. I started becoming the kind of person I wanted to be. Now I don't gossip, I don't complain, and every day I think about how great things are. How lucky I am to be loved, and to love. How grateful I am for life.

I'm starting to see a lot of my old friends trying to escape their lives by dieting, or moving, or changing schools. None of that is going to help. Happiness isn't easy. It takes time and effort. It's hard work. But all you really have to do is change your attitude. As long as you act like the kind of person you want to attract, those people will flock to you. And as long as you see the bright side to everything, things will get brighter. It was nothing to do with where you are or what you weigh (I weigh 60lbs more than you do). It has everything to do with how you see the world.

I hope things improve for you as much as they have for me. :)

You know when I talk to somebody I feel I'm not worth it and I'm wasting their time. Some even will look at me as if I'm not worth, so yes my self-esteem is so low.. and generally I think I can be a nice fun person, just when I'm in a good mood which I'm hardly in..

-missdracul

I loved your reply, I'm just afraid I can;t do it.. I'm in my second year of college and people see me already as how I am now. who will give me a chance? will I give myself a chance? I feel I gave up on myself and I'm crying now :S.. Yes being happy is really hard but I really wanna be it just i'm afraid I can't or I don't know how to do it..

First, being 150 lbs. at 5'6 is not fat - you have a BMI of 24.2, which is within the normal range. If you're feeling fat, it may be because you're not as toned as you'd like to be. That's my issue anyway. I'm well aware that I'm within a healthy weight for my height, but I know that I'm also a bit jiggly in spots so I probably feel larger than I am. Alright, if you feel you could be happier losing a few extra pounds, do it! But don't allow anyone (yourself included) to make you feel fat and ugly.

Secondly, I'm sorry that you feel as lonely as you do. I agree with both of the previous posters - 1. therapy may help you get some of your internal problems out and 2. that happiness is a choice, made daily.

I've been in a similar state of mind, where I felt like I wasn't worth much and I didn't have many friends to turn to. Heck, I still feel that way sometimes. I didn't cultivate the close friendships in high school like I would've liked to and, as a result, I don't have my phone ringing off the hook with friends calling like I'd like. The thing is, you (and I!) can't really wait around for people to come up and make you happy. Friendships, good ones, take effort to maintain, and a lot of people don't really know how to make the first move. It's up to you to change your future. If you rely on others to do it, you're never going to live the life you want.

Here's an idea: join a gym or some type of fitness/sport class. This way, you combine exercise with meeting new people with similar interests (who don't, as you say, already see you in a certain way) and hopefully start being the person you want to be.

Don't cry honey....things are hard for you right now, but keep your chin up - things WILL get better if you allow them to =).

-ally

Thanks for your kind reply :) I think the therapist isn't something for me cause everyone has some problems, just my problems is my self image and how I act towards people and that I don't know that many people.. It's quite hard to change yourself and love yourself at once while I hated myself since too many years. I have to keep think positive and be patient but this is so hard when all you see is people around you have a great time.. I fell in a deep hole and I need to get out of it. Dear god please help me

i feel you need professional counseling. i know you think it won't help, and everything is terrible, and if only you'd just get better, everything would just work out, but no. no, you need to have someone to talk to. you sound like you have serious depression, and anxiety issues.

you aren't alone though. i too have struggled with depression, most if not all coming from my family and my own self-hatred, low self-esteem, bad body image, etc. i've spent years and years and years in a deep self-loathing stupor. in high school, i pretended i was happy and confident, and to the outside world, i truly was. but then i went off to college, and just kinda collapsed in on myself.

i rarely went out. i never felt pretty enough on the inside or the outside. i felt this boiling, bubbling hate, sadness, loneliness, everything deep in my heart and in my mind. for awhile, my sole purpose of existing was to diet. if i could just lose enough weight, i'd love myself. if i could just see perfection in the mirror, maybe i'd see perfection in myself.

it never happened. you know what changed? i starting saying "enough. enough of this. claud, you will be 21 this year. it's been 8 years of this bull**it. pull yourself together, and darn it, love yourself."

god this is getting long, but i started to separate myself from the me of teengerhood. i separated myself about what my dad had done and said to me. i separated myself from the boys that hurt me. i separated myself from my image, and instead, focused on what was in my heart. the exercise, food, and weight issues have lessened. i'm not dragged down, feeling so heavy and weighted all the time, by them.

i just started beingme, learning about who i was. i made plans with people, i started making myself go out, and it worked. i've made more friends, and realised how much fun life can be, if only i started allowing myself to enjoy it.

if you need anything, just message me. i get it. :)

@missdracul If you were able to motivate yourself out of depression that's fabulous. The thing is that not everyone can do that. Depression is based in the brain, is physical and sometimes cannot be overcome by deciding not to feel that way anymore. When we perpetuate the idea that everyone can overcome their depression by positive thinking we sometimes invalidate the real experience that someone with depression is having and further demoralize them by insinuating that if they would just try harder they wouldn't have a problem.

I've battled depression and anxiety disorders my whole life and there were times that I could sort of lever my way out but a lot of the time its suffocating and overwhelming.

I would encourage seeing a therapist of life coach maybe just once or twice. What do you really have to lose?

Original Post by somegiri:

-ally

Thanks for your kind reply :) I think the therapist isn't something for me cause everyone has some problems, just my problems is my self image and how I act towards people and that I don't know that many people.. It's quite hard to change yourself and love yourself at once while I hated myself since too many years. I have to keep think positive and be patient but this is so hard when all you see is people around you have a great time.. I fell in a deep hole and I need to get out of it. Dear god please help me

Hey hun! I, myself, am a second year college student and I had the same problems as you, and it's getting better now.

So let me beseech you- rethink therapy. The way your body image debilitates you is a real issue that a therapist can help you with. They can help you practice other ways of looking at yourself and at situations. I have two seperate ones, both very lovely people. 

Body image issues are learned. Somewhere along the line you probably were picked on for being "heavy" or some shallow douchebag wouldn't date you because he only dates underweight girls--- even if the incident is tiny and you don't remember it it could set off a LIFE TIME of self hate and connecting every little negative thing to your weight.

But really, fixing your weight is only part of the process-- I'm almost the exact same height and exact same weight, so I know the feeling. But I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and say "I love you", because even if it's a lie, the words are nice to hear. Have you ever heard the saying "Fake it til you make it"? I have social anxiety, but I throw myself out there because even if it's scary you have to remember EVERYONE else is just as afraid of being rejected. So, find someone with a nice smile, crack a joke about the obvious and see where the conversation goes. Be ready for them to turn you down-- it doesn't mean no one will like you. Heck, I've thrown myself at tons of people, and maybe gotten 5-6 close friends out of it, but it worked!

Find a school club you'll like and go to it. Even on days when you are too sad to want to drag yourself- GO. This is where you'll find friends. And don't go and be quiet- go and be brave. I know. It's terrifying. Try it though.

I was in an abusive relationship because I let my weight control how I felt about myself, I let it control my shyness, everything. I ended up with someone who had me convinced (because of my predisposition to myself) that without them I'd be alone. Every time I was me, I was berated and invalidated. By the time I was saved from it I was a hollow shell of a human being and I knew something needed to change- and it wasn't ME that needed to change, but how I treated me

Treat yourself like you are beautiful- others will follow suit because they know you know you best.

I'm also going to agree with everyone else.  Therapy is helpful, it's a time when you get to talk about you and your feelings in a safe environment, and you shouldn't be feeling ashamed about it either (I hate talking about that stuff with even my closest friends, but I'm working on opening up to my best friend more)

On top of that, I'm a HUGE proponent of positive speaking.  The more you tell yourself negative things, the more you will be/believe those negative things.  The opposite is true as well.  If you start telling yourself "I'm beautiful" in the mornings eventually you will believe it.  You won't believe it when you first start, but your goal is to make the voice arguing against the positive statement shut up. 

Along those lines, I've stopped trying to be quite so humble.  American culture is to disagree with a compliment that's given, so that you don't look conceited.  With my warped self image I can't do that.  I just say thank you, then go home later and try to see what they saw.  Sometimes I can, and when that happens I feel wonderful!

Everyone has something to contribute to society.  It's your job to figure out how you want to make the world a better place, and then excel at doing it.  I know you're not worthless, now it's time for you to learn that too.

-claudb89

It's really great how you handled it and made your life better and I wish my life turned out better as well.. I know that it's in my hands whether to cry and feel sad all the time or change, but sometimes I can't control myself and can't help but feel sad.. I want to make changes as you did, but you know I hear this sentence a lot, and I can remember even Dr Phil said it (I'm crazy I know)... outside appearance does influence you and how you behave.. and we all know it shouldn't be like that and it's wrong.. but I feel really that if I just looked better and lose the weight that everything will fall in its place. Will I feel better if I lose the weight and start caring more about myself? I don't take care of myself right now at all and that really shows.. But anyway, thank you for your kind post and that I can message you if I need anything, I appreciate :)

-yogurt_muse, josielynn,

I'll consider the therapy thing, but as I see it is possible to get out of it yourself. I do like to do it myself, because thinking of the thought of going to a therapy is kind of crazy to me because this is something we don't do in the environment I'm from.. thanks for your posts and advice

- chaolioe

I like the way you handled everything, and you are quite like me, I have a bit of a social anxiety, basically because I feel like I'm wasting a person's time talking to them. I just push myself and hope for the best... your words are nice and motivating and of course I have to treat myself well, because who else will do it? Yes I'm totally aware of this.. you can't love anything else more if you don't love yourself first. I just need to get the strength somewhere and push myself to make it better.. I wanna make it better, I want to go out and have fun, I know I can be a fun person to be with.. but I remain silent somewhat the whole day after I woke up and looked in the mirror and don't like what I see at all :S Again a negative thought yes.. I'll try to follow up your advice because I really like them :) thanks

I'm really not trying to say that depression is something that a person can always handle on their own. My boyfriend has BPD so I understand firsthand what it can be like to live with a serious mental illness. However, learning to become positive is a wonderful first step! Therapy is a resource that a lot of people use at some point in their lives, and nobody should fee ashamed seeking the help of a counselor, but I feel like our society seems to want to say that everyone who feels isolated or sad ought to be medicated. I was on medication and it was horrible, and the stuff my boyfriend is on has nearly killed him (literally) with side-effects. Though there are chemical issues with depression, much of it is normal feelings of isolation made worse by situations, or a small decrease in serotonin. And, as a person who has battled generalized anxiety and OCD I know that the medical treatment for these disorders is based primarily on changing thought patterns. It's difficult to do alone, but in the end it's all about what you decide.

I have been in the same situation as all of you who have posted. My mum tried to take me to a counsellor when I was 14 but I didnt want the help so it didn't work. When I was 16 I got so sick of hating myself and hating life I just wanted to be happy so I decided to take myself to a counsellor. She was brilliant. I felt I could talk to her, while that didn't help alone she suggested prozac. Now I really don't condone drugs in any way and its not for everyone but, it really helped me through a tough time. I went to regular counselling while on meds and it just lifted the cloud enough so that I could see and think a little more clearly and eventually got myself off it again (slowly of course). In the meantime my counsellor really helped me find other ways to deal with my depression, ways I still use now. Counsellors do really work if you find someone you can connect to. Sometimes I still get down and sometimes I dont want to pull out of it but thats just normal life really.

As for the friends bit, I didn't really have a lot of friends either. There was a group of friends in high school that I am still really close to now. I distanced myself from them for a long time. But when I started to become happier and understood who I was I got closer to them again and we are still great friends to this day. I am now in a serious relationship and quite honestly I don't have the time for "a lot of friends" with work, life, family, trying to stay fit and healthy so I like to keep my friends as a small group. Honestly when you finish up with college, none of that will seem important and you will realise you didn't actually miss out on much. I don't feel like I missed out on anything! I am glad I spent that time focusing on myself :)

Original Post by somegiri:

- chaolioe

I like the way you handled everything, and you are quite like me, I have a bit of a social anxiety, basically because I feel like I'm wasting a person's time talking to them. I just push myself and hope for the best... your words are nice and motivating and of course I have to treat myself well, because who else will do it? Yes I'm totally aware of this.. you can't love anything else more if you don't love yourself first. I just need to get the strength somewhere and push myself to make it better.. I wanna make it better, I want to go out and have fun, I know I can be a fun person to be with.. but I remain silent somewhat the whole day after I woke up and looked in the mirror and don't like what I see at all :S Again a negative thought yes.. I'll try to follow up your advice because I really like them :) thanks

I bolded the first part because it is a feeling I reflect. I bolded the second because it is something I support fully. If you need support or help following up on it, just pm me. I'll do my best to push you in the right direction. It's scary, but I'd much rather see you push your own self into it instead of having to go through and ordeal like the abuse I went through. I literally still have nightmares about the way he used to treat me.

Much better that you tell yourself your beautiful until you believe it. I know lying isn't the best... but if it gets you out of bed in the morning so be it!

Plus, it's always helpful to fixate on something you REALLY like about yourself other than your weight which you dislike. For example the curve of your face, or the color of your eyes, or maybe feminine hips, or a sexy full bust. It could even be soft, clear skin or perfectly shaped eyebrows. There's got to be something about your reflection you love.

Somegiri! You are original,unique and one of a kind! There is no one like you and no one can replace you or be you!

I used to feel like you do (but I am 50lbs overweight) and I hated social scenes or even just hanging with friends..I still do have this issue! I look for ways to avoid going out and what not but you know we as humans are social creatures and we are blessed with LIFE! Even when you don't feel it- smile! when you wake up hug yourself and say Hi there beautiful! It will feel silly at first but keep saying it! Keep telling yourself kind words, uplifting words! Heck take out that lipstick color u love and splash uplifting words on that MIRROR! and Laughing and slowly but surely you will feel it!

Is that a pic of you running? Do you know what I would give to look like that? I am 5'5'' and inch lower than you and my ideal weight is 150lbs- you my friend are at optimal weight! You are probably a size 6-8 and are young!

Cherish you- love you and you will see- your light and love will change things for you! Yes it is time for a change- uplift you and yes join a gym, smile, think positive and be active!

Loads of Love

xoxo

N

 

-nabila3

You are very nice really.. and me running in that pic? Ha I wish! No that's not me, and no I;m far away from that size you mentioned.. I uploaded a picture on my profile so you can see it.. but it's my face only. As you can see I'm posing and making my eyes look smaller because I don't look good naturally. Also I made the picture abit yellow or whatever as I'm so pale. It actually took me a huge amount of shots to get to this picture because of the posing :S I hate it. I can never take a picture without posing, I'm just not a natural beauty. And this was a picture of last year.my face looks worse and fat now

I have to think positive, but I feel I'm not ready to join all the social activities and be around with people. I have this thought on my mind that if I lose weight and take care of myself, doing my hair in the morning etc (I don't do this) I will look better and perhaps feel better, and everything else will be better. But only if I lose the weight first...

-chaolioe

It's great that you're so strong and positive thinking. Do you think that if I just throw myself out there, meanwhile still focusing on losing weight and keep telling myself that it will get better..that it will be better? Sometimes I think that it's my destiny to be like this and that I have to just accept it.. But I don't want to accept it :S

You are SO beautiful! I'm jealous of your curly hair and your eyes are beautiful and even with a pout on your face you still have an aura of sexiness. Your skin looks flawless and having a tan is overrated since it increases your risk of skin cancer

I know exactly how hard it is to see the beauty in yourself. You may never see it yourself, but please believe me when I say that someday if you work hard at it, you will see the way others look at you and believe that you are beautiful and have so much to offer the world.

-josielynn

thanks for your kind reply, and don't be jealous of my hair because your hair is beyond beautiful :) And of course I don't look like this when I go outside, this was posing because I knew I was going to take a picture. When I wake up in the morning I just put my hair in a bum, with 5 minutes I'm finished and leave the house. I never take pictures when I go outside, because I don't look good naturally. I don't want to bring myself down but this is somewhat how it is. Maybe I will see the light one day..

34 Replies (last)
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