Help! Guilt and denial! Pls advice
I am tired of feeling fatigued and not motivated. I want to get better and am trying to but whenever I change an eating habit or eat more than normal I am soo overwhelmed with guilt! I don't know what to do. What I generally eat in a day is this: Breakfast: scoop of protein (100) mix w/ c water & an apple.
(usually at work until 3 so no time for snack and due to the time being close to dinner I usually eat the same thing for lunch as I did breakfast)
Lunch: same as breakfast Dinner: salad, grilled veggies, grilled chicken or turkey burger. Snack: smartone dessert (140) maybe another apple earlier in the day or granola bar (100)
I know I am not eating that much but it's pretty much like "safe food" to me so it's just habit to eat it bc I have been doing it for so long I feel guilty when I change it.
But I have been allowing myself to eat more and dif things and I constantly feel hungry! Like after eating a meal, it is insane feel like a bottomless pit. I am not quite sure how to do this on my own, I can not go to a doc at the moment so any and all advice would be very helpful and much appreciated!
I don't know a lot about recovery other than you need to eat more and battle the voice that tells you otherwise.
My first suggestion is to increase to two scoops of protein for your breakfast and lunch. Grab snack packs, a handful of nuts and dried fruit make a great quick snack that's calorie dense and healthy. Add avocado to your dinner salad for some healthy calories. Your guilt at eating more or "bad" foods is just the ED talking. Your body is hungry because it is trying to get the energy to heal, eating provides the energy. Let yourself eat, listen to your body rather than your mind at this point. Don't overthink, and just know that you will get healthy with time.
Good luck, and I hope some people with more experience chime in.
The hunger is totally normal! Anorexia convinces you food isn't a necessity, but oh, it is. All those times you're restricting, even if you've become numb to the hunger, your body doesn't just forget it. All the shortage on energy isn't erased with time, your body still wants it back. Expect to be ravenous for awhile...no one is invincible.
Yes, it's normal. In slang terms it's referred to as a "food hangover". Your body has undergone serious damage due to restriction and now that you have finally fed it properly, it's a shock to the system. Just ride with the discomfort - lie down, have quiet time, think positive thoughts and remind yourself that your poor body deserves, wants, needs that food to make you happy healthy and beautiful.
When I was younger I was diagnosed with EDNOS (restrictive subtype) and during the recovery process I went through this experience frequently. I know there's no worse feeling but at least 90% of your discomfort is mental. Don't let the ED voice win, it doesn't want anything but death for you.
