it seems liek EVERYONE IS absolutely obcessed with hitting a certain goal of calories a day set up by a calculator on the internet showing them what they burn a day(assuming it knows your body)
now i understand when people have to meet a certain goal to gain and such but i dont understand the whole "i have 100 cals left today" thing that they feel they HAVE to use like the worlds gonna end if they dont use their cals or go over like a couple hundred...
if you didnt have a set cal goal in mind etc etc would you really be worried about it or even hungry to use ur cals or go over...like normal people dont sita round at 8pm going hmm how can i use my ..... cals left or OMG i went over my ____ daily limit... this cant be normal
one more thing... it seems people ask obcessively if it is "okay" to use extra cals on "bad" foods like i have 150 cals should i eat a chocolate bar or will the world end so i should eat 10 rice cakes when you prolly didnt put real full fat cheese on ur sandwich earlier in the day which would have satisfied you now and you prolly didnt get another bite of meat at dinner which now you wouldnt be thinking about ur "leftover" cals now anyways,,,
sorry this might not make sense its just on my mind
It's about structure. I personally am a control freak. I came here at a time when my life felt out of control (lost my home, almost lost my relationship with my boyfriend, had to move back in w/my mom for the first time since high school and I'd binged so much I gained 10+ lbs on my healthy-for-the-most-part frame) and using the calculator helped me not only lose the unhealthy weight, but also gave me the confidence to help me gain control of my life and emotions. I couldn't control where I lived or how my boyfriend felt about me, but I could control how many calories I ate (and how much fiber I consumed, grams of sugar, everything).
Now that I'm at a healthy weight, I can feel myself wanting to get back into a disordered pattern of eating (denying myself of food) so I use the calculator as a reality check so I can see in black and white (or rather green and blue :P) what I'm doing to myself. My new calorie goal is a minimum, not a maximum so I do make sure that I eat enough to AT LEAST get to that goal otherwise I know I'm getting back into an unhealthy pattern. Eventually, once I feel like I've taught myself (and have gotten help from some of the awesome members of these forums!) healthy habits I won't use the calculator. That's a goal in itself :)
Hope I make sense lol
Malibu,
Over the past few days I have been thinking the exact same thing. I am also recovering from an ED and I have been trying to take in at least 2000 cals a day. Even though I am trying to ensure I meet 2000 a day I have been thinking that having a number, any number helps fuel the ED. I found myself the other night like you said not having reached my cal goal and debating what 100 cal snack would I eat to get to my target. What the hell!? Why the heck did it have to be a 100cals? Would it really hurt to go over? People with a healthy relationship with food definately do not do this, they eat when they are hungry and they eat what their body craves. Who on earth takes in exactly the same amount of calories each day? I wish I could just listen to my body and just trust in myself. I'm sure the reality is that my body would even itself out naturally. I am wondering if intuitive eating is possible when you are trying to gain weight or does that have to be a maintanence thing? When I am recovered I don't want to know any number, I just want to live life.
Heck that was a rant but it feels good to get it out!
I look forward to every meal. I get upset with my boyfriend when he cancels dinner plans - not because he won't be there, but because now I won't be "allowed" to have a few bites of the gooey, cheesy burger he would be sure to order. I'm not trying to gain (in fact, I'm trying to lose), but that 1200 number is stuck in my head.
Even as I sit on the couch watching tv, I can see the refrigerator over there. I have 50 calories left to spend. It's like money burning a hole through my pocket.
Think of it a little like this - if you were at a fair, and you were having a little fun (or a lot of fun), wouldn't you want to spend your last token? Even if it's on a throwaway game or a quick spin at skeeball. It's the obsession of knowing that you have something to spend. Control. Perfection, even. 1200 is a nice, even number. A number I can tell others that I eat and they only give me a slightly raised eyebrow as they look at my 5'8", 145 pound frame and think to themselves that seems a little low.
I'm not normal. I already know that. So, while a "normal" person (like my boyfriend, or roommate) with a "normal" relationship with food only notices that they're full, end of story, and they stop eating. I can't stop. Ever. The only way I can stop eating is with a number. It's sad, I know. You're right, it *is* obsession. But when all you can think about is food, all day, it really helps to have a number.
Consider yourself lucky that you can read all of these posts and feel sorry for those that suffer from this food obsession rather than be like me, who reads each post and sees at least one thing in common with the poster.
