Ive hit a BMI 18.5 but now i feel lost...

so yesterday my BMI hit 18.5. and whilst im thrilled to bits at being a healthy weight at last!, i cant help but feel really lost and stuck all over again.

ive lost all motivation to gain to my planned bmi of 20, and this sounds so weird, but i cant get my head around the concept that i CAN eat and NOT gain weight.

i guess i may be ok once ive stopped gaining, as i know that obviously i wont be gaining anymore, but food has = gaining weigt for so long, it feels that they both go together :/

and when i say ive lost my motivation, i also mean my appetite has gone aswell. im having to force my MP down and i keep forgetting to go downstairs and eat.

im a bit worried i may have another relapse because of this :S anyone know what i can do to get my motivation back?

One you are still considered anorexic by weight. 18.5 is under. Two for your brain and body to heal fully you need to keep gaining. You can look for excuses to not follow the meal plan or get to a healthy weight but that is going to keep you trapped in the eating disorder. You have to continue to push yourself.

Are you in therapy because though I am not taking away from your progress it seems like you need a lot of support? Are you working on the why behind your ed?

Original Post by abbi333: Are you in therapy because though I am not taking away from your progress it seems like you need a lot of support? Are you working on the why behind your ed?

not currently no. im still waiting to be re reffered to a counsellor. it shouldnt be long now, ive been waiting since the beginning of janruary. but again, im worried about that aswell as ive pretty much gained all the weight back on my own and im worried they'll think theres no point in me seeing them...

First of all, great that you've done so well in terms of physical recovery so far - still a loooong way to go, but you've come really far. I'm really impressed.

Secondly, I totally know the feeling that if you're at such and such a weight/BMI or your bloods show this or that you're not really ill enough to 'deserve' treatment. It's all nonsense, and it's basically the same negative/ED thoughts telling you this. If your counsellor knows just the least bit about eating disorders, he will operate on the basic assumption that just because you are on your road to physical recovery that does not mean that you do not have serious underlying issues which need to be dealt with. And that that might take a long time. In fact, several of the treatment programmes that I've been part of so far (both in the UK and in my own country) actually INSIST that you reach a minimum healthy weight of around BMI 19 before you start any serious work on your psychological struggles. 

Sorry for this long reply, but basically, anyone who knows the least about eating disorders (which your professionals should, in any case!) will not think that you do not deserve or need treatment! On the contrary, you've now reach a point where you really have shown that you 'deserve' it more than ever!

Hope you can keep up your great work on recovery. It's definitely an inspiration to all of us travelling down the same road.

thankyou for your kind words. they mean alot.

i know that you're right, but sometimes it dosent feel like that :( my plan was always get physically recovered, then start on the phycological part. the counsillor who im being reffered to is a collegue of a phyciatrist who has worked with me all through school for many other reasons (he attends review meeting with my school and parents regularly) so he knows me very well so i guess when i really think about it, it may be ok.

i know i probably do 'deserve' the help, but i do definatly know i need it...

i hope i keep the strength to continue gaining, if not, well ill cross that bridge if it comes.

thankyou for your support :)

 

 

 

 

Going off topic for a minute, how long does it take for the weight gain to redistribute? Mines all gone too my bum and thighs D: I mean obviously I look healthier all over, but I've got a big bum now! :P

by BMI is currently 17.7 at the moment, and I too am trying to gain weight, and although within 3 weeks i've had 2 days where i am intaking about 3500 calories, my other days haven't reached 2000. I am too finding it hard to gain weight because obviously, all in all, Im scared to gain weight because i don't particularly want to. I know that from the support my parents give me in offering new foods, i am getting the nutrients i need although i am still under on my calories. It is hard and trust me when i say i know how you feel; some days i don't really eat because i forget or im just not wanting to. In my head i know i should but afterwards i feel so guilty. If you have any suggestions that could help me aswell, id be grateful - lets do this together :)

I agree a bit with abbi333. Whether it's actual therapy or a support group you can talk to whenever you need, it is important you understand the reasons behind your ed before you can understand how to truly gain control over it.  Quite ironically, mine was because I felt the need to control everything and since my life was so out of control, controlling what I ate was something I thought I could definitely do.  Unfortunately in the end it turned into my food controlling me. You're doing wonderfully. Please know that ed's usually come with some emotional disorder, so don't feel discouraged if you just feel depressed or angry.  Everything will work it's way out.  Just keep trying. For me a good way was to have a friend that could keep me accountable.  Made me crazy as hell some days, but in the end it truly saved my life.  Let me know if you need anything. Just keep telling yourself you have to eat, even if every part of you is screaming no.  You can do this.