I was clinically underweight (sub 17 BMI) for 3 years. (13-16) and then got as high as a 22 BMI at 17 years old before coming back down to a 20.
ED tendencies the whole time, minus a brief ED free stint last fall. Started bingeing and that led to the 22 BMI. Currently relapsing at the moment.
I feel so hopeless. Like there's no hope for me to ever recover. I've been in and out of therapy the whole time (currently in therapy) and tried medication. I can't shake the demon voice out of my head. I can't take a bite of food without ED screaming at me how fat I am.
I'm 19. This brings the eating disorder "anniversary" (ha) to 6 years now.
It's taken so much from me... "friends" trying to help and then literally giving up on me. Jay left me. I'm a brilliant student at school... making the grades and hopefully doing so research with a professor next semester if I can get my schedule lined up. I go to church every week. I have music and sport accomplishments on my resume and continue to add to it.
So why can't I let go of ED? Anyone else struggled as long as I have and recovered?
Hi. I know this might not be the answer you want and I cant offer much help but I have the same issue as you. This month brings me to my 6 year 'anniversary' of my eating disorder.
I am still struggling with it till this day and I totally understand how it completely takes over your life and takes so many things away from you. Medication has never helped me and I am currently in therapy but also finding it quite unsuccessful.
Be proud of what you have managed in the past, but a BMI of 22 is not high! That is where most people fall naturally.
Sorry I cant offer much help but I just thought I would let you know that I understand how you feel. Big hugs!
Sorry to hear you have had this for 6 years - but let that be the end of it. Whatever you do, don't let this hellish cycle go on and on, round and round... I started with anorexia at maybe 13 (it was undiagnosed, so I can't say exactly) and went on with relapse after relapse for 29 years... but I can tell you that recovery IS possible, even after that length of time - no matter what the books say!
So, this thing has stolen your teens already - you have to make sure you don't lose your 20's, 30's... It is NEVER too late to recover, but it does require commitment and support. ED does scream, but it is an absolute liar. You are not fat - far from it - and the more you defy that voice and strive to eat normally, the weaker that voice gets.
Hi. I'm currently at a total of 12 years since my ED behaviour really kicked off, and prior to that had been riskily 'dieting' (i.e starving one day, bingeing the next, obsessive and convinced weight loss would solve EVERYTHING) for 3 years. I can't tell you how much I regret the wasted years, especially the last 4 (I'm now just turned 27) and sometimes I feel like its been so long, I've lost so much time, maybe there's no point and I should just give myself back over to it completely, whatever the consequences are they can't be as painful as the regret ... but I refuse to belive those are my genuine thoughts. Its the ED side of me trying to drag me back to the time it was all that mattered. I'm not fully recovered, but I've made more progress than I'd have thought possible.
And your doubts/ feelings of hopelessness are ED communiques too. Don't listen. You're so young, you've got so much to look forward to! Its sounds like you've accomplished a lot and have loads to be proud of. Just keep thinking of that.
And well done on kicking the drug addiction btw. I'm studying to be a substance abuse counsellor so I know (in theory at least) what a huge thing you've accomplished there.
thank you Mrswilsonscat so often here we see that recovery here is never 100 percent and you know what even if recovery is just 2 percent everyone should strive to do it. I am still in mental recovery (although physically healthy THANK GOD , or WHO EVER you prefer!!) after years.
and 2 things I want to say to those who are tying to recover for a long time or are afraid they ahve slipped into an ED
1i think if its a choice people should go inpatient when the realize it is totally out of there control. i did not, but I think i achived in a 3 year struggle what could have been done in 3 months in the hospital
2. people are not trying to make you fat or ugly. people are not out to get you. really they know the you that is lying under the pain and starvation and are trying so hard to show you the way out