Health & Support
Moderators: nycgirl, autopilotfrank193, bierorama, ksylvan, peaches0405


looking for support...


Quote  |  Reply

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site but have been reading through some of the posts for the past few days and thought I would post my own. I'm a 26 year old wife and mother of 2 wonderful children and I'm also a semi-recovering sufferer from ED ( I suppose anorexia would be the best diagnosis, but a little broad)

Anyway, I say semi-recovering because I am still slightly underweight, but have been gaining slowly for the last year. I've struggled with body image since I was about 9 or 10 years old and someone made a comment that jarred me into self consciousness. My family has a history of depression and alcoholism, maybe addictive personalities and I feel like that all contributes to this kind of illness. I have a loving, concerned family and my two biggest reasons for wanting to get healthy are just that, health and of course my family. I want to be a good example to my kids, show them how to love themselves and be healthy. I have an 8 (almost 9!) year old son and a 2 year old daughter, and what really concerns me most is my little girl. I don't want to set her up to follow in my footsteps.

So I'm just wondering if there are any of you who have been there, especially if you are a parent, and if you had any words of wisdom for me or methods that really worked for you. I feel like I may be falling back into some unhealthy patterns and as much as I don't want it to, it feels good to be losing a little weight, no matter how slowly. I feel like when I'm gaining my life is going in the wrong direction and everything else moves to the peripheral and the only thing I can see clearly is that number on the scale, or the feeling that my jeans aren't as loose as they used to be. I truly want to love myself, I just don't know how to get there. I appreciate your thoughts!

-lilahbelle 

7 Replies (last)

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard it would be to have an eating disorder with children. You deserve to be healthy, and your kids deserve a healthy mum.

My thought, on reading your post, is that you need to try and place less importance on how your body looks and the number on the scale. Let go of it, and shift the emphasis to real life. You have a family to look after, a life to live! It will be so much more enjoyable if you can stop worrying about food. Think of your body in terms of what it can do...eg. give birth!

In terms of practical advice, I would suggest gaining weight to at least a BMI of 20. Make that your goal and don't let anything get in the way! Don't think of your jeans getting tight, think of your body replenishing itself, the extra energy you'll have at a higher weight and the gorgeous clothes you'll be able to fill out with sexy curves!

This site recommends 2500 calories to gain. Check out the weight gainers forum for meal ideas, and best of luck! If you really put your mind to this it's perfectly possible:-)

#2  
Quote  |  Reply

Thanks for your reply!

I totally agree on placing the importance not on how I look, but how I feel and what I can do. I'm not sure how to go about that, thats what I'm searching for. I wonder if I need a mantra, or counseling or if there is some book somewhere that can flip the switch in my brain so I can let go.

Our bodies are amazing, I have had 2 children, one with no drugs! I've run a half marathon! I have accomplished a lot and plan to do so much more, but always in my thoughts there is that undertone of what do I look like, how much do I weigh...I consider myself to be intelligent, and I grapple with knowing the right things to do, to eat and to feel about myself and then actually doing them, eating them and thinking them. I know all the mechanics of calories in, calories out and how to gain, its just a matter of making myself do it. I want to do it happily, I want to feel good! I don't want the food guilt anymore.

I guess I'm just looking for some ideas on how to change my thought and behavior patterns. I got rid of our scale so I don't weigh in daily anymore, I occasionally weigh myself at the gym but I tend to rely more on how my clothes fit to judge how I feel, it seems so twisted to base how I feel on something superficial, but somehow I still do.

Yes I think you may need a therapist if you don't already attend one. Try some NLP or CBT which focuses on reprogramming the brain and letting go. There are lots of books in the popular psychology section of book shops about changing your life, happiness etc

I also consider myself quite intelligent and read a lot of psychology books regarding being happier within yourself. Feeling secure within yourself is an important step in being able to gain, upping calories and feeling ok doing it. Security, self esteem and confidence. I do highly recommend NLP therapy. If you want some names of books I would recommend just shout.

Original Post by lilahbelle:

Thanks for your reply!

I totally agree on placing the importance not on how I look, but how I feel and what I can do. I'm not sure how to go about that, thats what I'm searching for. I wonder if I need a mantra, or counseling or if there is some book somewhere that can flip the switch in my brain so I can let go.

Our bodies are amazing, I have had 2 children, one with no drugs! I've run a half marathon! I have accomplished a lot and plan to do so much more, but always in my thoughts there is that undertone of what do I look like, how much do I weigh...I consider myself to be intelligent, and I grapple with knowing the right things to do, to eat and to feel about myself and then actually doing them, eating them and thinking them. I know all the mechanics of calories in, calories out and how to gain, its just a matter of making myself do it. I want to do it happily, I want to feel good! I don't want the food guilt anymore.

I guess I'm just looking for some ideas on how to change my thought and behavior patterns. I got rid of our scale so I don't weigh in daily anymore, I occasionally weigh myself at the gym but I tend to rely more on how my clothes fit to judge how I feel, it seems so twisted to base how I feel on something superficial, but somehow I still do.

 It sounds like you have some great attitudes and ideas going on already, knowing what your body can do etc. It's now just a case of acting on that knowledge, and making that leap. I agree with orlaith that a therapist may be helpful, especially if you can get one that specialises in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).

One thing that is often said on the weight-loss forums here may be applicable here, and that is 'Don't wait for the motivation.' If you make the changes needed, you'll see benefits (such as increased energy), and the motivation will come of its own accord. Start to eat more, and push through the tough times...and know that the reward is coming.

Best of luck. If you decide to go for this, there are many people here who will be behind you all the way.

tricky i can say for sure, i gre up with eds rampent in my family, my aunt is dealing with this by asking us all to keep our mouths shut around her daughters, she is the only one who i have not witness have a real messed up relationship with food. she does not want her kids to know that its in our family because then they might find that as an excuse to "try it out." i guess. anyway its a good idea but my guess is they must have observed it they are all bright and we are pretty messed up. suggestions. because ed is not just about looks make sure you know that you value the kids for other things then just looks but also let them know the qualities that do make them attractive, not including being thin eat with them, my family ate together 6 times a year. all holidays. i figured out at 25 i had no idea what a proper serving was because i rarely saw normal people eat, it was only holiday binging and i had NEVER seen my mother prepare food for herself so i did not know what a normal woman ate. last, dont put yourself down in front of them, they should see you as a real person but your kids should not see how much your body consumes your thoughts, they will do it as well, at least thats what i think. i have too much experience with this, and i am so afraid to even have kids because of this, so good luck, these are only my suggestions i dont know if they will work.
#6  
Quote  |  Reply
Original Post by bobo1:

tricky i can say for sure, i gre up with eds rampent in my family, my aunt is dealing with this by asking us all to keep our mouths shut around her daughters, she is the only one who i have not witness have a real messed up relationship with food. she does not want her kids to know that its in our family because then they might find that as an excuse to "try it out." i guess. anyway its a good idea but my guess is they must have observed it they are all bright and we are pretty messed up. suggestions. because ed is not just about looks make sure you know that you value the kids for other things then just looks but also let them know the qualities that do make them attractive, not including being thin eat with them, my family ate together 6 times a year. all holidays. i figured out at 25 i had no idea what a proper serving was because i rarely saw normal people eat, it was only holiday binging and i had NEVER seen my mother prepare food for herself so i did not know what a normal woman ate. last, dont put yourself down in front of them, they should see you as a real person but your kids should not see how much your body consumes your thoughts, they will do it as well, at least thats what i think. i have too much experience with this, and i am so afraid to even have kids because of this, so good luck, these are only my suggestions i dont know if they will work.

 It is hard from a parenting perspective, but I truly think honesty is the best way to go. Not that we need to be the ones to bring it up, as the parent, but we do need to be willing to answer questions and be honest about ourselves. You can explain just about anything to a child of any age, you just have to put it on their level. For example, my family has a wii and we use the wii fit, well I always come in as underweight. One day my son asked me if it was good to be underweight (he knows that it is not good to be overweight and that what we eat and how much we excersize affect that). I was a little surprised at the question, but then answered, "no its not good. Whats good is to be healthy." He seemed satisfied with this answer and I really didn't need to go into much more detail. I volunteered in his class last year for a party and one of his classmates said, "Why is your mom so skinny?" He shrugged it off and said I don't know, but he seemed a little bothered by it.

 

#7  
Quote  |  Reply

@ rose quartz

 

I like that, don't wait for the motivation. It is totally a case of acting on what I know and I agree that it IS a leap to do it. I almost feel like I'm in some grey area between having an ED and being healthy. I do seem to have energy, but every once in a while I just crash and am exhausted. I have insomnia for sure, waking 1 or 2 times a night.

I would love to go to a counselor, I do see a pyschiatrist as I am on an anti-depressant. I really like the idea of the behavioral therapy though. I've researched into it in the area, I just haven't made that call yet. I keep putting it off for some reason or another. I know I want to get better, I think I'm just afraid. I don't want to face the struggle and by keeping myself busy I can ignore it in a way.

7 Replies
Advertisement
Advertisement
Allergy Remedies
Is It Possible to Go Natural?
The side effects of allergy medications keep some people from using them. Natural remedies can be a great alternative, but some are more effective than others.