So, I had a restricting cycle for a few months after about three months after a year or so of disordered eating. In junior high I was about 100 to 105 (I'm 5'0" and female), but became vegetarian for moral reasons in high school and settled around 95. When I had serious restrictive eating, I dropped to low 70's in weight, lost my period, had hair falling out, etc.
I'm back at 103 pounds after rapidly gaining 30 pounds over the course of two months. I did it in the worst way for my particular disorder; I lapsed into somewhat of a binge eating disorder and have a hard time forcing myself to maintain my weight, which I've done for about three months.
The thing is, I was much more comfortable at 95. I know I'm not free of the disease. But I want to get back to that weight so I can put the obsession of food behind me, something I find extremely difficult to do when faced with constant reminders that I'm heavier than I've been for a while.
I'm working on getting back to intuitive eating, rather than mindless snacking, and want to start getting muscle again. Has anyone from experience successfully lost the post-anorexia weight and maintained it happily? And if so, do you have any tips?
Oh how I remember thinking/feeling like you! Stay strong!
Jesus loves you no matter what you weigh ;)
you could work out, but i would advise against it. you just said you know you're not free of the disease. you could easily relapse into anorexia athletica, since that's a common and socially accepted way that your disorder can express itself.
103 is a thin weight for your height. most ED sufferers are told to aim for at least bmi 21, because gaining the bare minimum of weight to be healthy does not cut it in recovery. i would really focus on accepting yourself the way you are. i know that's not what you're asking for, but what is the point in recovering from an ED, only to still worry over eight pounds?
you didn't lapse into a binge eating disorder while recovering. read hedgren's posts--she writes that it's genetically impossible for that to occur. what you call "bingeing" is what happens to anyone who has starved.
Yeah, writing it out makes me sort of come to grips with how disordered my thinking about food really is.
thelordismyshepherd - Thank you, a lot of it does have to do with control. Control intake, control life, control stress, control relationships. It helps, thinking about being "allowed" to restrict automatically triggers an endorphin release. Which is screwed up, I know, and thank you for your support.
suddenblue - My doctor told me I should be in the 100's, preferably 105 because that's the highest weight I've ever been. I know I should accept what I am, but the truth is I've refused to buy new jeans because I simply don't. Part of the reason I want to start exercising is because the hunger I feel afterwards is the type of hunger that sort of steamrolls the ED. No guilt, no remorse, just abating hunger. Part of the reason is because I want to be thinner, and I admit that.
I wish food could just stop being important. I really do.
I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from, I wish that food was not the center of my life. I get so angry about that.
I 'broke' my anorexia and binged my weight right back up. To be honest it was the unending quest to loose those post anorexia pounds that threw me into a whole worse pit of an ED. Right now you're at risk of developing bulimia (not necessarily purging through vomiting means) if you're experiencing a strong binging urge. It's been over two years now of endlessly trying to return to that lower weight in a binge/restrict cycle.
My advice is save yourself a lot of wasted life and continue to eat what you feel you need and do not restrict or try and compensate for your binges in any way or they will likely continue. If you're anything like me, your binges will settle within a few weeks and you will truly be able to relearn to eat intuitively that may result in a gradual healthy shedding of any excess weight you put on and your weight will find it's correct level that will allow you to live life to its fullest.
I know its hard to endure, but it's worth it, and all good things take time to achieve. Take care <3
You were 95 lbs in highschool, not as an adult. Your body will still be developing until 25. I'm not 25 yet (im close though...scary lol), but I had to accept similar facts as well. I set a weight for myself that I had in highschool, I was having crazy time maintaining on that weight at a low intake. I became miserable, my runs turned into crap, my sleep cycle got screwed up, my hair was falling out (i have thin/fine hair to begin with, so i was so freaked out), my period would skip (sometimes I would just pass it off as me being very active, heck i got asked by one of my fellow teamates who had hers skip and she was concerned because she herself admitted that she was too skinny for one and wished she had it), I started to shove people out of my life because I was obsessed with food (food usually = social events) and I thought that if I ate an extra 100 calories I'd gain 3 pounds the next day.
If you were to focus on that 95 lbs for...let's say the next 10 years...you wouldn't be enjoying your life and ruining the fun in life for yourself with a cycle of restrict/binge/purge.
Focus on being healthy. Eat for health. Exercise for health. Be happy for health. :)
also take into account that as you get older you put on weight - as you move through puberty into later teens and adulthood. a few lbs is no big deal. A way I looked at it was to look at peers who look like real women (albeit I am 26) and didnt want to continue to look like a child. Once at the gas pumps the man at the counter commented that I looked barely old enough to drive... not good when Im about 10 years past being legal to drive. I wanna look like a woman with boobs and butt, not a pre pubescent teen! :) Hope this helps
Note: Not certain what age you are...
Oh, sorry! I didn't realize, I'm actually 17. And that's why it's distressing; the fact that a year ago I was maintaining at a lower weight than now.
that shouldn't be distressing. your body is still growing and fluctuating, and it's the only one that knows what weight to be at, NOT your doctor. (although you fit his weight guidelines anyway.) i'm also at a much higher weight than before i had an ED, but that's what is necessary to get everything back to normal, you know? you're still thin, anxious, and obsessed with food. ED is trying to hijack your recovery early, but it's not too late to follow through with it.
you'd be a lot happier wearing clothes that fit. most people can't squeeze into a size 4, but they still deserve to get dressed and leave the house.
Hi. I'm also struggling coming to terms with post anorexia weight gain-I had a bingeing-restricting cycle and also bulimia at the beginning of recovery. What has really really helped me is doing weights. Weight machines at the gym, body weight exercises(squats,pushups,lunges) and free weights(dumbbells/bars). I become very focused on strengthening my muscles, counting out the reps, reaching new goals every time I work out. And I've noticed my weight went slightly up, then down and is stable, but I'm getting smaller because of my new muscle. I have lots of energy and don't feel as guilty about eating, because I think in a positive pattern-eat more, build muscle,get stronger. I still want to be thin-but I'm trying to do it the healthy way and not be so hard on myself. Although a part of me will always want to be unhealthily skinny and bony, it feels so amazing to be fit because you look and feel so much better than you would with restricting. Also, if you really want to burn fat, do the first half of your workout with weights to burn off stored glycogen, and then do cardio(elliptical,running,stepper) afterwards to burn fat. Hope I helped and good luck! :)