Here I am posting again, being boring and annoying even to myself.
BUT! There are more questions. So, trying to gain, and upping calories. (from 600 to 2200 in three weeks now) And I noticed some weird changes in my behavior.
I have some kind of surges of energy. Like, whole day I'm acting normal, and then just sitting in my class I start feeling extremely energetic, I start moving around, tapping with my feet, on my break I run down the hall, talk really fast, dance around like a crazy person, and then go back to normal. It happened to me when I was at the party, shopping with my friend, it happens all the time! O_O
And I keep snacking! But not like I have breakfast, and then snack and then lunch and snack again. I don't just have some kind of snack and then move on with my day, I have tiny snacks, like half an apple, one small biscuit, 10g chocolate, one cherry, bite of cheese, bite of cake, small cookie, tangerine, it's all bite size but I keep on eating it until I go to school (about 1pm) and it's so annoying. I don't know why but I think that's because it takes a lot of courage to eat a real meal. It's easier if everything is small.
Only wondering, is this normal? I'm insecure and anxious about everything right now. -.-
Hi dyar. Congrats on choosing to recover! I can understand your anxieties.
The tiny snacks thing sounds like reactive eating. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't feel actual hunger when that happens, do you? You just get urges to eat, to taste things?
I am not sure about the energy spurts, but it would make sense, since you are feeding your body and giving it proper nourishment.
Hahaha wow, I got the extreme energy surges bad :S And I get really silly and joke alot.. Theyve lessened off a bit now but I notice if Ive accidently gone too long without a snack and I eat I get loads of energy! Its cool to know Im not the only one :)
And I would do that too when I would reactive eat.. maybe make everything 'mini' so that I got the taste but didnt "overdo" (silly ED thought) my days calories of 2500! So that if I felt like something else I would/could still let myself have it..
That too!!! People are starting to consider me as a crazy person! I'm just saying so stupid things and laugh all the time. But it's fun, so I'm not complaining. x) And yes, it's really good to know that there is someone out there jumping around with no reason too. :D
That's adorable, imagining you chasing your husband around the house made me giggle!
Yes! I think I'm starting to enjoy life like a normal, happy, healthy person should!
So happy for you. :) And give me back all those hours of calculating and analyzing and worrying! Right now I'd grab them and play piano, talk to my friends, dance, eat cakes, run around from happiness, hug people! :D
Ok, so now I have emotional happy surge after chocolate and that black coffee with cinnamon. :D And that's not so bad either!
Wow, a chocolate expert! :) 75% cocoa with dried cherries and crushed biscuits are my favorite. My dad has a pressroom so he printed some wrapper for one little quality chocolate company. In gratitude, they gave him few boxes of different types of chocolate. The week that I ate them was the best week of my life. :D White, milk, dark, with ginger, pepper, chili, different fruits, coffee, liqueurs... it was the day me and chocolate fell in love. :D
Few weeks ago I started eating it again, and when I had the first bite, after so many days of my ED not letting me, I sincerely apologized to myself for not eating it. I still have trouble with talking to people about my disorder. My family knows I didn't eat enough, but they think it's because I have strong will power, and I didn't want to, not because I have/had a mental issue. I admitted that I have an ED to my best friend (after we had few drinks though) and now we are kind of fighting it together, which is much easier then doing it on your own. I'm hoping to trow it out of my head as soon as possible. I had no idea it is going to be so hard. I'm sure you look wonderful at that BMI. Not only you certainly look healthier, you are happier, and lately I see that happiness is the most important factor when it comes to beauty.
Good luck to you too. :)