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Why I will NEVER EVER go back to ED!!!


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Hello everyone!  Most of you guys know me but in case you don't I recovered from anorexia and I come on here to try to help people with their EDs! :)

Anyways, I was thinking today "how do I REALLY know that I will never relapse again?" so I made this list to help remind myself about why recovery is AMAZING and I thought it might help people on here!!! 

  1. I can connect with people on a deeper level and I always get an awesome feeling when I have a conversation about things that are meaningful and being fully engaged.
  2. I feel good in my own skin.  It is so weird but I feel skinnier and prettier than I ever did at my lowest weight.  I know that the skinnier part is not true but I just feel so good where I am and I never did at that weight (but I am definitely prettier now inside and out!!!!)!
  3. I wake up every morning excited to get dressed and ready for the day.  This kind of goes with the last one but clothes feel good and look good on me.  I feel good about taking care of myself and have fun putting on makeup (not like I am obligated to do so).
  4. I can eat what makes my body feel good without having to give it extensive thought.  This save me A LOT of time that I can spend on more productive things!!!
  5. I feel things.  I don't repress my feelings, I express them in an appropriate manner.  I don't feel weak crying and I know that sadness is temporary for me.  I actually in a weird way like the bad feelings as much as the good because it reminds me that I am very human and I don't have to be perfect.
  6. I feel equal to the people around me.  In my ED I always felt like I was a lesser person and I was never good enough to be able to stand up for myself and voice my opinion but now that has all changed.  I am able to tell people when I don't think they criticism is constructive and when I disagree with them without worrying of them not liking me (this has never been the outcome by the way!).
  7. I have developed what has truly become the most important thing in my life: a healthy relationship between my mind and my body.  I would NEVER want to give this up for anything because I feel like this is the key to beauty (sorry if this is corny but it is true).  I feel confident in who I am and what I look like and I feel like my mind and body help take care of each other.  It's a great feeling!
  8. I get to help all of you AMAZING people recover from your EDs!!!!  I love doing this whenever I have time and I love the fact that I am able to be a part of this awesome community as someone that has helpful knowledge.  This also makes me stay on track because I can't give you advice if I don't follow it myself  

I have several other reasons but this has already gotten really long so I'm going to stop now!!!  Thanks you guys and happy recovery!!! :)

Edited to add:

I wanted to share with you guys a truly beautiful person who recently beat her ED and that is the user lifewillgetbetter1993.  Her story brought tears to my eyes this morning because she wrote some of the most inspirational words that I think EVERYONE with an ED should read. I am so honored to have had the chance to work with her and she is destined for AMAZING things.  Her message to everyone is: 

"to all the ed sufferers i just want to say. nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. It took many awhile to finally decide to gain weight and ive relapsed many times but i didnt give up this time. The days of feeling fat depressed and disappointed will pass. a period is soo important and essential for us girls. please anyone reading this dont ignore it. no outfit in the world is more important than your health

i had to go from a bmi of 19.5 to 22 but it was all worth it. Seriously i was so depressed at my lowest weight and i never want to be in that place ever again. my hair was falling, my skin was dry, i was moody and had no periods. recovery is soo hard. especially when you have to be patient cuz youve gained weight but not your periods. it took me 3 and a half weeks of eating properly to get it back. i ate lots of meat. Alot of red meat and chicken. i would finish a jar of pb a week. i've had moments of waking up at three at night to eat pb. ive had weeks of niggt sweats and PMS symptoms. ive got my boobs back. i ferl like a woman again. avocado, olive oil, meat, pb, nutella, ice cream, full fat dairy are your bestfriend. i would eat a cup of ice cream, milk and yogurt aday. it works wonders i tell u. just dont think about calories and eat. thats what i did. i count myself lucky cuz i got my period back pretty soon after i made these changes.”

Edited Dec 29 2012 13:28 by coach_k
Reason: Released from sticky 12/29/12; stickied for a time -- edited at OP request
172 Replies (last)

gelyrox: Very nice!!!! Congratulations yourself on recovery!!!  I'll be sure to keep up with it and look forward to getting to know you some through it!  I love oatmeal cookies too!! :)

Hey flowergirl275 I'd like to say I think u are amazing with all u've been through and ur only 15 , I was recently diagnosed with anorexia and am now trying to recover i'm 14, 5'3 and weigh 38.4kg lowest was 37kg I think. I have started seeing a phycirist (cn't spell it :p). I'm finding it hard on what to eat daily as I dn't have a meal plan I sorta got one made from this doctor lady but I could never follow that I cn't face eating half the foods so everyday is hard as I have to plan in my head what to eat and when it's very depressing and takes up alot of time I dn't seem to be enjoying my summer holidays so far I was just wondering if u had any meal structure ideas ??? Sorry it's a long message but you seemed to be the most inspiring person to know about this sort of thing and will answer :) , thank-you xx

purpleflower: I LOVE your screen name!!!! :)  Oh wow you are SOO sweet!!! Thanks!  I can definitely see your problem and I will try to help the best I can!  With this question there are a few different ways to go with it and I think that is very important that you choose what the best way is for YOU!  The first option would be to make 3 days worth of meal plans and alternate through them so that way you only have to spend a couple hours of one day instead of hours everyday planning.  Another option is that I can give you menu options and you would just have to choose from them.  For example, I have these packets that I give to people with Eds that have breakfast options, lunch options, dinner options and snack options and I can send you one if that would be helpful!  Another thing that you could do is food exchanges per meal.  So basically instead of doing calories you just a set number of carbs, fats, proteins, fruits and veggies per meal and per snack that will add up to your daily total.  Do any of these sound like they would be fitting for you?  I look forward to working with you and you are MORE than welcome to contact me at anytime!!!  You are AMAZING and you WILL get through this!!! :D

Oh wow ur welcome and thank-you. Yeah thanks for the ideas and yh the idea of the menu options sounds quiet good if u could send/ reply with that it would be really helpful and much appreciated. I will also try making the 3 meal plans and alternate them during the week . Thank-you soo much for this reply it's very helpful and thanks for saying I'm amazing but nothing compared to what u hav dealer with and now willing to help anyone with ed's by advice and that when ur only 15 , and yes I hope I will get through this but talking to people always helps so thanks :) xx

purpleflower21:  Hey girl!! I can totally understand your situation right now. I went from being around 49kg to a mere 38kg in about 7 months before I was taken to the hospital (where I had to stay for like a week and a half) So, long story short, after 3 months of crazy eating and rebuilding, I am back to around 51kg but still missing a period. 

 

The treatment, so to speak, that I was given was 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. So eating around 3500-4000 calories per day. But heres the kick. I have to eat everything that is on my plate ( that is assembled by my parents)

Make sure that You are eating all the food groups. But make sure not to push yourself too hard or else theres a bigger risk your going to give up on the weight gaining process and want to start losing again. Hope this helps!! 

Messg. me if you have any questions! Keep Fighting!!!

Okay here is what the menu looks like!!

Breakfast choices: 

  • Breakfast Sandwich: English muffin, egg, 2TBSP Avocado, 1 slice of cheese, 3 slices of Canadian Bacon.  Eaten with any piece of fruit and a cup of yogurt
  • 2 Nutrigrain Waffles topped with 2TBSP butter and 1/4cup of syrup.  Eaten with fruit and 1 cup of 2% or whole milk.
  • 1 1/2 cups of Puffin's Cereal (can be traded for a different cereal), 3/4 cup of milk, apple with 2 TBSP peanut butter
  • 2 slices of bread toasted topped with 2 TBSP peanut butter, Fruit, yogurt
  • Any Bagel with 4 TBSP whipped cream cheese (3TBSP for non whipped), Fruit, yogurt

Lunch Choices: 

  • Turkey Sandwich: 2 slices bread,  4oz turkey (can be substituted for another meat), 1 slice of cheese, 2 TBSP avocado, any veggies and any other topping you like.  Pretzels and juice.
  • 2 slices of bread, 3 TBSP of peanut butter, Banana.  
  • Amy's burrito, any veggies dipped in a dressing (cannot be low-cal or low-fat), fruit
  • Macaroni and cheese, veggies dipped in dressing, fruit 
  • Clam chowder (or any creamy soup) with crackers, any veggies with dressing

Dinner Choices:

Because you still live with your parents I am assuming that you still eat what they cook.  A good dinner would consist of 4oz protein, 1-2 carbs ( 1 slice of bread, 1/2 cup or rice or pasta, ect) and at least 20g fat (dressings, oils, meat has some, ect)

Snacks:

  • 1/2 cup of nuts with fruit
  • 2TBSP peanut butter and an apple
  • Protein bar or shake
  • Popcorn with 1 TBSP butter
  • Strawberries dipped in 2TBSP Nutella
  • ANY dessert
  • English muffin with 1 TBSP butter
  • Pretzels dipped in 3TBSP cream cheese  

You should eat 3 snacks a day along with three meals.

 Does that help give you an idea of meals?  Let me know if these options sound good to you or if there are foods on here that you hate and if so we can switch them out!! :)

You are so so sweet and it always feels SOOO good to help someone like you!!!  I am ALWAYS here if you need to talk!  You can either PM me or contact me here and I will try to reply as soon as possible!! :D

 

Gelyrox: First of all heyy !! :) , Wow u went to hospital because of it i've only been told i'm soo close to going to hospital but i could never go there i'd hate it but well done to you anyway :). How did u manage all them calories i find hard to eat not even 2000 but atleast 1800 its just finnding places to fit things in as i plan my meals myself as i feel over people even family would influence their own choices and change alot and that would make me unhappy eating even more but i might try doing something with my mum or asking my phyciatrist (can't spell that wprd haa :p) about it but we'll see. I try not to push myself to hard its just really hard as the ed is still obsessing over fats, sat fats, suagr and stuff like that and i really seem to hate my belly at the moment i know its probably ed telling me this but i feel that it looks really bloated or big when i know if i say something my family are like no it doesn't stop being silly but i cn't help it, anyways to deal with it ????. Also what kind of food would u eat throughout the day then ??? :) Thanks

 

Flowergirl275: Hey thanks for the reply with this its really good of you :D, i like the sound of the stuff on the options and will decide what ones i want and for the snacks is it okay if i had a munch bunch yogurt pot , cheese string or dairylea dunkers instead of some of them things sometimes ???.

Thanks for saying i'm sweet haa :p , and i'm glad it feels good to help someone like me and it feels good for me to get help from you who is only a year older than me and has actually experienced all this sort of feelings and situations :) thanks alot . Also just wondering if you could help with the bit i mentioned to Gelyrox above my reply to u about my belly ??? Thanks xx :)

purpleflower: Yes feel free to substitute in foods that you like!!  As for your belly, there are two things that are going on that make it seem that way.  The first is your ED playing some tricks with you and you see it bigger than it really is and the other is that your body is adjusting to eating food again so it feels bloated.  Some things that can help with the bloating include eating calorie dense foods, drinking water, making sure you aren't eating too much fiber (usually 30g+) and eating healthy fats because they help with digestion.  To deal with the part about your ED thoughts I always found it best to observe when these thoughts came up and then counter them with a more positive one.  For example, if my ED was telling me my belly was big, I would respond with "I may be bloated but bloated is not fat.  I don't like this feeling but I can get past it because I want to be healthy." Or something along those lines.  Basically a lot of getting over my ED had to do with logical self talk and constantly reminding myself why I was trying to recover.  

Also, I saw that you have the fear of fats, sat fats, and sugar and I have some information that might help you with that!  Those happen to be the foods that I was most afraid of until my nutritionist told me some facts about them.  For dietary fats (even sat fats) do not automatically convert to body fat.  Body fat and weight gain is solely determined by calories in vs calories out.  So if you ate 2000 calories of fat free foods but your body only needed 1800 than 200 calories would be stored.  But if you ate 1500 calories of peanut butter and your body needed 1800 than you would still be at a 300 calorie deficit.  In fact, eating more fat actually has the power to trick your body into not storing as much body fat.  I am maintaining a low end healthy weight (bmi 19) because I eat more than 120g fat per day!  My body is able to function properly and my mind thinks clearly because my body thinks it has more fat than it actually does!  As for sugars, the only people who really need to watch those are people who are overweight and have health concerns.  Eating sugar isn't going to make you gain more weight because once again it is based on calories in vs calories out.  Sugar won't keep you full for very long which is the reason people think that it isn't healthy but honestly food is food and it will give you energy and if you eat it with some protein and fat you will still stay full!  

I hope that this helps!!! :D

Hey flowergirl275 , thanks i will try that and okay thanks for the advice on my belly thing i will roughly add up how much fiber i usually have and see if its too much but thanks anyway. Also what are calorie dense, healthy fat foods then don't know what are really ??? :)

Okay thanks for the reassurance on sugar, fat and sat fat will try make a difference to try and ignore them. :)

This is what i plan on eating tommorrow :

Breakfast: 50ml almond milk 100ml ss milk and rice crispies, then bit later a croissant and strawberries.

Snack: Banana, and choc mousse

Lunch: 1 pitta , turkey chunks, salad, 2 hard boiled egg whites, 10 peanuts and a packet snack'a'jacks.

Snack: 2 rice cakes 1 tbsp pb, raspberries

dinner: creamy pasta pot, chicken burger, brocolli and half pitta.

Snack: blackberries and a fairy cake :)

will be better next day but too scared to put more on as the croissant has alot of sat fat :0 xxx

That looks like a GREAT start!!! :)

Calorie dense foods are foods that have high nutritional value but a low surface area.  Good examples are peanut butter, nuts, seeds, protein shakes/protein bars,  full fat dairy products, whole grains and red meat.  Healthy fats are monounsaturated fats, polyunsaturated fats and having saturated fats are okay too.  Good exapmles would be peanut butter, nuts, oils, salad dressings, and avocado.

Let me know how it goes tomorrow and that meal plan looks very good and yummy!!! :D 

Heyy flowergirl275, thanks for the advice on the calorie dense foods I do love pb so that's a good thing :p , will try to introduce more of them into my diet :) . Thanks for saying my meal plans a great start but I've had to change part of the breakfast as I had no croissants in the house so gonna have 2 crumpets and 1 tbsp PB :) , so a few things I will have to change but once I have done it I'll tell u what I had in the end :). Thank-you :D

purpleflower: Have I ever told you how much I love your screen name?  Two of my favorite things combined: purple and flowers!!! :D  Anyways, that is totally fine to switch out some things depending on what you have in your house.  Peanut butter is a LIFESAVER in recovery so it is AMAZING that you love it!!  It makes things so much easier!! :)

Flowergirl275: Haaa thanks same my favorite colour is purple and i just liked the sound of it put together with flower haaa :p

Yeah i know i never had peanut butter before i came into recovery but yh i do love it now although i did feel guilty today as i had 1 tbsp on my crumpets and then earlier when i had 2 rice cakes i had 1 and 1/2 tbsp of pb again is it alright to do that ???

anyways this is how my eatings turned out today :

Breakfast: 75ml almond milk, 75ml ss milk, rice crispies & strawberries, then 2 crumpets and 1tbsp pb

Snack: Banana , cheese string

Lunch,1 pitta , turkey chunks, salad, 2 hard boiled egg whites, 10 peanuts and a packet snack'a'jacks.

Snack: 2 rice cakes 1 and 1/2 tbsp pb

Dinner : was fish, rice, broccolli, cauliflower and half pitta but didn't like it so i had lil bit rice brocolli, cauliflower, nearly half a pitta, bit of pork loin and a chicken oven drumstick with a glass of orange squash.#

Snack (havn't had yet but will be ): 2 scoops ice cream, blackberries and glass orange squash.

Having bit trouble trying to plan tomorrow but we have croissants now and there small so less sat fat which means i'm not as scared to add more things in during the day :D ,, talk to u soon i'll post what i think i'm eating tomorrow on here tonight after i planned it :) xxx Your so amazing and soo great of you to reply and help me :) x

purpleflower21: Your diet sounds delicious!! very balanced and amazing (: 

Keep it up !

purpleflower21: Your diet sounds delicious!! very balanced and amazing (: 

Keep it up !

purpleflower: Of course that is alright to do!!!  That is great!!!  Everything look very well balanced and very yummy!!!  Definitely let me know what you have tomorrow.  You are truly doing AMAZING and your eating looks very good and non-ED like which is ALWAYS a great thing!!!  I honestly enjoy what I do and I LOVE helping you out in any way that I can!!  :D

#57  
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What is ED?

dawnbuzz1:

Eating disorder

Flowergirl275: Thank you and i'm glad u enjoy helping me i really am greatfull of it :).

Meal plan for today :

Breakfast: croissant, strawberries and 1 white toast and marmite.

Snack: dairylea breadstick dunkers

Lunch: (this was majorlly good for me we went pizza hut which is one of my most feared foods at moment) i had 1 slice veg suprium pizza, 1 hawain and salad and a diet coke wow :) haaa

Snack: choco complain powder, 100ml almond milk, 100ml ss milk and rice crispies, and raspberries.

Dinner: 4 fishy shapes, pasta pot, tomato and half pitta.

Pudding/Snack: blackberries, snack'a'jacks and 10 peanuts

Had to have the complain as breakfast wasn't a great amount and had to get calories up for today :) xxx

purpleflower: WOO HOO!!!  You go girl!!! The croissant and pizza and the complain powder!!!!  I am SOOO proud of you!! Pizza is HUGE!!! You are so AMAZING hun!!!! Keep it up!!  You've just made my morning (haha it was a hectic one BUT this made me smile!!!)!!! :D

P.S. sorry for my excessive use of exclamation marks but I am just so proud of you right now!!! :D 

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