Parents not so cooperative

I know you've prob had enough with my rants, and I know that this is more appropriate as a journal entry but I want ur input on what to tell my parents now.

I am recovering from anorexia and have never gone below a BMI of 20 to start with but starved for almost 6-7 months and went below my gyno's recommended weight for my periods to come. I am in recovery and now my parents, who I live with btw since I am underage, have been commenting on my eating a lot. I have raised my intake to 2500 for a week now and they have seen me eat a lot more than I used to. I got edema that makes me look way fatter than I am now, I am sure and my father commented that I gained weight frequently. My mum knows about my edema but she is as unhelpful as him. I had my PB jar today at dinner and my dad just said "whoa, you are eating PB? You're really gone" but I paid him no attention and ate a tsp, yes a teaspoon with jam, and my mum just said "don't eat that stuff too much, it's fattening and I don't want to see you overweight again and crying your eyes out over it" I am having so much trouble eating at the moment as it is, ED's voice is so loud and taking over but i am eating and I feel like my parents are  pressuring me to not eat.

I know I have no reason, in a normal person's mind, to eat to gain but I've tried eating below 2000-2500 and it seems to be wrecking my metabolism more. My parents, paradoxically enough, are overweight. My mum has been blaming my edema on hormonal imbalances (which I have) but I know that the real reason is refeeding. I don't know how to act/eat around them anymore if I am going to be taunted for every morsel of food I eat.

sorry for the rant but I want to know if you have any ideas on what to do? 

Thx

I think your only solution is to flat out tell them what's up.  Tell them that you need to eat the way you are for the sake of recovery, and make very clear that their comments are hurtful and stressful.  My guess is they don't even realize what effect their comments are having.

Good luck.

I'm sorry you're parents aren't being very supportive. I have gone through similar issues with things my family says around me. The best thing to do is to speak up and tell them that their comments are bothering you. They may not even realize that what they are saying is harmful to you. Whether or not they listen, don't let their comments interfere with your recovery. It's great that you have brought your calorie intake up and are trying so hard! Just keep doing what you need to do in order to take care of yourself. Good luck with your parents.

first of all dont feel bad about asking for help this is the place to be if you need support. well done in increasing to 2500 i know how scary and hard that must of been for you well done . i have to agree with the other comments you need to speak up . sometimes parents dont understand ive had this illness for 14 years and ive only just started to get them to understand me . but this is about you and your recovery and these comments are obviously not helpful the ed will try and convince you your parents mean something even if they dont . speak up you desrve the best possible chance at this thinking of you h xx

Eating disorders are genetically inherited. Chances are really good that one or both parents is being triggered dealing with your efforts to get well.

If your parents do not have eating disorders themselves, then they may have close family members that suffer and it causes these emotional reactions by association.

First and foremost you need a support team to counteract the environment in which you must live and eat. Hopefully you have a psychiatrist or psychologist you visit regularly as well as a dietician or nutritionist. If not, then perhaps there is a group you could join at your school or college (not sure your exact age), or even asking for advice from school counselors as to where you might get support.

It may also be possible to engage your parents in discussion, but you'll want some advice from a therapist first on that. What you'll be looking to achieve is an agreement on how to set boundaries that help you continue on the path you are on.

You may be best off having a joint session with a counselor, you and your parents to mediate the process. The power differential of a child with her parents can make it difficult sometimes to be heard and a counselor can really help smooth that along.

I am sorry you are not in an environment that is really helping your recovery and you are obviously very strong to be battling the ED desire to restrict again along with the inadvertent sabotage from all the parents' comments as well. My absolute best wishes to you.

Hun, I am so sorry you are having a bad time. I'm sending hugs to you.
The thing is if your parents aren't aware of your ED they don't know to use tact and sensitivity. I suggest talking to them and telling the how you feel. My dad is the same as that. Focus on what you want to do, not what your parents say or what your ED says either. At the end of the day, it's YOUR life no one elses.

i disagree with the statement that eating disorders are genetically inherited - do you have a journal article to reference (not being a smart arse - just curious if there is a firm paper stating the are genetic)

the do run in families though. but this is often as a result of a child being witness to the behaviour and attaching some non verbal importance/significance to disordered behavior...as is well seen with children it is a case of do as i do, not as i say

Original Post by haylage:

i disagree with the statement that eating disorders are genetically inherited - do you have a journal article to reference (not being a smart arse - just curious if there is a firm paper stating the are genetic)

the do run in families though. but this is often as a result of a child being witness to the behaviour and attaching some non verbal importance/significance to disordered behavior...as is well seen with children it is a case of do as i do, not as i say

 

 

 

Morris, Jane (Ed). (2008). ABC of eating disorders.Eating disorders in the family.(pp. 56-58). vii, 70 pp. Williston, VT, US: Wiley-Blackwell. BMJ Books.Lilenfield, Lisa R; Kaye, Walter H; Greeno, Catherine G; Merikangas, Kathleen R; Plotnicov, Katherine; Pollice, Christine; Rao, Radhika; Strober, Michael; Bulik, Cynthia M; Nagy, Linda. A controlled family study of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa: Psychiatric disorders in first-degree relatives and effects of proband comorbidity. Archives of General Psychiatry. Vol.55(7), Jul 1998, pp. 603-610.

 

DeAngelis, T. (2002). A Genetic Link to Anorexia. Vol 33 (3)

 

"Genetics Research: Why is it important to the field of eating disorders?" by Craig Johnson, PhD, Director, Eating Disorders Program, Laureate Psychiatric Clinic and Hospital

 

Alex Lopes, Nuno "How Genetics Influence the Development of an Eating Disorder." How Genetics Influence the Development of an Eating Disorder. 27 Dec. 2009 EzineArticles.com. 23 Jan. 2010

 

Just to give you a few academic articles. And below is a general newspaper article that gives you references to academic/scientific studies that have either been completed or in the process of investigation. 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/ 070511150158.htm

 

I have to say that if you really have so much against people with eating disorders, then stop going onto the weight gain or health and support forums, looking for posts that you take offence to, simply so you can take out your anger on those you dont know.

kayanne. where was my post remotely abusive toward ed sufferers? can u nit pick and read my post properly and you'll see i wanted evidence of ed and genetics. i had a twin sister who had anorexia. she's dead now - if there is evidence of a genetic link then clearly, i would want to know about it. so why dont you back off *******

Thank you everyone for the support. I will definitely try to talk to them.

 looseymoosey, veganbanana, veganpixie, helen: thank you guys, you gave me a lot of determination by those words.

hedgren: mum and dad have gone all their lives on and off diets that I think were starvaton diets. I don't know really but from various chatting with them I've guessed that from what they said about losing a lot of weight (and we are saying 90 pounds in dad's case) in a short amount of time in dad's case and gaining it all back and some more. They definitely have no active eating disorder or disordered eating but I don't think that in my case it is genetic. I mean, I had a history of diets myself and I know what triggered me. Thank you really for support, information and the motivation

classicrockfreak,

you know, it's very easy to talk about genetics from an armchair, but it isn't that simple nor that clear. I've researched ED genetics a lot and have written a paper on it and there is no evidence saying that there's a genetic ED link. The data is way too complex to parse apart so easily.

However, I can tell you that, to me, sounds like your family is making your recovery hard, which probably means that they made your life hard in general and helped you into your ED, which is really unfortunate.

you're doing everything you should be, however - as you said, "I paid him no attention and ate a tsp." Coming to CC to vent always helps, too.

this really is something you need to talk to them about, if they're the kind of family you can talk to... you might just explain, firstly, that what they're saying is hurtful, intrusive, and unhelpful. If you haven't told them about your ED yet, you could tell them that you're eating for private health reasons under a doctor's supervision. I hope the advice here helps you figure this out and helps you understand what's going on.

mulsum: genetics apart, I would thank u first for ur words. My family did contribute in my ED if u must know and my dad has been the most...encouraging...father ever. Not.

I will try to talk to them but I am scared that will make my ED resistance worse since you could never expect their reaction. They may blow it of or insist on tube-feeding me or may help me through it. There are no guarantees but I will take the risk. Thank u again,

Original Post by haylage:

i disagree with the statement that eating disorders are genetically inherited - do you have a journal article to reference (not being a smart arse - just curious if there is a firm paper stating the are genetic)

the do run in families though. but this is often as a result of a child being witness to the behaviour and attaching some non verbal importance/significance to disordered behavior...as is well seen with children it is a case of do as i do, not as i say

Your wish is my command. How many peer reviewed published articles do you want?

http://www.chw.edu.au/research/groups/psychme d/anorexia_nervosa.pdf

Above PDF is a technical read on the various genetic mutations found re: neurotransmitters for anorexic patients.

http://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S 0002929707602821

Above is an abstract showing chromosome 1p has some early promise for determining anorexic susceptibility.

http://psycnet.apa.org/?fa=main.doiLanding&am p;uid=2003-08842-010

Yet another abstract assessing ESR1 and ESR2 genes (ESR2 seems to be the player for anorexia).

http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/research/gene tics/PDF/bergen2003candidategenes.pdf

And another assessing  1p 33-36.

https://www.thieme-connect.com/ejournals/abst ract/hmr/doi/10.1055/s-2003-41353

Above are some of the anomalies in adipocytokines (like leptin) that have been studied in anorexic patients.

http://content.karger.com/ProdukteDB/produkte .asp?Aktion=ShowAbstract&ArtikelNr=96043& amp;Ausgabe=232161&ProduktNr=224082

ED association with Catechol-O-Methyltransferase Gene Functional Polymorphism

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=Arti cleURL&_udi=B6T0G-3Y1CD3F-K&_user=10& amp;_coverDate=12%2F24%2F1999&_rdoc=1& ;_fmt=high&_orig=search&_sort=d&_ docanchor=&view=c&_searchStrId=117787 4540&_rerunOrigin=scholar.google&_acc t=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0 &_userid=10&md5=e706b1e58e559abfd264e cb587ab4f3e

Another one discussing the 5-HT 2A receptor gene polymorphisms in AN and BN.

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2002-18536-01 0

Another one isolating the association of the agouti-related protein gene polymorphism and AN.

http://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Abstract/ 2003/05060/Association_of_the_5_HT2c_gene_wit h_susceptibility.1.aspx

Another studying the Ser23 allele of the 5_HT2c gene and its correlation with the severity of AN.

And the all important monozygotic vs. dizygotic twin outcomes (monozygotic: genetically identical) -- 9 of the 16 identical pairs both had AN, 1 of the 14 dizygotic both had AN -- proving that genetic susceptibility trumps environmental factors (being raised by the same parents).

http://bjp.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/abstract/1 45/4/414

Does that cover it?

Now to be fair, not all the genes involved in the expression of AN and/or BN have been isolated so the above ones are the only ones implicated in enough peer-reviewed trials to date -- more will likely follow in the years to come.

(man, do I ever hate when my links get all garbled when I post -- how many edits is this now?!)

Original Post by mulsum:

classicrockfreak,

you know, it's very easy to talk about genetics from an armchair, but it isn't that simple nor that clear. I've researched ED genetics a lot and have written a paper on it and there is no evidence saying that there's a genetic ED link. The data is way too complex to parse apart so easily.

However, I can tell you that, to me, sounds like your family is making your recovery hard, which probably means that they made your life hard in general and helped you into your ED, which is really unfortunate.

you're doing everything you should be, however - as you said, "I paid him no attention and ate a tsp." Coming to CC to vent always helps, too.

this really is something you need to talk to them about, if they're the kind of family you can talk to... you might just explain, firstly, that what they're saying is hurtful, intrusive, and unhelpful. If you haven't told them about your ED yet, you could tell them that you're eating for private health reasons under a doctor's supervision. I hope the advice here helps you figure this out and helps you understand what's going on.

Much of the genetic advances regarding ED has occurred since 2001 -- it's a very fast-moving area of study and few in the field would dispute the genetic origins of ED today, however they are certainly still sparring over which particular genes, alleles and mutations are involved -- that will likely continue for some time to come.

You'll notice I list the 5-HT-2A receptor gene polymorphisms in my links above -- until 2003 that was disputed, but enough replicated trials now exist that it is grudgingly agreed to play a role.

To the OP, this is simply a nerd fight you can ignore -- of course it is *always* a case of both nature and nurture (meaning that the direct gene transfer from your parents is hard to separate from their psychological influences on you as you grow up in any case). It'd be nice if doctors and psychologists could play nice on that one.

As I mentioned, getting some support from a therapist before you embark on discussing things with your parents might give you some insights on how best to go about things so it works in your favor. Best of luck.

hedgren: I hear this "nerd fight" everyday since my parents are both GPs, I am quite used to it.

Anyway thanks for your support and I believe that ur POV is quite logical btw, about genetics I mean.

Original Post by haylage:

kayanne. where was my post remotely abusive toward ed sufferers? can u nit pick and read my post properly and you'll see i wanted evidence of ed and genetics. i had a twin sister who had anorexia. she's dead now - if there is evidence of a genetic link then clearly, i would want to know about it. so why dont you back off *******

I am so sorry I missed this post of yours in my response. How profoundly rude of me. Really, really inexcusable. My apologies for my truly unintentional but (realizing my oversight) extremely heartless comment on the twins study. There is really no way to fix this. My sincerest apologies. (expletives directed at myself here).