Will I ever stop feeling fat?

Currently I'm at a BMI of around 18.2ish and wow, I feel massive! Supposedly people feel thinner the heavier that they get...not for me. All of my insecurities about my weight are so much worse than they were before!

I have a spare tire around my gut (or so it seems), my legs are all big and squishy, and my thighs touch when I'm standing up. Rationally, I know that I can't be overweight. That's impossible. 

But today I was wearing a baggy t-shirt and my stomach actually stuck it out. My mom took a photo of the family and I had to suck in my tummy so it wouldn't look so big. This is ridiculous, I should feel thin, I should feel like I'm TOO thin. I know that when I was heavier than this (like a bmi of 19) I felt skinny so when am I going to regain that? BLAGH.

Well I can't really help with the "feeling fat" part, but if it's any consolation I'm in the same boat when it comes to the stomach problem... In the morning mine is okay but at night it literally looks like a balloon -.- I know lots of people with way higher BMIs that have flat stomachs, but I guess it just depends on the person.  Or if you've been eating more calories it could be the extra food, or water retention.  And about your thighs touching, I'm pretty sure that's normal- mine do, and my BMI is around 18 too.  I'm sure that at a BMI of 18.2, you're not actually fat- that's impossible.  Even in the pictures you posted of you at your highest weight, you're very slim!  You're probably just noticing the small changes in your body and hopefully you'll realize that having some fat on you is quite normal :) Good luck!

dark_angel- Hey, thanks for the response! The unfortunate and really frustrating thing about it is, when I was heavier my stomach was pretty toned and thin and now it's massive. Hopefully it will redistribute. You're right about the thighs touching, apparently most women's thighs touch unless they're underweight, and there is no way that I'm going back there again. I guess it's just part of being female, but geez I have always wanted a thigh gap. 

You probably lost some muscle. Your muscles will get stronger if you continue to eat well and strength train. (or do any other activity that involves muscle strength)

Original Post by lisaxfaith:

You probably lost some muscle. Your muscles will get stronger if you continue to eat well and strength train. (or do any other activity that involves muscle strength)

I DEFINITELY lost nearly all of my muscle. I'm working hard to regain it!

What you said about not wanting your thighs to touch is exactly the same for me... Ugh I hate that they touch now =( I guess we both just have to adjust...

Hey Sungiant,

I have been following your progress over the last month and you have truly been inspirational! You may feel fat, but I can assure you from your photos and your still low BMI that you arent. Just keep remembering that you have had a mental illness for X months and it has changed the ways you see things. From personal experience andnd knowledge, most people dont have a gap between their thighs unless they stand a certain way (ie. with their legs apart) and I think that most people would love to have a gap there but its just not achievable at a healthy weight. And with the whole bloating stomach, I have that too and I know exactly where you are coming from....I cant wear singlets, I have to wear flowy tops, otherwise people actually have asked me if I am pregnant (this was truly devastating too me). For me, I think its mainly due to my recent unwanted weight gain and also because I eat lots of fruit and vegetables which bloat me, as well as chew gum and drink lots of soda. I too am envious of a flat stomach, and have started to do some toning exercises, but if I was you I would just keep preservering with the weight gain and wait to see if some of that weight redistributes (I bet most of it will!). Also as you probably know, your change in eating habits (ie. eating more) is altering the way your body works as it is still getting used to all the new foods and nutrition you are receiving and therefore more healthy bacteria are growing etc which will bloat you a little. But keep up the great work, and as a complete stranger who doesnt really know you, I can tell you honestly that you are gorgeous and try not to let your thinking skew your recovery process! x

I don't have anything new to add, but I am in the same position. My BMI is similar to yours - and it makes the prospect of gaining all the way to 20 unbearable... especially since the body part my ED focuses on the most is my thighs (and that silly gap!). 

The only thing that really comforts me is reminding myself that my body is in a transition phase right now: the way it looks now is temporary. Once I reach maintenance my body will adjust and I'll develop more muscle tone. For now I just have to be patient. And of course... reminders of the impossibility of being overweight help too. =D

I'm proud of you for sticking with this - the only way forward (to a more positive mindset) is to sit through the discomfort. Any other path delays (or eradicates all chance of) happiness.

okay this is your ed talking , a bmi of 18.2 is still too thin in fact a bmi of 19 is SKINNY   to the outside world we have to stop equating " thin" with being UNDERWEIGHT OR ANOREXIC LOOKING.

Im around bmi 19 now and everyone says im so skinny but healthy and NOT anorexic looking which is good , i wish my face was fuller but thats just age as i had a rounder face in my twenties at the same weight

back to you  you have great bone structure , a beautifully shaped face  and an exotic look going on about you, also your body seems very well proportioned ....regardless of weight incidentally my " measurements" havent really changed from when i have been very "underweight" so  its all a big con in my eyes. i just lose ALL muscle from my legs and  my arms get like sticks thats the main difference,

and about thighs touching that could be that your hips or pelvis is narrow set and is actually more " attractive" than when they dont touch, i know many very slender women  whose thighs touch and they are TINY, and anyway it looks natural  and not "starved"

hope you get through this it really is worth it 

Original Post by ms_pixie:

Hey Sungiant,

I have been following your progress over the last month and you have truly been inspirational! You may feel fat, but I can assure you from your photos and your still low BMI that you arent. Just keep remembering that you have had a mental illness for X months and it has changed the ways you see things. From personal experience andnd knowledge, most people dont have a gap between their thighs unless they stand a certain way (ie. with their legs apart) and I think that most people would love to have a gap there but its just not achievable at a healthy weight. And with the whole bloating stomach, I have that too and I know exactly where you are coming from....I cant wear singlets, I have to wear flowy tops, otherwise people actually have asked me if I am pregnant (this was truly devastating too me). For me, I think its mainly due to my recent unwanted weight gain and also because I eat lots of fruit and vegetables which bloat me, as well as chew gum and drink lots of soda. I too am envious of a flat stomach, and have started to do some toning exercises, but if I was you I would just keep preservering with the weight gain and wait to see if some of that weight redistributes (I bet most of it will!). Also as you probably know, your change in eating habits (ie. eating more) is altering the way your body works as it is still getting used to all the new foods and nutrition you are receiving and therefore more healthy bacteria are growing etc which will bloat you a little. But keep up the great work, and as a complete stranger who doesnt really know you, I can tell you honestly that you are gorgeous and try not to let your thinking skew your recovery process! x

THIS THIS THIS THIS!

I could not have said this better myself. My posting on this forum is somewhat sporadic but Sungiant, I have noticed your incredible progress lately and I have really been inspired by you. You have embraced recovery and should be so proud of yourself.

What you are experiencing is natural because you ARE gaining weight but you are also becoming more healthy. REAL women who are healthy do not have thighs that touch, that is a fact. Although it is what some women may desire, it is unrealistic and unachievable at a healthy weght which is what you are now close to. You re likely to be significantly more healthy with thighs that touch and at a higher weight that someone with a gap between their thighs who is a lower weight. You could also have a narrow set pelvis as someone before me mentioned too. (I am 5 foot 3 inches and currently have a BMI of 17.5 and my thighs are nearly touching so I assure you - it is totally normal!)

As for having a bloated stomach, that will pass. It is likely to be due to the extra food that you have in you and possibly gas too. I suggest maybe eating some natural yogurt may help. The gut-friendly bacteria may help to ease the bloating. Also, ensure you are not eating too much fibre as I found that this really bloated me too! You also mentioned you lost some muscle too so bloating could be your body's natural reaction to help protect your organs where your muscle once was. I wouldn't risk too much exercise in this stage of your recovery to try and restore the muscle however, focus on getting to a healthy weight then balancing exercise to tone and strengthen with eating a healthy diet. :)

Just remember that the way your body looks now WILL change. You are in recovery and changes are happening everyday. Good luck and well done :) you should be exceptionally proud of yourself.

Hey thank you everyone. I'm stunned at the number of people who had such kind and comforting words for me. Honestly, I had no idea that anyone had even seen any of my posts much less actually read them. (I tend to have a tl;dr response with most things that I write, lol!)

Y'all are right, my body is in a transitional phase and I just have to wait out this storm of bloating, water retention, and feeling chunky until I at last reach my goal. And there is no way that I'm going to give up before then, so I may as well just go at it! Also, I woke up this morning and noticed that my stomach is considerably flatter so some of that food weight must have dissipated.

I feel so silly now with all of you amazing folks who have gained much, much more weight than I have and must have endured a lot worse.

Thanks again. x

Original Post by sungiant:

Hey thank you everyone. I'm stunned at the number of people who had such kind and comforting words for me. Honestly, I had no idea that anyone had even seen any of my posts much less actually read them. (I tend to have a tl;dr response with most things that I write, lol!)

Y'all are right, my body is in a transitional phase and I just have to wait out this storm of bloating, water retention, and feeling chunky until I at last reach my goal. And there is no way that I'm going to give up before then, so I may as well just go at it! Also, I woke up this morning and noticed that my stomach is considerably flatter so some of that food weight must have dissipated.

I feel so silly now with all of you amazing folks who have gained much, much more weight than I have and must have endured a lot worse.

Thanks again. x

It's no problem :) I'm glad you're feeling better about things this morning :) If you ever need to chat, you know where I am. X

I am in exacyly the same boat- 5 6 - was last around 8 stones but its creeping up- probably same bmi- I too feel massive- my tummy sticks out I think I am getting a double chin- my tummy has never worried me before :9 I feel massive also- sorry not much help. I keep saying I will diet tomorrow to get back to 7 and a half- but I do admit it is nice eating when hungry and being normal. Just hope I dont gain much more :(

Just to reassure you that your'e not alone

Original Post by trainspotteruk:

okay this is your ed talking , a bmi of 18.2 is still too thin in fact a bmi of 19 is SKINNY   to the outside world we have to stop equating " thin" with being UNDERWEIGHT OR ANOREXIC LOOKING.

Im around bmi 19 now and everyone says im so skinny but healthy and NOT anorexic looking which is good , i wish my face was fuller but thats just age as i had a rounder face in my twenties at the same weight

back to you  you have great bone structure , a beautifully shaped face  and an exotic look going on about you, also your body seems very well proportioned ....regardless of weight incidentally my " measurements" havent really changed from when i have been very "underweight" so  its all a big con in my eyes. i just lose ALL muscle from my legs and  my arms get like sticks thats the main difference,

and about thighs touching that could be that your hips or pelvis is narrow set and is actually more " attractive" than when they dont touch, i know many very slender women  whose thighs touch and they are TINY, and anyway it looks natural  and not "starved"

hope you get through this it really is worth it 

haha I wish my face was less full- I dont want it to be round like when I was younger how strange just goes to show how mad this illness is- mayble my fuller face aint so bad lol xxx

Hey hun! 

I wanted to comment on this post because I know exactly what your are going through and why. 

Usually if you are dieting and not excersising as hard as you are dieting the skin will become looser and you will feel like that spare tire is a spare tire. It is just because the skin takes longer to firm up then the muscles do. So dont worry let your skin catch up to the fat loss. I bet anyways people are looking at your thinness now and not even focusing on any little bumps or lump. I have major ones that are bad from the left of stretchmarks after weight gain, and those skin flabs dont go back. so consider yourself lucky once yours go back. 

Also 18-19 is healthy BMI so CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I was there once and am so envious of you. Keep up the hard work. But yes as you loose weight it will take other areas of your body to catch up. inner thighs and love handles are usually last to go, so when your waist gets really small your midsection will look alittle larger then they normally do BUT THIS IS ONLY PROPORTIONALLY WISE!!!! dont loose hope! 

But yes as quoted above the best way to get this all to end, is find a hobby that you rock at, so it helps build your self confidence ( if necessary) I love to Volunteer it makes me feel great. but weights and the Gym are the true end all be all for you hun. xo hope this helps. - from a fitness trainer- winnie