And here I am... Can I ask for some support?
Long story short, I fear I have become afflicted with BED. We all know what it is, no need to tell you what I do. It seems to come in waves, used to be a couple times a month I would binge, but now it's been every other day, sometimes 2 days in a row, and I just can't take it anymore. It's been going on since about last November. I just can't take it anymore. I'm sick of doing this to myself. I want health, both spiritually and physically. But this "disease" is just tearing me apart.
This is a really important quarter for me at school, and I go to internship next quarter, so I need to find a focus for my life, instead of letting the big bad wolf in my head get to me at every waking moment.
I used to be incredibly physically fit, dropped to 115lb and 16% body fat through "restrictive" eating (1800-2000 cal/day) . I loved being and looking as fit as I did... I want that physical fitness back. But, since bingeing, I've gained about 10-15 lbs, and I hate the way I feel and look. I lost my period the July of last year, and haven't gotten it back, even though I'm obviously eating plenty, and because of bingeing, my exercise has also been reduced dramatically. I saw a dr. last December, and she found no physical reason for me to not have gotten my period. I really do enjoy working out for the sake of being fit, and this stupid bingeing cycle is keeping me from that...
I think I binge because of boredom, or depression, or stress, or there may even be underlying physical factors. Who knows. It sucks, I'm over it. I say "I'm over it, I'm starting fresh tomorrow" after every binge, but it rarely works, because what do I do? I cut back the calories, only to binge again the next day. I want to lose this weight I've gained, or at least transform it into muscle.
I don't know what the next step is... I don't know where to go from here... I'm feeling pretty lost...
Well, your BF was quite low at 16%...too low for you perhaps. The BF range for "athlete" is 14-20% as indicated here so maybe your body wasn't happy at that BF.
If you lost your period this is actually a good sign that the 16% was too low for you.
How tall are you? What is your life like on a day to day basis? (school, working out, living situation)
What are you eating daily? Are you getting adequate calories even after a binge? You cannot restrict after a binge (don't know if you are).
You need to focus on one thing at a time. Stopping the bingeing by eating enough every day. Then and only then can you assess your need/want to lose weight. Take it step by step and applaud progress along the way.
Original Post by chrissy1988:
Well, your BF was quite low at 16%...too low for you perhaps. The BF range for "athlete" is 14-20% as indicated here so maybe your body wasn't happy at that BF.
If you lost your period this is actually a good sign that the 16% was too low for you.
How tall are you? What is your life like on a day to day basis? (school, working out, living situation)
What are you eating daily? Are you getting adequate calories even after a binge? You cannot restrict after a binge (don't know if you are).
You need to focus on one thing at a time. Stopping the bingeing by eating enough every day. Then and only then can you assess your need/want to lose weight. Take it step by step and applaud progress along the way.
My aesthetic mind "liked" the low BF% and thus, being that it's probably above 20% now, it is upsetting in a sense and makes me desire the lower %s. I realize that part of recovery is to be love and appreciate the "me" I am now, but that's always been difficult for me, and is a problem that is compounded with bingeing.
I'm 5'4", 24 y/o. I'm a vet tech student, key word student. Most days it's sitting in class and studying on the couch. I have been trying to exercise 4x/week, but that is sometimes hard for me to find the motivation for. This past week was an all around up and down week for me. I was in surgery rotations, one of the most exciting times of my educational career, and so some days I would be active/on my feet for many hours at a time, which kept me busy and my mind off of food. I don't have a job right now....
If I try and have a normal day, because of the bingeing I've tried to keep it around 1800 cal., trying to lose some of these #s that have been added on. If I binge, I attempt to restrict to no more than 1500 cal the next day, regardless of my activity...
I actually enjoy the feeling of hunger, because it means I respected my body signals enough to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full, instead of just wolfing the food down with no appreciation for what it was. I think that's why restricting works (in a sick twisted way) because if I feel hunger, at least I feel something.
Edit: I see how you asked "what are you eating daily" and I see that this could have a couple different interpretations... I see it as a # of cal/day, but also as the type of food... I try to eat like a good little vegan, but usually binge days include bread products, peanut butter + jelly, honey, etc, cereal, nuts... Anything fatty, sweet, crunchy, or salty. I wake up the next day with a serious case of the poops and feeling horrid with a sort of food hangover. I don't want to feel physically gross anymore, I want energy back in my life from just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full. That's what I desire most right now, BLAH
it sounds like you have an eating disorder or eating disorder like tendencies which are probably causing the binging in the first place.
You're restricting your calories too much. You're at a healthy weight. You're trying to FEEL HUNGRY so you're not actually honoring your body's signals unless you respond to that hunger with ENOUGH food.
I recommend you eating 2000 calories a day and just sticking it out. Accepting your body, which you know you should. You're 125-130 at 5'4, a BMI of 21.45-22.3. This is perfectly healthy. you cannot go on compromising your health for a number. the binging is a sign that you are NOT giving your body what it needs.
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My aesthetic mind "liked" the low BF% and thus, being that it's probably above 20% now, it is upsetting in a sense and makes me desire the lower %s. I realize that part of recovery is to be love and appreciate the "me" I am now, but that's always been difficult for me, and is a problem that is compounded with bingeing.
I'm 5'4", 24 y/o. I'm a vet tech student, key word student. Most days it's sitting in class and studying on the couch. I have been trying to exercise 4x/week, but that is sometimes hard for me to find the motivation for. This past week was an all around up and down week for me. I was in surgery rotations, one of the most exciting times of my educational career, and so some days I would be active/on my feet for many hours at a time, which kept me busy and my mind off of food. I don't have a job right now....
If I try and have a normal day, because of the bingeing I've tried to keep it around 1800 cal., trying to lose some of these #s that have been added on. If I binge, I attempt to restrict to no more than 1500 cal the next day, regardless of my activity...
I actually enjoy the feeling of hunger, because it means I respected my body signals enough to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full, instead of just wolfing the food down with no appreciation for what it was. I think that's why restricting works (in a sick twisted way) because if I feel hunger, at least I feel something.
Edit: I see how you asked "what are you eating daily" and I see that this could have a couple different interpretations... I see it as a # of cal/day, but also as the type of food... I try to eat like a good little vegan, but usually binge days include bread products, peanut butter + jelly, honey, etc, cereal, nuts... Anything fatty, sweet, crunchy, or salty. I wake up the next day with a serious case of the poops and feeling horrid with a sort of food hangover. I don't want to feel physically gross anymore, I want energy back in my life from just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full. That's what I desire most right now, BLAH
Original Post by bstudley1:
Edit: I see how you asked "what are you eating daily" and I see that this could have a couple different interpretations... I see it as a # of cal/day, but also as the type of food... I try to eat like a good little vegan, but usually binge days include bread products, peanut butter + jelly, honey, etc, cereal, nuts... Anything fatty, sweet, crunchy, or salty. I wake up the next day with a serious case of the poops and feeling horrid with a sort of food hangover. I don't want to feel physically gross anymore, I want energy back in my life from just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full. That's what I desire most right now, BLAH
I'm sorry you're going through this!
So, what exactly do you eat on a daily basis? It's totally possible to eat a nutritionally balanced vegan diet, but it takes careful planning and some supplementation. Binging can be a sign that you're not eating enough overall (and I'm inclined to agree with Chrissy that you need to eat more), but they can also point to specific deficiencies in your diet. Vegans are often low on B12, iron, and certain types of fat.
Original Post by theholla:
Original Post by bstudley1:
Edit: I see how you asked "what are you eating daily" and I see that this could have a couple different interpretations... I see it as a # of cal/day, but also as the type of food... I try to eat like a good little vegan, but usually binge days include bread products, peanut butter + jelly, honey, etc, cereal, nuts... Anything fatty, sweet, crunchy, or salty. I wake up the next day with a serious case of the poops and feeling horrid with a sort of food hangover. I don't want to feel physically gross anymore, I want energy back in my life from just eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full. That's what I desire most right now, BLAH
I'm sorry you're going through this!
So, what exactly do you eat on a daily basis? It's totally possible to eat a nutritionally balanced vegan diet, but it takes careful planning and some supplementation. Binging can be a sign that you're not eating enough overall (and I'm inclined to agree with Chrissy that you need to eat more), but they can also point to specific deficiencies in your diet. Vegans are often low on B12, iron, and certain types of fat.
Well, my days usually look something like this:
Breakfast is either a whole grain cereal with almond milk and fruit mixed in or whole wheat toast with PB&J or oatmeal with fruit and nuts mixed in.
Lunch tends to be a lettuce salad with tomatoes, garbanzo or kidney beans or tofu, artichoke hearts, maybe raw zucchini or corn, and a half of avocado.
Dinner lately has been smashed winter squash with either oat bran or quinoa mixed in with broccoli or whatever green veggie I have on hand, kidney bean, half a Tbsp of unsulphured molasses (for the iron) and a tbsp of PB, all mixed together in a bowl. Really yummy.
Snacks vary, my post-workout shake is a raw protein powder and banana mixture, I like to have dried fruit and shredded unsweetened coconut as a snack, usually carrots also, fresh fruit like apples if I have them, lately I seem to snack on cereal, or popcorn I want to make it on the stove.
That's a "good" day, days that I have to plan my meals the night before so I can have them ready to go because I'm busy and out and about. But if I'm home for many hours that day, better watch out because who knows.
I feel like it's a well-rounded diet, and that my over-eating and bingeing is just a stupid excuse for me of how I may deal with stress or boredom, but there are times it happens when I'm NOT stressed or bored and I feel like it could be more. I'm frustrated with myself and finding forgiveness harder and harder each time it happens. I want to applaud success but I'm one of those people that hates making the same mistake over again, in the sense that you should have learned and not do it again. Ugh.
Thank you guys for caring, though, it's kind of light a little light in the darkness that is somewhat comforting :)
So you're not one of those junk food vegans ;)
Anyway, your diet seems pretty well balanced. I might try increasing the fat content, like adding olive oil to your salad or eating more coconut products (I like to put coconut milk in my smoothies).
You also might need to increase iron. The RDA is 33 mg/day for pre-menopausal vegetarian women. It's great that you are eating your molasses with broccoli, because vitamin C helps you to absorb iron.
Did your doctor test B12 levels? If not, you can try supplementing B12, since your diet probably doesn't have any sources (unless your cereal or almond milk have them added). Mild B12 deficiency is linked to psychological symptoms, including depression.
Also, did your doctor test vitamin D levels? Do you get much sun exposure? Vitamin D is critical for hormone production, and a lot of people are actually deficient. If your doctor didn't test you and you don't get much sun, you might consider supplementing with vitamin D3.
Otherwise, I'd suggest trying to increase your calories to at least maintenance level, or possibly even more. Even if you binge, don't eat below maintenance level to make up for it the next day. Since your diet has been restrictive for a long time now, it could take some time for your body to repair itself. Once you get your period back and don't feel the desire to binge, then you can think about losing weight again.
Good luck, and hang in there!
