Hello, wonderful denizens of CC!
Since regaining my period (this one, unlike the last, was fairly heavy and a normal length) I finally feel healthy enough that I can truthfully claim myself to be an ED recovery success story.
In August 2011 I decided that my recent weight gain from 109 lbs to 120 was a testament to my lack of self control and my "indulgent, lazy lifestyle" (which just so happened to include about 4 hours of walking every day, a 30 minute run, and frequent cycling), so I decided to starve myself and get quick weight loss results. This triggered my obsessive personality and I quickly spiraled into a destructive disorder.
Though I only dropped below 1000 calories for about a week, my period disappeared immediately, returning once after 4 months in November for about 1/2 a day. Of course this was a sign to me that I could continue starving myself.
I dropped down to my lowest weight, started binging and restricting, bounced around, reached a BMI of 18.5 and thought that I'd recovered. (I maintained/slowly lost afterwards on 1600-2000 calories)
My period had still not returned and I was determined to regain it.
For the last 4 months, I have been eating like a lumberjack in an attempt to gain weight and get healthy. At first I stuck with 3000 as my minimum but then I began "reactive eating" and my calorie intake shot up to around 4500-6000 per day. As an active 15 year old, this should not have surprised me but I was full of guilt every day. I was convinced that I'd developed binge eating disorder. And despite my overwhelming guilt, I found that my obsessive habits, behaviors and thoughts were beginning to subside.
It took a long time for the weight gain to even show. For the first 2 months I looked pretty much the same physically, but in April-May my body began to hoard muscle in my thighs, abs, and calves. In mid-May I at last got some fat stores on my hips, boobs , and butt- a sign that my hormones were stabilizing.
At this point I just decided, "Hell, I'm just going to eat as much fat as possible so that I can regain my womanhood!"
I ate cookie dough, ice cream, peanut butter, unlimited cans of nuts, etc- plus 1-2 fish oil capsules every day.
Within a week of starting to take fish oil, my period came back. Just like that.
In this process, I estimate that I gained between 17-23 lbs, most of them going to my internal organs, bone density...all kinds of places that nobody can see. My weight is somewhere around 118-124 lbs at 5'5" and I supposedly look "skinny" and as though I might "blow away"- not that I find this to be a compliment.
My word of advice is to shut out all of the stupid voices in your head and just eat as much as you can without feeling physically ill and keep on eating a LOT of fat until your period comes back. Cut out all that nonfat Greek yogurt and get the full fat stuff. Throw away your Artic Zero and invest in some Haagen-Daaz. Eat a steak. Eat like your 14 year old brother. The day that I got my period I'd consumed about 3 servings of peanut m&m's.
Just GO FOR IT!
I just want to say GOOD FOR YOU! So glad to hear this! And if you gain a little more weight, Even better for you! You do sound like you're pretty thin still, but I think it sounds like you'd look good where you are and larger, either one :) I'm just so excited for you! I hope other people read this and can catch some encouragement!
Congratulations! You are so brave!
It's great to see more and more people getting recovered :) I hope one day I can say the same :)
Of course you CAN. Everyone CAN.
If you have the desire to live, anything is possible. I think that you're going to make it out, vanzero- I really do. :)
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