This thread is aimed at anyone and everyone who has deliberately gained weight & is no longer actively trying to gain.
Post your progress, challenges, accomplishments, meals, weigh-ins, etc. here.
**This thread is for those who have gained weight on purpose and are trying to maintain that higher weight. If you accidentally gained weight and wish to lose it, this thread is not the one for you!**
abi im sorry you are not feeling in good spirit today , i can understand why i hope your pain eases thinking of you xx
acun thats good to hear glad you are fighting through i think the key to recovery is learning to push through and eat regardless of whats going on behind you. yes the doctor looked at the results they were alot better compaired to where they were but they still arnt right it just goes to show its not all about the weight
hi!
i hope you all dont mind a pop-in! for those who werent here ehen i did post, i used to post here, thats all! lol
Abbi-hi! how r u? seem to be having probs w the pain, any new docs? anything help?
Hannah-hi! have u always been veg? did that begin when ur disordered eating habits began? is your fam veg? maybe its time to reconsider? anyway, why no matza? it sounds like getting enough cals will be a prob w all these restrictions+the fact that ur still quite quite slim, id suggest loading up on the fats and high cal foods, mayo, butter, creams+sauces, do u eat fish+eggs? yea, i lose weight during passover sometimes bc of the lack of bread but then the next day im rt back to where i was. im rt outside ny too, in nj, there r a ton of foods out there, cereal, i got waffles+apple blintzes, bake something.
Hairglock-hi, thanks for the comment! glad u had fun at the party! guess im struggling w whats rt for my body and how diff levels of activity would affect that.
Hannah- See that's just the thing..they're supposed to have a higher BMI because of muscle. Whereas I have a high BMI because of a larger amount of fat (seriously, I've got zero muscle). I'd venture to guess my body fat is like 25% now. The majority of my gains in this whole process have been fat, not muscle as everyone seems to think.
Chrissy- I've gotten things like "my god, you look so much fatter now!" or "my my...you've sure got a squishy stomach", or "you'd better cut back because you'll end up as fat as you were before". Stuff like that... I'm probably overreacting, but at this point I'm really sensitive about stuff like that. :(
Helen- I'm not sure what's happening over spring break. I'm probably just gonna be a hermit at home the whole time. I'm not really sure what else I could do over the break :/ And yes, I've gotten plenty of comments. Nope..most don't know about my food issues. One person does know, and they think it's funny to bug me about it.. I don't even know how they know..
Abbi- Yes, if you find that, I'd like to see it. :) But I'm not so sure I'll be able to be the kid I so badly want to be. :( I know...they're so horrible. There are days where I really just want to avoid school because of it. Usually I'll just go to class, and spent break and lunch tucked away in my car, away from everyone. Heh, not sure what they'd be jealous of. Yeah, there's still very much those different groups.. But for the most part, they don't really interact with each other.
Aucun- I'm just finding it somewhat depressing, because I used to be the top of my class with running. And now, I can barely do 1 mile. I'm not even sure I'd be able to reach that level again. :/
Erika- When I want to just exercise for the sake of enjoyment, I don't want to induce pain. But when I want to improve the way I look, I always thought you had to go way beyond what your body can do. And I always thought the pain was a tell-tale sign that you went above and beyond your limit. I could definitely try that! I like that idea.. They do have a weight room, but it's nearly always closed. :/
Amy- Whooaaaa, long time no see!!! How've you been lately??
Derek: I simply cannot imagine someone saying those things to you, that's horrible. I don't think i've ever even witnessed such foul words unless the people were actually fighting or something. Hmm, i'm sorry for their stupidity, don't let it get to you. I had a trainer tell me, "you should be a lot skinnier for how much you work out." Yeah, mean, hurtful, and had me wanting to diet...that's silly. i didn't listen to him.
abbi: BMI is an objective measurement, it's based solely on height in meters and weight in kilograms. That's it, there is no differentiation according to gender which is why i think it's bogus to use the same classifications to determine healthy/underweight/overweight status because a man SHOULDN'T weigh the same as a woman, period. I think the BMI for normal should be like 23-30 for men and anything under 23 is underweight. My frame of reference is my ex who was about 5'7 ish and 170-180ish pounds. He was fit, not fat in the slightest but would be considered overweight. At 150 he would look quite skinny but have a BMI of 23.
erika: i see now, infrequent weigh ins or less frequent rather can increase anxiety when you see a gain because you think it's "real" and are more likely to react. I used to do once a week but that wasn't good for me either so i completely understand. good that you're getting your periods now.
Chrissy- Yep, it's the truth. The majority of those comments are from these two guys who simply get joy out of harassing me. And they don't know about ED or anything...Everything else they say I can just brush off...but when they talk about my weight or appearance, that's what really gets to me. It seems to confirm the fact that I'm wayy bigger now. I never fight with them or anything either. I mean occasionally I'll tell them to shut up, but that's about the worst of it. Wow, now that is a horrible comment. How could a TRAINER tell you that?? That's just not right.. I'm glad you didn't listen to him. :)
chrissy: thanks, and LA sounds so cool, lol..I've always wante to go there!
aucun_nom: Yes, I'm so distorted, I've been trying to stop looking in the mirror, and omg, one day my dad did that, took a camera and took a pic of me. but that was in the beginning of recovery, I'v seen pics of me now, and people have even commented that I look skinny, but I just don't see it...and yea, I've gotten my body fat up, thank goodness!
elm:yes, I'm debating keeping passover, my house isn'y that observant, I'm the only observant one, who keeps kosher in my family. if it happens that I just can't get enough calories in, I'll have bread and stuff...however, I just realized most larabars are kosher for passover, and they're like 200 cals each, so that's a good thing to have to get calories up, as well as dried fruit, I bought some figs <3
agru: hi, I haven't always been veg, kinda went in and out of it, didn't really have anything to do with my ED, but I did find that since recovery, I've had a lot of GI problems, and meat does not agree with my stomach. my family isn't, but all my best friends are, a few are vegan and have been their whole lives...and matzah, ahh I just hate the taste of it, but maybe with some kind of nut butter and banana, would be good? also, I got some passover sponge cake, so I could make a sandwich with that, and I'll have larabars+lots of sauces, so I should get by...and apple blintzes, sounds so good!
goobyb: oh, don't worry about it, 25% body fat is perfectly normal, super healthy, and the good thing is, weight lifting can turn it into muscle! have you started any of that, or no?
hannah: where are you from? maybe someday you'll come here! i think it's a great place to visit, terrible place to live. lol. fyi, fat doesn't turn into muscle. they are different tissues entirely. weight lifting can change your body comp though.
derek: i know, tell me about it. that trainer was so rude. i felt awful! those boys are stupid though and even if you are thin still but just bigger than BEFORE which should be the case, they'd still use it to get under your skin. no worries.
Derek-hi! im doing alrt, sort of dropped my cals but im aiming to go back to 2000 having been eating about 1800, no clue if its "rt" for me but im hungry!! lol how r u?
Hannah-hi! im in nj, u? you can put anything on matza, im partial to cream cheese w LOTS of salt! i just came back from shopping w my bro, there is a ton out there! frozen everything you can imagine, i think youll be ok if you try and drop the rigidity and ED fears, i know easier said than done, but try and go by what looks good, dont think, just have it and enjoy. there will be foods that are not always available, try them. i also know its tough eating around others, my bro+mom are around and im seeing how they eat, to me, its too little and erratic but who cares?? it has NO effect on ME, ya know? have the cakes, cookies, if it looks good, try it, its just a week, dont be scared, just make sure not to lose weight!! lol
Derek: I can not believe the things people have said to you! That just blows my mind! A lot of similar comments were made to me pre-eating disorder, but I have heard nothing since regaining weight. I find it horrible that people are not supportive of your recovery. You should definitely make plans over break! Whatever happened with said girl? Anything?
Hannah: Good. I think if it is important to you then it is definitely worth the attempt. I just want you to make sure you are not using this holiday as an excuse to restrict. I will confess to having done this in the past. But definitely with the usage of larabars, etc. there should be little problem.
Hannah- 25% would seem wayyyy too high to be normal, no? Shouldn't it be like 12%-15% or something? I haven't done any weight lifting though. :/ Wouldn't that make me even bigger though?
Chrissy- You totally don't deserve to feel that way. Man, the way people act just blows my mind sometimes! Ugh. I find that what they say just supports what I already think. I'll look at myself and think "My god, they're right." I really think people SAY I look fine just to be nice, but in reality, I don't..
Amy- Good! I'd say 2000 at the very least for you. Any less is no bueno. If you're hungry, take it as a sign to increase! Hmmm as for me...well I've been on a pretty steady decline these past few months. I just kept gaining and gaining long past my goal of 135. I accidentally peeked at my weight the other day, which is now 146. So yeah...basically I'm freaking out now..lol
Erika- I know! It seems horrible.. But I think I have to agree with them :/ It was even worse pre-eating disorder. I still have this horrible memory of being laughed at as a freshman when we had to swim. Probably one of the worst moments of my life. Of course, nobody knows about the ED, except 1 person.. And even they are not too supportive. Heck I got told the other today to stop bringing PB & J sandwiches because "peanut butter is fattening, and you're looking a little thick." I dunno what to do over break. Maybe just drive to my favorite cliff to hang out at and park there all day where I won't be bothered by anyone or something.. I haven't really talked to her much lately. We never talk in class, and during break or lunch, if I'm not getting help from a teacher, I'm sitting in my car. Sorry, nothing exciting to report.. :/
derek-hi, im sorry the past few months havent been that great, have u ever seen a therapist? would u reconsider it? just a thought? as chrissy i think has said, and i know ive said previously, u cant compare your weight and size to a girl, u r not a girl, u have a diff body, duh, lol, and a diff physical makeup. u r natually bigger w more mass. really, get away from the numbers, numbers do not describe who YOU r, what u r, your worth, thoughts, skills, they are NOTHING! i have no clue my weight, meausrements, body fat? i wouldnt even know how to check it or what the results mean, stop! throw the scale out now! what do u LIKE to do? make a list, take a few days, do those things over break. i have tons of bad "fat" memories, probly the very memories that sent me into the ED HELL! yes, i remember them, but we can not let them affect us. r u eating bc ur hungry? bored? sad/mad? if its bc youre hungry then its OK, u deserve to eat! youre not fat! u were told ur "thicker"? obviously, u used to be emaciated, rt?! thats just what ppl remmeber u as last, youre past was NOT healthy so comparing back to that, yes, u look diff, HEALTHY!
chrissy: I'm from right outside of nyc, about 10 min away...the closest I've been was considering doing a volunteer trip in san fransisco for a month last summer, but i chose new orleans instead :). and lmao, I don't know much about the whole fitness thing, was never really into it!
agru: Yep, I'm in nj! Bergen county, to be exact. and ahh im so picky, so horrible, i don't like cream cheese, but I think I'll prob be able to stomach a pb&j matzah sandwich lol...yes, apparently they have all kinds of frozen foods, but I've gotten a BIG fear of sodium so :/. But my dad said they have passover oatmeal? seems like an oxymoron, but I think I'm going to try that! and my mom is actually like the perfect intuitive eater, so I'll maybe have the same as her? and maybe I'll have a macaroon, those are so good! And I''m gona really try not to lose, my mom made crazy high calorie passover granola with nuts, tons of oil and honey, coconut flakes, and brown sugar-I'll def be eating that!
elm: Yep, its important to me, I too, have used random fasting days and of course yom kippur as ED excuses, but I think I'm def prepared this year. Haha, I have a package of larabars right next to me now <3
goobyb: As I told chrissy, don't take any fitness advice from me, I'm seriously like the laziest person, I always try to get out of running workouts in track hehehe...and no idea, but I don't think lifting would make you bigger, I remember once my therapist showed me a pound of muscle and a pound of fat and omg, muscle was so much smaller! And like agrusin said, do you have a therapist? Mine is literally my savior, and I would prob be in the hospital without her.
Today was ok, I had a total ED meltdown out of nowhere at dinner, was feeling so good about myself this whole day, and had a great therapy appointment. I was aleady stressed because my mom had made me have an extra smoothie with banana and a LOT of peanut butter for snack, but it was yummy, so it was ok. Then she made me a tofu stiry fry, but I didn't like it because it was bland, or I just didn't know what she put in it, so I said I didn't want it, so she made me a bowl of yogurt and granola, but then ED just FREAKED and said I couldn't eat it, too much granola in it, and I started having a really bad panic attack, my mom got mad, threw the bowl, then I had to remake dinner and measure everything...I was so disapointed with myself :/. I feel like such a baby, or at least like a bratty little girl, but I'm 15, and should be able to handle myself :(
hannah-im in bergen county too! eek! lol ok, im NOT trying to be mean here, jsut picking your brain, ok, but really, do u REALLY not like these foods or have u just convinced yourself that u dont bc its easier that way, bc ur scared of something happening if u start to eat thm, what could be the harm in giving these foods, and others, a 2nd shot? a fair chance? itd make thngs uch easier. i know for myself i was super picky, "didnt like" many foods and u know what, foods i thought i didnt like even pre-ED, i now love, and eat, and nothing bad has happened! youre weight is so low and the fact that u wont be eating evenytrhing ur mom eats makes it that u cant eat as her, plus, youre younger+more active im sure so ull need more than your mother. ONE macaroon?? lol please, "normal" ppl eat more than 1, try+let loose, just try and enjoy! oh, and the story w your mother, im sorry, 1 of the best things that i did was let my mother prepare my meals, it was very hard at times but 1 of my best moves i think, tomm is another day but makes sure youre eating neough, track? fuel yourself!!
Derek: Weight lifting would not necessarily make you “bigger,” but change your body composition of fat to muscle ratio. It might help you feel better about your body and aid in toning some spots you currently dislike. I don’t want you to think I’m saying you “should” be weight lifting, I just think it may be beneficial. I really challenge you to eat in the cafeteria (is that where everyone eats?) at least on occasion. Even just being around other people might help with some social interaction opposed to hiding out in your car. So all this focus on your weight! I just want to state that as a female standing at the exact same height, I weigh only ten pounds less than you. There should be a difference between the weights of males and females as the weight is distributed differently. I think it would be funny if we weighed the same amount.
Hannah: I’m in NJ too, Mercer county. They have all sorts of Passover foods so I would imagine Passover oatmeal definitely exists. I remember one year eating Passover chicken nuggets! Meltdowns are bound to happen – breathe. Don’t let this affect your day tomorrow. Remember your mom is monitoring your weight and therefore might recognize on certain days that an extra something is necessary. Currently, do you have any say in your meals even if you are not preparing them?
derek: ERIKA makes a good point, don't you think. she's 10 pounds lighter than you...ten. you are a guy and she's a girl. don't you think it would be a bit weird to strive for the same weight as her? At 146 you're not "thick" and i'm sure of it, unless you're hanging out around gay guys (no offense to them but they tend to be more in to skinniness as opposed to fit or normal) then i'm not sure what people are seeing.
hannah: maybe someday you'll make it to CA. how was your volunteering anyway? what did you do?
Amy- I have seen a therapist, but not in a loooonnng time. (My god how time flies!) At this point, I am reconsidering it.. I'm just wondering if it will work at all...considering how really deep in these thoughts I am. :( Ohh I never compare my weight to you guys here...and it's for that same reason. I don't even compare! lol It's like comparing apples and oranges..I know. I did actually refrain from measuring or weighing myself since I last talked with you..but I found them all out on accident. The measurements I saw when I was being fitted for clothes. And my weight I saw last week at the doctor's. Now body fat I don't know...but honestly I DON'T want to know..because I know I'll freak.. Hmmm that's where I get really lost at this point. I don't exactly have any "hobbies". I feel so lost.. like I don't know who I am anymore. For awhile ED WAS who I am. And now without it, I'm left with nothing. I never eat out of boredom, and I usually DON'T eat when I feel sad or mad. I always eat when I'm hungry..which is nearly all the time STILL. Now with that comment...I'm not sure whether they meant that as in "healthier" or as in actually "fat". My mind tells me it's the second choice. As it is, a lot of the weight I've gained since last talking to you IS in fact fat and not muscle. I know because I feel like a marshmallow now :P
Hannah- Awww haha that doesn't make you lazy! :P Oh yeah, I know there's a huge difference between the two. But I don't have a therapist anymore. I had one months ago...but not anymore :/ I'm really sorry about your little freak out today. :( Sometimes you'll get little ED "fireups" like that. Just try to move away from that incident and stay consistent with your eating and all. You're definitely not just a "bratty little girl". :) Hang in there! I tomorrow goes better!
Erika- You mean like lose fat and gain muscle at the same time? I didn't think that was possible to do though.. Since one requires calorie surplus and the other requires calorie deficit. But I would like to tone a couple spots.. My school is a mostly outdoor school, so people will just eat at the picnic benches or they'll drive to the nearby markets or restaurants. Sometimes though I'll compare what I eat to other people..and sometimes what I eat gathers unwanted attention. They'll stare at me with confusion and wonder why I'm not stuffing myself with chips, cookies, greasy pizza, candy with a nice cola to flush it down with. The idea of a PB & J sandwich is just soooo foreign. o_O Whoa.. I totally didn't realize you were also 5'7"!! That's interesting...because 135 or so was SUPPOSED to be my goal weight..till it slipped upwards. Now that you point it out..it does seem kinda funny. What blows my mind though is how there can be some guys I know who are like 5'11 (or even taller!) who are like 130!! How does that work???
Chrissy- Yeah I agree...that's a very good point. It's weird because that's the weight I aimed to be at the end of the weight restoration. Haha, no..none of the guys I hang out with are gay. But I totally know what you mean..I've noticed that too. Aww thanks btw! I'm gonna seriously dp what Abbi said and actually TRY and believe that comment.. :)
Man, I can't believe I'm gonna be 17 on tuesday! :(
Hi all! Sooo...lots to catch up on! I had a nice weekend with my boyfriend and am home for Easter now:-) The eating's going well, I've virtually forgotten about Friday's weight gain and honestly don't care any more. I'm eating 2300 and feeling perfectly satisfied (tbh I was a bit bloated on 2500 lol). I've got a bag of "skinny" clothes ready to go to the charity shop and have a shopping trip planned-woohoo!
Erika...thanks for your encouragement for me maintaining on 2300-it seems to be going well so far. Sorry to hear about the body image...do you have clothes that make you feel good? I've just had a clear out of things that are too small/don't look good any more and have plans to get new some new tops that fit. What I wear really seems to make a difference. Well done on being accepted to your school btw!
Derek....thanks for the add on facebook. That's awful that people say those things to you! I'm sure they don't realise the damage they're doing but OMG! Would it help to come back with something that would shock them a bit? Maybe not the whole ED story but look very serious and say something like "Actually I was too thin and having serious health problems-my doctor told me to gain weight. I'm now within the correct range for my height if you must know. Not that it's any of your business." Give them some scary facts. And never ever agree with them because what they say is simply not true! Amy is right, you are not fat you're healthy! About the weight training, Erika is right that it's not needed, but maybe it would make you feel better about yourself? I understand the feeling of not having an identity without ED. That's something that may just be a case of time. Why not make an appointment with your therapist? Even if you don't think it'll work, it's surely worth a try? Happy birthday for tomorrow btw!
Abbi...I'm sure the ED voice will quiet for both of us over time. I find if I hear the odd reassurance from someone else (my boyfriend!) that I'm not fat it helps a lot. Of course, I have to be careful I'm not relying on this, or asking for constant reassurance. Sorry to hear you've been depressed...but sounds a good goal to "complain" less. Although I don't think you complain too much (it's ok to say how you feel!) sometimes if you can pretend to be positive you end up feeling better!
Christine...thanks for that reminder-I do need to bear in mind that the healthy weight range is a range! Had a great weekend thanks:-) Really glad you're doing so well with the eating and everything!
Amy...hello! Hope everything's going well for you!
Chrissy...what an awful thing for a trainer to say! I'm so glad you didn't listen to him. This world is such a ridiculous place when it comes to weight. Full of extremes, people are too fat, too thin-why can't we all just be somewhere between the two and be happy with that?!
Hannah, so sorry you panicked with the dinner. You're not a bratty little girl, but the behaviour may have been bratty and it's good that you recognise that because maybe you can use that to challenge ED? Know that you don't want to be that way, and use it next time you're in a challenging situation!
Good morning all. It is a stormy day here in FL.
Argu I am glad to hear from you and see you are posting. I am still trying to figure out more doc and treatment. I have seen so many and tried many treatments that it is hard to know the next step. It is not clear cut like a broken leg. How are you doing and your stomach?
Goobyb I really feel kids or people in general who are mean or make fun of other it is because they are insecure. I am so sad that you hide at lunch in your car. Is there anyone you feel comfortable around at school? I don't think isolation is the answer. I for sure don't think fighting is and I don't want you to get hurt with those bullies. People do make comments like Chrissy stated. I remember my family member goes be careful don't gain too much. Like are you kidding me I had an ed for 14 years and was underweight so to say that is really stupid. I had to focus on what I needed to be healthy and that people are clueless and ignorant but one should not self destruct because of that. Like I keep saying ad I feel this for everyone including me is that you need to find who you are outside of your appearance and start focusing on that. It is very hard I know but I feel the only way for the body stuff to lessen
Hanna,argu ,all other Passover followers. I live in a Jewish area and the grocery stores is filled with foods for Passover from cereal to meals etc. I feel if it is too hard for one to keep then it is not the time to keep Passover. When you are in a better mindset then it ca be something to attempt. I am not religious but I would think god would want you to take care as a number 1.
Healthy thanks for your thoughts. I do feel in any issue in life the more one focuses it the more the brain processes it.
Acu thanks for your thoughts how are you doing?
Elm thanks for the suggestion. I tried to take a chrochet class but my pain was so bad that day I had to leave but I have wanted to learn. I am sorry about your parents and them not treating you as an adult. I can relate to that a lot. Have you talked to them about this and how you feel? How old are you? I think late teens to early 20's it is hard for parents and the child in terms of that.
Tessa how are you? Don't forget you deserve support too.
Chrissy how are you? When does school end for the year? It sounds like you get a lot of homework? I am here for you anytime with the move etc.
Sending warm thoughts to all
I hope everyone else is doing ok I think I've missed everything that's been going on sending you all my good thoughts x
agruskin- Hello! Feel free, the more the merrier! =)
goobyb- Derek according to the Dr. BJ Devine Ideal Body Weight Formula (which is said to be recommended for men) you are right smack at the ideal weight (146lbs.) for a person your age and height. I hope you do get to realize that you are at a healthy weight. Isolation is never the answer to your body image problems. If anything it’s only going to make you more miserable than you already are. Have fun this coming spring break and why not take it as an opportunity to also work on your body? Try toning? If your school’s weight room is always closed aren’t there other options? How about going to the gym?
We can never control how others will treat us and what they will say to us but what is under our control is how we react to them. If you’re being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself then you are just giving them what they want. Show them that you are stronger than them; try to brush off what they say and just live your life happily.
Anyways Erika is right. Instead of further isolating yourself try to introduce yourself to situations wherein you will get to practice your social skills. Keep working at it and when you get better at it you might even make new friends.
hannahba- the ED voice telling you that you are always fat won’t seemingly go away even when your completely recovered (every now and then it will pop up) . But the trick is to continue to ignore it and not to fall for its tricks. Continue ignoring it and keep telling yourself that you’re not fat and in time your body image will get better.
That was one occasion. Start a new; continue fighting the ED, each day won is another step away from it.
healthy_musician- good to hear your finding the right balance between your intake and burn.
abbi333- I think it is easy for others to judge those who have or who have had ED because they themselves have not suffered from it. I think they pretty much underestimate how powerful ED is and that even if you are recovered there is still a part of ED that stays with us. I’m doing good my family on occasion still bug me with food/ eating/ weight/ body issues but I am learning to brush it off and because of that it has been pretty peaceful around here. Recently I have been accepting of my body (I ignore fat thoughts that occasionally pop up) and everything is just looking up. I just at a stage right now where I’m confused- should I continue to work or should I study medicine. I haven’t really chosen yet and I’m pretty confused right now. I do hope you’re pain gets better.
tessa1223- Helen don’t feel down. Cellulites in women are normal even for those who are far from being overweight. It occurs in 80-90% of post-pubertal women. I hate to be a downer but don’t waste your money on those creams sadly there is no cure/ treatment for cellulite. I do hope your pain gets better. Just keep eating what your body needs.
To the rest Icecream, Rachelleka, Tina, Chrissy, Erika, Christine, Emma hope everything is good with you all =)
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