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I binged and hate myself for it :I


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I binged bad tonight.  I ate over 3000 calories (i think) give or take a few hundred. But, I have been doing good all week (well since tuesday anyway). I binged real bad sat-mon early in the week (we're talking about well over 5000 calories each day)  and ate healthy ever since. Now it's sunday and my binge started around 6:30. In the span of 2 1/2 hrs I ate a lot of crap and i hate myself for it. I didn't do any exercise either. :(   I'm 5'3 and 105 BUT it's like 50% bodyfat. I'm trying to get muscle, but I keep screwing up. I'm soo stupid. OMG>>> I need some help. It's getting out of control.

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the negative self talk really stands out to me. it's okay, we're all human and we all make mistakes. make sure you're fueling your body adequately throughout the day so that you're less inclined to binge. if you're too restrictive then eventually binging becomes inevitable so be careful. i would also advise you to be less self critical when you slip up so that you can move on. you are 5'3 and 105 pounds, so you can afford to gain a few pounds...not that you should if you're happy with your weight but i'm just saying that as of yet you have nothing to worry about. the negative thoughts and self hatred is a bigger concern than the amount of calories you ate. why is it that you feel the need to restrict your caloric intake? if your focus is to build muscle maybe you should weight lift and just eat regularly without so much emphasis on counting. that might relieve some anxiety about the whole thing and lead to less binges. hope this helps.

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You are not stupid. The wonderful thing is, is that you realize that you made a mistake and binged. In my life "progress not perfection is my goal".  I would have to say that you have made progress to realize that what you just did is not where you want to "stay".

I really humbly suggest that you watch your self-talk. It only triggers more negative behavior. You might have "screwed up" tonight but that does not make you a screw-up. I would venture to say that you are a pretty nice person. Anyway, you wrote "OMG>>> I need some help..."  Well Meep.. God is the best one to help you and being out of control is the best place to be to receive the help from the one Who loves you so much. I will be praying for you.  His power is made perfect in your weakness!  Remember.. tomorrow is a brand new day!

Original Post by chrissy1988:

the negative self talk really stands out to me. it's okay, we're all human and we all make mistakes. make sure you're fueling your body adequately throughout the day so that you're less inclined to binge. if you're too restrictive then eventually binging becomes inevitable so be careful. i would also advise you to be less self critical when you slip up so that you can move on. you are 5'3 and 105 pounds, so you can afford to gain a few pounds...not that you should if you're happy with your weight but i'm just saying that as of yet you have nothing to worry about. the negative thoughts and self hatred is a bigger concern than the amount of calories you ate. why is it that you feel the need to restrict your caloric intake? if your focus is to build muscle maybe you should weight lift and just eat regularly without so much emphasis on counting. that might relieve some anxiety about the whole thing and lead to less binges. hope this helps.

 yeah, i feel pretty bad about myself right now. Especially now that I have to work EXTRA hard to get back to where I was. I'm not sure if i'll gain too much, but still. Anyway, I accept around 1700-2000 calories a day to maintain. I defintely don't starve myself. I just thought I ate too much at one point today and it didn't stop. Dumb decision of mine, but I was craving for sweets to begin with and I didn't stop. :(

i have done some light weights. not much of anything, but better than before--which was nothing. I've been trying to tone through resistance and such. I just hope that I can look good before friday because thursday is my birthday and i'll be 21!!!. My husband (a little young for marriage, i know) and I are going out this weeked. My problem chrissy is that I am self-conscience about my appearance and I am my worst critic. I'm very hard on myself sometimes and feel aweful about how I look. But it takes a horrible binge to make me realize that I actually looked good before I ate all that junk food.

Original Post by fierocat:

You are not stupid. The wonderful thing is, is that you realize that you made a mistake and binged. In my life "progress not perfection is my goal".  I would have to say that you have made progress to realize that what you just did is not where you want to "stay".

I really humbly suggest that you watch your self-talk. It only triggers more negative behavior. You might have "screwed up" tonight but that does not make you a screw-up. I would venture to say that you are a pretty nice person. Anyway, you wrote "OMG>>> I need some help..."  Well Meep.. God is the best one to help you and being out of control is the best place to be to receive the help from the one Who loves you so much. I will be praying for you.  His power is made perfect in your weakness!  Remember.. tomorrow is a brand new day!

 thanks. I need to turn to God more often. I've been putting off my church visits for a while now. I think about it every wednesday to go. But, i don't. :( . I do feel that when I spend my time with Him, I feel better afterwards. I feel like he's the only one who understands sometimes. I need strengh.

you're a sweetheart and i know it's hard to forgive yourself when you slip up. remember none of us are perfect and at the end of the day the most important thing is the love that you have from your husband and the relationships that you have. these things are what bring happiness, the number on the scale is often icing on the cake but your self worth and feelings about your body should be dictated by what's on the inside first. sometimes i lose sight of this but i know that no amount of weight lost or gained will make you whole inside. i've struggled with this for a few years now and i no longer have the people that love me around, all i have is the number on the scale and every day is empty. so don;t get so caught up on that. i hope you can feel better and move forward!!

you're a sweetheart and i know it's hard to forgive yourself when you slip up. remember none of us are perfect and at the end of the day the most important thing is the love that you have from your husband and the relationships that you have. these things are what bring happiness, the number on the scale is often icing on the cake but your self worth and feelings about your body should be dictated by what's on the inside first. sometimes i lose sight of this but i know that no amount of weight lost or gained will make you whole inside. i've struggled with this for a few years now and i no longer have the people that love me around, all i have is the number on the scale and every day is empty. so don;t get so caught up on that. i hope you can feel better and move forward!!

meep2007,

First of all you are not stupid.  However, right now I can understand how you feel.  I have been on an eating binge since 1:30 pm today (the last 8 hours).  I am so mad at myself for choosing NOT to exhibit self-control, for choosing to continue to eat when I am by no means hungry, for allowing my emotions to get the best of me.  Today you & I have made unwise eating choices, but by no means are you stupid. 

Secondly, at 5'3 and 105 lbs. there is no way you can have 50% body fat.  Again, I understand you might feel that way.  Right now, after eating so much I feel so gross as if I am ready to explode.  I feel like a whale.  But that's because I have eaten too much and my body does not like that - it did not need that much food.

Please forgive me if I offend you, but at 5'3 105 lbs. you might be a tad bit underweight; as well as your BMI being low.  Again, right now I understand you may feel your body fat is 50%, but what we feel compared to what actually is true is two different things. 

Can you pin point what is causing you to binge?  Are you upset about something?  Not to pry, but often times when we binge it can be because we are using food to numb certain unpleasant feelings.  Binging can be a way we cope with unpleasant circumstances in our lives.

I agree with fireocat.  Please watch your negative self-talk and God indeed is the best One to help you.  He does not see you as stupid.  He does not call you stupid.  Such negative words can lead to self-loathing & self-loathing can lead to binging as a way to numb & deal with negative emotions.  Also, on the days you are not binging make sure you are eating enough calories.  When we don't consume enough calories and totally deprive ourselves we set ourselves up for a binge.

Please forgive me if I sounded as if I was sermonizing you.  I just don't want you to beat yourself up and call yourself names.  Unfortunately, we can't change the past - can't turn the clock back when we put something in our mouth we now regret.  But we can plan for the future and not make that same unwise choice again.  All we can do is learn from our mistakes so when we are tempted to over indulge next time we have a plan not to give in to that desire.

Have a great week & remember tomorrow is a new day. 

Original Post by eatdrink4gog:

meep2007,

First of all you are not stupid.  However, right now I can understand how you feel.  I have been on an eating binge since 1:30 pm today (the last 8 hours).  I am so mad at myself for choosing NOT to exhibit self-control, for choosing to continue to eat when I am by no means hungry, for allowing my emotions to get the best of me.  Today you & I have made unwise eating choices, but by no means are you stupid. 

Secondly, at 5'3 and 105 lbs. there is no way you can have 50% body fat.  Again, I understand you might feel that way.  Right now, after eating so much I feel so gross as if I am ready to explode.  I feel like a whale.  But that's because I have eaten too much and my body does not like that - it did not need that much food.

Please forgive me if I offend you, but at 5'3 105 lbs. you might be a tad bit underweight; as well as your BMI being low.  Again, right now I understand you may feel your body fat is 50%, but what we feel compared to what actually is true is two different things. 

Can you pin point what is causing you to binge?  Are you upset about something?  Not to pry, but often times when we binge it can be because we are using food to numb certain unpleasant feelings.  Binging can be a way we cope with unpleasant circumstances in our lives.

I agree with fireocat.  Please watch your negative self-talk and God indeed is the best One to help you.  He does not see you as stupid.  He does not call you stupid.  Such negative words can lead to self-loathing & self-loathing can lead to binging as a way to numb & deal with negative emotions.  Also, on the days you are not binging make sure you are eating enough calories.  When we don't consume enough calories and totally deprive ourselves we set ourselves up for a binge.

Please forgive me if I sounded as if I was sermonizing you.  I just don't want you to beat yourself up and call yourself names.  Unfortunately, we can't change the past - can't turn the clock back when we put something in our mouth we now regret.  But we can plan for the future and not make that same unwise choice again.  All we can do is learn from our mistakes so when we are tempted to over indulge next time we have a plan not to give in to that desire.

Have a great week & remember tomorrow is a new day. 

 no. you didn't offend me one bit. I understand what you mean. I just "feel" like that. BUT today is a new day and I'm going to try and redeem myself. I am contemplating working out 5 times as much. I don't know what that will do for me.

I always wish I can turn the clock back :O just imagine if that could be done. I would change a lot of things. By the way, I just binged for the heck of it. there were no feelings attached. Usually I just binge b/c the food tastes good..lol

Original Post by chrissy1988:

you're a sweetheart and i know it's hard to forgive yourself when you slip up. remember none of us are perfect and at the end of the day the most important thing is the love that you have from your husband and the relationships that you have. these things are what bring happiness, the number on the scale is often icing on the cake but your self worth and feelings about your body should be dictated by what's on the inside first. sometimes i lose sight of this but i know that no amount of weight lost or gained will make you whole inside. i've struggled with this for a few years now and i no longer have the people that love me around, all i have is the number on the scale and every day is empty. so don;t get so caught up on that. i hope you can feel better and move forward!!

 aww wow. I'm so sorry. I guess I am fortunate. Well, there's me as well as many other nice people on here you can talk to anytime, Chrissy. Smile  

but you're right, I do have a support system though.

I told my husband last night to slap the crap out of me if I so much as eat another piece of chocolate...lol. He liked that idea..I don't know how to take that emotionally.. But he's not here during the day...so...HAha. I'll be good though. If I slip up I can discipline myself somehow.

Glad you are feeling a bit better.

Why don't you find out what your body composition is? My supermarket has a scale that measures body fat. I'm 5'4'' and I've gone from 30% to 28% body fat and this means a lot more to me than having lost a few pounds. Just another 8% to go!

If you want to change your body compositon, esspecialy when you can't really aford to lose any weight al all (and at 105 you can't really lose weight) then knowing what it is will be a good start.

Original Post by vwiggins:

Glad you are feeling a bit better.

Why don't you find out what your body composition is? My supermarket has a scale that measures body fat. I'm 5'4'' and I've gone from 30% to 28% body fat and this means a lot more to me than having lost a few pounds. Just another 8% to go!

If you want to change your body compositon, esspecialy when you can't really aford to lose any weight al all (and at 105 you can't really lose weight) then knowing what it is will be a good start.

 You are sooo right. What I really want to do is tone up and get rid of the fat rather than lose weight. b/c once i do that, i know i will look great. Just have to figure it out myself. What is this scale? HOW does it measure body fat? 0.0 i'm interested. I am definitely going to buy one!

congrats on the fat loss. keep at it! 28% really isn't bad at all. I don't think so.

man i HATE it when i binge! I am 5'3'' and 135lb i have alot of mussle on my legs but alot of fat too. i usualy go for whole cake then packet of chips chocolate bars and soda ew ew EW! i hope you start to feel better there is nothing worse then the feeling after the binge even during it! god knows why we do this to ourselfs! just have to fight the binges best we can good luck.

I've been battling this since I was 14 (I'm now almost 25).  You eat horrible for a couple days, feel and see the "bloat" - so I call it - and feel awful.  You're not alone, and you're not stupid.

Look at it this way: in the grand scheme of things, in the many many many years of your life you still have yet to live, two days of overeating is not going to make you a whale.  In fact, you overate and what typically happens is your body will purge all that excess via stool.  You will most likely crap out everything you just ate in the next day or two and you'll feel fine again.  Calories don't stick as fat unless you do it consistently for a period of time.  One day or two is not enough to add up to actual body fat.

Fasting afterward will do nothing for you, either.  Your stomach has expanded beyond its normal capacity and therefore undereating will only make you feel hungry, leading to another binge.  The best thing to do is slowly get yourself back down to a normal eating habit.  I've found that some of the best things to quiet a growling tummy are things with natural sugars (fruits) and protein (light dairy).  Protein, from what I've read, takes your body longer to process and digest, leaving you fuller, longer.

Eat every two hours or so.  It sounds crazy, I know, but eating more often (but less at each serving) throughout the day is better for you than the old "three square meals a day".  Your body's metabolism will remain in higher gear, burning calories more than if you don't give your body any energy at all.  In fact, the less you give it, the more it will want to hang onto the fat it already has.

Working out 5x harder won't do anything except burn you out for the next time you want to work out.  Man, you're so tired from killing yourself in the gym that now you just want to sit on the couch.  Guess what, you're probably going to eat while sitting on that couch!  Accept that you made a small mistake and move on.  Overcompensation is possibly one of the worst things you can do when you slip up.  Just forget it happened and stick to your normal routine.  Otherwise you'll find yourself in the "yo-yo" effect of too much, then too little, then too much, etc....

Lastly, THROW AWAY THE SCALE.  Numbers on a scale fluctuate over the smallest things.  Ate slightly more sodium yesterday - your body retains water!  Haven't pooped in a day or two - that increases your weight!  Watching the scale only leads to obsession and obsession turns to an unhealthy eating disorder.  You don't need to lose any weight, you've said so yourself, so why even bother with a scale?  A scale is there for those of us who are honestly overweight and have goals to meet.  For those of us that are already at our goal, a scale is only going to drive you crazy.  Trust me, I've been there.  I used to weigh myself every day, sometimes more than once per day.  You cannot trust what is on the scale because your body is NOT going to maintain one perfect weight no matter how much you want it to.  Nowadays, I go by how my clothes fit and how I look and feel.  I'm about 20 lbs overweight (well, according to the Dr. I'm average, but I'm 20 lbs more than MY ideal weight) but I don't stress out about it.  I take my weight loss 5 lbs at a time.  I'll know when I'm losing weight when I can start wearing my old clothes again.

I know body image is horrible, media and other things have put soooo much emphasis on what is outside rather than what's on the inside.  Do your parents and friends and husband love you for what your pants tag says?  No!  You should not put so much self-worth onto something so trivial, either.  You're young and have so much to live for.  Accept that you're imperfect, just like the rest of us, and take it a day at a time.  Your husband will still be there at the end of the day, even if you eat one more piece of cake than usual. :)  And if it makes you feel better, I got married at 20, too.

Please remember, overcompensation is only going to lead to more disappointment.

Hope this helps, and enjoy your beautiful self for who you are!!!  :D

Original Post by meep2007:

 You are sooo right. What I really want to do is tone up and get rid of the fat rather than lose weight. b/c once i do that, i know i will look great. Just have to figure it out myself. What is this scale? HOW does it measure body fat? 0.0 i'm interested. I am definitely going to buy one!

congrats on the fat loss. keep at it! 28% really isn't bad at all. I don't think so.

They send a tiny current through you, either through 4 plates under your feet or 2 handles you grip, and work out from the respose what percentage fat, water and muscle you are.

The best ones are quite expencive but you can get one that gives a good estimate of your fat percentage for not too much. Take an average of a few readings over time though as hydration levels can throw them off a bit. Like most scales they aren't worth obsessing over but if you're sensible are a good tool to help. I was thinking of getting a Tanita one but I'm just using the one at the supermarket's pharmacy at the moment.

Original Post by truff135:

I've been battling this since I was 14 (I'm now almost 25).  You eat horrible for a couple days, feel and see the "bloat" - so I call it - and feel awful.  You're not alone, and you're not stupid.

Look at it this way: in the grand scheme of things, in the many many many years of your life you still have yet to live, two days of overeating is not going to make you a whale.  In fact, you overate and what typically happens is your body will purge all that excess via stool.  You will most likely crap out everything you just ate in the next day or two and you'll feel fine again.  Calories don't stick as fat unless you do it consistently for a period of time.  One day or two is not enough to add up to actual body fat.

Fasting afterward will do nothing for you, either.  Your stomach has expanded beyond its normal capacity and therefore undereating will only make you feel hungry, leading to another binge.  The best thing to do is slowly get yourself back down to a normal eating habit.  I've found that some of the best things to quiet a growling tummy are things with natural sugars (fruits) and protein (light dairy).  Protein, from what I've read, takes your body longer to process and digest, leaving you fuller, longer.

Eat every two hours or so.  It sounds crazy, I know, but eating more often (but less at each serving) throughout the day is better for you than the old "three square meals a day".  Your body's metabolism will remain in higher gear, burning calories more than if you don't give your body any energy at all.  In fact, the less you give it, the more it will want to hang onto the fat it already has.

Working out 5x harder won't do anything except burn you out for the next time you want to work out.  Man, you're so tired from killing yourself in the gym that now you just want to sit on the couch.  Guess what, you're probably going to eat while sitting on that couch!  Accept that you made a small mistake and move on.  Overcompensation is possibly one of the worst things you can do when you slip up.  Just forget it happened and stick to your normal routine.  Otherwise you'll find yourself in the "yo-yo" effect of too much, then too little, then too much, etc....

Lastly, THROW AWAY THE SCALE.  Numbers on a scale fluctuate over the smallest things.  Ate slightly more sodium yesterday - your body retains water!  Haven't pooped in a day or two - that increases your weight!  Watching the scale only leads to obsession and obsession turns to an unhealthy eating disorder.  You don't need to lose any weight, you've said so yourself, so why even bother with a scale?  A scale is there for those of us who are honestly overweight and have goals to meet.  For those of us that are already at our goal, a scale is only going to drive you crazy.  Trust me, I've been there.  I used to weigh myself every day, sometimes more than once per day.  You cannot trust what is on the scale because your body is NOT going to maintain one perfect weight no matter how much you want it to.  Nowadays, I go by how my clothes fit and how I look and feel.  I'm about 20 lbs overweight (well, according to the Dr. I'm average, but I'm 20 lbs more than MY ideal weight) but I don't stress out about it.  I take my weight loss 5 lbs at a time.  I'll know when I'm losing weight when I can start wearing my old clothes again.

I know body image is horrible, media and other things have put soooo much emphasis on what is outside rather than what's on the inside.  Do your parents and friends and husband love you for what your pants tag says?  No!  You should not put so much self-worth onto something so trivial, either.  You're young and have so much to live for.  Accept that you're imperfect, just like the rest of us, and take it a day at a time.  Your husband will still be there at the end of the day, even if you eat one more piece of cake than usual. :)  And if it makes you feel better, I got married at 20, too.

Please remember, overcompensation is only going to lead to more disappointment.

Hope this helps, and enjoy your beautiful self for who you are!!!  :D

 yeah you are right! I got rid of it.  I weighed myself this morning (after working out some and eating apprx 1600 cals yesterday) and ended up at 104! :) my stomach is starting to get firmer and i feel better (a little). I still have a lot of work to do though. But you make a valid point when you say your family and friends doesn't love you for the jeans size. That is a good way to look at it. It's just a self-conscience thing. I realize i'm obsessed and can't help it. I'm VERY impatient since i'm going out this weekend. (we have 2 girls and this is a once in a life-time thing we're doing) we never get out... :( SO...whatever. I guess i'm just crazy. But just b/c i want to look good RIGHT NOW, doesn't mean i'm going to stop. This is something I can get used to. It'll change my life.

see, i've been the one to either eat NOTHING or binge like crazy for the past few years. I couldn't keep myself at a medium or else i will binge b/c i figure that if i eat 1500 cals a day, I would get fat, so I would eat junk anyway and eat and eat eat eat becaue I already feel that I have failed myself. But now, I know that eating that much is healthy and I can't starve myself or I WILL get fat. So, i workout now and eat right.

I like your point of view. Your self-confidence is high and I need that. Like I said, i'm obsessed and never happy with how I look. I guess the media has brainwashed me.....sad i know. I'm ashamed.

5'3 and 105 ?

 

Okay so you aren't over weight. I'd imagine you keep binging because you're lacking something important in your diet. I really hope you aren't one of those pro ana nutjobs who are trying to weight 85 lbs. If you want to get rid of body fat then work out. You can eat real meals but the bottom line is you have to exercise if you want to lose fat. Stop starving yourself, and start appriciating what you have. I'm 210 lbs and I'm eating 1400 cals a day and working out everyday. I started this diet at 235 lbs so i know exercising works and i'm not binge eating because i dont deprive myself of anything. If you seriously only weight 105 pounds then you are not fat. Not even close. If you want to tone up, newsflash: you have to exercise.

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